John Oliver enlists Danny DeVito to explain why DuPont’s been poisoning you with PFAs for 70 years
"I put something in your child!," says fake scientist DeVito, as he laughs, and laughs
TV News DuPont
Last Week Tonight’s John Oliver generally alternates between ruining your night by exposing issues both immediate and obvious (the looming threat from a white supremacist authoritarian cult led by a twice-impeached former reality show host and a racist fish stick heir), and just workaday insidious (ransomware, product integration, gross meats). Regardless, as Oliver put it on Sunday, you can count on HBO’s That Thing You Like Is Bad, With Saddy Longlegs (Last Week Tonight’s proposed original title) to send you off into the Monday work week with a little cloud of necessary but unwanted knowledge darkening your day.
This Sunday, it was the indisputable fact that your nonstick pans are killing you. Well, that’s too glib. What Oliver really wants you to know is that an entire class of thousands of chemicals called PFAs (or per- and polyfluoroalkyl substances) that coats everything from teflon pans to stain- and water-proofed clothing, to fast food packaging (at places like Chick-fil-A, Subway, and Starbucks) has been definitively linked to cancer, thyroid disorders, hypertension in pregnant people, ulcerative colitis, vaccine ineffectiveness, and lots more. Oh, and that the company chiefly responsible for the proliferation of non-stickiness in the world, DuPont, has known about these things for more than half a century and, due to toothless EPA enforcement and cartoonish capitalist villainy, has left the world’s people aswim in a hazardous chemical stew known colloquially to scientists as “devil’s piss.”
So, yeah, you are, as Oliver noted, “soaked in the devil’s piss right now, and not in a remotely hot way.” Sending us down the tainted sluiceway that is DuPont’s legacy of putting its bottom line way, way above such petty concerns as whether dumping uncountable amounts accumulating toxic chemicals into public waterways will straight-up murder people, Oliver showed how deeply we’re all in the nonstick pee. Oliver presented evidence of workers at PFA plants dying off at disproportionate rates, entire towns forced to sue because PFA-laden water has their kids testing at 100 times the already-alarming national average of PFAs in their blood, and people forced to rig up massive water filtration units (one lady calls hers “Megatron”) just so their tap water is slightly less cancer-y. (That last one courtesy of Wolverine Shoes, whose vaunted waterproofing brings with it a watershed-poisoning magic coating of the devil’s urine.)
Oliver wound up his segment with his traditional how-tos for those of us interested in, perhaps, not ingesting quite so much negligently manufactured and dumped non-stick death-juice. There’s a website that shows the level of PFAs in your town’s water, and Oliver suggests pressuring PFA-loving companies (in addition to the ones mentioned, add Patagonia, North Face, and Lululemon to your call list) to halt manufacture of PFA-coated products. But Oliver knows that what’s really going to fix any problem is Danny DeVito scaring the hell out of you, so Oliver enlisted the It’s Always Sunny In Philadelphia star to star in a commercial aping the style of a 1994 DuPont commercial that touted the miracle of PFAs. (Decades after DuPont knew full well that PFAs were a public health hazard.)
In the black-and-white, artily edited style of that long-ago corporate PR blitz, DeVito’s Cosby sweater-clad not-scientist extols the “DuPont magic” of PFA’s. “Teflon is not one thing,” brags DeVito, “It’s disease, sickness, and it’s fuckin’ everywhere!” Reminding viewers of PFAs’ ubiquity, DeVito’s proud PFA papa boasted, “The same chemicals that are in me, are in you, and even in your child,” before exclaiming (with some reverb for added Frank Reynolds terror-emphasis), “I put something in your child!”
66 Comments
Also, alcohol is in and out of the system and doesn’t contaminate long term. It’s a short-term poison.
“Too bad we weren’t!”
Dafuq is that?
I think he’s the drummer!
That’s what you think!My liver enzymes say otherwise, and I’ve been sober for almost forty years.
Wait, you mean there are people who are still trying to live longer?
No, I’m just not trying to suffer anymore while I live on this godforsaken planet
That parenthetical at the end of the penultimate paragraph makes me curious about how much they knew and how early and why they stuck with it to the point of extolling the virtues of a nonessential product on TV that could instead just be discontinued when they found out. Tobacco companies had a lot of science denial in their litigation, but at the end of the day, they were always selling an addictive product that there was a lot of demand for and had to just factor in the liability at some point.
Not only that, he puts it in Wolf Cola, too.
more sunny references please
As long as they keep that shit out of my Fight Milk, then I’m fine. I need my daily crowtein.
Courtesy of the Research division at Franks Fluids.
Danny DeVito is a national treasure. He should be on a postage stamp or something. Maybe have congress pass a law to put up his statute whenever they take one of those traitorous Confederates down. I’m just spit-balling here but something should be done.
Only if the statue is a statue of him crawling out of a sofa or maybe of him trapped in a coil at a playground.
He is completely fearless.
PFAs are currently classified as Group 2B carcinogens, which characterizes them as “possibly carcinogenic to humans”.
Glyphosate is a group 2A, which is “probable”.
Alcoholic Beverages are a Group 1, as in “oh yeah, definitely giving everyone cancer”. But we’re not talking about that, cause reasons.
Or, it might be that most people consider limited exposure a factor, which is the case with PFAs (occupational hazards seem to make up the majority of study participants).
Still, we’ll stay cool with the alcohol. No way the fine makers of White Claw are selling us basically a “Water laced with carcinogens”. That’d be evil.
(Not a teetotaller and generally not slamming John Oliver’s particular brand of selective outrage, just always enjoy the “there’s a carcinogen in my food, and it ain’t alcohol” schtick)
“just always enjoy the “there’s a carcinogen in my food, and it ain’t alcohol” schtick”
Maybe, instead of being an insufferable twat, you could actually R-E-A-D the article before being such a bleeding cunt.
The difference is people widely know about alc causing cancer and also have a choice to drink or not while PFAs are in everyones water supply and blood even if they dont want to partake.
I actually don’t think most people are aware that alcohol is a carcinogen, at least not on the level of tobacco. They may have heard that it’s linked to stomach and esophageal cancers, as I have, but I’ve never thought about it as a carcinogen, really.
Valid point, I might be falsely thinking its common knowledge and thats on me. I do remember when there was a big push to try to get a warning on all bottles kinda like cigarettes and thats when I found out. I think either way John wouldn’t have a full segment on it because the knowledge is out there and drinking is voluntary. Him mentioning it would help spread the knowledge but its not some cover up
As a cancer biologist myself, no, alcohol isn’t a carcinogen “on the level of tobacco”. It’s nowhere close to that. It ranks below obesity in terms of cancer risk factors. That doesn’t mean alcohol is great for you, but in terms of health problems it is more related to heart disease (and of course killing your liver over time as that’s the organ that has to detoxify it).
I suspect (correct me if I’m wrong of course!) that a lot of chemical-caused cancers are also more likely due to occupational exposure, and like alcohol are dose-dependent. So it’s not so much the question of “does it cause cancer” as “does it cause cancer at typical doses/exposures”. One could satirically report on the horrors of exposing kids to sunlight – a known carcinogen – but no one (to my knowledge) is suggesting children avoid all sun.
But yeah – abuse alcohol (key word is ‘abuse’) and you probably don’t live long enough to get cancer.
At any rate, none of seems to matter. I’ve listened to drunk people unironically talk about doing “detoxifying cleanses” the next day (your liver is trying to do that now, idiot), and anti-vaxxers who are concerned about cancer risks from vaccines (?), but have no clue about the contribution of viruses such as HPV, ‘cause reasons.
There are a few good movies about how Dupont poisoned more than a few factory towns in West Virginia, the Ohio River Valley, South Jersey etc.. One is a netflix documentary “The Devil We Know” and the other is a true life drama called “Dark Waters.” Dupont pulled pregnant workers off of the line on these factories starting in the 80’s, because in addition to being a carcinogen, exposure to PFAS causes some horrifying birth defects and leaches the calcium out of your body. The issue is that we generally don’t associate consuming tap water or well water with significantly increased chances of cancer, birth defects and turning your bones and teeth to dust.
My grandfather died of cancer and it was most likely associated with his alcoholism. People are always surprised when I tell them that. I wouldn’t say it’s that well-known as a carcinogen in particular.
Yea I must have been wrong. I heard it somewhere a long time ago and must have thought it was common knowledge
Yeah, that’s absolutely true. My point is only that people tend to be selectively outraged, like when trace amounts of glyphosate (RoundUp) was found in beer.
Or how many anti-vaxxers I know are heavy drinkers but worried about vaccines altering their DNA (they can’t of course, but alcohol can).
My in-law says she has gluten allergies and so do her 7 kids. She will wipe down a fast food counter and order individually wrapped buns but won’t get vaccinated or wear a mask. “If they vaccine works, why wear mask?” she said to me one day.
Also, alcohol offers the trade-off of short term fun and laughs (and flavor, if you’re buying the good stuff) in exchange for long-term mortality. PFAs in your bloodstream from poison tapwater leaching out of your local careless shoe factory has none of those perks!
Bacon and other cured meats also recently graduated to the “definitely cause cancer” category.
I wanna make a drink called “Devil’s Piss”; but I don’t wanna work that hard. What do you think should be in Devil’s Piss?
Budweiser.
Devil’s piss.
Natural Light
Natty! Maybe, or does Natty deserve a special place in hell of its own?
Southern Comfort mixed with Bud Light
oof, that might be it
In a tall glass filled with ice, pour 4 ounces flavor of the month triple IPA, 3 ounces Bud Light Strawberita, 3 ounces Jaeger, 2 ounces of the cheapest tequila you can find. Stir and garnish with a clove of garlic.
Tequiza.
Orange juice and rubbing alcohol.
It’s not that hard. Just re-label cans of Monster
mountain dew & everclear
I was going to say “Mountain Dew” but someone already brought up “Monster.” “Red Bull” would be right up there.
I never drank Mountain Dew but for some reason combined Bacardi Razz and Mountain Dew Code Red (cherry flavor) that could work.Otherwise I’d say Keystone Ice.
Jaeger and Bud Light, warmed to 98 degrees.
Whiskey and pineapple juice, obviously.
Devil’s Piss
1 ounce Jeppson’s Malört
6 ounces Monster Energy drink
1 ounce Pickle juice
Place an empty Teflon pot onto the stove and wait till starts smoking. Combine ingredients in the smoking hot Teflon pot. Breath in the steam. Pour the rapidly boiling contents into a mug and top off with hot Takis crumbs. Drink within 1 minute of pouring.
This was the only ‘fake commercial/filmed sequenced’ from Last Week Tonight that I genuinely laughed at/thought was funny(I think it was mainly because of Danny DeVito though)
The underseen and underappreciated Dark Waters by Todd Haynes is a great, depressing film about this
Their shows do nothing, years of fucking political comedy and the world has gotten worse year after year. If comedians are supposed to be modern day philosophers that’s pretty fucking insulting to modern day philosophers.
Here to start the perpetual “Cast Iron Frying Pans: Their Usefulness and How to Care For them” debate! My takes:
– People whose “care instructions” for cast iron are more elaborate than an Instagram model’s skincare routine are insufferable. It’s a hunk of iron. It’ll be fine. Just don’t let it rust. If you’re having issues with food sticking, try not scrubbing the oil/grease out as deeply next time. Thats all.
– Cast iron pans are neither a life-changing kitchen essential that lets you throw away every other pot and pan in your house, NOR are they an inconvenient anachronism loved only by showboating IPA-obssesed beardos. They are just a handy utensil for some kitchen tasks (I like mine for dishes where you need to easily move from stovetop to oven, like when searing steaks indoors).
Even if you get a little surface rust it usually isn’t the end of the world. Just a pain in the ass to remove it and re-season the pan.
It isn’t even a pain: turn the oven on, coat it in vegetable out, put in in the oven for an hour, and voila!
Preach. People are ridiculous about their pans. And the whole “no soap” thing is an absolute myth. The no soap rule started when people didn’t really understand how the non-stick feature of a cast iron pan works (and when the soap they had would eat your damn skin off). But its polymerization, which happens when oil combines with the porous surface of the pan when heated which creates a surface harder and smoother than the pan itself. It’s not some magic layer of oil that will disappear if you use a drop of soap. Having a well-seasoned pan helps with this, and so you should resist using harsh dish soaps (which barely exist anymore). But a little bit of Dawn won’t do anything. Hell, they use Dawn on baby ducks.
I hate Teflon pans with every fiber of my being. I have several cast iron pans, and an old Magnalite anodized aluminum saucepan that do most of the heavy lifting in my cooking. (I wish I had two, but they don’t make Magnalite anymore and Calphalon is nowhere near as good.) I’m considering buying a cast iron crêpe pan for a variety of reasons, but mostly so I can make Swedish pancakes. I’d also like a real Dutch Oven, which I don’t have, and I’m trying to decide between a cast iron wok and a carbon steel wok. Probably the latter.The only other pan I have that I use regularly is an old raw aluminum pan I inherited from my Grandmother that is almost universally used for cooking pasta.
My setup is big ol’ cast iron pan, a Mauviel stainless steel frying pan, a set of Mauviel steel saucepots, a few pieces of Dansk enamelware for special purposes (casserole dish, butter warmer, etc) and a Le Creuset dutch oven. Honestly couldn’t be happier – there’s nothing I can’t cook, and this stuff will outlast me.
One of my friends and old roommates has nothing but Le Creuset enamel cast iron. When I lived with them all my cookware was packed away and I had to cook on her stuff. It was a terrible experience. I hated that stuff so much. I completely fail to see the advantage of the enamel on the inside. Properly seasoned raw cast iron is so much better. She was so proud of that stuff too, and would have a fit if you didn’t use the right tools in it. Even worse, she had a whole rack full of expensive Wüsthof knives for all sorts of different purposes, and would send them out every six months to be sharpened. One day I was slicing a tomato with the basic kitchen knife when she came screaming into the kitchen “What are you doing! YOU HAVE TO USE THE TOMATO KNIFE!” Wut? Later she came over to my place for burgers and complimented me on my tomato slices. “Where’s your tomato knife?” she asked brightly. “Uh, this el-cheapo carbon steel kitchen knife that I use for everything works just fine.” I’m a knife nut. Every knife I have you could shave with. I have a couple of real old J.A. Henckels that are excellent knives, (The new ones suck) but I use them about 50/50 with my cheap antique carbon steel knives. I’d perfectly happily keep a kitchen with four knives: A carbon steel kitchen knife, a carbon steel paring knife, a spring steel filleting knife, and a serrated bread knife of any kind. And my set of diamond hones.I have a big Lodge fry pan, a small Lodge fry pan, and a big deep Lodge fry pan. The last gets the least use, but sometimes it’s really useful. My little 8″ fry pan gets far more use than I ever expected. It was a Christmas gift that I figured would go in with the camping gear and get used once a year. Instead it turns out to be ideal for a lot of small dishes. Fry a burger, make taco-meat for one, caramelize half an onion, that sort of thing.
We’re lazy and not gourmands, so all our pans are stainless steel. We avoid non-stick for the obvious “I’d like to reduce the amount of carcinogens I consume” reason, and we only have one cast-iron thing (a double-sided griddle) which we only use occasionally.
Stainless steel is good! I’d actually call it gourmand in many cases – most restaurant chefs use it. It’s reliable, fast-heating, durable, lightweight, easy to clean, and non-reactive. For many tasks, like making crispy fried things and acidic things like tomato sauce, steel is downright essential.
I have my Great Grandmother’s cast iron skillet. I use it regularly, and everytime I use it, I think “This it Great Grandma’s skillet”. It’s just a little extra satisfaction.
Haven’t we known Teflon was bad for you for ages already?I haven’t bought a Teflon pan in decades, though I do still use nonstick pans over cast iron, usually made of ceramic.
Yeah but we’ve known lots of things are bad for you for ages (cigarettes, binge drinking, social media, voting Republican) and people still do em.
::remembers I had to quit both drinking and smoking::Got to say, you have a point there….
capitalism breeds innovation, innovative ways to kill you and the other inhabitants of the planet
Did that lady name her water filtration system after a post-apocalyptic settlement built around an active nuclear warhead?