For weeks we were warned that this nation was in no way prepared for the havoc the coronavirus pandemic will rain upon us, and guess what? We really probably should have listened to those warnings more closely. We know things are getting really unpredictable, with every day’s news cycle throwing us more curveballs than we can handle, but, folks, yesterday might have been the day that finally broke us.
It began with a single image that, upon the slightest bit of examination, appeared to infer a truly dangerous turn in this pandemic saga:
We’re really, really hoping our eyes are deceiving us here, but that’s totally Governor Andrew Cuomo’s nipple piercing. Right?
Alternate theories have been offered to dispel this potentially cursed bit of information, the most convincing of which is that Gov. Cuomo innocently forgot to remove Band-Aids from his nipples after his morning run. But, even if this were the case, the phrase “Andrew Cuomo Nipple Chafe” is still at least a week’s worth of nightmare fuel.
For a deeper dive into this stomach-churning saga, tune into yesterday’s episode of Tim Heidecker’s Office Hours, in which he and co-host Vic Berger break down one of the year’s grossest mysteries.
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54 Comments
The man is trying to save New York! If it takes nipple rings and an 8 G Prince Albert, I say we all pitch in and get them in platinum.
Yeah, I think the most important thing on the minds of the people of the Empire State right now is not Andrew Cuomo’s piercings.
Yes, we should focusing on the piercings of his poor infected brother, Chris. Priorities, people!
Bad-ass as they may be.
he’s trying to save new york while refusing to concede his cuts to medicaid, which is why the federal gov is withholding aid from the state. he sucks. just because he speaks in clear sentences and uses actual facts doesn’t mean he’s a good governor.
“I’m just tryin’ to save Gotham! Why is everyone so concerned with our nipples?!”
Ew, Andrew.
I can’t believe I used to recommend this site to people….
Me too.
Is that self-reflection/admission of guilt/cry for help, or do my eyes deceive me?Just in case: fuck Jim Spanfeller and his GMG crooks.
It’s me fighting snark with snark.
I don’t think Joeento was being snarky, but well: shame.
Am I doing it right?
Hashtag
Yup i agree, they have become real trash. Writing hit pieces time and time again.
This post makes me miss Gawker.
Keep performatively posting about it, that’ll show ‘em.
We’re fucking idiots
FFS Gizmodo… When will you starting to talk about Kardashians or whatever those things are called?I’m done.. fuck this site!
It’s pretty clearly tape.
Thousands of people are dying right now, but you thought about writing an article about pierced nipples. Fuck off, retard.
Dude, relax, how fragile are you?
At the moment, pretty fragile.
And in other Cuomo family news:https://www.independent.co.uk/news/world/americas/chris-cuomo-coronavirus-cnn-test-positive-covid-19-a9439021.html
Or maybe some benign cancerous tumor that needs some privacy. Boomer problems.
I don’t care. I’m into it. Salt’n’Pepper Daddy with a competent, empathetic yet authoritative tone? BUT also with a kinky side? (he’s a politician, they’ve all got their kinks) – Yes Sir! lemme tweak ‘em!
Where are your priorities over there? Please take this down and try again.
This site turned into complete garbage so gradually I didn’t even notice. Embarrassing article.
It’s like an old school Gawker article but without any funny…
It’s pretty clear that GMG intended AV Club to replace Gawker. And that hasn’t worked out too well
Yeah it’s some kind of stupid Cronenberg hybrid now.
There it is; that’s the perfect metaphor for current AV Club.
I thought it was pretty apt myself, thanks!
Hahahaha. How long have you been reading the AV Club? Like 6 months? Remember when it was part of The Onion? get right the fuck outta here ya dingbat
It really wasn’t that gradual.
Like boiling a frog?
The first time I watched this scene I was floored by Tom Hank’s performance;Upon a second viewing I noted how big Tom’s nipples are and now I can’t unsee it!
Must’ve been cold. But wow what an actor.
Hanks was on set using ice cubes on his nips and then Olivier came over and said “Dear boy, why don’t you try acting?”
Have you never seen CastAway? He’s shirtless for like half the movie.
As upsidedownfunnel said, ‘Must’ve been cold.’
Plus, he was in Bosom Buddies, that should tell you something.
Yeah, you should see Scolari’s nipples!
Nah, he’s just got rottweiler nipples.
So this is what so called “editors” do when they’re stuck at home.
No one cares.
uhh Maybe Suspenders?
Just man boobs.
He looks pretty fresh for a post-run presser, so presumably he took a quick shower to rinse the sweat off. Did he not notice the anti-chafe band aids then? If not, then there is only one conclusion….
yup, he’s got a bar thru each nip.
Talk about hysterical and sex-negative, there’s nothing “gross” or “stomach-churning” about this man, or any other man having a nipple piercing.
Got a snapshot of that last week.
I’ve had to interact with the guy a few times. They are bars (see image below). Both are pierced. He is an odd guy who is surprisingly charismatic in person.
They are nipples–so by definition–shouldn’t they be pierced?