M&M’s recruit Maya Rudolph to take part in boneheaded, candy mascot-centered culture war
Ahead of an apparent Super Bowl ad campaign, the company announced Maya Rudolph as its new spokesperson
Aux Features maya rudolph
Not since the dark days of the death of Mr. Peanut and the creature’s rebirth as the horrible Baby Nut have we borne witness to a Super Bowl ad campaign quite as wretched as the one currently being guided toward its end goal by M&M’s.
Following the company’s launch of a prior, limply women empowerment-focused campaign that made Tucker Carlson’s brow furrow downward into previously unseen depths, the M&M’s mascots found themselves at the chocolatey center of a braindead culture war. Now, having stirred the hornet’s nest, the candy brand has announced the next step in an obvious lead-up to a big, flashy Super Bowl commercial: Claiming to do away with its humanoid chocolate mascots and their divisive sexiness in order to be represented by Maya Rudolph instead.
Earlier today, the candy’s Twitter account issued a soberly captioned “message from M&M’s” alongside an image containing two entire paragraphs of text. In a visual format that replicates the sort of Notes app apology screenshot used most often by disgraced celebrities and video game publishers announcing release delays, the company begins its missive with an ominous trio of words: “America, let’s talk.”
“In the last year, we’ve made some changes to our beloved spokescandies. We weren’t sure if anyone would even notice,” the statement reads. “And we definitely didn’t think it would break the internet. But now we get it—even a candy’s shoes can be polarizing.”
Following some brand-speak that reveals how M&M’s are “all about bringing people together,” the statement goes on to say it’s going to “take an indefinite pause from the spokescandies” and test our enjoyment of Maya Rudolph’s comedy by paying her to become the company’s new spokesperson.
This, of course, is the first half of a cosmically dumb lay-up that will almost certainly be completed with some Super Bowl commercial that sees Rudolph rehabilitate the M&M’s by, we don’t know, having them join together to sing “The Star-Spangled Banner” with the actor holding the blue and red ones’ hands.
In essence, the M&M’s are just blowing their sugary little mouths into the crackling fires consuming the last tattered vestiges of worthwhile cultural discourse, perhaps hoping for the ultimate ad campaign of an apocalyptic global war fought between armies dedicated to the cause of whether or not candy consumers should want to have sex with or not have sex with their mascots.
For the love of god, M&M’s, hurry up with the inevitable Super Bowl commercial so we can accelerate this process and get it all over with.
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58 Comments
get paid, maya, get paaaaaaaaaid
I would have loved if M&M/Mars would have just said “Fuck ‘em” and named Alan Mingo Jr. as his Doom Patrol character, Maura Lee Karupt as spokesperson.
It’s pretty sad people getting upset over M&M’s. Reminds me of how pathetic it was when progressives said Pepe LePew represented rape culture.
I appreciate that Pepe LePew has been an inspiration for generations of cat-rapers everywhere, but the time has come to say that you should not touch that pussy without her permission.
“Eat my 10 year old skunk pussy!”
Sometimes they let you.
Won’t someone think of the cats who superficially resemble skunks?! Not the lady skunks should be harassed or victimized!
The lady was legit just as bad, tried to “rape” pepe in an episode where he put on perfume and his stench went away. She chased that motherfucker all over. He was in distress.#HimToo
I think I was an adult when I figured out that Pepe’s essentially an extended “French people smell bad” joke.
That was a very long social media post for a company selling you type-2 diabetes.
And yet, Maya didn’t turn it down…
M&M’s aren’t the only green that has juice.
Why would see turn it down?
Following the company’s launch of a prior, limply women empowerment-focused campaign that made Tucker Carlson’s brow furrow downward into previously unseen depths.The depth was too great, not even James Cameron was capable of navigating it.
It really is . . . an abyss . . .
This is why we can’t have nice things. Thanks a fat fucking heap, Tucker.
Yeah. As a female member of the boot wearing public, I am offended of now not being included in the candy world. 🙂 What is wrong with calf boots again?
“If you could have a beer with anyone, al-”Tucker Carlson: BROWN M&M
“O…kay? I meant anyone in history, alive or-”
Tucker Carlson: BROWN M&M
“Ooookay you want to have a beer with the Brown M&M and ask-”
Tucker Carlson, brow furrowing intensively: I’m perplexed as to what gives you the right to wear kitten heels to our Roger Rabbit style date! And make no mistake, this is a DATE and I am already getting ready to leave.
M&Ms missed a huge marketing opportunity when Sal fit so many into his foreskin pouch.
HTVOD – Jason Ellis Pouch-Off – video Dailymotion
Classic reference!
Because if anything is going to placate the far right it’s appointing a Jewish woman of color to the role instead!
I think that may sorta kinda be the point. But does any of this even have a point? Ya know?
Anya Taylor-Joy can’t be in everything.
That was exactly my reaction when I heard it!
I always really appreciated that line for underscoring the inanity of prejudice. Like, human bodies are basically just shapes to the beings of the Good and Bad Places, so Gen just slapped one on without thinking, and then has to deal with the fact that people dislike the skin colour of the shape she chose for no reason.
Modern American conservatives are the softest, most frightened little baby-brained delicate snowflakes to ever live, prove me wrong.
Just don’t say it to their face. They’re insane and triggerhappy.
Nah, they’re mostly chickenshit cowards.
Chickenshit cowards are the ones that shoot people.
Yeah but even chickenshit cowards feel brave with a gun in their hands. Why do you think they keep buying them?
They are mighty attached to their gunpower-powered fidget spinners.
I got nothin.’ Also, pathetic. People publicly whining that they have been tragically deprived of the sexiness of cartoon female candies and a cartoon female rabbit (Lola Bunny) is a sad, sad spectacle.
I don’t know. I feel like soft, frightened little baby-brained delicate snowflakes ever to live can be applied also the ones who couldn’t bear to swim in the same pool that a Black person had ever swum in, or murdered a Black kid just for happening to pass by a white woman, so…
There’s a massive segment of the population for whom advertising is one of the core pillars of their personalities. These are the same people who breathlessly compare super bowl ads with each other on Monday and endlessly quote car insurance commercials that haven’t aired in like 7 years. I can’t really fathom how anyone can work up the energy to care about any of this from either direction. Like I wish I had that much free time.
“Where I come from they call that stuff ’bait’.”
I really need to get around to starting my PR consulting firm so when brands find them in situations like this and ask what to do, I can say “Do nothing. Now pay me seven figures please”
Nice work if you can get it.
“Did you know a lot of people enjoy chocolate? And you make chocolate. So keep selling it to people and they’ll buy it.”
So, everyone gets that this is all a joke, right? They knew no one actually cared that much about Green being too sexy, but knew if they made any kind of deal about it, someone like Tucker Carlson would jump on it and get them a ton of publicity. And now they’re pretending there’s some huge public backlash outside of a few sad basement dwellers, as we wait to see what the next chapter is.
I wonder what Carlson would say if he could somehow be made aware of how easily manipulated he is.
Whatever his teleprompter says
Well yeah, I feel like the article here also pretty clearly spells this all out to be bullshit.
Conservatives don’t get what their handlers don’t tell them to get, and if the handlers tell them to make a loud frothing fuss about it, so-called centrists are inevitably not far behind, pissing their pants in fear and saying all this something-or-ever has gone too far yet again. That’s all there ever is, was, or will be of it.
They knew no one actually cared that much about Green being too sexy, but knew if they made any kind of deal about it, someone like Tucker Carlson would jump on it and get them a ton of publicity.There’s no way they thought that, because making a culture war out of the relative sexiness of a cartoon candy mascot is fucking crazy. Now, they’re absolutely looking to capitalize on the lunacy after-the-fact, but I can’t possibly believe some advertising artist was drawing a pair of boots on a cartoon M&M thinking, “heh, heh, this will get somebody’s attention!!!”
As a boot wearing female, I have not been included in the inclusiveness. Should I feel bad I am not represented? Erased? It’s weird they scraped the whole thing rather than just bring a design people like back. If they want to tie it back to women’s rights, then their female characters should be allowed to wear whatever shoes or boots they want. Why does the Brown M&M get to wear heels? I mean, if someone suddenly stopped me at my job and said I had to start wearing sneakers instead of boots, I would probably quit. 🙂
Cue SNL cold open with Maya Rudolph as either female shrek or elphaba from wicked fucking everything
This is just a ploy, right? The M&M characters are going to either kidnap Rudolph, or partner with her on a heist, or something. Mars doesn’t really care about those conservative assholes.
Probably. It seems a lame campaign but hey, at least Maya gets a big bag of money. They could have gotten Fred Armisen. :/
Hold up, did this bullshit just cost Amber Ruffin her job as the voice of the purple M&M? Coz I will not stand for that.
Was it…Was it not clear this is an obvious Super Bowl gimmick?
No.
But to be fair, I didn’t scrutinize it to carefully because the marketing ploys of candy companies is pretty far down on my list of things I have more than a passing interest in.
well i found the spokes-M & Ms annoying from the get-go, so good riddance! jon lovitz should never have been allowed to do voice acting
Hatchie-matchie!!!
I hate to say it, m&ms will regret this stunt. Right now, no one cares. They will have their little commercial. Some lefties will smugly dunk on Tucker on Twitter, and never buy an extra m&m.They’re not prepared for what comes next. The right loves to feel persecuted. This little act of pushback will confirm m&ms is on the other side to many more than Carlson fans. They are going to be overly outraged. A sham interpretation and bad faith argument will be made. Something something pedophilia. Some m&m or commercial executive will be the face of evil and they’ll get harassed. 44% of Americans won’t ever buy a Mars product.
The thing is, American companies have figured out “the right” doesn’t know how to do the boycott thing. It’s one of the reasons why most companies don’t give a shit what conservatives think, anymore. The way the right wing “fights back” is to buy their shit so they can publicly burn or destroy it, but they still buy their shit. They don’t get that Keurig or Nike or whoever doesn’t care what you do with their shit after you buy it. So yeah, they’ll get pissed and buy millions of dollars worth of Mars candy just so they can, like, throw it in the ocean for a Parler video, or something.
As a female boot wearer, I felt SEEN. Now, I am not included anymore. :/