In the paranoid world of Lifetime movies, a Psycho lurks around every corner
Image: Graphic: The A.V. ClubScreenshot: Lifetime Movie Club/Hulu TV Features Once In A Lifetime
White suburban paranoia that they are coming to destroy everything you love isn’t just the cornerstone of the modern Republican party—it’s also a staple of Lifetime movies. Lifetime’s cinematic coffers overflow with unstable obsessives out to ruin lives, all driven by no more complicated a motive than raging jealousy over a wholesome routine of church picnics, cutesy signs from HomeGoods, and weekly missionary with the lights off. A simple keyword search for every lying boyfriend’s favorite insult for a woman who wasn’t willing to put up with his shit anymore turns up more than a dozen titles, each evoking a different phase of life and level of intimacy: Psycho BFF. Psycho Ex-Girlfriend. Psycho Daughter. Psycho Granny. Psycho In-Law. Psycho Mother-In Law. Psycho Brother-In-Law. Engaged To A Psycho. Psycho Nurse. My Daughter’s Psycho Friend. Psycho Prom Queen. InstaPsycho. Psycho Yoga Instructor. Psycho Escort. Psycho Stripper. Psycho Party Planner. Psycho Wedding Crasher. The Psycho She Met Online.
That all of this is wildly stigmatizing towards people with mental illnesses—especially widely misunderstood diagnoses like borderline personality disorder and bipolar disorder—is so obvious that it barely needs to be stated. And to be fair to the writers and directors, Lifetime does have a habit of changing the titles of films it acquires for maximum salaciousness. (Psycho Granny’s original title was Lineage Of Lies, for example.)
It’s a revealing detail, one that bolsters the argument for Lifetime as the female-driven, at-home grindhouse of today—as does the network pairing with notorious schlockmeisters The Asylum for Psycho BFF, a.k.a American Psychos. Like those now-romanticized cinematic trash heaps of yesterday, Lifetime is driven by quick-and-dirty productions and cheap thrills. And much as exploitation producers of the 1970s appealed to the violent fantasies of men who were—consciously or subconsciously—both titillated and threatened by women’s liberation, so do Lifetime executives lure in middle- and upper-middle-class white women primed by American exceptionalism to believe that their lifestyles are the envy of the world.
But although the paranoia that fuels this particular subcategory of Lifetime movies mirrors the fear that drives American conservatism, the network’s motives don’t appear to be political in nature. In classic huckster fashion, they’re just taking advantage of the cultural moment. Also like ’70s exploitation, the content of these films very much reflects our particular moment, constructing a centrist version of contemporary white womanhood where people of color are accepted, if they stick to a narrow range of subservient roles (Lifetime movies are rife with the “Black best friend” stereotype); where sexuality is celebrated, if it stays within committed, monogamous parameters (interestingly, both the Psycho Stripper and Psycho Escort are male sex workers obsessed with female clients); and where ambition is encouraged, as long as it doesn’t overshadow motherhood (or else your kid might run away with My Daughter’s Psycho Friend while you’re at work). Similar to the Black best friend who exists only to support the white protagonist, characters of lower socioeconomic status are also relegated to marginal roles—indeed, the terror in many of these films revolves around hired help, like a nanny or a home care worker, overstepping their “place.”
This topicality may be why, amid all the winking and nudging, glimmers of therapy culture shine through in some of these films, much like the checklists of red flags dramatized in Lifetime movies about domestic abusers. In the 2018 French-Canadian production Psycho Ex-Girlfriend (a.k.a. Twisted), for example, the lead character, Kara (Elisabeth Harnois), is a counselor. And all of her responses to the reappearance of her fiancé Tyler’s (Morgan Kelly) newly sober sexpot ex Elle (Kimberly-Sue Murray) in their lives are by the book.
She keeps a detailed log of their every encounter, in order to facilitate a restraining order down the road. She shows up herself when Elle calls Tyler in the middle of the night, claiming to have swallowed a lethal dose of prescription medication. She offers to treat Elle as a patient in order to save dopey Tyler the emotional work of confronting Elle, which is really just above and beyond. (It’s not as baffling as the scene where Kara flips through a blank kitten calendar, pausing to chuckle at a particularly cute cat, though.) None of that stops Elle from crashing through the window of Kara’s kitchen with an axe like a slasher villain just prior to the film’s very confusing ending, but this is a movie, after all.
Although fascinating to contemplate, the politics of Lifetime’s Psycho movies are easier to set aside than in the evil-husband ones, not least because of the absurdity of the circumstances. An abusive spouse is a depressing reality; a party planner who becomes obsessed with your teenage daughter while planning her a lavish Sweet 16 party paid for by money from the art gallery you own? Well, first you’d have to own your own art gallery, wouldn’t you? That leads us to Psycho Party Planner (2020), a film that knows its premise is ridiculous, its performances over the top, and its twists visible from space. The art, meanwhile, is hipper than you might think for set decoration in a Lifetime movie, but just slightly.
In fact, you might be forgiven for thinking that you’re watching a different type of schlock altogether—specifically, one of the cheap, campy gay-themed comedies that used to play on Logo on Saturday afternoons. (Think the Eating Out series.) Our heroine Kayla’s (Lindsey McKeon) himbo husband Jason (Marco Dapper), whose wardrobe contains nary a sleeve, only enhances that impression, as does a chihuahua named Cher and the stereotypically gruff drill-team coach (who turns out to be straight, because this is a Lifetime movie). And what else do you call lines of dialogue like these, if not camp?:
“Yeah, I know. Ugh, he’s so ugly. I gotta go.” (Hangs up phone)
“Anyway, the reason that I stopped by is to tell you that I think you need to be very careful around your party planner.”
“Did she say why?” “She’s crazy!”
“Ask my dead husband about that!”
Prolific TV bit player Chasty Ballesteros also deserves a shoutout for her committed performance as kooky assistant Shonda, but what really carries the film over the top and down the other side is Katrina Begin’s performance as Lindy Shores, the party planner of the title. Taken more seriously, Lindy’s tactics veer uncomfortably close to those of a pedophile—halfway through, she’s getting Kayla’s 15-year-old daughter Kerry (Cathryn Dylan) drunk at her house. But Begin plays the role like a Kaitlin Olson character, popping up from behind hedges and from the other side of restaurant patios with wild eyes and exaggerated movements as the camera gleefully swooshes around her. There’s no missing it when her character lies, because her face falls from a plastic smile to a sour scowl like an animatronic being shut off as soon as no one’s looking.
In fact, the watchability of a Lifetime Psycho movie is directly related to the commitment of the actress playing the film’s villain, as well as the commitment of the director to the film’s inevitable turn into a horror movie in its third act. (Otherwise, you’re just sitting around looking for humorous details, like the kitten calendar in Psycho Ex-Girlfriend and the Jell-O product placement in Psycho BFF.) The best of these films go all the way with slasher-movie style opening kills and codas set in mental hospitals, like the hard turn into horror that is Psycho Granny (2019).
The plot is as WTF as you might expect, but director Rebekah McKendry embraces all the fun parts of watching horror, opening with a macabre family dinner and peppering the action with jump scares and shots of the title character looming in the background like a slasher villain stalking her prey. That would be Robin Riker, a soap-opera and sitcom actress who did her time in the B-horror trenches with 1980’s Alligator, starring here as serial predator Colleen. Colleen’s whole thing is targeting vulnerable women like Samantha (Brooke Newton), convincing them she’s their long-lost grandmother, and plying them with New Age naturopathic bullshit until she’s got them under her Psycho spell.
In the end, what saves Samantha is a robust network of female friends, including a friend of a friend who works at some sort of government agency where she can access both Samantha’s mother’s adoption records (fake) and Colleen’s criminal record (long and full of felonies). That’s in marked contrast to the heroines of Psycho Ex-Girlfriend and Psycho Party Planner, whose support systems are thin and who rely on their guts to tell them that this new woman in their lives is bad news (until the Psycho’s Fatal Attraction-style antics reach critical mass, of course). It’s also fairly unusual for Lifetime movies, which for much of their 30-year-history have provided endless variations on the theme of “a mother’s intuition”saving the day. But even that can’t stop your kids from going bad—as we’ll find out next time.
33 Comments
I mean hey, it happens, it’s entertaining, it’s Lifetime’s thing. Try not to worry too much about it; we’ve got other stuff to worry about beyond whether your soap opera movies have too many jealous psychos for your liking.
Universal kept its monster franchises going by throwing its characters together for big showdowns, and I think Lifetime should take a cue from Frankenstein Meets the Wolf Man and make movies like Psycho Granny Meets the Psycho Party Planner.Psycho Granny could hire the Psycho Party Planner to throw a party for her adopted teenaged granddaughter, Psycho Party Planner becomes obsessed with the adopted granddaughter, triggering a battle with Psycho Granny who has her own designs on the teen. The teen gets caught in the middle and can’t get anyone to believe she has not only one psycho after her but two, and is saved when her real mother arrives on the scene…This stuff practically writes itself.
Eric Roberts just got a boner and is calling his agent.
Or the psycho wedding planner hires psycho stripper. While the psycho ex husband, best friend ,granny mother in law and brother wreak havoc on the big day. Bonus there’s also a psycho Reverend and catterer. Basically the only normal people would be the bride and groom.
Someone recently did a ‘psycho-meets-psycho’ series and it was a hoot. ‘Psychopath Diaries’ involved an office schlub who loses his memory and somehow convinces himself he must be a psycho killer in disguise. Then a real psycho killer meets him and get a man-crush on him because he thinks they’re kindred spirits.
Try as I may, I am unable to see Yoon Shi Yoon as anyone but Enrique from Flower Boy Next Door. That generally works OK for his comedies, but less well for the dramas.
That sounds like something I would like. I have recently discovered the micro-genre of hit man in love black comedies is like catnip. Pity I have only found two good ones so far.
Psycho Granny hires Psycho Party Planner to plan a risque 21st birthday party for her victim, and they hire Psycho Stripper. Her psycho dad crashes the party, and the poor woman has to turn to her psycho Bff for help.
All they need to do is follow the model set by Syfy or really kaiju movies.
Totally agree with ‘practically writes itself’. I was a little disappointed not to see Psycho Therapist in the list of titles, but it would be easy enough to do. A woman is having some problems with depression or something, so she decides to see a therapist. They’re relatively new in town, but they seem very pleasant to talk to and have reasonable rates(Singular they used in this case because it’s a unisex role). As she talks to her therapist, they decide that they need to insinuate themselves into her life, in a way that makes her a little uncomfortable, so she tries to set boundaries. Turns out, they’re a psycho! And they use the intimate knowledge of her life to manipulate her into a controlling relationship of some sort. She looks up the therapist and finds that they moved away from their old town after the questionable and high-profile suicide of one of their patients. The protagonist ends up having to talk to her friends, whom the Psycho therapist has isolated her from, and tell them a lot of truths about what’s been going on with her. With their help and the power of female friendship, they turn the tables on the Psycho Therapist…who gets away and leaves town to start fresh in a new state for Psycho Therapist 2:Prescription Boogaloo.Maybe it’s because it’s 6AM but this sounds just as reasonable as any of the movies described in the article.
So THAT’s what Trump was referring to when he mentioned Person Woman Man Camera TV!
The most recent Best Picture winner was about the hired help turning out to be not only sneaky liars but also a threat. Which is why it appealed to the upper class.Lucky McKee’s most recent film, Kindred Spirits, sounds like it would fit within this genre. I could have seen its premiere at Cinepocalypse, but instead I chose to see Pollyanna McIntosh’s feature directorial debut, Darlin’, which seemed like the film she could get the funding to make rather than one she actually wanted to. Both Lucky & Polly were there for the Q&A afterward though.
Holy shit, i completely forgot that Lucky McKee existed. Surprised he is still around and making movies. He seemed to basically disappear after “May.”
He certainly peaked early, but “The Woman” was successful enough for McIntosh to direct a sequel.Ti West didn’t peak quite so early, although he’s still mostly known for House of the Devil (and, to a lesser extent, The Innkeepers). I’ve been wondering recently when he’d make another feature, as he’s just been directing TV in recent years. Lucky hasn’t done that, but he might benefit from it.
MarVista entertainment, the production company behind Kindred Spirits, often produces Lifetime movies. The movie itself was…a little clever? Darlin’ was heavily dependant on the previous movie.
The three movies in that series are all supposed to be relatively independent. I watched The Woman without ever seeing Offspring (or reading the Jack Ketchum novel, or its predecessor in Off Season) and thought that stood apart decently on its own. With Darlin’, a nightmare scene was originally conceived with Sean Bridgers in it, but he was replaced with the priest character because people wouldn’t understand if they hadn’t seen the previous film (I myself didn’t entirely understand the scene when I watched it).
That Lucky McKee movie is literally a Lifetime movie
Has it actually aired on Lifetime?
I don’t have cable but it’s one of the movies in my Lifetime movie subscription thing. Also, I heard an interview with him and he talked specifically about it being a Lifetime movie.
You know what I really love about these films – apart from the punchable faces of the cast? The fact that no matter who the character is, they all live in a picture-perfect showhome. McMansion of the highest gold standard. And their teeth! So perfect! So white!
I only watch for the balloon glasses of wine, sexy sleepwear, pretty McMansions, stainless steel kitchens, the big knife, pulling up police records on your laptop, onscreen text bubbles, the sassy POC bestie, and for the SIX MONTHS LATER. Also for clues that ‘Philadelphia’ or ‘Seattle’ are being filmed in Canada, and how much work the stars have had done on them. I am rarely disappointed.
They did get some good establishing shots of Philly and a lifetime (whoa!) supply of PA license plates not long ago, so that’s always fun.
I worked from home pre-COVID and still obviously do, and Lifetime movies are my constant background noise. Yes, they are camp and hilarious. Some are terrible, but most are pretty fun and well acted. Also: They are always women led, always pass the Bechdel test, typically relegate men to very supporting roles, always, always involve the female protagonist saving herself (or daughter, or family) – by her smarts and/or strength, never involve a man saving the day, and perhaps my absolute favorite quality: Despite how dark, nasty and twisted the plots are — they NEVER involve sexual violence against women. Ever. I also like to think that I’m supporting an industry that provides a decent amount of financial stability to a lot of female actresses that would be unlikely to get a steady gig in mainstream Hollywood (which we all know hires a lot more men than women for typical fare). Lifetime movies use the same pool of 100-200 actresses, lots of whom are in their 30s, 40s, 50s and older, who would be considered over the hill in Hollywood. So I actually think Lifetime movies are pretty fantastic. Currently watching Death of a Cheerleader for the 5th time….
Someome said it uppostLifetime movies are very female geared. The women are almost always independent. It shows positive female relationships, and women are always saving themselves. I wish they had more black leads but I get to root for women. They have gotten better with a decrease is gratuitous death. And Vivica A.Fox has built her empire from Lifetime…
I had the most complicated Who’s-on-First-esque conversation with my girlfriend the other day about the Vivica A. Fox movies since they’re all The Wrong…[Insert Word here]. I kept trying to explain that I’d just seen that Fox did her 18th movie in The Wrong franchise, when I’d told her recently there had been at least 12. “Wait, so you were wrong about what the movies were?” “No, they’re still The Wrong franchise, but she did 18.” “So it wasn’t Lifetime?” “I mean The Wrong movie franchise.”
This went on for some time.
But who was on first?
Lifetime is like our version of Kabuki theater..very stylized and over the top..and completely predictable.
The best thing about the movies is that the whole plot is right there in the title.! NO nasty surprises!
I don’t watch often, but when I visit my Mom, her aides like Lifetime and I catch a movie here and there. They’re kind of fun!
What about Psycho Dad? Who’s that riding into the sun.Who’s the man with the itchy gun.Who’s the man who kills for fun!Psycho Dad. Psycho Dad. Psycho Dad!He sleeps with a gun, but he loves his son.Killed his wife ‘cause she weighed a ton…Psycho Dad!
My mom gets pissed any time someone mixes up Lifetime and Hallmark movies for this reason, as if the murder of the week stuff has any relation to that [Ultra White Christmas] channel. Course, I personally think they BOTH suck donkey balls but for very different reasons.
I get pissed, too! The other day someone was talking about Lifetime movies about domestic abuse and someone else responded with “wow, that’s interesting since obviously when mentioning Lifetime movies, most people would think of the rom-coms!” What rom-coms??
I dreamed a Lifetime psycho movie once. It was years ago, but I think I remember the basics of the plot. My best friend died and I married her widower, mainly so I could raise her two kids for her. The nanny (I think) framed me for her murder and I went on trial. My husband believed I was guilty and when I was acquitted, I remember facing him in the court room and telling him he blew it. When I woke up, my first thought was “That would make a great Lifetime movie.” Part of me still thinks I should have written it down and tried to sell it to them.
TANYA!
I don’t know sounds like everything the protestors down the street are yelling about to me. Some evil bogeyman (because it has to be a man women are too stunning and wonderful to ever do wrong a d those few who do are just brainwashed by men) who spends all his time planning on keeping them down for generation upon generation.