Durex manages to swing Spider-Man controversy conversation around to premature ejaculation
Aux Features Spider-Man
Since news broke this week that a financial impasse between Disney and Sony Pictures Entertainment will mean the end of Spider-Man’s involvement in the Marvel Cinematic Universe, Spider-fans have been making a kerfuffle online. Given the success the Tom Holland incarnation of Spider-Man has had under the stewardship of Marvel Studio’s Kevin Feige, along with Spidey’s role as a key emotional cog in the MCU, many have called for Sony to “do the right thing” and hand over Spider-Man’s rights to Disney. Sony, however, has had its own success with two recent non-MCU Spider-Man films in the last year—not to mention a wildly profitable PS4-exclusive video game—so, no, that’s not going to happen. There’s also an argument to make that, blue Jamie Foxx aside, Sony’s track record with Spidey ain’t so bad.
Misguided or not, though, #savespiderman has had a strong presence on social media, and where there is a genuine wave of public support, so too must there be brands ready to ride that wave directly into a jetty.
“The end came too soon? The feeling is mutual,” reads the tweet from a prophylactic company’s Twitter account. This text is positioned beneath a crying Spider-Man mask, implying that Spider-Man, and subsequently his alter-ego Peter Parker, suffers from premature ejaculation. Presumably, Durex India would recommend that your friendly neighborhood web-slinger invest in a package of Durex Prolong Natural Latex Condoms, featuring “a male genital desensitizer to allow more control for him and more time for her.”
There are many very good reasons why this is fucked up, but really all of them begin and end with the fact that the particular Spider-Man ostensibly in need of saving is intended to be 15 years old. Understandably, folks on Twitter found the tweet to be in questionable taste.
The lesson here, per usual, is that is always okay not to tweet. This advice holds true whether you are maintaining a regional presence for a condom brand, or just some average schmoe who has found themselves spending a significant section of their day yelling at one or more multi-national corporations about Spider-Man. Regardless, this is a weird thing for anyone to tweet, but yes, of course here we are now talking about Durex condoms. Fair enough. At least they managed not to involve 9/11.
18 Comments
Considering Spider-Man once gave Mary Jane cancer with his irradiated sperm, maybe he SHOULD be listening to Durex?
That story is out of continuity, an alternate future, and contradicted by the entire Spider-Girl line. It really doesn’t count.
In other news, an area commenter tries to predict the contents of an internet article regarding Durex condoms and Spider-Man before clicking; realizes the name Spider-Man contains the letters S, P, E, R, and M; comments on it.
Huh. That never occured to me.[glances around. adjusts tie.]
Because Spider-Man shooting gooey webs has never been a metaphor for teenage sperm shooting before…
“There are many very good reasons why this is fucked up, but really all of them begin and end with the fact that the particular Spider-Man ostensibly in need of saving is intended to be 15 years old.”Aside from the fact that they weren’t really making reference to that Spiderman specifically, isn’t teaching teenagers to use condoms kind of a good thing? Like I get that teaching them not to have sex at all is kind of the best case scenario, but we already know they don’t listen to that.
It definitely is referencing that Spider-Man. That Spider-Man is what is referred to when using the #SaveSpiderman. People aren’t tweeting about bringing Andrew Garfield back.
“And remember, boys, if you wear our thick ass condoms and think of Spider-Man, you’ll probably last another 5 minutes.”
Thick-ass condoms, yeah. Thinking of Spider-Man negates those five minutes.
Also Peter’s driver’s license says he’s an adult.Also Tom Holland is an adult. What I’m saying is there are many reasons why it’s okay that my favorite thing about Far From Home was dat ass
I can’t remember the joke exactly, but in Far From Home I’m pretty sure there was a pretty plain Spidey/penis joke (something like this suit bunches up in the ole web shooter or something like that?). This doesn’t really seem terribly off color for the brand.And frankly, kids are never too young to learn that, despite what their partner says, premature ejaculation is NOT alright, they actually ARE very disappointed and no its in some way flattering. #durex #alsoyourdickistoosmall
His web doesn’t even shoot out of there!
This time, he isn’t coming home
Listen Durex, there was a perfectly good “Peter Tingle” joke just sitting there on the table waiting to be used, and you just left it sitting there. I’m not mad at you, just … disappointed.
Wasn’t the webslinger-as-ejaculation material part of the old, unfilmed James Cameron Spider-Man treatment?
“There’s also an argument to make that, blue Jamie Foxx aside, Sony’s track record with Spidey ain’t so bad.”Not really. Sony has dropped the ball with Spidey live post SM3. The article cites Venom as a success, but even in terms of the box office, it strongly relied on overseas gross in order to be a financial success. And the more it gets critiqued as a movie the worse it looks. And I discussed earlier, Sony struggles critically with its current franchise management. Remember these are the dufuses that released The Emoji Movie and Holmes and Watson within the last few years. Spider-Verse is probably the only clear cut win that Sony, on its own, had with Spidey in a long time, so maybe they will be smart and hire Lord and Miller to produce. Or probably not.
You’ve saved it up till the end, as it were, but this is definitely the esteemed AV Club Headline of the Week.