Armageddon is free family therapy in the Gerard Butler disaster movie Greenland
Film Reviews Movie Review
If the disaster genre is to be believed, global cataclysms are nothing short of free couples therapy and family counseling. Why spend all that time trying to repair your marriage or become a better parent to your children when a couple days in the face of certain annihilation from alien invaders, asteroids, or extreme inclement weather will do the trick? Greenland is, in this respect no different. Pandemic be damned, our annual paint-by-numbers Gerard Butler movie is here, and if Paisley’s favorite son isn’t going to save the president or the planet, he’s at least going to save his family.
To be fair, Butler’s character, John Garrity, is less of a monomaniacal he-man than the star’s usual scowling, federally employed saviors. He’s a structural engineer whose marriage is already on the rocks before, well, actual rocks start falling from the sky—interstellar debris from a passing comet. The first one wipes out Tampa, with many more to come, including an extinction-event-sized “planet killer.” Not knowing that this was going to happen seems like seriously gross negligence on the part of the scientific community. But who’s got time to blame anyone when the whole world is running for cover?
Greenland’s script actually adds an intriguing wrinkle to the pre-apocalyptic scramble for safety. The Garritys—John, his wife Allison (Morena Baccarin), and their 7-year-old son Nathan (Roger Dale Floyd)—are gathered in the living room with their neighbors watching the first piece of comet debris enter the atmosphere on TV. Something has gone terribly wrong. The bolide in question hasn’t exploded in a light show over the Atlantic Ocean as promised. As reports of destruction start to come in, an emergency alert lights up on John’s phone—and no one else’s—followed by an automated call with instructions to pack a bag and report to a nearby Air Force base for evacuation to parts unknown.
It’s clear what’s going on. The days are numbered, and pretty soon CNN is going to air that 40-year-old tape of the military band playing “Nearer, My God, To Thee.” Some doomsday back-up plan has just been activated, and John and his family are part of it, while their friends and relations aren’t. Except, as the Garritys learn the hard way, their evacuation order was a mistake; they were supposed to have been removed from the list because of Nathan’s diabetes. As for where the apocalypse-proof bunkers might be, that’s a government secret. (It’s Greenland.)
It’s easy to imagine how a better film might pursue this cruel psychological experiment to the end—maybe even build to an ironic conclusion in which the predicted big event never happens. But this is a Gerard Butler movie. It answers to his gruff appeal and the lowest common denominators of a potboiler formula: reunite the family, avoid evil strangers, get to safety. At a certain point, one begins to wish that Butler were playing one of his sadistic hardasses, instead of an approximation of a remorseful everyman. We are meant to feel the violence here, but director Ric Roman Waugh (of last year’s Gerard Butler movie, Angel Has Fallen), doesn’t appear to have the chops to maintain a sense of tension past the nightmare scenarios of the first act.
Instead, we endure what feels like the extended cut of one of six concurrent plots in a Roland Emmerich movie, just to be treated to the big finale of fiery digital gum drops and cheap, cheesy effects. If a movie has to kill off most of the species in the name of the nuclear family, it should at least do it with some staging and style.
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“Ock, noo! An aister-oid! Domn it! Git me to a telefoon! I hafta coll mah pahrints in Kleeveland, where I am froom!” ~ John Garrity (Gerard Butler), Greenlant
This made me laugh so much, after a shitty day, Thank you.
The movie actually makes a short plot point of him being Scottish when he meets people who think “real Americans” deserve to be rescued first.
Yeah. In general, I really hate the trope where the action hero ‘everyman’ repairs his rocky relationship with his wife/girlfriend by doing action hero things, apparently making up for his failings as a partner by punching people/jumping over fire/crashing through a wall or whatever other manly thing they can think of. It’s not like he’s actually changed, or grown enough to properly deal with the relationship issues. It’s just that he has an opportunity to show off how manly and in charge he is. Bleh.
As an aside, this is what turned me off in that trailer for ‘Nobody.’ I love the idea of a John Wicking-Bob Odenkirk, but the story seems to be built entirely around that kind of thinking.
But, but “Die Hard”?
There’s an interesting idea, I think, in the concept of an action hero reconnecting with his estranged wife and family due to his work saving the world, and then we come back for the sequel and it turns out that they’re miserable again, because all the same issues are still there.I mean, it makes a certain amount of sense that you might feel a great surge of affection for someone after watching them save the world — great enough, perhaps, to temporarily overcome longstanding grievances over money or sexual incompatibility or bickering over DVR space.
Then it becomes a pathology: in order to keep his marriage going, he has to keep getting into situations where he gets to show off his value as a family-protector or world-saver.(Actually this is kind of what happened in Die Hard, where it is mentioned that he is separated in the 4th movie. Those sequels aren’t great, but I think they did something interesting in making it clear that the heroics didn’t make McClane a better partner or father. Of course, the 5th movie plays out the “kicking ass makes you worthy of forgiveness” with his son. But let’s not talk about that movie.)
separated by the 3rd movie and he’s back in new york.i actually think it’s incredibly tragic and has ruined the character (though is interesting to talk about on the internet).
His family’s not on the “to survive” list because the 7 year old son has diabetes? Well, that’s just mean! What kind of post-apocalyptic world are you people running here?
I was gonna say, that’s an incredible dick move.
There might be an even worse dick move if they let him in. He’s got Type 1 diabetes which probably means that he must have insulin available, correct? So in the post-apocalypse, what would the medical manufacturing situation look like? How long would stores of insulin last?
Dick moves all around, I say!
As a diabetic myself, it kind of makes brutally harsh sense. His (and my) days are numbered the moment all the insulin-production facilities are destroyed, and any remaining insulin supplies spoil in weeks because it needs to be refrigerated and there’s no electricity any more. Controlling the condition through diet alone is feasible for some people pre-apocalypse, but afterwards, you can’t be picky, and you eat what’s available. They’re better off (and I stress that this cruel arithmetic of survival should not be applied to even our current plague-riddled world) giving the bunker spot to someone who’s likely to survive into adulthood. That leads to an even harsher choice, where if you just kick the kid out and let the rest of the Butler (I’m not scrolling back up to find out his character name) family in, they’ll almost certainly spend their days setting with resentment and fomenting discord in the bunker. In conclusion, they have to exclude the Butlers, even though it costs the world a Morena Baccarin.
An America in which people with underlying medical conditions are rejected. Can you imagine that.
This reminds me that Seeking a Friend for the End of the World was a horrible flick, with Steve Carrell and Keira Knightley making for one of cinema’s worst-ever romantic pairings, and California shooting locations laughably “doubling” for the East Coast, but it did have *one* nifty idea in that the government told everyone a killer asteroid was on its way and there was no stopping it, but they also told everyone they had two more weeks than they actually did to avert the worst stages of societal breakdown.
i actually liked that movie. which i hated about myself because i hate steve carrell and want to hate everything he’s involved with
Except for Dan In Real Life 2, right?
i don’t get this joke, though i liked Dan in Real Life and felt Michael Scott came through only once
https://news.avclub.com/and-now-the-inevitable-anticlimactic-conclusion-of-dan-1827668556
i don’t know what this means but there is a sequel to that? i actuyally liked that movie a lot and want to rewatch it a lot but am refusing to because i’m not sure i want to watch a movie with Carrell as the lead.
I loved him as a Daily Show correspondent, but I do not like him as a “serious actor.”
i never had expanded basic cable so never watched The Daily Show. Didn’t know Carrel was a correspondent. Carrel as a serious actor doesnt work for me either. he is always just one half step removed from being Michael Scott.
Oh I have got a treat for you… have you seen Welcome to Marwen?
No. Good or bad? bad enough to hate watch and enjoy it?
Oh is that what that was supposed to be? I never got the “LOL nevermind the asteroid is hitting tomorrow” thing at the end. Huh, that’s a pretty good idea.
but they also told everyone they had two more weeks than they actually did to avert the worst stages of societal breakdown.That’s interesting as a matter of policy, but it would never work because amateur (and professional) astronomers the world over would be able to immediately refute it simply by looking at the asteroid themselves. Maybe if the government instituted some kind of draconian communications control policy (like shutting off the Internet and seizing control of all news broadcasts) they could keep the truth from getting out too much, but if the goal is “avoid societal breakdown” then suddenly turning into a nightmarish tyranny wouldn’t help with that.
Well, this is a movie that thinks you can fly from the East Coast to Britain in a Cessna or something. It’s a very bad, extremely dumb flick.
I’d like to see Mr. Butler in a redone Timeline. The book was fun and has the potential, but just like with Stephen King novels, the director, writers and producer really need to be on board with bringing the whole thing to life and not just squeezing a fast buck out of the production.
*2020: In the desert of Fuckheadistan*“Ignatiy. We meet again.”“Gerard.”“I’m surprised you’ve come. I was wondering if giving scathing review to my movies defeated you, once and for all.”“Indeed, I am as surprised as you are. However, 2020 has been an absolute pisser of a year. I know you don’t want me to do this. I know I’d rather get a root canal than watch your movies. Gerard, I beg of you. Endure my humorous criticism, not just for the amusement of members of The A.V. Club, but for the entire world! What do you say, Gerard? Will you join me in bringing the world a little cheer?”.“…..I was born ready, Ignatiy..”“Ugh…really? That line?”*FIN*
Trump’s voted out of office, a vaccine is being fielded. I think the world would appreciate seeing a nice NOT apocalypse movie.
Morena Baccarin deserves better than this.Or maybe she’s horrible, I don’t know.
At least she’s getting work!
Lol, the movie’s fine. This is just a dipshit review.
I’m here for the fiery digital gum drops. I’m not expecting some cool full fledged cold war story with Sean Connery or Natalie Wood. My checklist has ‘do meteorites go boom’ as the only item.
The apocalypse movie that may go down as the last movie I saw in theater… 🙂 (I liked the scene were they all wore masks…)
You just spoiled the movie in the middle of the review?!?!wtf
GEOSTORM!!!
>>It’s easy to imagine how a better film might pursue this cruel psychological experiment to the end—maybe even build to an ironic conclusion in which the predicted big event never happens.<