Dakota Johnson kicked off Sundance by publicly roasting Armie Hammer
After expressing her sympathy towards Armie Hammer in 2021, Dakota Johnson poked fun at him in a speech honoring Luca Guadagnino
Aux News Dakota Johnson
There are a few actors that come to mind when one thinks of director Luca Guadagnino: Dakota Johnson, who starred in his films A Bigger Splash and Suspiria; Michael Stuhlbarg, who appeared in Call Me By Your Name and Bones And All; Timothee Chalamet, who also starred in Bones and CMBYN. And then there’s Armie Hammer, whom many might like to forget, if only Dakota Johnson would let us.
During an opening night event at the Sundance Film Festival that honored Ryan Coogler, Nikyatu Jusu, W. Kamau Bell, and Guadagnino, Johnson presented the director with the international icon award. “It was here at Sundance in 2017 that audiences experienced a film that is uniquely characterized by Luca’s iconic approach to storytelling. The vision and the style that is Call Me By Your Name,” Johnson told the crowd (per Variety), joking, “Sadly, I wasn’t in that one. It was unfortunate. Luca had asked me to play the role of the peach but our schedules conflicted.”
(For the uninitiated, Chalamet’s character Elio uses a peach to masturbate in the film, shortly after which Hammer’s character Oliver goes to eat it—though ultimately does not, unlike the Oliver of the novel.)
Johnson went on to quip: “Thank god though, because then I would’ve been another woman that Armie Hammer tried to eat.” After some laughter and cheers from the crowd, she continued, “It’s been five years since that film premiered here and Luca hasn’t stopped taking us to exciting places. Who knew cannibalism was so popular?”
In 2021, Hammer was accused of various abuses, though perhaps the most eyebrow-raising allegation was his supposed cannibal fantasies. That same year, Johnson was asked about Hammer (with whom she appeared in The Social Network) as well as other male co-stars like Johnny Depp and Shia LaBeouf who had been accused of abuse during a Hollywood Reporter interview. She professed not to have any negative experiences with the actors, calling cancel culture a “fucking downer.”
“I had an incredible time working with them; I feel sad for the loss of great artists,” she told the outlet. “I feel sad for people needing help and perhaps not getting it in time. I feel sad for anyone who was harmed or hurt. It’s just really sad. I do believe that people can change. I want to believe in the power of a human being to change and evolve and get help and help other people. I think there’s definitely a major overcorrection happening.” A few snarky remarks in an unrelated speech must not count toward that overcorrection.
102 Comments
He fucked a peach?
lol right, like WHAT. And ok so how does someone pick up a peach after someone ELSE fucked it and not notice you know the dick sized hole in it lol.
That’s the point of the scene though. There’s a weird inappropriate romance brewing between their characters. (and the peach has clearly been fucked, and he knows it.)
Ahh well there you go. Might have helped had I actually SEEN the movie lol.
But … a peach is pretty small and has a large, rock-hard stone in the center.
How does he deal with the pit, does he just thrust it out? Seems like there’s easier fruits to have sex with. Or pastries, a classic film fuck-food. Now that I think about it sex with food is surprisingly common in film and TV, though usually played for laughs rather than, presumably, eroticism. I wonder if there’s a TVtropes page with a ridiculous name for the practice?
“Dammit, how many times do I hafta tell you: the peaches are fer eatin’, the volleyballs are fer lovin’!”
volleyballs, watermelons, pies….
haha what’s that from?
The depths of my mind.
Whaaa? How could anyone? The pit is in the middle and would get squished. Plus it isnt very big..
HEY no kink shaming
It has to be doable first, no?
Anything is doable/fuckable if you try hard enough lol
I suppose I’ll take your word/experience with that.
I also don’t understand how it can be done.
How do you know so much about Chalamet’s . . . peach?
I assume from reading the comment above it is a regular peach from a tree…
Dammit, I didn’t see the damn movie!!!
Peaches and cream?
Like a dream
Like a Rockford Peach?
I don’t know, I didn’t see the movie.
They keep my heart Racine.
He could fuck a peach for hours
I’m sure I could too, when I was his age.
“I wouldn’t eat that, Cricks; it’s fulla loads.”
Nick Manning:
“DROPPING LOADS! ALL OVER YOUR PRODUCE!”
That’s Nic Cage’s job!Or possibly John Travolta’s depending on when this was.
“Do I dare to fuck a peach?”
I super sloppy double dare ya!
Was that unclear?
You either need a big fuckin peach or a tiny little dick or the numbers just don’t pencil out.
Oh whatever “House of Hammer” is low hanging fruit it’s advertised on the home page when I turn on my TV.
The daughter of Hollywood stars Melanie Griffith and Don Johnson takes shots at the scion of the Arm & Hammer dynasty.
*Occidental Petroleum dynasty (though the OG Armand Hammer did eventually buy his way onto the board of directors of Church and Dwight, which owns the Arm & Hammer brand).
Boring.
“Nwepo bwabwee!!!”“Yes, we know.”
Is that…supposed to be baby talk?
Yes, it’s prounounced “Nuhweppo Buhwabb Whee” just as babies do.
I read the original comment as a dumb pun rather than a genuine nepo baby jab, because the thought of Armie Hammer being named after Arm & Hammer is very funny to me. (He is still a yucky rich person whose father owned a production company, but as Liebkartoffel pointed out, their wealth comes from oil money.)
I came here ready to hate the material, but that’s actually pretty funny.
Yeah, a pretty solid joke there, Dakota.
I wonder if Sundance events have writers, like awards shows? Either way, good joke, and well-delivered.
“Just need to tweak some of this old Idi Amin material and it’s good to go!”
She’s my favorite actress daughter of famous rich people.
I don’t know a ton about her, but she sounds like her upbringing was so sheltered that she has no idea how to deal with the media, which can make for some really funny interviews.Or maybe that’s all carefully choreographed and part of her ‘brand.’ Who knows.
“she sounds like her upbringing was so sheltered that she has no idea how to deal with the media”
Sure.
What about her gives you that idea?
How she comports herself in interviews combined with her pedigree.
To be fair, Armie’s also progeny of famous rich people.
N E P O B A B Y Did I do an internet thing?
I think the jokes were funny enough, but I feel like that was kind of shitty to Guadagnino. Maybe he enjoyed it! But if I were getting a big award I wouldn’t want the whole speech presenting it to me to be about the time I hired and worked closely with a guy everybody hates now. Like…thanks? Then I would feel like I needed to address it during my speech, which maybe it wasn’t what I wanted to talk about at this moment that was supposed to be about me… I think maybe she was embarrassed about her former comments and was trying to walk them back but chose the wrong moment.
Yeah maybe. I guess it would depend on the general vibe of the event (playful, serious?), her relationship with Guadagnino, and whether or not he was in on the joke.I know that in some cases hosts/presenters warn the subject in advance. Sacha Baron Cohen once gave Liam Gallagher a courtesy heads-up, and Gallagher told Cohen it was fine. But then the line got cut due to time constraints, which infuriated Gallagher for some reason.It can be a bit of a balancing act. Hell, sometimes people ad-lib jokes and get slapped during a live broadcast.
“Keep that peach out of your goddamned mouth!”
“I think the jokes were funny enough, but I feel like that was kind of shitty to Guadagnino.”
Awww, poor guy had to endure people being entertained before accepting his award? What a hell his life must be.
I just imagine he’s a good sport with a sense of humor.
I dunno, I found it to be in… poor taste
Admittedly subjective…[Edit: Just got the pun. Well done.]
To be fair, I should have included the CSI Miami sunglasses meme
Roasted? I hear Armie prefers his flesh raw.
What makes you think cannibals eat only raw meat?
‘A few snarky remarks in an unrelated speech must not count toward that overcorrection.’It sounds like she said some dumb stuff back in 2021 and now she’s learnt a bit more and is trying to do better.
What makes you think she has learned anything and doesn’t still stand with those abusers?
How is she posing with Vincent Schiavelli?
I thought he died years ago.
I thought he died years ago.
– The A. V. Club
RIP The AV Club – 1996-2008 or so
Dakota Johnson roasted Armie Hammer, which is ironic because that’s exactly how Hammer would prepare Johnson.
I had a hell of a time trying to parse the headline before realizing “kicked off Sundance” meant she started the event and not that she had been removed from some kind of panel or something at Sundance because of her comments.
Thank you, now it makes sense to me. I was confused.
Yeah, it was pretty poorly worded and ambiguous as a headline.
Oh, I honestly only got it when I read this.
Same!!
Sometimes reading an entire sentence is needed in order to understand its meaning.
I had to read it a few times before it made sense.
Hell I just figured it out too.
I thought that for a quick second, but if it meant that it would have said “for” instead of “by” so it was clear to me before clicking through.
Same! Kinda disappointed when I got to the end of the article.
Had to reread the story title several times, before I understood that Dakota didn’t get kicked off Sundance because of her joke. 🥴😅
I read it a couple times and I still don’t.
Ahh, tripped me up too… “Kicked off” as in “began”, not “removed from”
Yeah, that’s some real dogshit title work. They’re using “kicked off” in the “started with a bang” sense rather than “kicked off” in the “GTFO, DAKOTA!” sense. But there’s no context anywhere to indicate which way that ambiguous phrase is being used, so it’s now just 100% clickbait.
I would have thought that use of the preposition “by” in the headline would have provided the necessary context.
Then you would have also seen by the multiple comments about this exact subject that it did not.
I could point you to dozens of internet comments about how the world is flat, that doesn’t mean there’s any ambiguity as to the shape of the earth.
Oh, no question that lots of people missed it. Just not sure that it qualifies as “dogshit” work.
That’s just not true. The “GTFO, DAKOTA!” sense doesn’t work with the word “by” it would have to be “for” or “after”The problem here is that people skim things so quickly and let their brain fill in the blanks with assumptions.
I’m not trying to have a go at anyone, but I’m honestly surprised there’s been so much confusion. It seems a perfectly reasonable headline to me. As you say, the “by” clarifies the sentence.
Well, since you’ve felt the need to respond to me TWICE here – I’ll give you the context wherein the “by” does not actually clarify the title:Here is the title – “Dakota Johnson kicked off Sundance by publicly roasting Armie Hammer”The “By” does not preclude the concept of Dakota being ousted from Sundance by virtue of the fact that the sentence also makes sense as saying, “Dakota Johnson [Ousted from] Sundance [due to her] Roasting Armie Hammer” The only thing I’ve changed is “kicked off” and “by” – but the sentence is the same. Yet somehow, your interpretation is the only, and correct version because it is yours. Got it.I’ll go back to believing in flat earths because apparently that is what people who read things differently than you believe, I guess?
So your argument is that if you just change the headline, you can make your interpretation work. I hope you realize how dumb that is. Also obviously I wasn’t calling you a flat earther, I was making a comparison. But I think you know that and are just arguing in bad faith. It’s ok to be wrong on the internet.
Okay.
Present tense “kicks off Sundance” would have been easier to understand. I also thought she had been fired
Okay, glad I wasn’t the only one haha
The joke’s on her, Armie loves roasted people.
He could fuck a peach for hours
So where’s the part about her being kicked off?
Dakota Johnson, who starred in his films A Bigger Splash and Suspiria
So did Tilda Swinton, who was also in even more earlier films from him (that I haven’t seen because they aren’t horror).
Seems like she is getting a pass for defending him. Weird.
Sort of like Mindy Kaling getting a pass from the MeToo crowd after admitting that on her tv show she kissed another actor without telling him, since it wasnt in the script.If a man did that, there would be outrage. But people just chuckle. It’s (D)ifferent, you see.Sort of like how Roseanne is canceled over a tweet, but Cardi B can admit to drugging and robbing men and still enjoy a career. If progressives didn’t have double standards they would have none at all.
Clickbait headline makes it sound like she was booted out of Sundance because of her joke.
I actually think it’s pretty funny. I don’t know why they kicked her off.
She’s a disgusting trollop