Neil Gaiman forced to address the live-action Coraline remake that Twitter just made up
Aux Features Coraline
The year is 2009. You’ve just walked out of the theater from watching Coraline for the first time. You’re scared shitless. The year is 2019. It is happening again, but with real people and button-eyed monsters. That’s the reality that Twitter conjured up recently, and it’s also not happening. Neil Gaiman, who penned the novella upon which the film is based, is making sure of that.
It’s hard to pinpoint where all the chatter started, but it seems to be with the myriad calls for either Stranger Things’ Natalia Dyer or pop singer Billie Eilish to star in the nonexistent film.
This rampant speculation, however, put some on the defensive.
And that’s when Gaiman himself stepped in, and boy does he sound like an old man telling you to get off his lawn. Leave him alone, will ya!
He just wants to talk, okay? Everyone can rest assured this isn’t happening, no matter how much you reply to him on Twitter about it (but don’t).
Anyways, no matter how fantastical, scary, or good a live-action Coraline movie might have been if Gaiman was involved, it’s not going to happen. Excuse us as we storm off in disappointment.
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This has to be the 4th or 5th AV Club article I’ve read in the last week or so that uses “anyways”. It’s “anyway”
anyways…
Here’s Wonderwalls
Actually, if you want to be technical, it’s “anyhoo”.
Anywhats
As a Wisconsinite, this tracks.
Even half-literate vampire Tommy Wiseau used “anyway” correctly in The Room.“Anyway, how’s your sex life?”
Sir, this is an Arby’s.
In that case I would like two beef and cheddar sandwich and a small curly fries.
Ooo-oo! Now do “irregardless”!
I will once I notice them using it on multiple recent articles.
But I want you to be a wet blanket now!
Everyone gets that wrong. It’s actually “Irregardless’ Monster”.
AND ‘I could care less’.I love that one!
Go tell that to David Milch, cocksucker!
And while we’re at it, it’s spelled “you.” I have no idea why the author thinks it’s spelled “ya.” Get some copyeditors, fer chrissake!
I’m on tiktok coining “anywayz” right now just to get under your skin
This is weird prescriptivist hill to die on considering “anyway,” is also informal slang and in no way more “proper” than “anyways.”
The words been in use since the 13th century. Good luck getting rid of it!
Anywoozle wuzzle?
I also see “horde/hoard”, “peak/peek/pique”, and other common errors most of us stopped making in junior high.“Professional” “writers”, LOL.
what’s with all the “hear me out” shit?
Hear me out, it’s people on the internet. Just be glad is isn’t abbreviated.I mean, HMO, just be glad is isn’t abbreviated.
Something I’ve been wondering for a while… how is this different from “PPO, just be glad is isn’t abbreviated” or “EPO, just be glad is isn’t abbreviated”?
[sic]
IDK.
On the plus side, it leaves Neil Gaiman with more time to be delightful in some other way.
Like the actual in the works Sandman.
I can’t wait to read his new book!
I hear it takes place in a world similar to but slightly set apart from our own.
A plucky everyman, down on his or her luck is transported into this parallel world filled with danger, fantasy markets and British wisecracking that translates very badly to screen.
It’s going to sell a million!
Well you’re not wrong. I’ll take two.
I saw the Coraline Opera in London. Yes, that is a real thing. And holy shit did I hate it.
Please, go on.
Some combination of Gondry/Jonze/Kaufman (or all three) could make this happen and it would be great. (of course, “fans” would hate it, but that’s a given)
Yorgos Lanthimos presents… Coraline
And why would having someone in their 20s play an 11 year old be a great idea, according to these people?
I feel like fan-castings are just whatever actor vaguely looks the part without regard to age appropriateness. Like I just saw people naming 40-something year old actors to play Eric in the live-action Little Mermaid when the lead actress is like 18.
Uh, a 40-something male dating an 18-year-old female is pretty much the standard for the Hollywood casting practices.
Are you trying to say Scarlett Johansson couldnt do it?
maybe the cat. no CG or prosthetics.
take your damn star!
She doesn’t have the range.
That was my first thought. The thing most people probably know her from is ‘Stranger Things’, where she plays a sexually active adult. How exactly does the leap to pre-adolescent girl happen there? (Please do not answer this question.)
Because people on Twitter are fucking stupid.
90% of the time, fan-casting is just the sticking whichever actor you like into a role in a movie you’d like to see, and just assuming that’ll work out because the actor is talented and role is good.
Because they’re stupid. Seriously. Nowadays, no one can just enjoy things. Fans nowadays are like babies in their cribs screaming for “More! We want more!” Or those dogs that whine after they finish the delicious food you put out for them because they want even more.Enjoy what you got and be glad you got it, greedy.
I kind of doubt he was forced, Gaiman has always seemed a little too online. I made a short, vague tumblr post once about his body of work a few years ago and he almost immediately liked it and reblogged it with a comment in spite of it being basically nothing from a random blog with less than 100 followers. It was surreal.
Make a live action The Thief of Always movie instead!
Also, if we were going to get a live-action Coraline, the child character should probably be played be a child or am I crazy?
This was my absolute first thought. I thought “Too old” and then I got slightly grossed out about the usual usage of that phrase.
I dunno, if they manage to make the scene where the Beldam pursues Coraline any scarier than in the animated film, I may shit myself and die.
I’m gonna take this idea and flip it: stop motion animated ‘Stranger Things’!
QUICK! SHOVE THIS ALL OVER THE FRONT PAGE OF THE AV CLUB FOR A WEEK!
The header image reminded me of the one thing about Coraline that was bad:
The dumb gimmicky 3D moments which added absolutely nothing to the movie.Back in the days of early adopters of 3D this was a cinematic plague.
John Linnell should play John Linnell.