Wouldn’t it be badass to be Christopher Walken, even if only for a day? Not to gaze out at the world through those piercing blue eyes of his, or to possess one of the greatest acting gifts in modern movie history, or even to low-key be an expert dancer. No, after popping by The Late Show with Stephen Colbert last night, we think it’d be incredible to momentarily become Walken, just so we wouldn’t know the misery that is the internet.
Last night, talked to Walken spoke with Colbert via Zoom as part of the PR rounds for his new (very WTF) film, Wild Mountain Thyme. Near the beginning of the interview, Walken—now 77-years-old, because time is a cruel goddamn mistress—confessed that he needed some help with the technological logistics of their meetup.
“Somebody had to come and set this up because I don’t have a cellphone or a computer,” Walken explained, which doesn’t take a huge stretch of the imagination, if we’re being honest.
“Why don’t you have one? Are you morally, philosophically, emotionally opposed [to them]?” asked Colbert. “No no, I just got to it too late. I think I’m right at a certain age where it just passed me by,” he says, somehow convincingly waving away the entirety of modern mass communication within the span of a single sentence.
“Okay…so, you’ve never emailed? Never texted? Never been on Twitter?” tries Colbert, to which Walken answers all with a succinct, “No,” before adding that, when he is supplied with a phone on a film set, he’ll have other people dial numbers for him.
And you know what? God bless him for it. Because all that can only mean one thing: Somewhere out there, there’s a handful of people who have had their mindless doomscrolling suddenly interrupted by a random phone call. Perhaps they are annoyed by the sudden interference, or maybe they’re even a bit relieved to be temporarily freed from their digital shackles. Either way, this select group of lucky individuals answered the call, only to hear something along the lines of “Hello…this is…Christopher Walken.” You’re supposed to read that in his trademark voice, but as we have just realized, even the written word is unworthy of Walken’s presence.
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56 Comments
Good for him. I’m sure he has no reason to do so. Frankly, I’m envious.
I’m not…I don’t want to talk in-person to at least half of the people I e-mail.
If I had to choose between a world where Christopher Walken is out there on Twitter every day or one where he only communicates verbally, I know which one I would pick.
He’d need an app so it reads phonetically.
It wouldn’t be enough to be on twitter and see that Walken “liked” something that someone else tweeted. You’d want to hear him say “This tweet… is excellent.”
they’d have to make an audio version of Twitter just for him, otherwise it wouldn’t be the same.
He’d definitely be one of those people whose tweets we’d read in his voice, though.
No no, I just got to it too late. I think I’m right at a certain age where it just passed me byI don’t think it can really be explained by age. The guy’s only 77. My dad’s a whole decade older than him and has an iPhone and computer and uses email.
Yeah a lot of people his age were at least forced to start using computers in the early ‘00s for their jobs. Being an already very well known actor, that probably didn’t happen to him.
“My dad’s a whole decade older than him and has an iPhone and computer and uses email.”
And there are people a decade younger than him who have never used a computer of cell phone.
Did you have a point?
Not to make assumptions about your Dad, but chances are he has two things your Dad doesn’t, a personal assistant and an agent.
My dad’s about Walken’s age, and he (my dad, that is) is the one who taught me how to use a computer when I was a kid.
My parents are slightly younger than Walken and they’ve been using computers for work for over 35 years now, even my aunts and uncles who are a little older than Walken have been using computers for work since the 80s/90s. I mean that’s the generation that started a lot of Silicon Valley back in the day. But it does tend to vary depending on where you were and what your occupation was.
My dad is 75 and just joined SnapChat. It’s cute AF. He also just got his first iPhone a couple years ago and his first tablet this summer.(Both of my folks are raging liberals, so it’s nice to know he’s not using his tablet to visit Fox News or complain about the Deep State.)
I love Christopher Walken, but he’s just being lazy. I work in software, I deal with customers his age all the time. As long as you show them the basics, like how to make a simple phone call, they’ll have no issues with it. Mobile phones and personal computers have existed in the mainstream, since he was in his 40’s.
yeah. my dad’s 80 and he’s owned probably 20 PCs, 3 or 4 smart phones, a couple iPads, and has been sending email for 25 years. I am pretty sure every 77 year old my Dad knows has been sending email for 20+ years. But i guess that’s the difference between being a famous actor and having a real job.
Walken doesn’t drive, either. Though that’s not exactly surprising for a New Yorker.
My Dad just turned 78 and barely has a clue when it comes to email and has never owned a smart phone. He demands all of his bills be sent to him via snail mail.And he gets on with life just fine.
Oh, gosh! My dad doesn’t just get and pay his bills via snail mail (he doesn’t have internet and wouldn’t use it to pay bills, anyway, and he doesn’t trust EFT) but he still gets his bank statement and *copies of his canceled checks* in the mail every month (he would totally prefer to get the actual canceled check, but they don’t do that anymore.)My dad also has every single check (or a copy of it) that he’s ever written. Going back to paying rent on the house they lived in when I was born. I’m 50. I could go on forever about this kind of thing with my dad. It’s crazy how much he shuns technology since his career was as a *computer programmer*.
This how I feel about gaming. I’m perfectly set in my 80’s Super Mario, Legend of Kage, XCOM, and Tetris ways.
Folks that achieve a certain level of success/power/status are often allowed to freeze there development along certain axis, most notably in technology. I can almost guarantee you that despite his prolific tweeting Donald Trump has likely never used a desktop or laptop computer on a daily basis. I used to work on Capitol Hill for a highly placed congressional leader and they did not have a computer in their office. Granted this was 15 years ago but I doubt they have one in there now if they didn’t then. Like, does Bill Murray have email? Doesn’t have have that secret phone number where people leave messages for him?
Yeah. When mobile phones became popular and people felt “important” for needing and being able to be reached anywhere, Umberto Eco pointed out that “important” people where precisely those who had the luxury of not being reachable at will.
Lol the ultimate “don’t call us, we’ll call you.” I heard tale once of a business executive who made it their policy to simply not use email. This was a few years ago and this person was relatively senior but not C-suite or anything like that. Their logic was that if something was truly important, they would get a phone call. No idea how true this was or how this fascinating experiment turned out.
It’s almost certain true, but from there it’s a coin flip because half of the executives who don’t use email are worried about the paper trail, and the other half are simply cranks.
That’s a bit extreme but I have never synced my cell to my work e-mail and have the same basic philosophy – if someone needs me to do something that badly after normal working hours, they can call or text me about it. I’m not going to always monitor my e-mails. It does work for me.
I’ve had jobs where the expectation was to be available 24/7 by email, including one memorable incident where my manager emailed me a 6:30 PM and when I didn’t respond by 8 PM called me – I was at a friend’s house for game night and I had to step away from the table and then bring my laptop back to the table to deal with an “emergency”. I no longer work there; happily I’m now someplace far more reasonable. Going way back to the early 2000s when I was on the Hill I remember how Blackberries were considered somewhat of a status symbol and I was so delighted I ranked one – and then immediately realized it was the longest leash in the world.
I read a story about Bill O’Reilly’s team of personal assistants once, and how they had to cope with the fact that he didn’t do emails. He asked them to fax his schedule over to him each morning. That’s what they told him they did, when in reality they could just access his computer and printer remotely and print out his schedule for him.
When I started my career, I was a goofer for a broadcast news show. A big chunk of my morning was scouring the internet for news articles on the days news, doing research for the show’s reporters and producers and then printing all those stories out to hand to them to read. Why didn’t we use email? I don’t know.
There’s a lot of wisdom in this. When you achieve strength, you should adopt new skills carefully. As I age (I’m in my early 40s) I realize more and more the value of being very good with a few tools you’ve lived with for many years. I stopped adopting new EMail tools with Outlook 2010, which has incredible functionality and customization. I drive a 15 year old vehicle which I appreciate because I know its mechanics inside and out, and I can handle any problem with it. The less friction, the more you can do. Don’t introduce friction unless it’s enabling your goals. Discard all else. If you have the resources to have “a staff”, then yes you should use that resource and free up your head to focus on your strengths.
Hello, this is Christopher…WALKEN. I’ve never sent an…E-MAIL. Like, wow!
Based.
Walken has only accomplished two unique things in his life: never sending a single email in this day and age, and shoving a watch up his ass for all of his time as a PoW.
Not all of his time, just after Butch’s dad died…of dysentery.
Man, that scene is hilarious on so many levels. Walken’s delivery, the idea of doing something that takes so much will to do that tarnishes the object in the process, the fact that the whole scene is delivered to the audience from child Butch’s eyes.
It’s truly one of the greatest scenes ever written or filmed. It’s glorious and incredibly memorable.
Yeah, there’s any number of films that could fit the bill but whenever somebody mentions Walken, I immediately think of that scene. Followed closely by the Sicilian scene in True Romance.
And now, young man, he gives the watch to you.
The things one does for a fellow pilot’s son’s birthright.
Also, this:Fatboy Slim – Weapon of Choice
Have some respect. He hid that uncomfortable hunk of metal up his ass for two years.
Kind of the reverse thing to calling other people happened to Christopher Walken in relation to Clint Eastwood. I know not everyone in Hollywood is friends with everyone else but I figured they’d at least run into each other at award shows even if just once.However, it turns out the first time they ever talked was when Clint Eastwood rang up Christopher Walken out of the blue and asked if he’d like to be in Jersey Boys apparently if I’m remembering all that correctly.
So you’re telling me I’m being catfished?!
I’ve never had a mobile phone. I despise them. Does it give me a false and inflated sense of superiority? Totally. But it gives me one tiny thing in common with Christopher Walker so it can’t be all bad.
Do yall not look over your articles b4 publishing? It’s so sloppyLast night, talked to Walken spoke with Colbert via Zoom as part of the PR rounds for his new (very WTF) film, Wild Mountain Thyme. Near the beginning of the interview,
Coincidentally, neither has Natalie Wood
As amusing as it is to think he’s doesn’t own a phone, I find his excuse about his age to be well, an excuse. Personal cellphones and computers have been a mainstream item since he was in his late 40’s. I guess when you have personal assistants it doesn’t matter lol.
I can understand why people won’t loan Walken a watch…
Imagine Christopher Walken on a smart phone picking apart all the people doing impressions of him on social media.
“Not bad. You had the ngggh but you need more hnnngh.”
Possibly my favorite Walken impression is Jake Gyllenhaal on the DVD commentary for Donnie Darko, just because it comes out of absolutely nowhere and is completely ridiculous. “Hey, I’m Frank, I’m a bunny…My eye…it’s shot out!”(Yes, I was briefly obsessed enough with Donnie Darko that I watched it with the commentary on – in my defense, I was a teenager.)
(Theatrical version’s the best. Fight me. Anyway.)
My friends and I used to have this thing called the Christopher Walken Contest, where you do a Walken impression, but the twist is you get a higher score depending on how bad it is.
So if Walken himself showed up, you’d be like “0.0, that was perfect.”
You haven’t seen nothin yet.In case video doesnt work:
Weapon of Choice – Fatboy Slim
Should have renamed himself Christopher Talken.(sorry)
This reminds me of that extremely “it’s 1997″ joke in Romy and Michelle’s High School Reunion. “If anyone needs to make a call, I’ve got a mobile phone!”
Funny how his character tried to blow up Silicon Valley in that one 007 movie. On the other hand, didn’t he date Grace Jones in that movie? (In case you’re wondering I’m not terribly invested in late-stage Roger Moore Bond)
My dad is a year younger than him. My dad was also a computer programmer. So, he’s sent emails (he had a work email address) and he had a laptop he had to keep at home for a while (his employer paid for dialup internet.) He has a computer, too. He does not, however, have internet. Never had (except for that dialup the company paid for.) He had cable when I was a teenager, but he got rid of it after my sister and I moved in with my mom and he’s never had it since (he even had all the wiring taken out.) He has a cell phone that he takes with him when he goes out. It’s a flip phone. My nephew just bought him a new one that can accept pictures. (No lie, his old one would just send him nothing when you sent a picture or an emoji.) It’s still a flip phone. No internet. He still has a landline and it is his primary phone. He still doesn’t have call waiting. Never had it. Doesn’t have an answering machine or voicemail. He has caller ID, mostly because of all the scam and telemarketer calls he would get. If he misses your call, he looks at his caller ID, sees you called, and calls you back. He got his very first microwave less than a decade ago. His then girlfriend bought it for him. Yeah, I grew up in the 80s and never had a microwave while I was living with him. My mom is 4 years younger than my dad and she is a whiz with technology, mostly. She got a computer when I was living with her when I was a teen (late 80s.) She didn’t get internet until after I did, but she’s always been right behind me on all of it.
I’m not trying to throw shade at Walken in particular, but man, must be nice to live in a reality bubble so thick that you haven’t had to perform what has been a basic, almost daily work function for a huge percentage of the population for the last two decades.
Celebrities – they’re really nothing fucking like us.