Maria Bamford explains her Trump restraining order on Late Night

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Maria Bamford explains her Trump restraining order on Late Night
Maria Bamford, Seth Meyers Photo: Lloyd Bishop/NBC

Maria Bamford, apart from being one of the best stand-ups in the world, has a unique way of making the unnervingly absurd sound like undiscovered genius. Feeling low and have a comedy special to do? Hire your parents for $600 a pop as your sole audience and film The Special Special Special in your own living room. (Why $600? No tax paperwork for mom and dad.) Have social anxiety and need to try out new material? Contact a Twitter follower, have them meet you at a local Dunkin’ Donuts, and discreetly do your new jokes over a free cold brew. (“Sky’s the limit on that menu,” boasted Bamford to Seth Meyers on Tuesday’s Late Show.) There’s “an unregistered sex offender in the White House,” and you don’t feel safe knowing that he could show up in her home turf of Los Angeles (on a break from disseminating jaw-droppingly idiotic forest management advice)? Head down to the local courthouse.

That’s what the Bammer did in 2018, paying the 40 bucks to actually fill out paperwork to, rather reasonably, keep a person with dozens of sexual assault allegations pending against him and a blatant, megalomaniac’s disrespect for the rule of law a football field away from her. (Also, why does it cost money to file a restraining order? That’s some bullshit right there.) And, while Bamford’s public efforts to keep self-described genital-grabber Trump the fuck away from her person ultimately failed in what she called “a useless gesture that didn’t further the conversation in any way and wasted the time of caring professionals,” well, it was pretty funny. Plus, we’re still talking about/linking to the long and sordid history that’s seen many, many women detail just what a reprehensible sex creep Donald Trump actually is. The Lady Dynamite star, in her rapid-fire, mercurial delivery, explained to Meyers that while she’s more likely to respond to the current political climate in the manner of her beloved deaf-and-blind 20-year-old pug Betty (who’ll wedge herself between kitchen appliances and whimper in her desperate need of leadership), she’s also not above creating a little comic spectacle to nudge things along.

Maria Bamford’s new stand-up special Weakness Is The Brand premiered on January 28.

37 Comments

  • cariocalondoner-av says:

    For a change of pace, would be great if the next president knows what they’re doing – more than half of the time!

  • it-has-a-super-flavor--it-is-super-calming-av says:

    “a useless gesture that didn’t further the conversation in any way and wasted the time of caring professionals,”

    If it’s any consolation to her, we’re discussing it here and yes, it is b.s. that they restrain you (via payment) from filing a restraining order.

    • drmedicine-av says:

      If it’s free, what’s to deter people from making restraining orders against every person they can think of, tying up the Court’s time and then trying to enforce them constantly?

      • hearthheart-av says:

        Maybe just make a reasonable limit to how many you can request/have active at a given time?I suspect 2 at time would be reasonable, with a provision included for special cases like celebrities…Then you are not barring folks that might actually NEED it but to whom $40 is prohibitive.

        • Madski-av says:

          Two? ONE would be unreasonable. There are 300+ million people in the country. And once you use your free one to screw with your ex who hasn’t contacted you in months, you’re going to start using it in several other situations, because that’s what free samples are supposed to do: try to get you hooked on a product or a service. Ever been blocked or unfriended on Facebook for nothing? Imagine giving people the power to block other people in real life. People can be pretty petty. I mean this video is literally about someone filing a restraining order against someone who she has never met for crying out loud.

      • murrychang-av says:

        Yep that’s the reason: Some people are assholes who will abuse the law to fuck over people they don’t like.

      • it-has-a-super-flavor--it-is-super-calming-av says:

        $40 doesn’t seem like much of a deterrent. More like another barrier for the poor to overcome when they’re vulnerable.

        • bartfargomst3k-av says:

          There should be some kind of punishment for phony/unneeded restraining orders instead of a payment. My friend’s ex-girlfriend took one out against him for “domestic violence” even though she was the one who hit him with a frying pan, and when my buddy was able to prove with photographic evidence in court that she was lying there were zero repercussions other than the judge lifting the order.

        • modusoperandi0-av says:

          America!

      • mrfallon-av says:

        Is money the only possible mechanism you can think of?

      • tragicallyohio-av says:

        Because that wouldn’t happen. The filing fee, especially one of $40 is a burden too high for some of the most vulnerable people out there.

    • davehasbrouck-av says:

      At least here in San Francisco, there is a waiver that you can fill out to waive the filing fee if the cost is an obstacle. I don’t know if that’s a thing anywhere else, though.

  • abracadab-av says:

    > Why does it cost money to file a restraining order?To discourage the 0.001% of people who would file restraining orders on everyone they’ve ever met. OK, 0.00001%. But there are people like that out there.

  • gargsy-av says:

    “(Also, why does it cost money to file a restraining order? That’s some bullshit right there.)“

    Maybe to discourage useless horseshit like this? 

    • marchbald-av says:

      Right, if America wants a President who has eighteen women inline waiting for justice one day from his sexual assaults and rape well why shouldn’t they have that crotch grabbing malignant narcissist?? Wouldn’t want him to live near my daughters, or work in our local school but POTUS? Why not? 

  • dremiliolizardo-av says:

    Why $600? No tax paperwork for mom and dad.

    To be clear, I’m pretty sure they still have to claim the income. They just don’t have to supply any documentation to verify it. Anything under $600 is on the honor system.

  • jcn-txct-av says:

    I love BM and have been a fan for years. What got me was the difference between her “regular” voice and her “professional” voice because I do the same thing depending on the situation.In regards to the restraining order, I applaud the symbolism. I wonder if any hackers could put him and his boys on the National Sex Offenders list or at least New York’s or Florida’s list?

    • roboyuji-av says:

      The fact that his tax returns didn’t immediately go up online for everyone to see illustrates how damn useless hackers are.

  • justsomerandoontheinternet-av says:

    Can I get a restraining order against him that says he has to keep a minimum 3000 miles away from me at all times?

  • marymoore123-av says:

    $85/hr provide by Google, I am making a good salary from home $6580-$7065/week , which is amazing, under a year ago I was jobless in a horrible economy. I thank God every day I was blessed with these instructions and now it’s my duty to pay it forward and share it with Everyone.COPY HERE☛☛☛ http://www.foxnews44.com

  • pancakeemperor-av says:

    20 year old pug! holy crap, talk about burying the lead.

  • chriskoca-av says:

    Did a robot write this article? It seems like all the other articles (blah, blah, blah,….Trump, Trump, Trump). By the way, I have seen Bamford do standup and it was pretty mediocre. Calling her one of the best standups in the world is pretty funny though.

  • tarps-av says:

    Huh, kind of interesting.On a related subject (restraining orders and whatnot), is that Amber Heard update coming any time soon?

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