American Horror Stories brings the gift of a killer Christmas in July
Danny Trejo—that is, Santa Claus—comes to town to punish a group of very bad boys in "The Naughty List."
TV Reviews Christmas in July
Before we get started, I’d simply like to say that I am incredibly appreciative of the fact that, with American Horror Stories, Ryan Murphy and Brad Falchuk have decided that shorter is often better. Despite the 90 minute double-episode premiere, both “Drive-In” and this week’s “The Naughty List” clock in at 40 minutes or less, and that’s a Christmas blessing. There’s less time to ruin things when you don’t try to overplay your hand and pad your thin concept.
“The Naughty List” is really as simple of a concept as you can get—“play stupid games, win stupid prizes” could really be the synopsis or tagline for many a straight-forward slasher—and that’s not a bad thing. Placing a group of clueless social media content creators as the expendable figures ready to be slaughtered by a killer just feels right. As we all know, the worse you make the characters, the more satisfying it is to watch them get killed off, and writer Manny Coto seems to have a field day indulging in their awfulness.
The episode’s inciting incident is as stupid as ever, but pretty much exactly the kind of thing I think that influencer culture is slowly moving toward: posting snuff. Not to get serious for a minute, but this actually isn’t an uncommon thing on the web, with videos of death and torture being casually uploaded online all the time and individuals having to screen these videos and how damaging it is to the psyche. The good thing about the episode is that it doesn’t exactly revel in the snuff, primarily focused on chastising and making fun of just how godawful the Bro House is for thinking it was a good idea to film someone jumping off a bridge to their death. It plainly says, “Yes, these are horrible people and we’re going to watch them die.”
And so we get the most important thing this episode brings us: Danny Trejo as a mall Santa. But, no, he’s not a mall Santa. He’s actually a serial killer who chopped up a mall Santa, shoved him into a gift box, took his place, and now is prepared to murder all of these idiots for ruining Christmas for a bunch of kids at the mall. The way the episode introduces Danny Trejo is exquisite; a simple setup of a man preparing himself that lets you know that shit’s going to go down. Much like John Carroll Lynch’s heightened performance in “Drive-In,” this is the kind of role where you know an actor is having a great time. It’s hard not to get swept up in the fun when Trejo lets out a menacing “ho ho ho,” giggles as he pours gasoline down the chimney, or sort of mumble-sings the words to “God Rest Ye Merry Gentlemen” as he executes another man.
As for the executions themselves, they vary. I complained that the kills of “Rubber(wo)Man” were a bit stale, just a steady stream of lazy stabbings, and while “Drive-In” tried a little harder, they weren’t quite great. “The Naughty List” still struggles with kills, which are really meant to be the best part of a slasher. It’s playful to be sure; I’ll admit to having adored the candy cane arrows being fired out of a crossbow and laughed out loud at the effect of watching Charles Melton have his head twisted so far around that his spine just bursts out, but there’s something missing in the direction. Peristere, Sanchez, and now Max Winkler have all sort of stumbled in bringing anything unique to the death the show presents and, despite some fun concepts, their execution has been somewhat underwhelming overall.
But in Winkler’s defense, the episode does rather charmingly indulge in form when it comes to making fun of influencer culture. Most art that tackles social media mavens doesn’t actually get anything right, but they do mostly manage to make things fun, and “The Naughty List” is no exception. While the episode ultimately sacrifices that playfulness to go back to the usual Murphy house-style, many of its opening scenes are exactly what we deserve in an episode making fun of social media. As much as it approaches the aesthetics of screenlife movies, I almost wish the episode and its creative team had committed to bringing even more of that to the table.
From the get-go, with the introduction of Bro House, there is the hyperactive energy of someone scrolling through videos at light-speed. It’s not saying much as a satirical piece, but the overstimulated presentation and dedication to cramming in everything from TikTok dances to something as dated as the ice bucket challenge is admirable. Whenever the characters joke that they’re pushing thirty (“which is, like, 40 in influencer years”), you kind of have to roll your eyes at just how out of touch it all sounds. The self-awareness is there, but it feels like a boomer’s take on a culture they’re not actually a part of. There’s still humor to it, and it’s hard to get mad at something like this when it’s as breezy as it is, but I can’t help myself wishing it was a splash more thoughtful.
But, you know, who am I to complain about American Horror Stories when it’s stopped trying to be “about” something (like past seasons of Story have been) and so willing to be so stupid? “The Naughty List” is an episode of television that features its influencer characters thinking that queer baiting is the ideal way to gain followers after a backlash (pretty much turning into the opening of a Sean Cody video, except, y’know, “no homo”). It’s an episode of TV that has Danny Trejo wrapping someone up in Christmas lights and tossing them into a pool. Hell, it’s an episode of TV that ends with a white Christmas tree where all the decorations are body parts. And maybe that’s good enough.
Stray observations
- A huge “thank you” to whoever picked the music for this episode (so many Christmas tunes!) because they included my favorite Christmas song of all time: The Waitresses’ “Christmas Wrapping.”
- I really wish that the episode had played more with filming and streaming the kills because I actually think that would have really helped the execution of them. Like, there’s something about watching death through a camera or a screen that hits differently; it could add a sense of dread to the proceedings, as funny as they’re supposed to be.
- I would simply pay good money to watch an ongoing series where Danny Trejo gets to go around killing different awful people on a regular basis dressed up as Santa.
- I had never heard the word “homeysexual” before when referencing straight dudes who posture as gay for content and I hope I never hear it again. Maybe I will simply block it out.
- The bit where they’re watching It’s A Wonderful Life to prove that “STRONG MEN ALSO CRY” sent me because that’s exactly the kind of bullshit that dudes would use to show they’re so emotional.
- The line “bro means brother and this isn’t what brothers do” fully made me think of Josie & The Pussycats and Du Jour. “Du Jour means friendship!” “Du Jour means family!” “Du Jour means seatbelts!” “Du Jour means crash positions!”
31 Comments
It plainly says, “Yes, these are horrible people and we’re going to watch them die.”
One of the best things about the Fear Street Trilogy is it took us back to the days of horror movies with characters you wanted to see survive.It also seems rather odd this would attempt to be critical of influencer culture by having them post snuff (oh hi obvious Logan Paul reference) but then turn around and build an entire episode around the audience cheering for their gruesome deaths.One of the things that I liked about the first episode of this show was you sympathized with Scarlett and it felt tragic when she finally gave in to her darker urges and murdered those girls.Then the second episode ruined it by following up with “Oh okay she’s a serial killer now please continue rooting for her.”
Is there a more tired horror trope than killer Santa?
Here’s the pitch: “It’s like ‘killer Santa’ . . . with Danny Trejo!”
“Well we already sort of did this in AHS: Asylum, can we get Ian McShane back? No? How about Danny Trejo? Done!”Yeah, it’s a trope, but it was a lot of fun. I agree the kills weren’t nearly festive or creative enough though. And I can’t see Danny Trejo without having at least a flash of his head on a tortoise.
It’s a pretty good pitch!
Sensitive vampires.
Idiots splitting up in the haunted mansion?
Yeah, I guess “not leaving the haunted mansion/spooky campsite/abandoned theme park at the first sign of blood” is one too.
The black guy got it first.
Especially when AHS has already done killer Santa.
and Horror Story has already done it before.
Your comment reminds me of
I love that commercial.
It reminds me of this one:
It’s up there, but making the killer Santa Danny Trejo makes it pretty entertaining.
Murphy himself has drawn from this well before: the awesome Ian McShane playing a killer Santa in “American Horror Story: Asylum.”
The call is coming from…..Inside The House!!!!…..?
Now I’m just picturing the guy inside the horse in that one Hannibal episode getting frustrated when he can’t get cell phone reception while stuck in there.
But does Santa dab?
I wish the murders had been more festive. That sounds like I’m making a snarky joke but I’m not. The only one that really felt Christmas themed was wrapping the guy in lights and throwing him in the pool and even that one was kind of lazy.
Yeah, I think for something as short and obvious as this to really be pulled off for me, they shoulda gone completely gonzo with the kills. I was entertained, it was fine (thank God no one thought of this as a setting for a full season), and the tree was a nice touch, but…
Well … this was a disappointing, totally uninspired episode for me like from a generic bad “Tales from the Crypt” or “Twilight Zone” reboot. Not one grain in it of what makes AHS special in my eyes, including even the intro. Next week new episode, new luck, I guess.
felt like two totally unrelated ideas smooshed together.
It did, especially when you add in the homeysexual interlude (which, of course, I was completely expecting when I saw the concept but). I’m just surprised that it was written by Manny Coto (who wrote most of this show) and as has been mentioned has been writing for horror anthologies since the 1980s and Tales of the Darkside. But this MUST have been at the least a concept pitched/dictated to him by Murphy/Falchuk
Personally I would have preferred if they were in the process of getting away with it, Logan Paul-style, so we’d be rooting for their deaths more. As it was, they were already in the process of getting punished. The idea that some people liked the gore (such as only maybe half the guests leaving and others laughing) and bad behavior would have gone better with them succeeding by violently dying on screen. Also the virtuous nerd character was a bit much. Every one of those guys would be pretty well versed in video editing and posting techniques since you need a preexisting big following before you end up in a creator house like that
The “influencers succeeding by dying on screen” reminds me of the suicide cultist streamers trying to top one another via creative dying method and then being either thrilled or upset when being killed by the hive intelligence zombie bees (“zom-bees!”) and such in Al Ewing’s horror comedy “Zombo”, from 2000 AD. It has the head of an evil Walt Disney, Rat Pack themed thieves, a Death Planet, killer Christmas trees, the very polite titular monster, and much, much more!
It’s well worth reading.
Yeah I agree with all of that. And it’s true about Glee-guy’s character–it was like someone said at the last minute that there needed to be someone for the audience to like and relate to. When–for a 38 minute horror episode that’s not really true.
I’d be ok with the concept, but they kind of laid it on too thick. Also usually if they really want you to feel for someone they have them last longer in a slasher movie so you’re rooting for them to succeed.
I had no interest in this show and hadn’t watched since maybe season 3. But Danny Trejo brought me to this. This was….bad. I mean, I’m aged well past whatever Bro House is parodying, but that’s not what I mean. The pacing was off, the dialogue was weak, the story beats don’t connect. The wheelchair kid from Glee just seemed bored by being there. The big draw, Trejo, does nothing worth noting and gets no real feature. The camera work is shoddy. Did Trejo have an accomplice? Who’s filming and uploading?
So I watched the first one of this season to see what was going on. Ok. It’s just weak sauce 80s slasher parodies. Ok. Ciao.
I’ve noticed that reviews for this show are all over the place. Many are.. not good. Honestly I’m more in line with the B- on this site. This show isn’t supposed to be some high concept intellectual thing. It’s one-off episodes of nonsense. And for that it’s perfectly fine I think.And this episode definitely feels inspired by Logan Paul’s suicide forest video which was a mess and I can’t believe he’s still around