It’s been roughly a day since news broke—and by “news,” we mean the infamous British tabloid The Daily Mail, and by “broke,” we mean “wrote down some stuff someone sort of suggested they told them sometime, we guess”—of a bizarre rumor that alleged that Michael “MyPillow Guy” Lindell and Jane “Jane Krakowski” Krakowski were in some sort of secret romantic relationship with each other. Both unwilling participants in this random-ass gossip were, of course, swift to deny that they even knew of each other’s existence, a claim that comes off as fairly credible, given that Lindell seems like he probably goes to bed at 7 p.m. every night watching Brady Bunch reruns, and Krakowski is a sensible human being who presumably devotes as much time as the rest of us to the task of trying to forget whoever the fuck droopily mustached pillowmonger Michael J. Lindell is.
But that mutual denial of existence is also where the two’s responses to this “scandal” appear to have diverged. Per The Daily Beast, Lindell has gone the way any thin-skinned right-wing cry-pillow might and lawyered up, threatening to sue the tabloid with the help of well-known attorney Charles Harder. Krakowski, meanwhile, has been—shock of shocks—a whole lot funnier and more delightful about we have to assume has been a fairly annoying bummer to deal with, announcing through her publicist that, “Jane has never met Mr. Lindell. She is not and has never been in any relationship with him, romantic or otherwise. She is, however, in full-fledged fantasy relationships with Brad Pitt, Rege-Jean Page and Kermit the Frog and welcomes any and all coverage on those.”
Mr. The Frog has yet to comment on his involvement in this brewing scandal at this time. Rumors that former paramour Miss Piggy—who once defeated Krakowski’s character Jenna Maroney in a “Who wore it best?” poll several years ago—was looking to now settle a score with her remain unconfirmed as we go to press.