A woman returned sunglasses because she thought they made her look like Butterball from Hellraiser
Aux Features Hellraiser
Cenobites. Demons to some, angels to others. Sunglasses models to…uh, a select few, it seems, as writer and podcaster Mallory O’Meara discovered possibly one of the greatest product reviews of all time:
“These glasses are super cute and comfortable!” the write-up begins before taking a real hard left turn. “Unfortunately my face is just a little to [sic] round and I look a little to much like butterball from hellraiser for my taste. They would look super cute on someone with a different face shape!!”
For those unenlightened folk among you, Butterball is the fan name given to a particularly slimy, round-faced Cenobite from Clive Barker’s seminal horror novella, The Hellbound Heart, along with its film adaptations in the Hellraiser series. He’s also got an oddly detailed backstory upon a slightly deeper dive into the all things Hellraiser fan wiki, so there’s always that rabbit hole to go down if you’re looking to run down the clock on your Thursday afternoon.
Regardless, we here at The A.V. Club would like to take this time to assure said anonymous hero reviewer that she looks nothing like Butterball, and that she should wear whatever damn sunglasses she pleases, preferably while writing many more online product reviews.
As the pinheaded (someone should coin a name for him) leader of the unholy Order once promised, “We have such sights to show you.” Just not through this pair of specs, apparently.
24 Comments
*Returns novelty chattering teeth*
Chatterer, is that you?[Almost called you Chatterbox, which was the name my friends and I always called him instead.]
Likewise. It’s easier to say, for one thing.
Exactly how I feel about my newly purchased CDs I rammed into my head. Ugh, I used to like Hellraiser 3, but I can’t deny how painfully dumb that movie is anymore. Even 4 was better.
I watched Hellraiser 3 about 10 years ago while assembling invitations to my wedding, and when it was over I thought, “Hope that doesn’t portend anything.”
I think Hellraiser 4 has aged better than all except the first 2.
Yeah, other than the ridiculous space wraparound story, I actually really like 4. (well, okay, I like the ridiculous space stuff too) I still have no idea why it got Alan Smithee’d. It’s silly, yes, but it’s not exactly Leprechaun In The Hood either.
Leprechaun in the Hood is a classic compared to it Leprechaun in Space. Gratuitus Boob flash is a death sentence in space apparently.
On the other hand, there was a cute girl at my gym, but it was just too awkward to talk to her after her tracheotomy…
Isn’t this what influencers do? Play down their looks to “stay humble” and garner even more likes?
It’s not the glasses, it’s your fat, slimy face.
Do you just write articles based on what shows up on your Twitter feed? WTF happened to you, AV Club? This site used to be beautiful.
AV Club still cool. You click later! Later!
The A.V. Club is in its own hell, child. Quite unreachable.
It bugs me so much when I’m on twitter and I see a headline from some site. So I click through on the link to the article. Then the article is just a bit of text around an embedded tweet. Now, if the tweet is a video or a meme or something and I want to actually see it, I have to click the embedded tweet which then takes me right back to twitter. It gets fucking ridiculous, this circle jerk.
YEAH AV CLUB NEEDS TO STICK TO SPORTS.
AVClub has been running stories about funny twitter stuff for like 10 years man.
OK, do NOT start clicking through that Wiki if you still have work to get done.
…so there’s always that rabbit hole to go down if you’re looking to run down the clock on your Thursday afternoon.Hit the pin on the head right there. I learned some interesting facts about Butterball.
I like the capsule synopsis of who kills whom at the end of Hellraiser. It’s very confusing and makes the movie sound even less coherent than it is. Really the Hellraiser movies are a triumph of makeup effects (including the Cenobites and also the awesome gore) over literally every other aspect of filmmaking.
This made my day.
I need these glasses. I want to look like Butterball from “Hellraiser”. Wearing sunglasses is so much easier than pounding a bunch of small nails into my head.
just not as erotic
Oh my God this is amazing I can’t believe someone found this on the internet it’s so incredible I hope someone writes an article about it!