Lifetime and KFC made a horny little movie about Colonel Sanders starring Mario Lopez
Aux Features TV
Lifetime and KFC have tried their very best to deliver an entirely unexpected and novel collaboration: A “mini-movie” about a hunky Colonel Sanders, played by Mario Lopez. Joke’s on these dumb-dumbs because our capacity to be shocked by literally anything has been completely evaporated by this haunted house of a year. Still, it’s a thoughtful gesture from the House of Lifetime Originals (an icon) and the House of Original Recipes (a classic):
A Recipe For Seduction will attempt to get Lifetime viewers all horned-up for the old chicken tycoon, which honestly feels like blatant erasure of all the Colonel Sanderses we’ve loved before, including Norm Macdonald, Jason Alexander, and yes, even Reba.
The “mini-movie” event premieres December 13 at noon, presumably online so as not to interfere with whatever shitty holiday movie marathon is airing on the Lifetime channel that day. Lifetime has not released additional info about A Recipe For Seduction, but based on this tweet it appears to be a self-aware steamy romance parody in which the Colonel’s famous secret recipe of herbs and spices will be discussed in vaguely sexual terms between Mario Lopez and his love interest. And while plot details are non-existent, it seems fairly obvious that the secret ingredient in the Colonel’s recipe is his semen. He might try to tell you it’s “love” or whatever, but it is most definitely come.
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And while plot details are non-existent, it seems fairly obvious that the secret ingredient in the Colonel’s recipe is his semen. Okay that leaves 10 more ingredients to go…………and you can keep those to yourself.
They left out the most important secret ingredient: MSG.
MSG… more salt and grease!
Will they include the time Colonel Sanders shot a man for messing with his sign?
Please. Everyone knows Sanders shot that man because he was snoring too loud.
Hopefully it’s the full story of the time he hung out with Alice Cooper. Yes, that’s real.
I was going to make a joke about both being interested in killing birds, but Alice really gets annoyed when people get him mixed up with Ozzy.
Here’s the plot: Upon discovering he cheated on her during his bachelor party, Sanders’s wife has their marriage annulled two weeks after the wedding.
Andy Warhol called it: in the future, everyone will be Colonel Sanders for 15 minutes.
“He might try to tell you it’s “love” or whatever, but it is most definitely come.”And now for an open and honest discussion on the spelling of come/cum. I know that ‘come’ is technically correct, but it looks wrong. It should look like it has been scrawled on a toilet wall by a teenager – the colloquial spelling matches the violent cadence of the word (or the sentence it is punctuating) more appropriately. Cum just works for comedic tone, also.Unless it’s tasteful romantic fiction, in which case come works… But I don’t think author (or lifetime) was going for subtle or tasteful here.
You clearly need to read last weeks Savage Love. This will put your mind at ease. Or it may not.
I finally read it. I know they are all correct of course, but perhaps I lack sophistication… I am going to start writing “Suk Dik” from now on.
“I’m too drunk to taste this chicken”-Col Sanders
Why does everyone want to **** The Colonel?
https://store.steampowered.com/app/1121910/I_Love_You_Colonel_Sanders_A_Finger_Lickin_Good_Dating_Simulator/