Star athlete Joey Chestnut overcomes injury, COVID, and protester to defend hot dog eating record
Chestnut won the Nathan's Hot Dog Eating contest for the 15th time by downing 63 dogs in 10 minutes
Aux Features Joey Chestnut
Warrior poet and American athletic icon Joey “Jaws” Chestnut has once again shown the world that he is not to be messed with. In past years, he’s been content to intimidate pigs, cows, chickens, and, presumably, raccoon anuses through heroic displays of processed meat devouring at the annual July 4th weekend Nathan’s Hot Dog Eating contest.
This year, while defending the championship title, Chestnut branched out a bit further to demonstrate that it’s not just slaughterhouse refuse that falls before him, but also any distraction that might arise from an injured leg, COVID recovery, or animal rights protesters.
The first two entries to the above list were immediately conquered by Chestnut as he emerged onto the field of meat battle on a pair of crutches, resolute in purpose despite a leg injury and recent bout with COVID. After being raised up both metaphorically and literally with help from the Nathan’s announcer and a rising platform, Chestnut looked upon his domain, raised a fist, and set out to show his subjects why he still deserves to be hailed as the reigning King Of Emulsified Animal Leftovers.
The first drips of hot pig juice had hardly cooled on his lips when a protester ran out onto the stage wearing a Darth Vader mask and holding a sign that read, “EXPOSE SMITHFIELD’S DEATH STAR.”
Chestnut, blood fired with the salted ghosts of so many dead animals, had no time for the protester’s attempt to call factory farming and the celebration of its results into question. The hot dog champ grabbed the protester in a chokehold, dropped them to the ground, and, untroubled by this act of rebellion, immediately began stuffing more wet meat tubes into his insatiable maw.
In the end, Chestnut won the contest by hammering down a total of 63 wieners in 10 minutes. This number falls short of the record he set last year—76 dogs swallowed—but it’s still a stellar example of what one man can do with only grit, determination, and a refusal to entertain complaints about industrial meat farming driving him forward.
No greater celebration of American might exists than this display of power. As the empire cracks, Chestnut remains unbreakable. As the very Earth itself buckles under our weight, he stands tall. His vision is clear and his purpose is never in doubt. Every problem is a hot dog. The only solution is to eat it.
[via Vulture]
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43 Comments
Nothing suggestive about that.
JC confronts issues better than cops in schools (watch the video…well worth 30 seconds of your time). Sigh. That joke is sadder than it is funny. But real talk, he dropped that protestor with a quickness. And I doubt eating dozens of hot dogs is “performance enhancing” but what an unexpected performance (not advocating for/against JC or protester…just an observation).
There are prts of the qorld that are starving (and in the US too), yet we have contests in America to see how much food you can shove into your face, and we have actual professional eating leagues.
There are prts of the qorld that can’t afford proper spelling.
Detestable. This country’s love affair with excess has already doomed us.
Pretty sure 10 minutes of a handful of people housing hotdogs represents about .000000000000000000000001% of the food wasted in this country on that day.
I know, I know, it is beautiful, isn’t it?
“Oh beautiful for greasy fries and plates of deep-fried meat…”
Parts of the world starving deserve better than hot dogs.
As we all do.
Hot dogs are awesome. Best food parts I ever had.
I mean we are all going to hell in a hand basket anyways. Might as well indulge ourselves with the little time we are allotted in this universe!
You feed a starving kid Hot Dogs and his colon would explode.
To be fair. Hot Dog barely qualify as food
It does, however, qualify as a sandwich.
Don’t start.
Well, if they’re starving, why don’t they just hold their own hot dog eating competitions?
I’m going to go out on a limb and suggest that the Nathan’s hot dog eating contest has exactly zero impact on global hunger.
1000x more food is thrown away because it is “unsellable” than anything that is wasted by eating contests. Probably significantly more than that.
I know you’re right but that ESPN special in 2019 was deeply fascinating in a Tiger King kind of way. And to be honest the announcer George Shea is the real star of these events.
This man is a goddamn…hold up….(vomits on shoes)….national treasure.Dare I say…..(projectile vomits on dashboard)…Hebrew National Treasure
Putting an animal rights protester in a headlock while you have multiple hotdogs in your mouth is very impressive
No comment on who is right or wrong here (JC/protestor). However…you are VERY right on that observation.
They’re took weak from their protein-deficient lifestyles. (Is joke. I know protein doesn’t only come from meat.)
But cholesterol does.
There are more layers to that five-second clip than I’ll even try to unpack here.
He’s an asshole. And good for the protestor for exposing that horrible farm.
More like “Every problem is a hot dog. The only solution is to choke it.”
Put this one on AVC merch.
or “choke ON it,” which is how we usually address our problems.
Hangry or he just likes fucking people up? He looks like he enjoys showing off his multi-tasking skills.
That and the dude bumped him. Hot dog contests may be wrong but Mr. Chestnut had no idea of the protester’s intent.
I wish they could descend upon MAGA domestic terrorist mass shooters as efficiently as they keep getting to animal rights protesters.
Big deal.I ate 64 hot dog sandwiches while reading this article.
I just had a Hot Dog Club Sandwich.
I’m glad this Chestnut guy has found his calling and hope he’s happy, but this is one of the more disgusting things to be good at.
A friend of mine is into competitive eating. He’s been in the Philly Wing Bowl, the fried mushroom eating competition in Kennett Square, probably some others. I think it’s gross and can’t possibly be good for you, but I try to be cool.
I hear the worst part is the after effects. You may be able to train your body to eat 60 hot dogs in ten minutes but no amount of training is ever going to get your body comfortable with digesting all that crap.
The whole thing sounds awful, top to bottom.
Getting it all to come back up instead doesn’t seem like a much better solution either.
I’ve always wondered how you discover you’re world-class at something like this. I mean this Chestnut guy isn’t a paragon of good health, but I don’t look at him and think “elite competitive eater.”His biggest rival has been a Japanese guy who weighs like 150 pounds.
Even if I could eat 60+ hotdogs, why would I ever want to? And then to do it year after year after year, oof.
Truly he is the THROAT GOAT