Lena Dunham’s Polly Pocket movie isn’t even Mattel’s weirdest post-Barbie project
Meanwhile, Daniel Kaluuya's Barney movie is described as "more of like a Being John Malkovich or an Adaptation"
Aux News Mattel
It must be profoundly weird, in this moment, to be an executive at toy company Mattel. Like dogs who’ve actually managed to catch the proverbial car, the company—which has long dreamed of leveraging its various iconic brands into success at the box office—finds itself in possession of the top-rated, best-performing movie in the country, as Greta Gerwig and Margot Robbie’s take on Barbie continues to dominate the cultural conversation. It’s the kind of thing that can drive an executive to say some very strange things—like asserting, with an apparently straight face, that the script for the long-in-the-works Polly Pocket movie (written by Lena Dunham) is “great.”
And, to be clear, it’s not like Polly Pocket is some spur-of-the-moment thing that Mattel just reached for after Barbie started making money: The company has been planning this wide-ranging push into theaters for years, having tapped Dunham to write and direct a film about pocket-sized women way back in 2021. (Lily Collins was, and is, attached to star, possibly in an effort to short-circuit fully half the brains on the internet by bringing Lena Dunham and Emily In Paris into close proximity.) The “great” quote comes from a conversation Variety recently conducted with Mattel Films’ Robbie Brenner about a whole slate of projects. It’s also not even remotely the oddest thing Brenner said during this conversation, in which she also gave quick check-ins on Daniel Kaluuya’s big purple Barney movie (“more of like a Being John Malkovich or an Adaptation”), J.J. Abrams’ Hot Wheels (“real emotion and real stakes to it”), the Vin Diesel-starring Rock ‘Em Sock ‘Em Robots (“Vin is excited”), and, of course, the Magic 8-Ball movie. (“Probably…a PG-13 thriller,” Brenner stated; tragically, she somehow failed to give a quote about the studios’ actual, we-shit-you-not, plans for an UNO movie.)
And, honestly, amidst all that, Lena Dunham writing and directing a Polly Pocket movie feels positively quaint. Brenner was nevertheless effusive about the project, saying, “It’s been an amazing collaboration. Lena is so collaborative and rolls up her sleeves and really likes to roll around in notes and listen. She’s incredible. Lily is so smart and so specific and so productorial. It’s just been an incredible collaboration, so we are thrilled about it. Hopefully, we’ll be making that at some point in the future.” (We think “productorial” means “producer-like” in this capacity, but it’s nevertheless funny to imagine “product-like” being a major selling point, given Mattel’s current push.)
43 Comments
How long before we get the Funko Movie Universe?
Where the fuck is my Goofy Golf Machine movie??
We’re finally getting an UNO movie!
Skip.
Well played.
https://variety.com/2021/film/news/lil-yachty-uno-movie-1234899868/
We were too lazy to shuffle the Uno deck between games, and wondered why they ended up being sort and easy for one of the players when I was a kid. All the cards, naturally, were in pretty much a winning order.
Set in Atlanta’s hip-hop scene if they go with the first draft. (This is not a joke.)
https://www.newyorker.com/magazine/2023/07/10/after-barbie-mattel-is-raiding-its-entire-toybox
Make a movie about stickers. Remember stickers? We were all crazy for them back in the day!
I can’t wait for the movie where stickers and little capsules that dissolve into dinosaur sponges team up to defeat lawn darts.
Panini: The Movie.
Worse: POGS.
I’m currently taking pitches on the googly-eye-verse.
each sentence brought me closer to oblivion
I can’t wait for the rise of old toy jingles played in minor key for horror movies. All “I’m Mr. Bucket… buckets of fuuuuuuuuun” and shit.
Obviously going to be a horror movie.
Imagine how they could work in that “pop” sound effect
I had faith that Gerwig could make an interesting Barbie movie with a solid story that had something to say about feminism and gender politics.I have no idea WTF kind of story or message Lena f’ing Dunham can make out of Polly f’ing Pocket. At its best Girls was a hangout show with some mild generational and feminist theme development.
I think right there is exactly TF kind of story Lena f’ing Dunham can make out of Polly f’ing Pocket.
Okay? Hang movies are annoying and Polly Pocket was never an icon for body image conversations. *Maybe* given her mother’s art Dunham has a specific personal connection to the miniature world of Polly Pocket? It could be fine, fair play.To be honest I’m not convinced Kaluuya’s Barney movie is a good idea, either. He’s done some writing work so maybe the story will be okay.Generally I suspect that Gerwig’s Barbie effort will be the height of the Mattelverse, at least artistically speaking. But hey, I’m open to being wrong in my suspicions.
I was shocked how much I enjoyed her version of Catherine Called Birdy so I am cautiously optimistic.
I agree about Catherine, Called Birdy, but I think that was more due to Bella Ramsey than Dunham. It’s certainly going to be hard to find the tonal balance that Gerwig managed with Barbie, though.
Fair enough. As source material goes, I would have move faith in that turning out well than the movie based on doll miniatures. But at least Dunham has some experience with that via her mom and that Tiny Furniture movie.
I loved Polly Pocket as a kid in the 80s and 90s (they’re no longer pocket-sized, which is an odd choice), but there’s just not enough “there” there for a movie. Barbie works because she’s a multigenerational icon with discourse surrounding her for as long as she’s existed. Polly’s biggest controversy is that she’s a massive choking hazard.And Lena Dunham being attached brings the probability of me seeing this movie alllllll the way down to 0%.
I’m also seeing talk from Mattel about sequels and Gerwig’s lack of enthusiasm for same, which just underscores (not that it needed to be said) that Mattel doesn’t have any idea what they’re doing and kinda lucked out that Robbie and Gerwig were at all interested.It’s kinda too bad that Gerwig elevated the material because now we’re gonna have to deal with Mattel’s cluelessness. I’m not on board for “artshaming” Gerwig. She’s a talented filmmaker who deserves the chance to make what she wants. There’s no “selling out” coming from this corner. THAT SAID, Barbie’s success does sort of unintentionally legitimize Mattel’s bonkers fucking IP intentions.
God, completely agree about Mattel accidentally stumbling into Greta’s genius. I saw a headline this morning along the lines of “what we can expect from the Barbie sequel” and rolled my eyes so hard I gave myself a headache. The very last thing we need is a Barbie sequel, and Greta’s entirely uninterested.
Right now the Mattel movie division is the platonic ideal of clueless executives with IP brain. Kaluuya’s Barney sounds interesting but unlikely as a tentpole jumping off point. I’m not convinced that Dunham’s Polly Pocket will be the start of a franchise, either. So far only Abrams’ Hot Wheels is a likely candidate of the in-development shit and I have no faith whatsoever that it will be narratively satisfying. The guy does tone/vibe pretty well but as the years have gone by I’ve seen more and more proof that as a TV guy he benefited from the brilliance of writers under him and as a film director he basically just cribs off of Spielberg.ETA: What’s the over/under on a Barbie sequel directed by Brett Ratner?
Looking forward to the movie about that one Cabbage Patch doll that they had to recall because it ripped some kids’ hair out.
Being this cynical after the Barbie movie absolutely killed it feels premature.
I think it’s kind of like the mario movie. The buzz around a “first” movie and the all-star cast associated with it is going to be hard to top. Again with the mario example, any other IP is going to be more niche even with huge popularity (zelda, metroid, etc.)
I feel like a lot of those project mentioned would be 30 Rock parodies.
The chasm in awareness between Barbie and Polly Pocket is immense. PP was a toy from my era of childhood and I literally have 0 awareness of it. I didn’t play with Barbies as a kid but you better believe I knew what Barbie was. Hot Wheels — I totally get it. American Girl? I get how that could be a show or film. And you better believe a solid Lego Movie-style film in the Fisher Price universe would be pretty charming, if handled right.But Polly Pocket? No one is asking for that.
I had a ton of Polly Pockets back in the day and enjoyed the details on the sets, but the whole point was… it’s small. Barbie was always aspirational; she was a model, a doctor, a rock idol. Even in the Polly Pocket universe, Polly is… just Polly. Whenever they needed a teacher or doctor or manager, they just made a new character and Polly was just there, experiencing the world. She didn’t have a personality and that was kind of the point.
Interesting. It just truly never broke through my awareness like other toys (Care Bears, Rainbow Brite, etc.).
How did you feel about Polly Wheels-the Hot Wheels-sized cars with tiny Polly Pocket figures that were sold in 2009? They didn’t go over very well.
I was way too old at that point to be aware- I had the sets from the early 90s. The late 90s onward where Polly Pocket got bigger with removable clothes and larger, decidedly non-pocket sized accessories are kind of a blur for me.If you REALLY want a deep cut, look up Mighty Max; he was the “boy” version of Polly Pocket.
I’ll look it up. Thanks!
Oh, and don’t worry about being too old. I’ve been collecting Matchbox, Hot Wheels, etc. for nearly 50 years now. It’s literally a living history exhibit. And I do have about 5-6 Polly Wheels in it.You’re never too old.
And speaking of Mighty max, Big Jim was the male version of Barbie. Mattel released Jim in the 1970s to take on Hasbro’s Vietnam-era GI Joe. Joe kicked Jim’s ass all over the toy aisles.
Look, I don’t know if any of these will be good, but we also can’t ignore that Barbie was both good and financially successful. So we can all scoff at these, but if the Polly Pocket movie manages to have as much to say as Barbie, I’m here for it and I bet a lot of other people are too.
We already had a Rock ‘Em Sock ‘Em Robots movie and it was perfectly adequate.
There was supposed to be a Wishbone movie in the works, and a Bob the Builder movie as well. And we’re getting Barney instead? Why Barney?Of all of the properties in the HIT Entertainment catalog that Mattel snatched up in 2012, the only worthy titles (in Mattel’s mind) are Thomas the Tank Engine and Barney? Thomas, I understand. Thomas prints money-that’s the only reason Mattel undermined Tomy to get Thomas-by buying HIT to own the exclusive rights.But Barney? I hated that new-age demon ever since it premiered in 1988. That monster made Teletubbies look like it belonged on Masterpiece Theater.I’d just as soon watch Angelina Ballerina and Oswald the Octopus instead.And Hot Wheels? Yes, I do collect them but I’m a mega-Matchbox fan. A life-long Boxhead. Give me a Matchbox movie instead.