Abigail review: A frequently funny dance of death
Alisha Weir and a creepy mansion are among the many highlights of Universal's latest modern monster movie
Film Reviews Abigail
Like some unholy fusion of Resident Evil and Dance Moms, Abigail dares suggest that the only thing scarier than a haunted house is one that’s also occupied by a pissed-off tween ballerina with an emotionally absent, narcissistic parent. It’s not wrong, but there’ll be no Abby Lee Miller showing up to discipline the kid, or protect the dim-bulb adults in attendance from falling victim.
It is perhaps a shame that the entire marketing campaign for Abigail places its delicious end-of-first-act twist front and center. The film may play the big reveal as a surprise, but it won’t be one to most audiences now. Fortunately for them, that’s not the only unveiling the movie has in store. Like some of the characters, the script by Stephen Shields and Guy Busick only appears to start out as dunder-headed as every heist cliché in the book. A team of supposed experts, most of whom act barely smarter than Saturday Night Live sketch characters, kidnap a young girl. Like the gang in Reservoir Dogs, they get code names, here based on the Rat Pack. And to pass the time, they play a guessing game that turns into a blatantly obvious exposition dump.
Taking their victim to a secluded countryside mansion, the team makes perhaps the biggest first mistake anyone in a modern-day production can–they don’t turn tail and run away when Giancarlo Esposito shows up as their boss. They then proceed to break as many of the Scream rules of survival as possible, frequently splitting up and enjoying all the house’s free alcohol rather than paying attention to copious red flags… like the presence of Danzig II: Lucifuge on vinyl. (“Blood and Tears” finally gets the big-screen moment it deserves, though.)
Abigail the character (Matilda The Musical star Alisha Weir), like the screenplay, is more intelligent and devious than she appears, but there are more plot surprises than just her true nature. Again and again, the rug is pulled out from under the kidnappers, changing the dynamic and the stakes to make the audience wonder about way more than who’s going to die next. Most every character is to some degree a terrible person, so you won’t necessarily care that they’re in mortal danger, yet as further secrets come out, their fates do become at least mildly of interest.
For directors Matt Bettinelli-Olpin and Tyler Gillett, billed collectively as Radio Silence, this feels as close to a Ready Or Not sequel as a movie gets without actually being one, and frankly, it’s better, and gorier, with more of a balanced cast. Godzilla X Kong’s Dan Stevens once again goes broad as dirty cop Frank; Kevin Durand has a blast playing Peter, the most idiotic Sylvester Stallone caricature imaginable; Angus Cloud gives a spaced-out take on a trollbot in human form as Dean; and Kathryn Newton plays her Hollywood hacker Sammy (long, unwashed dyed hair, with tattoos; you know the type) as a complete ditz. Somewhat more grounded are Melissa Barrera as ex-junkie and estranged mom Joey, and William Catlett as former Marine Rickles.
You could try to guess who’ll survive, and probably be right, but that’s not really the point. For a movie that loosely follows a slasher formula, Abigail invests you in the story more than any one individual. Sure, the set-up might fall apart if you think too hard about it, like how criminals this collectively moronic ever got anywhere prominent enough in the underworld to earn a job like this one. But if that’s where your head’s at when the blood starts flying and bodies start dropping, this was never going to be the movie for you. If you relish the absurdity as much as the tension, this could become a new, endlessly rewatchable horror-comedy classic, like Fright Night or The Lost Boys. The horror threat is never the butt of the joke—except to the extent that bodies exploding into ginormous tsunamis of gore is viscerally funny (pun intended)— but how the victims react is.
Weir’s spectacular, balletic moves and wiser-than-her-age taunts aside, the real star of the movie might just be the mansion (production design by I Kill Giants’ Susie Cullen), loaded with traps, foreshadowing, and clues that unfold the storyline with video game-like pacing – think cutscenes followed by enemy attacks. As characters open cupboards in creepy rooms, you hope they’ll find the power-ups they need, and fear they aren’t sufficiently expert players to survive the level.
The Scream franchise’s loss is Universal horror’s gain here, as Radio Silence and Barrera prove they don’t have to remain in Woodsboro to give audiences a creepy kick. Once intended as a remake of Dracula’s Daughter, Abigail evolved into its own thing, and fans of original horror ought to applaud. The former, honestly, isn’t all that great; the latter, figuratively and literally, dances rings around it.
Abigail opens in theaters on April 19
20 Comments
First of all, Dracula’s Daughter is a great movie, and claiming that this mediocre cliched garbage dances rings around it is laughable and destroys any credibility you may have had (jk, you didnt have any to begin with). Dracula’s Daughter was subversive and original, and is an absolute classic all of these decades later. Abigail is thoroughly generic and will be forgotten within months. That edgelord take is just embarrassing.Secondly: does… does this site know that it’s allowed to give bad, or even lukewarm reviews? Time after time after time recently, you give reviews that are FAR more positive than anyone else for what are extremely mediocre-to-terrible movies. Lisa Frankenstein, Abigail, freaking Rebel Moon… all received FAR better reviews from AV Club than they did from pretty much anyone else. It’s had to take your reviews even remotely seriously when you praise every mediocre piece of garbage that comes across your desks.
Seriously, I saw this last night and it was fine. Dan Simmons was doing a half-baked Steve Buscemi impression, Giancarlo Esposito was in it for about three minutes, everybody else was okay. The second “twist” was not super hard to guess at.Giving this an A- makes no sense whatsoever. It’s not a waste of time and there are a couple of fun bits but this movie can best be described as “perfectly fine overall”.
I probably wouldn’t go as high as an A, but I’d give it a solid B, it was a pretty cool movie. Actually, it might have made it to an A if I didn’t already know that the little girl was a vampire, I wonder if that was the original intention of the filmmakers.
I would have loved to have seen this without knowing she was a vampire. It kind of reminds me about the original plan to release Terminator 2 without knowing Arnold’s role was reversed. It was still great though.
Yeah (just like Ready or Not) there had to be a way to market this without giving that part away and still make it look fun—it was fun, and delivered slightly more than I was expecting. Problem is after Ready or Not those expectations are higher now. I do think they nailed the ending, but hopefully their next offering is either marketed better or goes a different direction than “exactly what you expect from the trailers, but with a few fun twists”.
“Giving this an A- makes no sense whatsoever.”You don’t represent all people, dickhead. I had a blast. In fact? I give it an A-PLUS.Eat shit, idiot.
“B” feels fair to me, but I liked Ready or Not more than the reviewer apparently. I honestly think it was a bit better than this, but they both have the same issues—both were marketed giving away the “main” plot, but both are kind of meandering getting there while they introduce the characters. My issue with this film is the characters just weren’t as interesting as Ready or Not. Both films present the cast with the intention that hate most of them in both movies, but at least in Ready or Not they leaned into annoyingly funny clueless rich people. Most of these characters are boring (partly by plot design) and the one that seemed like he was at least supposed to be funny was just annoying. I was honestly happy he died first (sorry if that’s a spoiler, but clearly people die in this and you will know who I’m talking about from his first scene on, so I wanted to at least offer some comfort that he’s in the film the shortest amount of time).I am happy to say that even with the pacing issues they nail the ending (again). The directors seemed aware the marketing would be tied to Ready or Not and went ten times harder with the blood and over the top effects in this, and the film is better for it. I can’t remember laughing so hard at what should be at least a little bit tragic since…well, Ready or Not. The twists and turns over the last 30-minutes are fun (even if the plot gets overly-convoluted) and at least make sense with the characters as they’re presented.Esposito and Stevens feel wasted, which is a shame. Stevens always seems to be on the edge of ‘making it’ and just can’t get over the hump. I’ve enjoyed his performance in other films far more than this one, though it gets better as the film moves along. That being said, the girl playing Abigail nails it, which is the one role in this that truly matters.
Dan Stevens?
I feel like this is just odd enough & a melding of genres that you don’t see that much that it has some interest
The girl actress looks to be having a blast, at least.
Kathryn Newton
Who is in a Universal Vampire Movie (potentially one with Dracula in it, if only implied) and a Universal Frankenstein Movie in the same year. Do we have to go back to Boris Karloff for that achievement?
Karloff does not deserve to smell my shit!
That limey cocksucker?
This sounds close to the R-rated, horror-focused Home Alone remake I’ve been asking for.
We’ll just have to wait until it’s in the public domain, baby!
Check out a little horror flick called Better Watch Out, that’s pretty close to an R rated Home Alone.
I recommend You’re Next if you haven’t seen it before. It’s basically Home Alone as a slasher, but it is multiple adults in an isolated mansion so not literally Home Alone. I enjoyed it much more than Better Watch Out, which had a fun story but whose characters I found extremely irritating.
There is a similarly themed short story in the absolutely delightful anthology “Live Free or Undead”. Yes, this is a collection of horror stories all set in New Hampshire (and I think all by NH authors) and it’s really fun. Just came here to say that.
This was fun! I thought the performances and comedy elevated some somewhat circuitous twisting and turning. Kevin Durand gets to be a great loveable goof; hopefully more stuff uses him like that in the future!
Godzilla X Kong’s Dan StevensHe’ll always be Legion’s Dan Stevens, to me.