After years and years of trying, Mark Wahlberg is finally going to make his damn Six Million Dollar Man movie—though it’s called The Six Billion Dollar Man, because of inflation (which is a joke we’ve not only made before, but a joke that everyone has made before). We last heard that the movie would be released this year, after Warner Bros. picked up the project from the ashes of The Weinstein Company, with Damian Szifron attached to direct after Wahlberg’s buddy Peter Berg stepped aside in 2015.
Now, according to Variety, Bumblebee director Travis Knight has made a slow-motion leap through the air onto The Six Billion Dollar Man, with Bill DuBuque writing the script. Wahlberg will be starring as the eponymous expensive man, taking up the iconic track suit from Lee Majors’ Col. Steve Austin in the original ‘70s TV show. A new release date has not been announced, but it probably won’t meet the May 31 date that it was given last year unless Knight works really fast.
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So I assume in 40 years from now there’ll be the Six Trillion Dollar Man reboot?Who am I kidding. Probably be 4 years from now.
I’m hoping with socialized healthcare we can get The Six Hundred Dollar Man
It’s science fiction, not science fantasy.
If we don’t build the wall then it will be 6 Billion Bad Hombres!- Donald Trump
I was hoping for a reboot set in Germany, the Six Million Euro Man.
*checks news feed* The Six Trillion Dollar Man came out last week.
Thanks Mark Walhberg for wasting precious years of Damián Szifron’s time. Fuck the Hollywood machine.
Just think of how many Asians you can partial blind with 6 billion dollars of bionic parts. Also with inflation 6 million dollars in 1973 would only be like 35 million today.
That’s a much more reasonable cost for a man.
Depends on the man really. Wouldn’t pay that for Walhberg but I’d give 35 million for a night with Chris Evans or Idris Elba!
I can’t respect the act of giving so much money merely due to ephemeral handsomeness and celebrity. I can move planets with my mind but i swear my price has never topped $22K
Christ, I’d rather see septuagenarian Lee Majors do the role, Liam Neeson movie-style editing and all, rather than that dour pork chop.
Steve Austin, astronaut. A man barely alive. Gentlemen, we can rebuild him. We have the technology. We have the capability to build the world’s first bionic man. Steve Austin will be that man. Better than he was before. Better, stronger, faster. And we’ll give him a Boston accent.
And make his face look like wearing Velcro shoes is less a matter of convenience and more one of cognitive necessity.
FACK YOU, BIGFOOT! YAH QUEEAH!
HA! I almost forgot about the whole Bionic Man vs Bigfoot two-parter!
The best way to play this would be to make him a cheesy, aging action movie star who gets horrifically maimed in a stunt gone wrong, and is then rebuilt by an ultra top secret level-9 government agency. They send him on secret missions which he initially screws up and he has to rely on his technologically advanced prostheses to get himself out of trouble, all while cracking wise.
If not for the fact that he’s in no condition to do action movies anymore I would say it’s the perfect comeback movie for Brendan Fraser.
Fraser can probably relate to the bionic man concept though – he’s had quite a bit of surgery in the last few years as a result the abuse he took doing movies like the Mummy series.It’s good to see him making a comeback after hitting a rough patch in the late ‘00s. He was really good in Texas Rising and Trust. He probably won’t be the lead anymore, but he seems to be shaping up a nice second career as a character actor in supporting roles.
This is both an excellent idea and the only way I can enjoy Wahlberg in anything. His action-guy stuff is so tiresome, but I’ve enjoyed almost all of the comedies I’ve seen him in.
“We can rebuild him. We have the technology.”“Yeah, but there’s no rebuilding the Asian kid he beat up. Yeesh. He really did a number on that poor bastard.”
Let’s get woke and make the movie be about the guy Wahlberg blinded. He deserves a bionic upgrade more than that Bahston chowdahhead.
Better yet, his bionic upgrade can be funded by suing Marky Mark for damages.
I don’t mind Wahlberg in some things, but he’s all wrong for this. After 3 or 4 director changes, I kept hoping that they’d try a different actor instead. . . sigh.
Mark Wahlberg. Actor. A man barely upright.
Hey, Oscar Goldman. How you doin’? You’re the deputy head of the OSI, huh? That’s great. Say hi to your mother for me.
though it’s called The Six Billion Dollar Man, because of inflation (which is a joke we’ve not only made before, but a joke that everyone has made before)This seems less a joke than…the actual reason they renamed the movie. That said, I would be way more interested in this if they kept the original premise and Steve Austin was this sort of cobbled together lurching cyborg made of erector set pieces and several iPhone 4s.
Hell, they made the joke in the series. Steve has to fight another bionic man, called the Seven Million Dollar Man (“inflation!” chuckle chuckle)
Whatever, but PLEAAAAAAAAAAASE, let the man make another Transformers film!
A Wahlberg movie, made by the Bumblebee guy, based on this source material? An object of pure, magical awfulness.
They could have kept the Six Million brand-name, and just have it be the traditional title of the OSI program (“6M Project”) regardless of actual cost. But they will need to do something special to make this worthwhile, since TV and the movies have been drowning in cyborgs for the last forty years.
Leave it to Marky Mark to molest one of the last untouched childhood favorites remaining. When will there be a Ray Rayner movie to finish them off?
Why don’t they get Steve Austin to play Steve Austin?
Oddly enough they tried, but he kept forgetting what role he was auditioning for.
Damn. Between Knight being courted by more live action projects and Missing Link bombing, I can’t help but worry that Laika’s days may be numbered as an animation studio 🙁
If Wahlberg doesn’t fight Bigfoot and wayward NASA probes and android doppelgangers of Oscar Goldman, I’m out.