New Zealand mom names her kids Metallica, Pantera, and Slayer
Filmmaker David Farrier introduced us to the woman and her power trio on his Twitter account
Music Features MetallicaA woman in New Zealand, refusing to bring another Mackenzie or Jack into the world, has named her three kids “Metallica,” “Pantera,” and “Slayer.” This information comes courtesy of filmmaker David Farrier, whose work exploring the often strange minutia of everyday life in documentaries like Dark Tourist and Tickled (or articles about Instagram’s “hotel bed jumping community”) has continued in a newsletter that recently introduced us to the power trio.
Over on his Twitter, Farrier introduces the story by writing that he’s “proud to report” the news of these Kiwi thrash monsters. The mom in question, pictured in one tweet wielding a crossbow, said in an interview that “it’s not easy raising three of the heaviest bands,” but she is otherwise unidentified (probably to safeguard the anonymity of children named… Metallica, Pantera, and Slayer).
In order to make sure he wasn’t being fooled by the woman—that she wasn’t a Master Of Puppets pulling his strings—Farrier reached out to New Zealand’s Registrar-General to inquire as to whether “there are any restrictions naming babies after band names, or albums.” He was told that there aren’t, “as long as the word used is not generally considered to be offensive or does not resemble an official rank or title.” This may rule out naming a baby after one of your favorite grindcore acts, but it did allow Farrier to verify the fact that Baby Metallica’s middle name is also—we’re not kidding—“And Justice For All.”
These kids will either have the best or absolute worst time in school, depending primarily on whether ‘80s thrash is currently cool with the youth—and whether lil’ Metallica has to deal with terrible classmates like “Napster” and “Decent Snare Drum Mixing.”
[via Consequence Of Sound]
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52 Comments
Way to make sure you kids will listen to nothing but Air Supply and Hall & Oates.
They’re full on the Yacht Rock…well, yacht baby!
Hall & Oates are amazing. That’s all.
I guess naming them Conchord, Crowded House and Lordy would’ve been too on the nose?
So, little Metallica is going to grow up to be a rich asshole, little Slayer is going to be kind of an edge lord, and little Pantera… well, he just better be careful.
He might open a chain of barely passable sandwich restaurants.
If they move to Iceland and each fathers a male child, will the sons have surnames of Metallicason, Panterason, and Slayerson?
No, because Iceland has very strict rules about what names you can give your kids thank goodness.
Pantera is either gonna get shot and killed OR he’s going to ignorantly wave the Confederate flag in the name of Southern Rock.
Metallica is going to do really well in school, but will have peaked by then and spend the rest of his life being a bloated mess. Slayer will be really edgy for attention, but will grow up to realise the way to be REALLY evil is to vote conservative. Pantera will grow up to be a huge racist.
Poor kids. But at least none of them are called Slipknot, Cannibal Corpse, or Cradle of Filth, so it could be worse.
Really, couldn’t all babies be called Cradle of Filth?
*shouldn’t
Hey hey hey, my nephew is named Slipknot, so named because my brother knocked up his ex at a Slipknot show, STILL one of the best live shows I’ve ever seen, so don’t you DARE come after Slipknot!!!HE’S A GOOD BOY! Always brushes his teeth and tightens his riffs before bed.
Unlike many of the other bands mentioned in this article/these comments, Cannibal Corpse are actually still putting out really good music so being named after them wouldn’t be so bad.When I was young I always said that if I had a son I would call him Kyuss, so it’s probably pretty lucky that I don’t want kids.
The fourth son, ‘Nelson’, is locked in a room in the attic and fed through a slot in the door.
Nelson! Nelson! Let down your hair!
Those young men fill me with hope…and some other emotions that are weird and deeply confusing…
…and the 5th, Winger, has been jailed for underage relations.
A lot of countries simply will not approve of parents giving their children incredibly stupid names. Gotta say, I support that. Or at least they should have to check and make sure the parents are rich hollywood idiots.Metallica is gonna have a pretty rough bout of alcoholism for…well…ever…until he becomes boring at least.
Could be worse
Damn you beat me to it!
We’ve come full circle: Metallica made Load, and a load made Metallica.
I HOPE YOU DIE BART HARLEY JARVIS.
FUCK YOU BART HARLEY JARVIS!
YOU PIECE OF SHIT!
it makes sense, since those bands first albums just arrived in new zealand
“it’s not easy raising three of the heaviest bands,”
Well, two of them and Metallica, sure.
Oh shit I know what they’re gonna look like when they grow up!
They won’t need no instructions to know how to rock!
It’s called ‘I Wanna Rock Your Body’, and then in parentheses, ‘(Until the Break of Dawn)’
And my wife wouldn’t let me name my daughters Big Star, Clash and Replacements. I even said we could call Replacements “Mats” for short dammit!
They forgot to mention Pantera’s middle name is “Walk on Home, Boy”.
“and whether lil’ Metallica has to deal with terrible classmates like ‘Napster’ and ‘Decent Snare Drum Mixing.’”Not a fan of Lars either, huh?
This is child abuse.
Just cut to the chase and name them Meth, Pole-Dancer and Josh Hawley.
Don’t worry, once they get to school they’ll be Terry, Tally, and Sly.
She needs to be careful changing little Metallica’s diapers…any parent knows that after the Load, there’s often a Reload.
Cool. Way better than all the EV Starbucks Trader Joe’s hipster make love not war tree-hugging names out there. Still though, we need more named after power tools and construction vehicles. Then we’ll achieve perfect balance.
There’s definitely something about New Zealand and weird baby names. I’ve seen several articles in the past that were similar to this. I find it astonishing that NZ has the lock on weird/stupid baby names when America exists.
Since you mention David Farrier, this is a good place to link to his research into another New Zealand director, Anna Wilding.Strap in.
https://www.webworm.co/p/the-wild-story-of-anna-wilding-parthttps://www.webworm.co/p/the-pretender-part-2https://www.webworm.co/p/the-pretender-part-iii-wilding-vhttps://www.webworm.co/p/pretender4
Thanks so much for the links. Just read the whole saga (so far). Shit is nuts.
I love David Farrier. I need to become a Webworm subscriber.
I can’t figure out for the life of what you call them for short. Like, say your crazy name is something like ‘Matterhorn’ or something, at least you can just go by Matt. What on earth can you use for these kids? Met, Pant, and Slay? Lica, Ter, and Yer?
Honestly, if I didn’t know about the band, I might hear the name Pantera and think, “Yeah, that sounds like a name.”
It’s just Spanish for panther. I’ve known kids named wolf, so there’s precedent in naming kids after predators (wildlife type predators, not Weinstein/Cosby type predators, ideally).
“Dammit, Pantera, I told you to get out there and mow that lawn!”
5 years from now, I’m predicting some will name their kids Korn, Limp Bizkit, and Linkin Park. And that will signal the end of days.
Slayer rules,of course,but those other 2 are trash names for an actual person.
Yes another reason for Dave Mustaine to shed a tear…