Contrary to what a bunch of self-interested and/or delusional ghouls might want you to think, the endless 2020 election cycle has, at last, come to an end. (Unless you live in Georgia and/or care about wresting control of the Senate from the slowly decomposing hands of Mitch McConnell!) We recently learned that Vermont releases every single write-in vote for President, thanks to a tweet from Boston.com’s Nik DeCosta-Klipa, and as it happens at least four Vermont voters think that Willie Nelson should Make America A Place Where Willie Nelson Smokes Weed On The Roof Of The White House Again.
Weed is already legal in Vermont, with recreational sales slated to begin in 2022, so it’s not just a weed thing—the people just love Willie. But his is not the only famous name on the list. Let’s break this down, from most predictable to least.
Other living political figures
Unsurprisingly, Bernie Sanders, one of the state’s Senators, racked up the lion’s share of write-in votes. The state’s Republican governor, Phil Scott, also got quite a few, as did former governor Jim Douglas. Other Not-Trump/Not-Bidens (more of the former than the latter) include Tulsi Gabbard, Mitt Romney, Andrew Yang, John Kasich, Pete Buttigieg, Andrew Cuomo, Condoleezza Rice, Charlie Baker, Nikki Haley, Michelle Obama, Marco “I drink water like a normal human” Rubio, James Mattis, Amy Klobuchar, Ron Paul, Ted “not the Zodiac killer” Cruz, Ralph Nader, Tim Scott, Hillary Clinton, Nina Turner, performance artist/independent Vermin Supreme, Lindsey Graham, George Bush, and Ben Carson, to name a few. Also, a single lonely vote for Al Gore.
Also, Mike Fucking Pence. Really?
One dead President
Hey, Vermont: you decide to write in someone who was already President and is also deceased, and you go with Dwight D. Eisenhower? Four of you did this? Why?
Dr. Anthony Fauci
He’s on the list a few times, actually. Dr. Fauci – 4 votes. Dr. Anthony Fauci – 2 votes. Tony Fauci – 2 votes. Please, let the man just be an expert in his field. He doesn’t need to be President or an object of collective thirst.
Other famous people
Six people wrote in Oprah Winfrey. Five wrote in (ugh) Mike Rowe. Three picked Tom Brady. Tom Brady still sucks, go Lions.
Okay, sure
Attention, two people who wrote in “VANELLOP VON SWEET”: Did you mean Vanellope von Schweetz of Wreck-It Ralph, the bona-fide Disney Princess voiced by Sarah Silverman? Because that is… very specific. Santa Claus got a vote as well. That one sort of makes sense if you assume Santa is real, because he’s got magical fucking powers and that seems like it might be useful in the coming months. And there are a bunch of names on here that we can’t connect with anything in particular, but you should know that someone wrote in “CHEDDAR STUMP,” and if you are that someone, we’d love to know what you meant.
Joe Biden won Vermont by a wide, wide margin, so these four votes for Willie didn’t hurt him. Neither did the one vote for “DISMANTLE TWO PARTY SYSTEM.” And if you’re wondering why Kanye’s not on this list:
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23 Comments
(ugh) Mike RoweI’m afraid to ask, but what’s the problem with Mike Rowe?
I think people bag on Rowe because he’s a Republican.
Personally, I bag on him because he spent most of his show’s runtime not actually doing much of the actual dirty job in question and generally making a nuisance of himself.
Because he’s a Republican, although he tries to remain mostly apolitical. But his main sin is going on Fox News shows to talk about his book or the working class. They like him a lot because he’s well-spoken, appears to be intelligent, doesn’t think celebrity endorsements (including his) should carry any weight, and doesn’t take himself too seriously. Basically the opposite of a Trump republican.
A decent amount of reasons, ranging from his advocating a “bootstrap” mentality to some other shit I’m sure I’m forgetting and don’t care about because he’s Mike fucking Rowe.I dig one thing he does: he talks about how the “college is the ONLY way forward” system is bullshit, and I agree. But that’s, like, five papers’ worth of material.
He’s not wrong in the broadest sense, but it’s intellectually dishonest to complain about the issue without talking about how the value of those jobs has been degraded by a century-long war on unionization and the billionaire-funded transition of the U.S. into a gig economy. Some skilled tradespeople are able to make a decent living just because their jobs have become so stigmatized that not enough people want to do them, but having half of Congress shitting on the guy cleaning grease traps for wanting to be paid a decent wage is a much bigger problem than the fact that it’s “dirty.”
He also really hates OSHA, which is pretty at odds with his persona as a champion of the working man.
Fair points!
I hear he’s soft.
“what’s the problem with Mike Rowe?”Because he’s…Mike Rowe?Just sayin’
I think people just like making fun of his Mike Rowe penis.
I see that Kanye barely beat out the up-and-coming Grumpy Old Patriots party.
Fess up. Who voted for Kodos? I just want to know who not to blame.
The write-in jokes and messages are fine in places such as California and Vermont, but if you’re in a swing state, please don’t do it.
Did all 4 people who wrote in Eisenhower actually spell his name wrong?
Distant cousin of Rutger Hauer.
And Doogie Eisenhouser, M.D.
Tord Sandwich
I don’t know yet how many Texans voted for Willie this year, but only 90 did in 2016. That’s sad. If there was a year for Willie to win Texas, that was it.T: Then there were the lighthearted write-ins. Some version of “giant meteor” or “giant asteroid” got about 8 votes. That includes the very particular “sweet meteor of death.” And someone in Harris County just went with a “bag of tarantulas.” Someone in Dallas County didn’t mince words and wrote, “Fuck the whole lot.” But Travis County, which includes Austin, seemed to have the most f-bombs. Two people there wrote “fuck you,” two more wrote “go fuck yourself” and another threw in a “go fuck yourself America” for good measure.
i seriously want to know more about this “Cheddar Stump” thing. i mean, cheddar, sure — who doesn’t love cheese? but what is a cheddar stump? and how did two separate people both think of it to write it in?
Interestingly, it is NOT something entirely random:
https://indianapublicmedia.org/eartheats/cheddar-family-tree-ag-absent-stump-chocolate-torte.phpI guess dairy farmers were pissed-off in the 2016 elections because neither of the candidates considered farming a major plank of their platform; hence the phrase “Cheddar Stump,” which means the candidates didn’t “stump” on “cheddar.”Fun thing to learn, although we know at least two asshole dairy farmers in Texas are bitching because there’s too many other crises going on right now.
Willie would be pretty formidable as a President. I, for one, would neither boss him or cross him.
He should have run in 2016; he already had Georgia on His Mind.
Damn Kanye got a full 0.34% in Vermont, just below the Green Party and just above the Grumpy Old Patriots. Wait a second, what the hell is that?