There’s only one name on everybody’s lips this week, and that’s X Æ A-12.
On Tuesday, Elon Musk and Grimes welcomed their first child, who they named after the Lockheed A-12 “Archangel,” the “precursor” to the SR-71 (not the SR-17, GRIMES), which is their actual “favorite aircraft.” Got that? It’s okay if not, because a) it might all be a troll and b) it won’t be accepted by the state of California.
So says attorney David Glass, who spoke with People about the invalidity of the baby’s name in light of the state’s laws. “In California, you can only use the ‘26 characters’ of the English language in your baby name,” he says. “Thus, you can’t have numbers, Roman numerals, accents, umlauts or other symbols or emojis. Although an apostrophe, for a name like ‘O’Connor,’ is acceptable.”
He adds that if they filled out a birth certificate “with the odd numbers, dashes and symbols, it will be submitted and then rejected and they’ll be asked to submit it again.”
This is, obviously, pretty stupid, especially since, as CNN notes, the rule also bans diacritical marks, such as accents in names like “José.” A 2014 effort to change the rule apparently failed because computer systems would need to be upgraded to incorporate the accents. America!
Anyways, this isn’t a hard law or anything, but rather a rule in the California Department of Public Health handbook. “I don’t think you can say it’s illegal—it just won’t be accepted,” Glass continued. “So your child won’t have an official name and won’t have a birth certificate and you can’t get a social security number until you have a birth certificate and on down the line.”
Considering this kid will probably be ferried off to Mars as soon as possible, that might not be a problem.
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76 Comments
I believe in Germany the government has to okay a name. Its to prevent “that” name from being used. Sometimes I wonder if we should do that to prevent stupid stuff like this.
Italy has rules about cruel names, as well – a couple American expats tried to name their daughter “Venerdi” a few years ago, and the government just responded “No, you’re not allowed to fucking name your kid Friday”
I mean, I’ve met Wednesdays and Summers, even a Tuesday once. I don’t know why Friday is any worse.
*That* name, of course, is Johann Gambolputty de von Ausfern-schplenden-schlitter-crasscrenbon-fried-digger-dingle-dangle-dongle-dungle-burstein-von-knacker-thrasher-apple-banger-horowitz-ticolensic-grander-knotty-spelltinkle-grandlich-grumblemeyer-spelterwasser-kurstlich-himbleeisen-bahnwagen-gutenabend-bitte-ein-nürnburger-bratwustle-gerspurten-mitzweimache-luber-hundsfut-gumberaber-shönendanker-kalbsfleisch-mittler-aucher von Hautkopft of Ulm.
His name was my name too!
And whenever we’d go out
You could hear the people shout
Here comes Johann Gambolputty de von Ausfern-schplenden-schlitter-crasscrenbon-fried-digger-dingle-dangle-dongle-dungle-burstein-von-knacker-thrasher-apple-banger-horowitz-ticolensic-grander-knotty-spelltinkle-grandlich-grumblemeyer-spelterwasser-kurstlich-himbleeisen-bahnwagen-gutenabend-bitte-ein-nürnburger-bratwustle-gerspurten-mitzweimache-luber-hundsfut-gumberaber-shönendanker-kalbsfleisch-mittler-aucher von Hautkopft of Ulm!DA DA DA DA DA DA DA
Correct.
And yet, here in America, there are so many, many Jeff Davis’s running around. I assume. I definitely dated one for a few weeks when I was 19, and that was in California.
I wish names like that or Robert E Lee could be purged from memory. But oh well I’ll settle for them losing statues.
It’s weird, because I think Robert E. Lee is definitely a more recognizable name, to the point where it honestly didn’t strike me how odd it was when I did date that guy (and he had a California stoner personality, nothing that really called to mind the president of the Confederacy). But if you go by Jeff Davis or Bob Lee you can really fly past the radar.
Man, I hope Norway doesn’t have similar rules, because no matter what he did, Vidkun Quisling is a fantastic name.
I know, doesn’t it suck when a great name is forever corrupted? I unironically love the French name Le Pen. Too bad its associated with holocaust deniers and racists.
They do, it tends to be mostly associated with European countries.
This kid is so fucked.
Eh, at least he’ll have money. Imagine being broke with a name like X Æ A-12.
With a name like that he’ll have no choice but to be a DJ.
He’s the son of a rich person, so I assumed he would be anyway.
I mean, I’m an Air Force brat, being named after the A-12 would have suited me just fine as kid, the SR71 was everyone’s fave at the time.
More of a Harrier Jump Jet man myself. Harrier Jump Jet Tubman is my full name.
I hear his mum’s a real c word.
“In California, you can only use the ‘26 characters’ of the English language in your baby name,” he says. “Thus, you can’t have numbers, Roman numerals,Last time I checked, Roman numerals were uppercase letters, and all are valid English-language characters. Did this change recently?
I’m sure what he means is the Latin ligature æ that they stuck in there, but he fumbled on what to call it.
Ah, see, now that makes sense. Thanks.
RandomInternetTrekDork is probably right, but it also probably means that if you name your child XIV, they will be “Xiv” and not “14.” How the state prevents you from yelling “Turn off the TV and go to bed, 14!” I don’t know. Also, maybe unpronouncables like MMXX are not allowed?
Uh oh, guess there’s no Welsh people in California to complain
If wonder if that name is so our future robot overlords will think he’s one of them.
“Would you put your brain in a robot body?”
Can I have two robot penises?
You said you wanted to be a Gator-bot!
Why would you think he isn’t?!?!
Is Musk one of those people who thinks we’re living in a simulation? Maybe he’s trying to crash the system.
This proves that time travel is not possible because if it was then that kid would have come back in time to thank California.
Who’s to say that a time-traveling X Æ A-12 Musk wasn’t the reason that law exists in the first place!?!?TIME TRAVEL!
I guess it’s not groovy to announce “It’s A Boy”, “It’s A Girl” anymore. It’s gotta be this nonsense.
I almost typed “It’s A Bot”. That kinda seems apropos for Elon Musk and Grimes though.
Sometimes I love being a Californian.
This is not Tony Stark. This is the founder of an army of replicants. I mean, that’s still a win for us, but it could be better.
Sexy replicants?
Nothing about these people is sexy.
‘Cause if I’m gonna get killed, may as well go out with a boner.
I’ll die as I lived: with at least a semi.
Fembots!
TK421, why aren’t you at your crib?
This is, obviously, pretty stupid, especially since, as CNN notes, the rule also bans diacritical marks, such as accents in names like “José.”Wait, really? What the fuck?
That part really threw me off too. Especially for a state with such a large latinx community.
As with most California laws, all attempts to update it were voted down over concerns about property taxes.
The department of vital records (or whatever CA calls it) is undoubtedly using some ancient mainframe program written in COBOL or something that stores the records in US-ASCII, or (more ridiculously but equi-probable) EBCDIC.
This is a huge problem with a lot of legacy systems that bites people on the ass regularly but no one is going to fix because the mainframe code “works” so they’re afraid to change anything. My wife often has trouble when she flies because her last name has a hyphen (it’s her birth last name, not anything I made her do) and the mainframe back end can’t handle hyphens in names, but then the name on her ticket doesn’t match what’s on her ID.
If they wanted to name their kid after a classified plane, couldn’t they have gone with Janet?
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Janet_(airline)
not a kid
Well, it’s not a girl, so I guess that would work.
Naming a boy Janet is worlds less weird than this
Weird for these two fucking weirdos would be naming it John Smith.
And then he could go around saying, “Fun fact: Janet is me.”
Name the kid ASCII
What the heck is a Grimes?!?
If California doesn’t permit Roman numerals, what happens when a Jr. names his kid after himself?
John Jacob Jingleheimer Schmidt the Third
Hey! That’s my name too!
Hey! That’s my name, too!
They become Juniorer.
Yes, but when do they become the Juniorest?
I expect the kid’s nickname will be “Pedo”, since that is now a perfectly normal, non-insulting, court- and Musk-approved name to be called.
You know, I came here to laugh at the name like everyone else but somehow the CA gov. response here is actually what is laughable. Think about how many perfectly reasonable (including an example in this very article!!) names are actually considered invalid based on their reasoning.Please don’t make me side with Elon Musk here. I already regret my fandom of Grimes’ music. CA should just ban the name because it’s stupid.
Elon Musk is basically the equivalent of a Shamwow pitchman who got lucky and the success (along with all the accompanying drugs) has gone to his head.
This is just 1 of the reasons there shouldn’t be Billionaires. I’m all for whimsy, but this is downright eccentricity run amok.
I’m in a few fan groups on facebook, and every now and then someone asks something like “what name from Tolkien should I give my kid?” My answer is always some variation of “whatever the fuck won’t make your kid hate you in 20 years, or get them beaten to a pulp on the schoolyard.” I got more than enough crap for having a mildly unusual (vaguely Yiddish) last name – I fear for what’ll happen to poor little Legolas or Fingolfin or Frodo because his parents decided not to pull their heads out of their asses when naming their kid.
I knew a kid in high school named Gandalf, with the middle name Lothlorien. He did not get beat up to my knowledge, though I can’t speak to how his elementary school years went.
.
I used to know a guy who had a son named Donovan, named after some very specific character in a beat ‘em up style video game (don’t remember which). He told me that he had never revealed the origin of the name to his kid’s mom (who he was no longer with) as he knew she would’ve shot it down for that reason. I also know a guy who wanted to name his hypothetical daughter Iris, after some sort of chest from a specific video game, but has since gotten a vasectomy. I enjoy these stealth nerd names.
I plan to name my daughter Lara Croft, also in honour of a specific chest from a video game.
I imagine if these parents were actually thinking about the kid at all, Tolkien names wouldn’t come up as possibilities at all.
Ugh, when will people learn that they’re naming a PERSON, who has to live with that name for at least 18 years (along with all the social stigma it entails), and not, say, a pet or an appliance?Here’s a simple solution for this and all future baby names. Pick the name and write it down. The name is then taken to two rooms, each with five academics. In one room, the name is said out loud. If three of the five academics cannot then spell that name, it is rejected. In the other, they are shown the written name. If three of the five cannot pronounce it, it is rejected.If both rooms reject it, the State takes the baby, because clearly the parents cannot handle the responsibility of a child if they can’t even use language to properly name it. You can still use historic or ethnically esoteric names, because the academics will be smart enough to discern them. You can even give your kid a preemptive stripper name (looking at you, Blue Ivy), because they’re at least still words, so parents can still be “creative” if they want.*To be clear, I’m joking, but seriously, there has to be a solution to prevent THIS garbage from continuing.*
Somewhere, quietly, Kanye and Kim are trying to figure out how to one-up this.
And California’s low-level systemic racism saves the day again!
I wonder if the little tyke has smoked his first joint yet.
By now he could use something to take the edge off.
Baby’s first boilermaker.