In Mariah Carey’s Queen of Christmas war, Elizabeth Chan continues to take no prisoners
Queen of Christmas Elizabeth Chan gives Mariah Carey a trademark body slam as the battle for the crown continues
Music News Elizabeth Chan
As The Ramones once sang, “Merry Christmas, I don’t want to fight tonight.” If they couldn’t take their own advice, what hope is there for the rest of us?
This holiday season, the queens of Christmas are turning the Yuletide into a litigious Westeros by going after the Cersei of Christmas: Mariah Carey. Several months back, Mariah Carey, the performer of one of the most popular Christmas jingles of the modern era, “All I Want For Christmas Is You,” attempted to name herself the “Queen Of Christmas” by trademarking the term. As we all know, that’s how monarchies work, through trademark disputes.
Anyway, and maybe Ms. Carey didn’t know this, she’s not the only Christmas song singer that identifies as female. Darlene Love, who David Letterman proclaimed the Queen of Christmas 29 years ago, is one. Another is Elizabeth Chan, a Christmas music maker and the owner of a trove of emails filled to the brim with people calling her the queen. However, Mariah Carey makes $1.55 million a year from her famous song, so maybe she should just be the queen.
Well, that’s not going to fly for Chan, the queen that successfully blocked Carey’s trademark, and she did it for Christmas, you ungrateful cotton-headed ninny muggins. “When I found out that Mariah Carey had filed for the trademark, what that meant was that all the time that I had spent, all of the accolades from others, would’ve been erased,” Chan told Slate. “A lot of people think it was a me vs. Mariah thing, but it wasn’t. It’s not about that at all. It was a Mariah vs. everybody thing. Because what she was actually taking away was even your right to call me the Queen of Christmas or your right to call anybody else the Queen of Christmas.”
The fact of the matter is that Chan is out here 365 days spreading Christmas cheer, whether it’s December or fucking July, and she’ll be God damned if some Janie comes lately is going to take that away from her. Everyone in her life knows that Chan is the queen. Anytime she walks in a room, “radio executives would be like, ‘Oh, this is Elizabeth. She’s the Queen of Christmas! She only does Christmas music.’” Chan has “emails from my entire career [of] people introducing me as the Queen of Christmas, because even if it’s March, even if it’s April, I’m still doing Christmas music.” That’s legally binding. The singer “literally has given up everything” for Christmas, which sounds more depressing than it probably is. This is her livelihood. She continues:
Anyone that works with me knows that I am someone that is so committed to the genre of music that I’m in. As a Christmas musician, there’s very few places that I can … I mean, I’m not going to be on, like, any American Music Awards. I’m never going to have the same kind of accolades that other artists might have.
In a way, Chan saved Christmas, doing what people have failed to do to Disney for the last 100 years: Block a trademark and keep the Queen of Christmas title available to all. “When someone wanted to trademark it, take it out of the public domain and turn it into private property, my feeling was that I can’t let it happen,” she told The New York Post.
Ultimately, Chan’s mission was a success, and she blocked the overthrow of the Christmas monarchy. “I was relieved and felt that justice had been served,” Chan said. “I got more support than backlash and was happy to give Christmas back to everybody.”
Thank you for your service, Queen Chan. We raise a glass of nog in your honor.
34 Comments
Damn how tf Mariah gettin’ more smashable every Christmas?
No, he shouldn’t say it, at least not while he’s impersonating someone else.
Man, it’s all plastic surgery.
How come no one has challenged my trademark for “Filthy Whore of Christmas”?
“Hold my beer.”
I do my best whorin’ around Easter & St. Paddy’s, so I guess we each stay in our lanes?
MeGHAAAAANNN!!!
Yours isn’t so much a trademark as it is a “local element of folklore and accepted mythology (or “Lore” in Fat Basic) that counts as intangible evidence towards a United Nations designation that you spend more time with your legs akimbo than shut”.Basically: we all know you’re a strumpet, you filthy filthster. Close your ankles, you’re causing a draught.
Who is looking for Christmas in fucking July?
Filipinos, as Chan discovered when she visited the islands. If anything, she’s the Janie Come Lately for only realizing its perennial appeal then.
There’s a saying in the Philippines that if a month ends in -ber, it’s part of Christmas season.
Give it 5 more years, and it’ll be the same in the USA.
That is true. As soon as September starts, the Christmas songs start playing and the decors start going up. Good psychology too as people tend to buy more during these months leading up to Christmas.
Probably @FilthyWhore, “The Filthy Whore of Christmas.”
At least we can agree on the one and only and always Christmas Witch.And who really cares about anything else.Just remember, Aubry Plaza is The Reason For The Season (of The Witch).
Colbert is such an unfunny piece of shit. Pretty impressive how he made his show so shitty he loses the ratings war to Greg Gutfeld and Jimmy Fallon. Unfunny, lazy, hack.
What a sad, hateful little bubble you live in if you believe any of that shit.
lol Colbert is shit. You are stupid, old, and lame to defend his unwatchable shitty show.
What current comedy do you actually like?
All those pornos your mom is in. Always makes me laugh.
From Forbes:“FNC’s Gutfeld! also made history, finishing the year as television’s second highest-rated show in late night, behind only CBS’ The Late Show with Stephen Colbert. The show delivered an average total audience of 2.045 million viewers and 345,000 viewers in the key demo.”You also realize that non-asshole audience is divided between the Jimmys and Colbert.
Oh, Stfu! Mariah is Mariah, tittle of ‘Christmas Queen’ or not. It would be better for a drag queen anyway, And Christmas year round? Too much, why dont both of you show proof of income on exactly how much you each make on Christmas, thar should settle it. Then runner up can be Holiday Queen, or Snow queen. Or something.
I don’t know anything about this feud, but Carey was just on Colbert literally bemoaning the “Queen of Christmas” moniker. What an obnoxiously haughty hypocrite.
She likely figured she could get away with it because no one watches Colbert except for friendless losers.
That’s why he’s number 1.
She can still use it… she just can’t trademark it.
These has-beens’ are so fake…Keep in mind as they speak that this is who they still support…
ive not heard of her until this article, but totally support stopping mariah. i’m a mariah fan but you can’t trademark things like that. it’s fascinating to read Chan just makes christmas music. i wonder if she explores different genres through a christmas lense.
In the Queen of Christmas War, the children, the innocents, suffer the most.
Just wait until the King of Christmas wars begin.
Elizabeth Chan? Never heard of you, sweetheart. Whatever drag-queen-mall-muzak-soundtrack hell you came from, go back there. Mariah is iconic. You’re only worthy of mockery, as Willam so deftly proves…(If you’ve never fallen down the Willam Belli Beatdown rabbithole, do. It’s frequently “oh my god” and “did she just say she wanted to get dirty with pigs?”)
Makes me think of the “war” on Christmas. It amuses me because there is no real war, no reason to be offended. Yet the same people mocking conservatives over this will get triggered over the song “baby it’s cold outside”.
There’s only ever been ONE Queen of Christmas, Mariah, and SHE was a fucking virgin.