Who would win in a fight: Alligator Loki or Peacemaker’s Eagly?
“Tail” of the tape: Which of these fictional critters from the Marvel and DC cinematic universes is the fiercer competitor?
TV Features Eagly
Maybe this is all Disney’s fault. The first season of The Mandalorian, which debuted on the Disney+ streaming platform back in 2019, introduced an immensely popular new character to the Star Wars canon using the same simple tricks and nonsense that spawned the likes of Gizmo, Wall-E, and Wicket the Ewok. In floated The Mandalorian’s (and, now, The Book Of Boba Fett’s) greatest weapon, one calibrated to achieve maximum cuteness and make every child in the world screech “I want one!” in toy aisles the world ’round: Ladies and gentlemen, I believe you’ve already met Disney’s latest marketable icon, the improbably enchanting baby Yoda, Grogu.
With green ears out to here and eyes of jet that reflected only our hopes and dreams, Grogu’s propensity to react adorably to his sullen friend Din Djarin’s (Pedro Pascal) violent mercenary work played a vital role in making The Mandalorian a streaming smash. (He also launched a teeth-gnashingly adorable meme.) Grogu is the latest in a long line of “no duh” examples of how a Mogwai-level mascot is precisely what a studio needs to line its coffers with licensed toy lines, plushes, t-shirts, lunchboxes, Spaghetti-Os, dental floss, toilet paper, and air sickness bags from now until the end of time.
DC vs. Marvel: Adorable animal edition
So it’s no wonder why the Disney-owned juggernaut Marvel Studios might want to conjure up an appealing creature of its own—Loki’s Alligator Loki springs to mind—and you could bet the farm that competitor Warner Bros. was eventually going to stumble across something equitable in terms of cuteness and marketability. Like, say, Peacemaker’s Eagly. It’s weird that the DC of the big and small screen has only begun to tap into the comics’ long line of mascots and other lovable super-friends (there is an animated movie that’s about to blow this wide open). But Eagly, an original character created by James Gunn for his frightfully good HBO Max series, is already a strong contender for the all-time greatest. Eat your heart out, Krypto.
We know why characters like Grogu, Alligator Loki, and Eagly exist: They’re fun, adorable, and have the potential to make scads of money for their studio overlords. It’s only natural that we, the audience whose enthusiasm made them so popular in the first place, should want to pluck the very same squee-inducing animals from their television posts and toss them into an improbable situation that serves only our basest curiosities: If Alligator Loki and Eagly had to scrap, which one would win?
Like most online arguments that pit one fictional character against the other, this exceptionally unnecessary query orbits around perennial corporate-comic adversaries, DC and Marvel. TV Editor Danette Chavez has selected our cuddly combatants; the task to assess who would win a no-holds-barred grudge match between these two falls to me.
In this corner, weighing in at 60 pounds: Alligator Loki
First, we have to assess the strengths and weaknesses of these two brawlers. Alligator Loki, whose exploits were documented in barely two episodes of Loki (he first appeared in the post-credits sequence of “The Nexus Event” and ran amok in “Journey Into Mystery”), has a reputation for being a trickster. The jury’s still out as to whether or not he’s an actual Asgardian alligator from some uncharted alligator-ridden alternate reality or some alligator that lucked into a cool set of golden horns that just happened to fit his little head. (Loki head writer Michael Waldron knows the answer, but he’s not telling.) So we have to take into account Alligator Loki might share all the same illusory powers of his fellow Loki variants, he just chooses not to use them. (Or—or! He turned himself into an alligator and ended up getting stuck that way, which would imply he’s just bad at magic.)
Alligator Loki, judging by his limited appearances, moves and behaves just like a regular terran alligator. We have seen Alligator Loki run quickly over very short distances (he lunges after Boastful Loki when provoked) and is very likely a wicked swimmer. If this fight took place in a body of water, Alligator Loki would almost certainly have it in the bag.
And in the endangered species corner: Eagly (don’t worry, he’s CGI)
But Alligator Loki’s feathered foe in this theoretical executes most of his attacks from the sky. Eagly, indisputably the superior Peacemaker sidekick (sorry, Vigilante), has a keen advantage over most opponents he faces. As we saw in the thrilling Peacemaker episode “Murn After Reading”, Eagly can zoom in on his targets and pluck out their eyes in a matter of seconds. Also, Eagly has a zest for life that I just don’t see in Alligator Loki: He loves chips, hugging his best friend Chris, and sticking his head out of windows to catch a breeze whenever he goes on a car ride. Far as I can tell, Alligator Loki enjoys luxuriating in his kiddie pool and eating hands. (Just ask President Loki.) What’s more, like most Lokis he’s a temperamental sucker, and having a lousy attitude can get you into all sorts of trouble in the ring.
So how does this fight end? The only way it ever could: Eagly perched atop the luggage set that used to be Alligator Loki, a new pair of golden antlers on his head. As Grogu has shown a whole new generation of TV audiences, being adorable is a superpower on its own; if this were a contest of cuteness… well, Eagly still takes it, but at least here it’s not a total wash. Until we’re given some evidence that hidden within Alligator Loki’s diminutive frame lies some serious magical powers, Eagly’s in-and-out approach to mayhem wins the day—and it keeps hope alive that there may yet come a second season of Peacemaker. In the meantime, Eagly soars, Alligator Loki snores.
22 Comments
I’m pretty sure an alligator could beat an eagle, but I love Eagly so he gets my vote.
I was more upset that the White Dragon punched Eagly then the major death that happened in this week’s episode. He’s so adorable plus a bad ass.
Eagly can fly. He can just keep dive bombing the alligator. Alligator skin is tough but I’m pretty an eagle’s claws can shred it without much difficulty.
Eagles are piscine hunters. So they are adept at snatching prey out of the water and throwing them on to land. Given Alligator Loki’s size it’s well within an eagles snatching range. Eagly would Snatch Loki out of the wate and chuck him into some rocks within a few seconds. Loki wouldn’t have much of a chance unless he has something else up his sleeve. Alligator Loki’s best chance is to get Eagly into the water itself. But lets be real here, they probably wouldn’t fight. They’d become thier own PI duo. Eagly and Loki, solving crimes and eating fish. It’d be in the style of old detective noir. Someone would bust into thier office yelling at Eagly for something and Eagly would just screech back. After the chump storms out some dame walks in asking about whether or not last night meant anything to Eagly. ‘Gator Loki is off to the side at his own desk, keeping to himself puffing away on a cigarette.
According to this site:https://birdgap.com/weight-amount-birds-lift/The record lift for a bald eagle (or any bird) is 15 lb. Alligator Loki tricks Eagly into thinking he could lift him, and eats him.
Like I said they wouldn’t fight. They’ll become noir PI’s together. Mostly it’s getting the dirt on whose spouse is bumpin’ uglies with who. It’s a nasty business but it keeps the lights on so they can take on the cases the police are turning a blind eye to. Probably a dirty cop took some cash have some iron go missing or to sweep a missing persons case under the rug.
What do you mean? African or European bald eagle?
Yes! My first thought was “Why fight? They should team up!!” Though really, Classic Loki and Alligator Loki…the dream team we’ll never see again…
“I’m getting too old for this swamp.”
Bald Eagles aren’t endangered.
Yeah, conservation efforts were hugely successful for both bald eagles AND alligators, and now both are listed under “Least Concern” on the conservation index.
Man, I am split on this.Eagly is awesome and is very good at fighting by divebombing and plucking/clawing at eyes in matter of seconds. AndEagly would probably stay back and out of range so that Loki wouldn’t get to him easily. Though Alligator Loki (he’s a Loki!) would probably be as smart as the other Lokis so he might deduce that Eagly would be doing that so he would just sit back and lunge at Eagly to disrupt his attacks until Eagly tires out. I don’t think Alligator Loki has illusional powers since we didn’t see other Lokis doing that as well aside from Classic Loki.I say its a toss-up.
Sucks that Peacemaker isn’t as popular as The Mandorlain I would like too see Eagly merchandise.
See, I think the rest of y’all are going about this all wrong and presuming a melee-first tussle.In my mind, both Eagly and ‘gator Loki are both ranged caster classes.Upthread, someone mentions eagles can carry up to 15 lbs. The strategy there is for Eagly to grab rocks and branches, get to altitude, and dive bomb ‘gator Loki. At speed, the momentum of 15 lbs. of rock or branch could be enough to incur significant blunt-force or impaling damage.We’ve seen Loki Prime (and his adjacent variants) cast non-illusory throwing knives. Presumably, if he is in fact a Loki, ‘gator Loki has some sort of analogous ability. Maybe he can cast piranhas or snakes or something.So this matchup looks more like a bomber versus anti-aircraft battle of attrition; a probablistic encounter hinging on whether Eagly or Loki can wear each other down first, or score a critical hit. And only then, would it go into close-quarters melee range where it’s Eagly’s lightning fast reflexes tryna claw-or-beak a finishing hit to something critical like an eyeball or jugular, versus the sheer raw power of ‘gator Loki’s jaws.
You’ve given this a lot of thought. I approve.
Eagly would hug Alligator Loki and then they would be best friends. We all win!
Love it, but not sure about a Loki being a best friend. OTOH, it seems Loki Prime had a genuine change of character by the end of the series, and everyone certainly DESERVES a best friend like Eagly, so let’s do this!
No mention of Groot (and Baby Groot) as the OG Marvel Cinematic Universe adorable piece of merch?
Just for some context, Eagly is likely around 12-15 lbs. and can dive at 100 mph with razor sharp talons….Alloki would be sightless before he realized they were fighting, and then either left to die or toyed with mercilessly.
loki would lose due to hubris and eagley would win thanks to good old fashioned american can-do spirit.
Loki can use magic. Eagly is a eagle.
was this written by a delusional DC fan? How the fuck could a regular eagle beat A MAGICAL, LOKI alligator?