We’ve spent nearly a year having our brains poked with a nasal swabs on a regular basis. Maybe you’re one of those weirdos who discovered that it feels like a nose orgasm, or you’ve done everything possible to avoid having a foreign object that isn’t the “fun” kind up your nostrils. If you’re part of the latter group, there’s good news! Reuters reports that Dutch inventor Peter Van Wees has come up with what he hopes is a less painful — and very cathartic — method for COVID testing.
Here’s how it works: Van Wees asks participants to get inside an airlocked cabin and scream. They also have the option of singing—but without a few drinks in us, screaming sounds a lot more fun. Then, an industrial air purifier gathers the particles emitted, and those are analyzed. The whole process takes just 3 minutes.
As Van Wees explains, “If you have coronavirus and are infectious and yelling and screaming, you are spreading tens of thousands of particles which contain coronavirus.” To test it out, Van Wees set up shop next to a coronavirus testing center, so he could try it out on people who’d just been tested.
So does it actually work? As of right now, Van Wees is “working with a private company to marshal evidence for his strategy.” Hopefully it does work, because who doesn’t need a good scream these days?
12 Comments
Yes. That’s how you explain the screams to those in the waiting room. It’s all part of the conspiracy.
“If you have coronavirus and are infectious and yelling and screaming, you are spreading tens of thousands of particles which contain coronavirus.” Let’s keep this in mind in general, thanks.
3 minutes for a test is a long time. Especially in a country that is testing over a million people a day.
I think the concept is not to sing for three minutes (not even long enough to get to the good part of American Pie), but that the test, analysis, and results are all done after three minutes.
Considering the alternative doesn’t require an isolation room to scream in and takes about 10 uncomfortable seconds. This seems silly
Fuck off, I always have the option of singing.
And thank god for that. I’ve heard your version of “Thank Heaven for Little Girls” and it is fucking brilliant.
Well, that sounds expensive. All what about all the particles that don’t go in the filter?
There are several innovative testing methods – one involves sequencing materials from sewage, allowing hundreds to thousands of people to be simultaneously tested as a population. On a smaller scale, commingling of samples in various combinations can allow for far fewer test. The value of this test is to show how infectious people can be who can be confirmed as carriers independently doing the sort of activities people are cautioned against and yet persist in anyway.
So what’s everybody going with? “You Give Love a Bad Name” ? “Just a Girl”? “Hey, Soul Sister”? A lot of my karaoke go-tos take a little while to get revved up.
I think I’d go with ‘Fever’. Just feels right.
Here’s how it works: Van Wees asks participants to get inside an airlocked cabin and scream. They also have the option of singing—but without a few drinks in us, screaming sounds a lot more fun. Then, an industrial air purifier gathers the particles emitted, and those are analyzed. The whole process takes just 3 minutes.How long does it take to sanitize the cabin after each test?