Keanu Reeves rescued Kate Beckinsale from clutches of wardrobe malfunction
Never meet your heroes—unless they’re Keanu Reeves and you’re Kate Beckinsale
Aux News Kate Beckinsale
Against our better judgments about the perils of stan culture, it saddens us to admit that we stan Keanu Reeves. The hover hand master, the afterlife explainer, the sad lunch-eating prince of Hollywood, Reeves is the one celebrity we’re all allowed to like as we pray that we never learn anything disreputable about him. But as of this writing, Kate Beckinsale has confirmed via Instagram that Reeves really is a thoughtful and proactive guy.
With the Cannes Film Festival closing over the weekend, Beckinsale reflected on Cannes’ past on Instagram. Sharing a photo unearthed by her mum, Beckinsale told followers of when she and Reeves attended the 1993 festival in support of Kenneth Branagh’s Much Ado About Nothing. Unfortunately, as is a common occupational hazard in her business, Beckinsale experienced a wardrobe malfunction. “Never fear,” the fates told her. “Keanu is here.”
“I had bought the bodysuit in the Sock Shop at the airport,” Beckinsale wrote before launching into some of the heaviest name-dropping this side of Watch What Happens Live. “When I got in the car to drive to the premiere with Denzel and Pauletta Washington, all the poppers in the crotch popped themselves open, and it flipped up like a roller blind.”
As Beckinsale “quietly panicked” because she “didn’t feel it was appropriate to go delving around in my undercarriage” with Denzel in the car, she prepared for “the biggest red carpet of [her] life.” Then, a miracle of miracles, after whispering to Reeves and castmate Robert Sean Leonard (who sadly doesn’t get the props that Keanu gets in all this), the two held the outfit up for pictures, one of which Beckinsale shared.
“Absolute legends who may not even have fully understood the physics of what was happening or even heard the word ‘gusset’ before, but both jumped in to save me, no questions asked.”
We are left with no choice. We must stan Robert Sean Leonard.
32 Comments
I don’t know. It’s tough to stan a guy with three first names.goddammit, you made me use stan as a verb.
Genuflect three times and it’ll go away. Or just apologise to yourself. Either way.
Stan, Robert, Sean, and Leonard was pretty mid-tier, as 70s vocal groups go. But they deserve respect for keeping those harmonies tight while sprawled on the stage in a quaalude trance every single night. In an interview, David Crosby called them “unsung heroes of…” Then he trailed off, and then five years later he finished, “… of singing.”
Can you even do that in Olde Elvish?
Some of us have been standing on our desks for Robert Sean Leonard for decades now.
even more of us have been offing ourselves.
Just remember, it’s still never Lupus.
[Except for S4, Ep8.]
House was exposed as a fraud when this scene aired.
Robert Sean Leonard…chickens.
I think the real revelation is that all of them (but especially Beckinsale) are old enough to have been celebrities 30 years ago.
Denzel would have been nearly 40 even then. The man is almost as ageless as Keanu.
Holy shit – The Last Days of Disco is almost 30 years old. We are farther away from that film than the film was from the disco era.
Keanu once helped Octavia Spencer before she’d gotten famous with her car when it broke down.https://www.thethings.com/how-octavia-spencer-met-keanu-reeves/There used to be a website called Thank You Keanu which was just full of stories like this.
Raises the question, Is Keanu Reeves going around breaking things so that he can jump in and be the hero?
Munchreeves by proxy?
There is an entire reddit sub devoted to his awesomeness. And I am here for it. He’s the cuter Mr. Rogers for today.
I don’t really understand what’s going on here but the guy who came to the house three nights in a row to evict possums from our basement is the real hero.
Yesterday I put my underwear in the hamper instead of leaving them on the bathroom floor. Did I get ANY thanks or appreciation for this? I did NOT.
That’s a potential wardrobe catastrophe. Congratulations sir (if you’re a sir).
I gotta ask. Do they just keep coming back or are there always more possums hidden somewhere behind the decoy possums that are being evicted? And if it’s the latter, then what are you planning to do about your possum-covert rich basement environment moving forward?
A hole in the basement wall + shitty landlord who didn’t want to fix it (he says that he has). Apparently is was possum mating season, a somewhat fascinating and highly erotic subject. These guys are lusty but also furtive and nearly invisible. It’s my guess that a couple of smitten fellows were following the trail of a female (our first guest). After the second guy was found (disappointed) the traps seemed to discourage further suitors. Later I was told by a neighbor that the former own of the house regularly hosted (reluctantly) a possum orgy at the west side of his garage every mating season. No wonder the grass grows funny back there.
Beckinsale’s Instagram post is here:
But it appears Kinja just loads it as a big blank gap, which may be what’s going on in the post above. And because it replaces links, you won’t even be able to right-click on it to copy.
If she doesn’t want to go rummaging around in her undercarriage I certainly will lol. I’ll see myself out.
Eh, we were all many of us were thinking it.
LOL yeah not a great actress, but stunningly beautiful.
Thanks for this cute story but really needed a person who’s worn a snap crotch bodysuit and understands the physics of what was happening to write this. They weren’t holding up the outfit, they were holding down the bodysuit. V confusing
That’s what I thought!
I had to go watch her IG video to make sense of it all
So like, is this what happened in her, um, undercarriage?
“Robert Sean Leonard (who sadly doesn’t get the props that Keanu gets in all this)”Why didn’t you include him in the title?
What is it about Kate Beckinsale that she so prettier now then when she was 30 years ago? Is there a portrait hanging in a hidden room somewhere?