Happy May the Fourth: Chewbacca is on the run after stabbing a guy in New Orleans
Aux Features Chewbacca
It’s May the 4th—Star Wars Day—but it’s not all fun and new Disney+ releases. Sadly, an unfortunate pallor hangs over this year’s festivities that is limiting the amount of actual celebration… oh, not COVID-19, though. No one apparently gives a shit about that now. No, many are still grappling with a beloved Resistance member’s recent fall from grace. Didn’t hear about it? Well, allow us to be the bearers of unfortunate news from a galaxy far, far away: New Orleans.
A little over a week ago, the New Orleans Police Department issued an alert for local residents to be on the lookout for Chewbacca after the Wookiee reportedly knifed a guy not far from Bourbon Street in the French Quarter.
Or, at least, someone who looks a helluva lot like Chewie. On April 24, the NOPD reported an “aggravated battery by cutting” in which “a street performer… reportedly stabbed the victim with a knife after a verbal disagreement. Police went on to add that, while the man’s Chewbacca head fell off during the fight, the suspect’s identity remains unknown. Unfortunately, no further details are available at this time, and given the fuzzball’s extensive list of abetters, we’re not sure if he’ll ever be brought to justice.
Anyway. Happy May the Fourth, everyone!
[via BoingBoing]
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31 Comments
The victim should have let the wookie win.
That’s victim-blaming and you are laser-brain nerfherder garbage!
Never thought of Chewie as “stabby”, he’s more “rip your arms off”-y.
Maybe stabbing is what they do when they win.
Time to celebrate like a Wookie!
When equipped with a sharp object, a Wookiee will usually not stab anyone, though they May hew.
Not quite the same Big Red No from the past, but this will suffice.
It’s May the 4th—Star Wars Day…Well in Newport Beach, it’s actually Cinco de Cuatro today.
Rebel scum.
There would be no stabbings if we used this day to honor all things Audrey Hepburn. Only delightful breakfasts and rides on Vespas. Okay there might be a few stabbings, but they would be in self defense.
“And I said, WELL that’s. ONE THING WE GOT”doo-doo-doo doo-doo doo-doo doo-doo…
And racist Japanese caricatures
This is not the May forth news I was looking for. A news I hoped for was like Jedi coming back in the Obi-one show or on an empire stike force counter-attacking in the Bad Batch.
Operator: “911, what’s your emergency?”Caller: “My friend just got stabbed…by Chewbacca!”Operator: [dial tone]
“Sir, what is your location?”“…We’re fine. We’re all fine here, now. Thank you… How are you?”
Well, I asked him three times to please lock in the auxiliary power; maybe I got a little testy, but the next thing I know he jams a hydro spanner all the way up my thorax!
Who stabbed first?
I stabbed the sheriff, but I did not stab the deputy.
Billy mack was a bounty hunter from CoruscantYou know he knows just exactly what the facts is
He ain’t gonna let that Wookie escape justice
He makes his livin’ off of the people’s taxes
Chewbacca, whoa, whoa, he slipped away
Han Solo caught up to him the very next day
They livin’ it up at the Mos Eisley cantina…..
I saw a wookie stabbin’ down on Bourbon Street,And his hair was perfect.
I think it was McClunkey.
As someone who lived in New Orleans for 2 years, you’d be hard pressed to find a NOLA resident who hadn’t stabbed a fellow or two.
Same, taught there for several years as a trade between universities, I cannot tell you how many students I taught that had been in genuine assaults due to bourbon street and just the culture down there. (You can guess I didn’t teach at Tulane… >.>)
Looks like all the good riffs are taken already.
“I won’t get too loose, on Toulouse Street,
I’ll fight all the Wookies that I meet”
Man, Chewie’s gone down a dark road since he lost Han.
Appropriate:
I blame the owner. Han Solo should have known that breed gets high strung and aggressive around loud noises and crowds.
The red lightsaber suggests this Wookiee has gone over to the dark side.
“Stab it, Chewey!”