While award shows in 2020 remain as weird a prospect as, well, everything else in this grab-bag crapsack of a year, Billboard did manage to get its annual Billboard Music Awards up and running tonight, a scant 6 months after it was originally scheduled back in April. (Which means they were acknowledging music released back in 2019, but hey, just go with it.) And while the ceremony—whose nominees, unlike the Grammys, are based on metrics like sales and streaming numbers, rather than a voting jury—handed out plenty of awards tonight, to everybody from Billie Eilish to BTS, it ultimately declared what we must all have suspected, deep in our weary bones: It’s Post Malone’s world now. We just live in it.
The frequently facially tattooed Postmates fan won Top Artist tonight, for his 2019 album Hollywood’s Bleeding. In doing so, he beat out Top Female Artist Billie Eilish—whose When We Fall Asleep, Where Do We Go? also won Top Billboard 200 Album—for the highest honor of the ceremony, and doomed all of us to a full year of Post Malone, mid-apocalypse rule.
Kelly Clarkson hosted the socially distanced event, “handing out” awards to Lizzo, Harry Styles, Khalid, Luke Combs, Bad Bunny, Lauren Naigle, and Lil Nas X, because folks, “Old Town Road” was only just last year. The ceremony also included pre-taped performances, including one from John Legend, which he dedicated to his wife, Chrissy Teigen with, presumably, the smiling permission of our new musical overlord, Post Malone.
[via CNN]
16 Comments
I was really hoping by now we’d be post-Malone.
Over Macho Grande?
I don’t think I’ll ever get over Macho Grande.
Fat chance. We can’t even get beyond Thunderdome.
no
I suppose it’s appropriate. 2020 is perfectly personified by a guy who looks like a loose amalagations of sweepings from the tattoo factory and who no doubt smells like 2020 feels.
I was thinking it was 2020 appropriate because he looks like he’s stuck in his house, hasn’t showered in days and only wears pjs.
Whoa, looks like Shia Lebeouf is not taking life in quarantine well at all.
I much preferred Pre-Malone 2019.
I’m gonna be dramatic and claim that Post Malone winning against Billie Eilish is like all of us losing in a war for any kind of soul in our pop culture. Damn it, she’s actually, like, a real person.
this guys looks like he smells exactly the way he looks like he smells: pot, tobacco, booze-sweat BO, and cologne trying to cover it all up
Like Johnny Depp
Jeez, Sam Malone’s kid sure took a turn there.** Fun fact: Cheers went off the air two years before Post Malone was born.
Yeah, that sounds about right.
First COVID, now this?
I’m willing to bet that even after this we are not yet done suffering.