You Hurt My Feelings review: Julia Louis-Dreyfus shines in this low-stakes jewel
The Seinfeld alum plays an author spiraling out of control in director Nicole Holofcener’s latest look at contemporary relationships
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You Hurt My Feelings stars Julia Louis-Dreyfus as a writer named Beth sent into an existential tailspin over a negative response to her latest work. There is, however, a twist. The pan does not come from a stranger in an online pop culture journal, but, instead, from her husband. What’s worse—or, at least, what makes this an unusual situation—is that Beth’s husband Don (Tobias Menzies) is supportive and says “the right thing” to her face, but when he’s having what he thinks is a private conversation while shopping for socks, he tells his buddy (Arian Moayed) that he thinks Beth’s book stinks.
Let me say here and now that this movie is very good. It’s not likely to end up on my top 10 of the year, but maybe the top 25? And, in a way, that’s even more perfect. What Holofcener has created is the ne plus ultra of low stakes cinema. The lives of Beth and Don—a burned out therapist who has begun getting his patients’ problems mixed up—are in no peril. They are wealthy New Yorkers who live in a brownstone and get their bagels at Zabar’s. But you know very well that little things can eat away at your brain and cause just as much consternation as real problems. (And there’s no amount of telling yourself “this isn’t that big of a deal!” that will make it less of a big deal.) As such, a movie like You Hurt My Feelings is a work of art that is probably more reflective of our actual lives than 99 percent of what we watch. And thank God for that!
There’s a wonderful little moment in the middle of the film; Beth and her sister Sarah (Michaela Watkins) meet at their mother Georgia’s (Jeannie Berlin) apartment for lunch. The scene lays the groundwork for sitcom shenanigans, especially with the deadpan, slack-jawed Georgia swooping into the dining room. The trio chit-chat and Beth says she’d like to take some potato salad with her. Despite a surfeit of Tupperware-style products, Mom suggests she just plop some of the stuff directly into some aluminum foil and carry it home. Beth sighs, Sarah shrugs, and the topic eventually gets changed.
In real life, your mother telling you to bring home potato salad in aluminum foil is funny and the type of thing you’d grouse about to your friend. But what most screenwriting teachers would tell you that just because something is zany in life, it isn’t likely to come across as zany on screen. You need to raise the stakes. If this were an episode of Seinfeld, Jerry and Elaine would start shouting “the foil! She wanted it in the foil!” and turn it into a bit, which doesn’t work in a droll indie comedy. But this is why Holofcener is a genius. Her whole movie (and, really, her oeuvre going back to Walking And Talking in 1996) is potato salad in aluminum foil—little observations that aren’t overblown, just amusing and real. Examined bit by bit, it doesn’t seem like much, but the essence of that silvery wad of potato salad eventually transforms into something meaningful.
Julia Louis-Dreyfus, a treasure as always, basically plays it straight and is terrific. She’s a caring mother, teacher, and spouse, and probably a good writer, too. (Her first book was well received, even if it didn’t sell that much.) It’s impossible not to like her. The character is also smart enough to know that she shouldn’t be so wounded by her husband’s slight, but lack of intent doesn’t prevent the outcome.
Tobias Menzies is hilarious in the more passive role. Did he really do anything so wrong? The two of them try to work through this episode (he is a therapist, after all) but there are other issues at play, as there are with any aging couple. The funniest scenes are actually of Don at work, especially with David Cross and Amber Tamblyn as a miserable married couple seeking his counseling. The days of DVD extras are mostly gone, but there are probably many great unused takes of the two of them riffing on the couch that, if this were a just world, would make their way to YouTube.
But life isn’t fair! You know that by now. Or, if you don’t, it takes a good melancholy movie like You Hurt My Feelings to remind you. Luckily things basically work out in the end and it only takes 93 minutes. Nothing about this hurts at all.
You Hurt My Feelings opens in theaters May 26, 2023
30 Comments
Is there some significance that they are shopping for socks? I mean, whatever, it just seems like a weird detail to include.“a burned out therapist who has begun getting his patients’ problems mixed up” – well, that could lead to some awkward sessions.
Maybe because there are few things more mundane and lower-stakes than shopping for socks? All of this being set in motion while engaged in something so trivial rather than some dramatic event kind of drives the point home.
This didn’t seem like a movie I’d’ve been interested in seeing, but now I’m getting intrigued. About the potato salad as well.
“That doesn’t really sound like someth – Wait a minute, did you say socks?!?”
I had some (funeral) potato salad today! Not as good as mums, but decent.
I do like me some potato salad.
And sorry for your loss.
It’s the trivial things that are just life. I’ve found myself shopping with friends and we’ll being going down random isles at a Walmart or Target or whatever and all of the sudden, Oh! I didn’t realize I wanted/needed this. We think about how much we are missing that soap but then we get to whatever store and then forget. I never go to a discount store like Marshalls or TJMaxx with an agenda. I -know- I need this and that, but leaving it up to opportunity opens up the doors. Maybe I missed the point of your comment…
i love love love nicole holofcener so all i can say it let’s fucking gooooo.
Oh boy, I’ll get the fucking goo!
nice.
Did you get those duck fat sex goo ads up there? “Get some quack in your crack”?
Is Gwyneth Paltrow involved in this?
For the right price, yeah, you could probably get her involved.
She has had a varied, and well rounded career with a long list of films, TV, writing and directing. I noticed she is listed as director on some episodes of Lucky Hank recently. What I love about Holofcener’s films is her ability to make characters realistic and relatable, in everyday situations. Also, they can have flaws, make mistakes or have wonderful qualities but she never sets them up as being “good” or “bad” simply showing us how most have a mix of personality textures within them. Plus she gave us James Gandolfini in his last wonderful role. I loved him in Enough Said and it broke my heart we wouldn’t see him in anything going forward.
Haven’t seen Enough Said, but what I always loved about Gandofini is regardless of role he could be so menacing without even raising his voice. A little smirk and gleam in the eye told you everything you needed to know.
Right! It was never my favorite stuff to watch when he would go physically ballistic on The Sopranos, I loved that crunchy under-the-surface smiling with teeth only look he could get muster as a dangerous menace in that show and other roles. I had heard in God Of Carnage he had a presence which you could feel up into the balcony, a palpable life force which was rare to witness in live theater. In Enough Said we were able to see the other side, the softer side of subtext in his performance, conveying concern and hurt without a lot of overacting; hope you get a chance to see it sometime.
This is written like a 3rd grade book report.
Stateside, Tobias Menzies seems to always get cast as serious military/royal dudes (GoT, Rome, The Terror, The Crown). Looking forward to seeing him in a comedy!
I highly recommend This Way Up – Aisling Bea’s dramedy – to anyone who hasn’t seen it for some excellent Tobias Menzies content. He’s still the straight man, but he has great timing. He’s also quite funny in Catastrophe, though in a much smaller role.
He played Sharon Horgan’s OB/GYN in Catastrophe. He was hilarious. I had only seen him as the really awful British officer in Outlander previously.
Seinfeld references? Seriously?She’s had a pretty brilliant career since then.
Yup, you have to hand it to TR-6
Seinfeld curse is a non-thing.Well, there was that Michael Richards incident, but he redeemed himself with that Comedians in Cars episode. It’s easily the funniest, stupidest, just sentimental 30 minutes ever.
I love you . . . . . . . Oh, Okay then, . . . nevermind . . . That is compact characterization, conveys the roadmap of an entire narrative in a single exchange.
Yeah that got the best chuckle out of me.
The chuckle is just the amuse bouche, that exchange opens your imagination to the types of characters who would engage in such an exchange, and it sets your expectations for a relatable narrative about complicated relationships.
And today I learned a new term.
She really needs to start avoiding socks shopping
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