Sarah Brady accuses ex-boyfriend Jonah Hill of “emotionally abusive” behavior
Brady, a professional surfer, labeled Hill a "misogynist narcissist" while posting alleged screenshots of texts from their relationship
Aux News Jonah Hill
Professional surfer Sarah Brady posted a video on her Instagram Stories earlier this weekend, alleging that her former boyfriend, actor Jonah Hill, was a “misogynist narcissist” who had acted in an “emotionally abusive” manner toward her during the course of their relationship. Brady included in her video several screenshots that were alleged to have been sent by Hill, including one where he appears to tell her that if she surfs with other men, or post pictures of herself in swimsuits, “I am not the right partner for you.”
Per People, neither Brady nor Hill has made any official comments about her posts as of yet. (We’ve reached out to Hill’s reps, and will update if they get back to us.) Brady’s point of view is pretty clear; in another portion of the Instagram video, she writes that, “If your partner is talking to you like this, make an exit plan.” She also updated a caption on a public photo of her and Hill at the premiere of his 2021 film Don’t Look Up, writing, “Misogynist in plain sight.”
At another point, she writes that, “I too struggle with mental health but I do not use it to control ppl like he did to me.” Hill has talked extensively about anxiety in recent years, including making a documentary about his therapist, Dr. Phil Stutz, that Netflix released last year. In her video, Brady has some negative words for Stutz, and includes the phrase “Boycott Stutz” more than once. There are also multiple times where she accuses Hill of using language adopted from therapy for the purposes of gaslighting.
Brady writes that she was “Sharing this publicly now because keeping it to myself was causing more damage to my mental health than sharing it could ever do.” Although none of the posts appear to explicitly name Hill, several of the texts are labeled as being from “Jonah,” and the pair’s relationship became public knowledge in 2021. Hill recently had a child with partner Olivia Millar; in her Stories video, Brady wrote, “I hope my ex has a daughter; maybe she’ll turn him into a real feminist.”
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Although none of the posts appear to explicitly name Hill, several of the texts are labeled as being from “Jonah”
Is that not Hill’s first name? How is that not “explicitly naming” him? Or does it not count unless it’s his full legal name, exactly as it appears on his passport, followed by his 6-digit birth date in parentheses?
Maybe she dated more then one Jonah?
Maybe she dated Rivers Cuomo.ETA. Shit, that was “Jonas”. You’re off the hook this time, Cuomo, but I’m watching you.
It tracks.
Jon H. Ryan?!
That’s not a Jonah, that’s Jonad.
There’s lots of Jonah’s. It’s not explicit I’d say unless it at least has his last name.
I think they’re differentiating from the photos of the texts being labeled vs. the caption on the photo not using names, and AVClub probably doesn’t want to get sued by saying otherwise.
She’s a surfer, so probably knows a few Jonahs, with or without pet whales.
“Explicitly name”
This doesn’t surprise me. There have been rumors for years that Jonah Hill is a huge asshole. Especially post weight loss. You see this kinda thing sometimes. Insecure people assume the world treats them like it dose because of some flaw they have, like being overweight. Then they “fix” it and find out the world hasn’t really started treating you any different and they turn into assholes because they feel entitled to more.
Yeah, I’m not surprised if this turns out to be true either. I could be remembering wrong but I could have sworn I had read about him having some mental health issues, which certainly could have played a role in this sort of thing. Not excusing him, and also not condemning him, just noting I believe I’ve read some things along those lines.
I’m intrigued by the part where she named the therapist as part of the problem. That sounds like it’s not just the fact that Hill co-opted the stuff from therapy, but that there may have been things the therapist was actually encouraging. None of that makes it okay, but it is an added dimension, it seems.
the whole netflix series was lolz because a lot of the concepts were just common concepts lots of therapists/clients are familiar with.
And the therapist had a lot to gain by having Hill as a client so it would definitely affect how he treated both of them. If the therapist had stayed out of the public eye, there might have been more balance to the treatment.
I think it’s more coming from that line of thought that modern men will weaponize language and concepts to gaslight and abuse women. I read a bunch of people on Twitter talking about how men in the past would just be explicitly misogynistic and cruel in how they controlled and abused their partners, whereas modern men study feminism and go to therapy so they can wrap their controlling misogyny in nice-sounding words to emotionally bully their partners into seeing abuse as something else. So like, in the 1950s, Jonah Hill would just beat his girlfriend to stop her from hanging out with other guys, but in the 21st century, Jonah Hill goes to therapy so he can emotionally beat his girlfriend with talk about his boundaries and his mental health to stop her from hanging out with other guys.
She says that their couples therapist made her agree to avoid ALL men while she was surfing (her job): “I was instructed to say ‘I’m going to talk to my boyfriend’ and then paddle away.”
Wasn’t the world’s biggest fan of the psuedo-guru energy going throughout the Netflix series either.
i think it’s wild you think that he wasn’t treated way differently after the weight loss
That’s the point. He probably has but not in the ways he feels entitled too. But honestly I also don’t see him getting many parts these days as the hunky stud or anything either. Honestly not sure he’s worked much at all lately
So basically he has Short Man Syndrome but from being fat comic relief
Given the career Hill has had I am not surprised that he’s insecure. Money Ball is probably his best-known role and he plays the smart, nerdy, ugly guy who helps Pitt’s gorgeous, self-assured character. Now in real life Brad is gorgeous and sell-assured and Jonah is not that bright! So his insecurities have a strong basis in reality and no woman is going to be able to fill that hole.
Doesnt surprise me either since you are a certified woketard asshole.
Maybe there’s something else I’m missing here, but I don’t think that clearly establishing boundaries and expressing your wishes and desires counts as being emotionally abusive, even if those boundaries and wishes aren’t something the other person agrees with, or even something most people would agree with. Almost everyone has their own “dealbreakers,” and we’re all entitled to have them.Kinda feels like she’s just bitter or clout chasing now.
She’s a surfer and she’s not allowed to surf with men or post photos in a bathing suit? Are you kidding me? That goes way beyond boundaries. He’s asking her to change who she is so he doesn’t feel insecure. As for clout chasing, he literally made a career out of posting about her when they were together acting like he was the world’s most supportive boyfriend. She’s pointing out that he was anything but that.
Yeah, they’re really dumb boundaries. I can see why she didn’t agree to them. I wouldn’t have agreed to them either, and I’m neither or a model nor a surfer.Doesn’t mean he didn’t have the right to say “I’ve decided these are the dumb requirements I have for a partner, take it or leave it, but this is what I need.” I think there would be a lot fewer unhealthy relationships if one partner was willing and able to clearly express exactly what they needed, and the other was willing and able to clearly say “I can’t and/or won’t give you that, bye.”edit: depending on the context, that’s exactly what he could have been saying. “I need this, I know that’s unacceptable to you, so that’s why it’s not going to work.”Dumb or not, people are allowed to need what they need.
So he needs to be a controlling asshole? That’s not the vibe he was selling when he endlessly posted about her. I think her point here is that he’s the opposite of what he wants the public to see him as. I think we also need to know the difference between boundaries and rules. They’re not the same.
Do you think actors and acressess are who they pretend to be to the public? Everyone is different behind closed doors, men and WOMEN. You have no idea how she acted. Did she flirt with these other men and as Jonah got to know her and see this he notified her of his new learned boundaries? We don’t know because its complex but you just right to he is a controlling asshole. If I praised someone then learn they are doing shady shit behind the scenes of course I would put up a boundary.
“opposite of what he wants the public to see him as”Dats why Jonah is a true woketard!
Asserting a boundary requires that person to do something proactively. “I can’t date someone who surfs with other men/posts revealing pictures, so this relationship won’t work out” is a boundary.
Saying that you will leave or do something undesirable if someone else doesn’t change their behaviour isn’t a boundary, its an ultimatum, and ultimatums within relationships are almost always a form of manipulation.
Saying that you will leave or do something undesirable if someone else doesn’t change their behaviour isn’t a boundary, its an ultimatum, and ultimatums within relationships are almost always a form of manipulation.Very true.
Not only that, but ultimatums are also a common death knell of relationships. Why? Because the very essence of an ultimatum inspires either resentment on the part of the party receiving the ultimatum (and resentment, like contempt, is an emotion within a relation that’s not easily overcome), but also distrust by the person presenting the ultimatum (as in, why need an ultimatum if you already trust the other party to act in a specific manner?)
At best, an ultimatum leads to a very tenuous cessation of overt hostilities that will inevitably lead to a resurgence, if given enough time. At worst…well, you needn’t a vivid imagination to go from there.
You don’t see how framing this as a “need” is manipulative? Let’s rephrase, “If you loved me and wanted to be with me, you’d take down all your photos and stop surfing with men. I guess, since you’re not willing to do that, you don’t really love me.”Can you see it now?
He’s using legitimate-sounding language to couch his gross demands in a veneer of respectability. Setting oppressive restrictions on a person’s autonomy and making extreme demands of them isn’t negated, excused or justified just because “My boundaries are -” is put in front of them.
The point is he’s going to be a controlling, habitual boundary-violator with any relationship he’s in. He’s the problem. He shouldn’t be in relationships with women, because he’s not a safe person to be around.
Not if they need to be manipulative and controlling. Those aren’t legitimate needs or requirements, that’s emotional abuse.
Listen I’m fine with letting the world know with receipt when someone is a monster. But airing someone’s private conversations for the world to see because you had a jealous possibly controlling boyfriend seem a bit excessive if not just toxic behavior in and of itself.Is this really all that is required nowdays for someone to be labeled an “abuser” and have your insecurities(toxic as they may be) throw as bait to the internet sharks?
“He’s asking her to change who she is so he doesn’t feel insecure.”And she could say no and break up with him. “Emotional abuse” requires a lot more than that. That, alone, is definitely misogynistic and narcissistic for sure, but alone it’s not abusive. I’m not saying he wasn’t abusive and I’m sure there’s more context here, but taken by itself it’s asshole behavior and I agree with the below that if true he’s a creep and a loser for sure but that’s not the same as abusive. But again, I’m sure there’s more context not included in this article.
I think you’re being very naive here. He couched it by using “healthy” boundary setting language, but what he was asking for was extremely toxic. If you’ve ever encountered someone like that, you know these demands only came after a period of love bombing that got her invested in the relationship, making it hard for her to just walk away. They were already in couples therapy together, this wasn’t some casual thing.
I agree that it’s not a healthy boundary and that it’s toxic.
Toxic behavior is not abusive!
As per the Justice Department website:
“What Is Domestic Violence?”
“Domestic violence is a pattern of abusive behavior in any relationship that is used by one partner to gain or maintain power and control over another intimate partner. Domestic violence can be physical, sexual, emotional, economic, psychological, or technological actions or threats of actions or other patterns of coercive behavior that influence another person within an intimate partner relationship. This includes any behaviors that intimidate, manipulate, humiliate, isolate, frighten, terrorize, coerce, threaten, blame, hurt, injure, or wound someone.”
It certainly can be. I just think we need to make sure to connect all the dots before we automatically label any toxic behavior as abuse. This probably does qualify, on the whole, taking in his entire pattern of behavior.
Yep. Threatening your partner that you’ll break up with them if they don’t stop surfing with half of the population when they are a surfer is totally not abusive. Men trying to control women via threats is totally not abusive. You might want to look at yourself a little deeper.
What do you expect me to find within myself upon this introspection?
Shaming someone for their behavior and accusing them of having “inappropriate, boundary-less relationships” with others, and making them feel guilty about what they do as a normal part of their job is entirely emotional abuse. It’s all “I could find you lovable and wouldn’t be hurt if you weren’t such a slut in my eyes.”
I’ll allow it! I don’t disagree.
She can just walk away at that point tho. I’m sorry I don’t understand why you’re mad he didn’t have a gun to her head when specifying these things. She had all the ability in the world to dump him there but instead she was like “nahhhh he’s a celebrity so Im putting up with this” and now she’s complaining about it retroactively when she fully went with it at the time. Woooow I can truly see your point since he had a gun to her head and all.
You don’t have to be in a relationship with a famous person to stay in a relationship like this. Lots of times you don’t even notice what he’s doing until later. Other times they have stripped you of your self worth to the point where you think they might be right. There are red flags you don’t notice during the love bombing or even after the love bombing turns into controlling behavior because you don’t even notice the love bombing is kind of off. Have you ever actually been in a relationship? This type of thing can happen to lots of people, famous or not.
So why didn’t she end the relationship right there?
Don’t be an idiot every has to change when getting in a commited relationship. He set is boundaries clearly, she can leave if she don’t agree. Its called not working out and doesn’t need to be posted on line. Also, you have no context for his text. Was she surfing with men on her free time? That would be like me going dancing with women on my free time, something many girlfriends would not be ok with.
Reminds me of the bullshit Frank Sinatra used to pull with women. Court and marry women with established careers and then act shocked when they wouldn’t give them up for him. Controlling as hell.
Again, a lot of the criticism hinges on “you’re not allowed.” It really doesn’t seem like that’s what he’s saying, just that he doesn’t like it and that he respects her wishes, but that may mean it’s not a fit. Annoying behavior? Sure, probably, but abusive?
Nah, it’s typical deranged misogyny. Imagine following a professional surfer’s Instagram, liking a bunch of her surfing pics, then once you start dating her, going back through all of her pics and sending her specific ones to take down because you think they’re too revealing and pretending that she violated your boundaries in the pics she took before she even knew you. And again: she’s a fucking surfer! She’s wearing her uniform at her job. Hill is a creep and loser and you both misunderstand what a boundary is. He was absolutely using the language of therapy to disguise controlling behaviour.
Some of them are more reasonable sounding than others, but I don’t think I’ve ever seen anyone attempt to bar a person from freely associating with people who wasn’t a huge piece of shit. There might be circumstances where you could say “this person or these people are bad for you, and your behavior with them negatively affects us”, but that doesn’t include “all surfers” and certainly doesn’t include “men who aren’t me”. Also the fact that she didn’t change into the person he suddenly had a problem with, but was that person from the moment they started dating is a huge tell.
All the same, while I know plenty of men use therapy lingo, fake feminism, or any number of contemporary cultural tics to trick women into thinking that they’re really good guys, I’m not certain that’s what’s happening here. Hill has given off a really weird energy for a while now, and I get the impression that while therapy has probably worked quite well for him, he probably imagines himself much further along the path than he actually is. I don’t blame Brady for getting out or even publicizing this whole thing, but it could be that Hill was trying to use tools he had learned to fix a relationship that couldn’t be saved and that he probably shouldn’t have initiated in the first place.
‘Defining boundaries’ means letting your partner know the things that you won’t do. I.e. “I am uncomfortable with heights, so if you’re looking for a partner who will go rock climbing with you, I’m not the right partner for you.” If your ‘boundaries’ are placing explicit limits on your partner’s behavior (beyond something like ‘don’t cheat on me’), then that’s not ‘defining boundaries,’ that’s controlling behavior.
This is a great explanation of the difference between the terms.
Stay away from women, please
“Hi. I exist solely to be an example. It suits me and I have no shame for it.”For the record, putting bOuNdArIeS on who your partner hangs out with in their own damn free time when the people in questions aren’t criminals or whatever is basically the second thing every halfway-normal person knows is abuse right behind smacking them around. So stop.
Yeah, and it sounds like when Jonah communicated those boundaries/ desires, she must have in some way indicated at the time that she was okay with it (when she clearly wasn’t)…. so that’s her fault? This feels like classic girl wants to break up with celebrity but because she’s a celebrity she wont but in the end that makes him an asshole? Somehow? “DAMN YOU CELEBRITY FOR NOT BEING THE PERSON I WANT YOU TO BE!”
I keep feeling like the Aziz thing went down in a similar fashion. Girl who doesn’t want to sleep with him can’t get over his celebrity status and leads him on and then later claims he was abusive after waltzing into a situation she truly didn’t wanna be in. Yah okay cry me a river.
Um , that’s not what boundaries means and if you look at the texts they are chock full of manipulative behaviour and he basically weapon uses therapy speak to control her behavior. A few therapists have spoken out and explained this, I recommend looking that up.
I tend to think that all bad relationships will have a tinge of the worst kind of behavior, otherwise we’d stay put. It’s well marked that if you’re a woman doing anything with any considerable skill any dud, you’re with is typically into having a “cool girlfriend” in the initial stage when the bragging rights and introductions are being handed out during the honeymoon phase. Until you hit the logistical phase and it’s revealed that she’s actually a person and not an ornament. Or that, that lifestyle entails certain behavior and ambitions to keep it floating. You would think being in the industry would make this easier to avoid, but it really doesn’t because performers are usually deeply insecure individuals who tend to need somebody who serves the role of fluffing their spirit’s when things get tough.So, yeah it’s misogynistic behavior and insecurity, which from personal experience is very nasty and tends to be really hard to recover from on a morale level, because it changes the way you feel about yourself that this person you loved was kind of committed to just taking your shine and dimming your light, so to speak.
Yes, you are missing everything.
You don’t tell other people what thier boundaries are. See. He didn’t establish “boundaries” for himself. He IMPOSED “boundaries” on her.
IOW he was using therapy speak to manipulate someone. And you fell for it.
This story sure brings out the mediocre men.
Making demands and ultimatums about other behavior isn’t healthy boundary setting
You’ve likely been educated enough by now but that’s not what boundaries are he’s twisting reality to manipulate her
Boundaries are for yourself, not for others. If his boundary is “I don’t want to date a woman who posts photos of herself in swimsuits or surfing with men” then he should have fucking dated a professional surfer.Setting dealbreakers or boundaries for yourself is fine. Imposing them on others is controlling asshole behavior.
Boundaries in a relationship are literally put in place so you know where one person begins and the other ends. It is about your own behavior and explaining what you will and will not do with/for/about the other person, not controlling their behavior. You can’t expect to control someone else’s behavior, that is unrealistic, unhealthy and unproductive. A healthy boundary here would be “I am uncomfortable with you showing so much skin on social media, but I understand I cannot control your behavior, so I am going to stay off of social media so I do not see these posts.” Or, if the person was doing something actually problematic: “I am unwilling to tolerate you cheating on me. I understand I cannot control your behavior, so I will simply enforce this boundary by breaking up with you.” Here, Hill is making Brady entirely responsible for managing his emotions, reactions, boundaries and personal issues by allowing him to control her behavior. It is not in any way a healthy request or dynamic, and she’s fully right to be upset about it.
Bitches be stoopid, doc
What happened to just breaking up with assholes? Is there really a reason this needed to be shared with the world? Yes it sounds like he was a dick! But your response could have been “yes, you’re right, you’re not the right partner for me, goodbye.” My ex was also an emotionally abusive misogynist narcissist. I’m not publishing his texts. Not because I feel the need to protect him (definitely not) but because…that’s crazy?
Your ex probably isn’t a public figure like Mr Hill is, though…
He actually is! He’s in news. But why does that make a difference?
It means the Woketard Council must decide whether he needs to be cancelled or not!
No.
Why would that matter at all? Because he’s a public figure, the world has to be filled in about his love life?
Your ex probably isn’t a public figure like Mr Hill is, though…
Yeah, I don’t have a problem with people feeding rapists and other criminals to the Internet Outage Machine. But misogyny is not a crime and publishing private texts that can damage a person’s reputation (even if they’re not “explicitly named”) seems…harsh. It’s not a public service announcement, it’s revenge. On the other hand, if you’re a possessive, misogynistic asshole, you do run the risk of dating someone who’s going to tell the entire world about you. Best to just not be possessive and misogynistic.
It really does seem like it. I won’t lie—I 100% had the urge to do something like this with my ex, but I didn’t because I knew it would be nothing more than revenge and it wouldn’t have made my mental health any better. What made my mental health better was processing my own grief and moving on. I’m not saying what worked for me has to work for everyone, but I do think this doesn’t seem healthy and seems unnecessary.But yeah, I also agree that if you’re a dick a possible consequence is that everyone will find out you’re a dick. I don’t feel sorry for Jonah at all. I just question what the motive was here. Either revenge or fame-seeking. Or if it really was for her mental health, I think this was misguided and won’t make her mental health any better in the end.
Uhhh because he’s going to have relationships with other people and it’d be great if they have some context when he starts to be abusively controlling?
“misogyny is not a crime”No-one suggested he be arrested or charged for it.
I largely agree with you. But, having thought about it, is this really misogyny? If a woman got jealous of her boyfriend posing with scantily-clad women all day for his job, would we be calling it misandry? Seems to me that jealousy isn’t a gendered thing, and we’re just taking her word that there was a misogynistic element to this despite the messages not really bearing that out.
It’s controlling behavior no matter the gender
It falls short of abuse though. His demands are unreasonable, but he seems to acknowledge that and he’s like “yeah I’m insecure but if you can’t deal with that, let’s break up.” Yeah, don’t date a surfer influencer if you don’t want thirsty strangers looking at pictures of your girlfriend, but to Hill’s credit he seems to realize he couldn’t deal with the reality of the situation and tries to exit. I didn’t see a point where she tries to end the relationship, and then he starts emotionally beating her down to trap her.They’re better off not being together because this didn’t seem healthy, but at the same time I don’t think this behavior is bad enough that we should all be debating their texts. Releasing them was a dick move.
It’s literally out of the abusers playbook. From a book everyone should read (especially the people thread), Lundy Bancroft’s “Why Does He Do That?” in the section about warning signs.“Jealous behavior is one of the surest signs that abuse is
down the road. Possessiveness masquerades as love. A man may say: “I’m sorry I got
so bent out of shape about you talking to your ex-boyfriend, but I’ve never
been so crazy about a woman before. I just can’t stand thinking of you with
another man.” He may call five times a day keeping track of what you are doing
all the time or insist on spending every evening with you. His feelings for you
probably are powerful, but that’s not why he wants constant contact; he is
keeping tabs on you, essentially establishing that you are his domain.
Depending on what kind of friends he has, he also may be trying to impress them
with how well he has you under his thumb. All of these behaviors are about
ownership, not love.Jealous feelings are not the same as behaviors. A man with
some insecurities may naturally feel anxious about your associations with other
men, especially ex-partners, and might want some reassurance. But if he
indicates that he expects you to give up your freedom to accommodate his jealousy,
control is creeping up. Your social life shouldn’t have to change because of
his insecurities.A man’s jealousy can be flattering. It feels great that he
is wildly in love with you, that he wants you so badly. But a man can be crazy
about you without being jealous. Possessiveness shows that he doesn’t love you
as an independent human being but rather as a guarded treasure. After a while,
you will feel suffocated by his constant vigilance.”If it helps you sleep at night to think it’s OK to show the biggest warning sign of abuse and that she’s not allowed to talks about her lived experience, then go off, king. But let’s not normalize this shit. And she is 100% right in this “If your partner is talking to you like this, make an exit plan”
These are private text messages between two people who haven’t dated for some time. It’s wrong to publicize these messages.
Which was not the point I was responding to. I was responding to minimizing the behavior. I requote for emphasis “If your partner is talking to you like this, make an exit plan”Here’s the address of the pdf: https://www.docdroid.net/2fZmz40/why-does-he-do-that-pdf
But controlling behavior is not the same thing as misandry, or misogyny.
This is true.
Jealousy in itself isn’t gendered. Demanding your partner refrain from befriending other men, wearing “inappropriate” clothing in front of other men, and generally just interacting with other men altogether is pretty fucking misogynistic.
So the situation I described is misandry, then? If not, why not?
“If a woman got jealous of her boyfriend posing with scantily-clad women all day for his job, would we be calling it misandry?” “Jealousy in itself isn’t gendered”So I’m obviously referring to actions rather than experiencing the emotion of jealousy. Now, is it “misandry” if Brady had hypothetically made similar demands of Hill? I’d still say no, because we’re dealing with completely different contexts. Women, historically, culturally, and institutionally, haven’t felt entitled to control the bodies and behavior of men, and that entitlement wasn’t literally enshrined in law as recently as, er, now. It’s toxic and controlling behavior regardless of gender, however.
So I’m obviously referring to actions rather than experiencing the emotion of jealousy. Same, of course.Now, is it “misandry” if Brady had hypothetically made similar demands of Hill? I’d still say no, because we’re dealing with completely different contexts. Women, historically, culturally, and institutionally…What does that have to do with it, though?
We’ve already established that men and women can both act jealously and do exactly what Hill’s been doing here, i.e. on an interpersonal level. Why does the presence of historical/cultural/institutional misogyny matter if we’re talking about an interpersonal matter? And why would the absence of h/s/c misandry negate the presence of interpersonal misandry when, by definition, misandry could only be interpersonal? Or female-on-male sexism, or whatever you want to call it?
Is that you, Britta?
On the other hand, Bitches be stoopid
I think you should shut the fuck up and let people deal with their ongoing relationship trauma however they want.
Heh. “Trauma.”
Short of revenge porn, which is illegal. And stalking. And like a million other things one shouldn’t do, illegal and otherwise. So maybe not “however they want.”
I am letting her. I’m not in any position to stop her.
Shut the fuck up you twat
Was your ex a famous celebrity who made a point to tell everyone how enlightened, progressive, and feminist he is? Did he use his power to make a documentary about your therapist and, by extension, make the therapist well-known, creating an imbalance in your sessions? Did your ex co-opt mental health and therapy to control your actions?
I’m not sure if any therapist, good or bad, would say that trying to gain revenge on your ex is good for your mental health. Especially doing so in an extremely public manner.
Why? So the world doesn’t know about yet another fake feminist celebrity who is using social justice to advance himself but is really an asshole behind closed doors? Don’t we have enough of that shit?
“Was your ex a famous celebrity who made a point to tell everyone how enlightened, progressive, and feminist he is?”Actually yes. Not “Jonah Hill” famous, but he’s a public figure.As for the rest of your comment, no he didn’t do any of that.
Why didn’t she just l—*starts drooling into keyboard*I guess ultimately she did, didn’t she?
Ultimately! And good for her.
Was your ex out making documentaries about therapy and telling the world what an enlightened feminist bro he is?
No.
I don’t think any of us normies have enough pull to get a couples’ therapist to gaslight a partner for us though. That’s some next level behavior and to me is particularly egregious. I could see it being difficult to extricate yourself from a situation where an alleged mental health professional is working to convince you this behavior is normal.
When I was 13, my mom forced me to see a therapist. Her therapist AND colleague! It never occurred to either adult that this set up was inappropriate and unprofessional. And, yes, “my” therapist allowed my mother to control what was and wasn’t relevant. If I brought up my father’s emotional and physical abuse, this turd would say, “we’re talking to you about you. There’s no one else here.” Therapists can be horrible people too!
That’s probably true! I didn’t know about any of that; I was only addressing the allegations in the article but certainly recognizing (in another comment) that there was likely context I wasn’t aware of.
It’s a whole onion of variously nefarious behaviors. And having actually watched his therapist doc, I have no trouble believing he would have an unethical relationship with a therapist.
Certainly fair enough! I hope bringing this to light gives her the peace she seeks, and hopefully he’ll start seeing a real therapist who can fix whatever is going on in his head. That’s the thing about the cult of celebrity in this country (and maybe all countries). You end up with therapists and doctors, etc., who encourage their patients’ worst impulses and you end up with stuff like this at one end and death by OD on another end. They can’t get real help because everyone they surround themselves with just want to keep them happy.Not pitying Hill here, of course. Just saying it seems unlikely he’ll ever change given all this, since all celebrities have around them are people telling them how great they are.
Yeah I’m with the OP. This one’s on both of them. The original sin here is Hill’s – don’t get involved with a professional surfer if you can’t live with her posting bikini pics, dummy – but Brady also needed to take some agency and get out of a relationship that clearly wasn’t working. They had no kids, they weren’t financially dependent on each other, they weren’t married, etc… this was about as no-strings of a relationship as it gets. If he’s being a jerk, be an adult and get out.
It’s not crazy if it helps other people avoid him
His hair should be enough to serve that purpose.Hey-O!
Of course he’s an asshole. Just look at him! But people are responsible for their own emotions. If someone is consistently an asshole to you then end the relationship.
Yeah.. if he didn’t want her to surf with men and pose in bathing suits.. why didn’t she just break up with him?
Presumably because she cared about him and he framed his unreasonable controlling demands as reasonable boundaries set by “the best boyfriend ever,” causing her to doubt her own judgment.
I think Hill seems to struggle with mental health in an ongoing manner and don’t doubt that he’s a difficult person to be with in a relationship. If her admissions about her own struggles are sincere, and I’ve no reason to doubt her, this feels like an example of two people who are attracted to each other being completely incompatible. We are sometimes selective about criticizing the behavior of people with clear mental illness or who are not neurotypical (Elon Musk comes to mind, and he has a form of autism that exactly explains the endless awkward things he does). Honestly, I don’t know the answer other than, if being with someone is bringing you down – move on. I’m glad she didn’t get married, have two kids and then divorce between making up her mind. A lot of people lack that clarity.
Since what he was demanding was extremely unhealthy, I’m not clear on who he’d be “compatible” with.
Maybe Mike Pence’s wife has a sister?
I don’t know what his individual demands are, and don’t care. You go out with someone you think looks nice / interests you. You get to know them. If you can handle their drawbacks, great. If you can’t, move on. I think the guy is weird and has a lot of problems – but whenever someone dates a person who’s got a ton of issues, it’s a little unfair then to be like “that person’s a nut job!” afterwards. Hill is fairly open about it. They were cute together, pity it didn’t work out. She will do better I’m sure.
His “individual demands” were (among other things) that she, a professional surfer, not surf with male surfers. That she not post pictures of herself surfing in her bathingsuit. He also demanded she take down her her older advertising photos and videos of her surfing because she was wearing a bathing suit in them. So what are you babbling about really?
Hill demanded she cease interacting with half the population and posting pictures of herself in a swimsuit…when she’s a surfer! The only person he’s “compatible” with is a Duggar or a Mormon.
Ummm, Jonah Hill is jewish… 🙂 That would get more awkward than this relationship!
(Elon Musk comes to mind, and he has a form of autism that exactly explains the endless awkward things he does)This rare form of “autism” is only found in narcissist assholes born into Apartheid money. Really super rare.
as a parent of a kid with autism, stop doing this. stop equating every weird or bad behavior with autism. even if that person is actually diagnosed, doesn’t mean his shitty behavior is directly caused by his/her autism.
You’re replying to the wrong person, I’m on your side. Assholes like Elon Musk don’t have a magical form of autism, they’re narcissists, borderline, anti-social, histrionic, etc.
Read my previous reply. I also did no such thing – but I do think that non-neurotypical people get dumped on more for the same selfish behaviors. With Jonah Hill, the guy clearly has a bunch of things going on. I am not a psychologist, but he’s not autistic. But we are often selective about the people we forgive for identical behaviors and I was trying to encourage people to dig a bit deeper into that. You and I are not enemies in this discussion in the slightest and I’m glad your child has a strong advocate.
That was pretty my non-sequitur… Asperger’s doesn’t explain Musk’s opinions – which are very common around the world in this age of billionaire-sponsored populism, but the way he says awkward things without a filter, and consistently makes comments that clang (combined with his own assertion of his diagnosis) do.My comment was simply that we are selective about who’s “innappropriate” or who is “cancelled” or who suffers from mental illness – when clinically the people may all have the same challenges.
That was pretty my non-sequiturAmazing example of projection. Not only was my reply not adressed to you, but your reply is also unrelated to what I wrote.
I’m on the autism spectrum, and we should collectively drag the hell out of Elon Musk. It’s one thing to maybe have trouble looking people in the eyes, to struggle to articulate yourself, or to get caught up in expressing your enthusiasm for Streamline Moderne-era trains, it’s another to be an awful human being who makes no effort to improve themselves. I mean, if you brought up Zuckerberg, you might have a point (his peculiarities are largely removed from anything awful he does but it’s the robotic stuff people fixate on), but Musk has transcended any leeway he might get from neurodiversity.
Being on the autism spectrum is not a personality trait. It doesn’t make Zuck or Elon nice people or evil people. But it does come with a set of characteristics that vary from person to person that deeply affect how people perceive them. Billionaires tend to be vicious people because we have to do vicious things to get that wealthy. Most of us think the money sounds cool, but recoil at the personal cost. Machiavellian is a word for a reason. But still, people think Trump is funny and Musk is evil. Only one was found liable for rape and accused of treason. I would suggest there is a connection here.
Where the fuck have you been that people don’t think Trump is evil, and completely missed that Musk has far too many sycophants who indulge his worst impulses. While some of Musk’s questionable behaviours may be linked to autism spectrum traits, it’s that he’s doubled down on his awfulness rather than trying to work through it, despite being an incredibly wealthy adult. You’re either willfully ignorant or just oblivious, but either way, you’re drawing some harmful connections.
Dont forget Hitler, you shitstain!
No it’s bullshit, it has to be…
I haven’t seen a single thing this guy has been in but I watched a few interviews. He doesn’t strike me as much of a catch, but famous dudes can get it. Unfortunatley they often carry a lot of baggage too. I can’t imagine dating a celebrity. I wouldn’t, even if he seemed ‘perfect’. Too much built-in narcissism. At any rate, I’ll always choose to believe any woman who charges abuse until I learn otherwise.
Wolf of Wall Street is worth watching.
Bitches be stoopid and will blow you just for having an above average car. A rich, famous actor is always drowning in poon tang
They’re not compatible. He moved on. Why drag this up? She’s free of him and his emotional “abuse.”
It’s a teachable moment.
The phrase “emotional abuse” always raises an alarm for me. Not that it doesn’t exist, but the range of different things that could be described by different people as “emotionally abusive” more or less guarantees that it will serve as a catch-all term for a lot of things that most people would not consider to be that.Also…is there any reason to do this beyond just trying to embarrass him by leaking private conversations? He’s not threatening her, not disparaging other people. This feels vengeful for no real payoff beyond just getting back at someone she no longer likes.
I’ll break up with you if you don’t stop doing your job with half the population doesn’t sound like a threat to you?
Not really, no.
That says a lot more about you than anything else…
You say this to pretty much everyone who disagrees with you. You’ve used it several times in this entire discussion, with several people, to the point it’s become obvious and tired. That says a LOT about you, actually.Enjoy the irony.
It is literally an abandonment threat. Not a physical threat, but an emotional one, and this is what is commonly called emotional abuse.
lol no?!? My god how have you tricked yourself into thinking it is?
Breaking up with someone isn’t a threat. It sounds like she obviously should have just said “okay bye”
Perhaps you have never been in a relationship before, but breaking up with someone is an entirely legal and normal thing that happens.
He’s being pretty open, based on these at least, that he has specific hang-ups, and is saying that they may not be right for each other, but he respects her. Based on these texts, which is all we have, he seems a little whiny and insecure, which I’d imagine can be grating—my point is not that she is obligated to stay with him—but nothing I saw I would categorize as “abusive,” personally. Maybe there are other things, but it sort of seems like if there were she would share them, as this does not feel like someone who is tastefully omitting damning details.
Did you read the texts? He’s being controlling and manipulative, and the saddest part is seeing her apologize to him for doing absolutely nothing wrong, which is definitely a pattern you see in emotionally abusivo relationships.
Dude tried to isolate her from her friends and her career.Payback is a bitch.
I know everyone hates this, but…if a woman texted her boyfriend whose job involves hanging out with beautiful women regularly (model, photographer, or whatever) or posting pictures that don’t leave a lot to the imagination, saying that she doesn’t like it, it makes her insecure, and that this may mean they’re not right for each other…I think the reaction would be a lot more measured. Probably a lot of Jezebel-type outlets writing “good for her for being honest about her flaws and what she needs in a relationship.” Granted, those would not be bright people writing that, but still.
I’ll boycott Stutz just as soon as I find out what Stutz is.(But seriously fuck this guy.)
guy from the Pussy Posse is kind of a dick? shocking. 🙄
Jonah Hill made certain demands in the relationship. Those demands were bad: super unreasonable, petty, controlling, and born of deep insecurity. You could even argue they were misogynistic or narcissistic; that’s all fine. And for his own sake, if nothing else, Hill needs to get over whatever is making him this way. None of that equates to ‘abuse.’Usually – whether people realize it or not – the term ‘abuse’ carries the implication that the victim is being somehow coerced or deceived into staying; their ability to get out of the situation is being limited by the aggressor. In this case, it sure seems like Hill fully gave her that control, he didn’t threaten or beg or trick her into staying, and he said he’d respect and support whatever decision she made. Look at the screenshots.
This all seems like an extension of these over-privileged, over-therapized, spoilt, moneyed West Coasters weaponizing and (ironically) abusing psyche terms: turning every bad experience into ‘trauma,’ every disagreement into ‘gaslighting’ and every bad relationship into ‘abuse,’ all while externalizing their own shitty behavior by self-diagnosing autism/ADHD/whatever. I say that of both Hill and Brady. You had to put this in an Instagram story for the sake of your mental health? GTFO.
For the rest of us, it’s an excuse to give our celebrity gossip fixation a moralistic sheen and make it about Important Social Issues rather than just voyeurism.
Absolutely nailed it. I was going to come in here and make some similar points but I don’t think I can do it as astutely as you did.
100% Nailed It
Just because you don’t understand it doesn’t make it not real. Read his messages again.
How about you explain it to me, since you clearly have a better grasp on it, and I’ve already made my position pretty clear?
“Read his messages again.”
What is that going to change, exactly?
You dont understand anything, shitstain! Get a life and stop reading other people’s texts, you fucking weirdo
There are degrees of emotional abuse and I think being this controlling and manipulative definitely qualifies. Also, this was just after a few months of dating. Imagine what it would look like after he’d gotten her to move in and had increasingly isolated her, maybe gotten her to give up her career with his weird ass demands and basically made her dependent on him?
Imagine what it would look like after he’d gotten her to move in and had increasingly isolated her, maybe gotten her to give up her career with his weird ass demands and basically made her dependent on him?I’m not trying to be facetious, but you might as well say: ‘Imagine what it would look like if he beat her every night.’ Yes, that would be abusive, but the actual situation we’re talking about was not that.I’d also add that a truly manipulative and abusive person would probably not deliver such an unreasonable demand until they had that kind of leverage over a person, as opposed to when they’re merely dating and she can walk away whenever she wants to.There are degrees of emotional abuse and I think being this controlling and manipulative definitely qualifies.Controlling? Sure, the request is controlling by definition. But manipulative? I dunno. Dude was straight up about what he wanted and said he’d totally get it if she left.Imagine this was a woman being jealous of a man who models with scantily-clad women and posts thirst traps for a living. She gave him the same ultimatum – I like you, but I’m not comfortable with you doing this, so you have to make that choice. And she says that she’d totally understand and would respect and support the guy in whatever choice he made. Are we comfortable calling that emotional abuse?
You don’t think being controlling and manipulative is emotional abuse? You don’t think telling your girlfriend that she can only socialize with friends he has pre-approved is controlling and emotionally abusive?The alleged ‘understanding’ at the end of these manipulative demands is just gaslighting, and that’s a term that gets waaaay overused and which I don’t use lightlyThe fact that you think all of this is ok and not emotional abuse says a lot more about you than you realize. Emotional abuse doesn’t have to be extreme, to be abuse. And it’s also incremental, as any therapist and expert will tell you. It rarely starts off as severe, but rather with small demands and behaviour that are designed to slowly isolate that person from their family and friends, or their career, to make them increasingly dependent on the abusive partner, and slowly chipping away at their confidence. Maybe Jonah Hill wouldn’t have taken it that far. But what he demonstrated in these text messages is bad enough that if any woman I knew was being treated like this by a boyfriend I’d be telling her to run the hell away. If you don’t see this for the emotional abuse that it is, then I either feel sorry for you if you’ve been on the receiving end of this type of abuse and have normalized this behavior, or you’re the one inflicting it in which case I feel terrible for anyone you’re intimate with.
Controlling? Sure, the request is controlling by definition. But manipulative? I dunno. Dude was straight up about what he wanted and said he’d totally get it if she left.
Some great username/comment synergy there.I’d ask you to respond to all the other stuff I said, but I’m guessing from your two-line non-response that you don’t actually have anything more worth listening to. So, nice chatting to you, I guess.EDIT: Ah, there’s more. For the record, original reply was: ‘You don’t think being controlling and manipulative is emotional abuse? That says more about you than you realize.’
You don’t think being controlling and manipulative is emotional abuse?
You don’t think telling your girlfriend that she can only socialize with
friends he has pre-approved is controlling and emotionally abusive?
First of all, I denied it was manipulative. Because it wasn’t. It was, in fact, the very opposite of manipulative.
Here’s
what you’re doing here. You’re taking an act: ‘asking your girlfriend
to stop posting bikini pics/hang out with surfer bros’ and you’re
ascribing a much broader label to it: ‘controlling.’ You’re then
ascribing that label to another, yet more general label: ‘abusive.’You’re then asking me: ‘If A is B and B is C, then does A = C?’ To which, you assume, I have to say ‘Yes.’The problem is that all these things do not equate. They merely overlap. A might equal B, but it might not. B might equal C, but it might not. These things might often be the same, but not always.
If
my girlfriend wants to get married and have kids, but I don’t, and she
gives me an ultimatum – is that controlling? Is that, therefore,
abusive? What if she’s not comfortable with me going to strip clubs and
getting on stage with my shirt off? What if I am a stripper, and
she wants me to quit? What about a devout Muslim guy who wants his wife
to wear a hijab in public and not show cleavage, and refuses to marry
her if she does otherwise? Is that automatically abusive? Is it abusive to simply make these requests?
You
didn’t answer my question, by the way – would this behavior be abusive
if the genders are flipped? I want to hear you answer that. I want to
hear you say that, yes, a woman who requests that her boyfriend not hang
out around scantily-clad models and post thirst traps all day is being abusive. Not controlling, but abusive.
What
makes these things abusive is not the request itself, or how
unreasonable it is, but the presence of deception or coercion.
If someone says: ‘My prerequisite for a relationship is X, take it or
leave it,’ then that’s within their right to ask, no matter how stupid
their request is. Just as it’s within the other person’s right to say:
‘I’m not gonna do that.’
The alleged
‘understanding’ at the end of these manipulative demands is just
gaslighting, and that’s a term that gets waaaay overused and which I
don’t use lightlyYou should probably use it even more lightly, then, because you are using it completely wrong.Gaslighting is not ‘pretending to be understanding.’ Gaslighting is when you make someone think that they are mentally ill. If Hill had pretended that Brady had agreed to those terms when she hadn’t, that would be gaslighting.Also, you have literally no evidence that Hill was just ‘pretending’ to be understanding.If
you don’t see this for the emotional abuse that it is, then I either
feel sorry for you if you’ve been on the receiving end of this type of
abuse and have normalized this behavior, or you’re the one inflicting it
in which case I feel terrible for anyone you’re intimate with.
I have been abused, actually. And no – I have not ‘normalized’ it. But, believe me, I’d have fucking loved it if my abuser had given me an ultimatum like Hill did. I’d have loved
it if she said to me: ‘Hey, I’m an insanely jealous person with severe
mental illness, so if you’re going to occasionally converse with your
female uni classmates then we can’t be together.’ Instead of stalking
me, harassing me, lying to me, beating me, disparaging me to my face and
to others, forcing me to stay up at all hours of the night to soothe
her jealousy, threatening suicide and emotionally blackmailing me into
taking care of her even when we’d broken up. Y’know – the stuff that was actually abusive. Because then I’d have just left.
What I wouldn’t have done is stuck around just to drop a social-media dossier years later. But hey, that’s just me.Answer my hypothetical, you fucking coward.
It kind of makes sense that you feel the need to lash out like that over nothing and you’re defending Hill’s behavior. You seem to be having an imaginary fight with someone that’s all in your head. What the fuck is wrong withne who doesn’t exist you that you can’t have a normal conversation without hurling insults?And to answer your hypothetical, yes it’s just as bad if the genders are flipped. Anyone, of any gender, misusing/abusing therapy speak to control their partner’s behavior, and only let them socialize with a preapproved list of friends, is fucked up. And this girl is a professional surfer, and model, and wears swimsuits for a living, and there’s no reason that should change if she’s dating someone. If it was a woman dating a guy who’s a surfer/model, and suddenly demands that he don’t take certain jobs, and change his whole career around and his way of dressing, to accommodate the girlfriend’s toxic insecurity, it’s most definitely fucked up and manipulative. Don’t date people if you need them to change once they’re with you. And don’t abuse therapy speak and manipulate and control because you’re so fucking insecure you need to isolate and change them to feel less threatened. It’s toxic, controlling, manipulative and, yes, emotionally abusive. Just because there’s worst emotional abuse doesn’t mean this doesn’t qualify.
Lol STFU you crybully. I was perfect civil to you
in my initial response. You then wrote a two-line reply ignoring
everything I said and insinuating I was an abuser. Then you edited that,
repeated the insinuation again plus
the suggestion that maybe I’m brainwashed by past abuse. You’ve done the same thing to other people on this comment section. And
you’ve done it again just now, even after I’ve already told you about
my own history of being abused. So don’t act like you haven’t been insulting as well.Anyone, of any gender, misusing/abusing therapy speak to control their partner’s behavior,Is
it also abuse, then, when you trample all over the definition of
‘gaslight’ and label people as ‘abusers’ who disagree with you?Hill
wasn’t abusing psych terms. He said ‘this is my boundary.’ That
boundary may be excessive, unreasonable, and overly controlling to you, and to me. In a lot of
religious communities, it wouldn’t be seen as such, and I don’t think
we’d automatically qualify those religious environments as ‘abusive’
just because this is a part of their thing.
Either way,
it is still a boundary. He didn’t coerce her into obeying it. He didn’t
lie to her about it. He didn’t, as far as I’ve seen, deliver the
ultimatum and then beg her to stay with him and then repeat that
process. He actively encouraged her to leave if she felt that was right for her.So what was keeping her from just saying: ‘OK, well, I’m not gonna
change my life for you’ and leaving him? If there were something
to point to there, I’d probably agree that it was abuse.
You’re
going to have to explain what was ‘manipulative’ about this, because
manipulation implies deceit and I can’t see any here. Again – if I
could, I’d probably agree that it’s abusive.Props to
you for biting the bullet on the gender-swap, I guess. I think that’s
mad, and I highly doubt anyone would be coming at such a situation with the same energy, but at least you’re consistent.
The big problem I see is that your
arguments still boil down to: [Behavior] is [fuzzy adjective]. As I
have said, I define it as ‘abuse’ when the victim’s ability to leave the
situation is impaired – when they are coerced, deceived, manipulated,
or physically forced to remain in the relationship. I don’t see that
here. You point to the incremental nature of abuse, but you admit that
Hill might not have taken it so far, and I don’t think it’s fair to
pre-crime it and assume that was his intent when the behavior, in and of
itself, is not abusive.
If you want to change my mind – or at least progress this convo
– you could point to some additional element of coercion/manipulation he
was doing. You could make the case that my definition is wrong. It would also give me pause if you could point to instances of actual verified abusers starting with this first step that Hill did – i.e. giving the ultimatum, but without coercion, and also being as understanding and supportive as Hill was about the idea of them parting ways.I’d also like to hear what you have to say about the religion example, and clarify how Hill’s actions were ‘manipulative.’
Either way, here’s my boundary: If you want to keep talking, drop the insinuations and the crybullying. And I will drop the insults.
After all this you, much like Jonah Hill, still don’t know what a boundary is. And I stand by what I said that you’re either abusive or not recovered from past abuse, or maybe both, as evidenced by your extreme defensiveness and lashing out. It’s not about agreeing with me or not, but about your adamant defense of clearly inappropriate behavior by Hill. And you’re right, I said the same thing to several people here who clearly exhibited the same type of beliefs/behavior. It’s sad and worrying that so many people seem to think that’s ok but then it shouldn’t come as a surprise given how common abuse is in relationships. Listen to what actual doctors and therapists have to say about his texts, maybe then you’ll understand: Dr Natalie Thorburn, principal policy advisor for Women’s Refuge in Auckland, said this behaviour is classically indicative of coercive control.“It’s a very gradual, very slow, very insidious pushing down of all the most important parts of who you are, and what you can do, and what you’re able to do for yourself”, Dr Thorburn explained In his texts, Hill tries to say that Brady, by surfing with other men, posting photos of herself on social media, and modelling, is violating his boundaries. Dr Thorburn said this was an example of misusing therapy speak in order to control and manipulate.“Mental health language is so often used or co-opted to justify abuse and provides a weapon to be misused. If all of your boundaries are about what somebody can and can’t do in their own time, then it’s not really a boundary – it’s just a rule.”Hill’s text messages portray a very specific kind of abuse which is about limiting self-expression and autonomy. It’s a red flag when partners have a laundry list of requirements for being in a relationship – and the list is totally one-sided.“As soon as the landscape starts changing in terms of what your partner likes about you, and those things start becoming something to be degraded and insulted, then that would be a major red flag for abuse. Any isolation or dictating friends is often one of the first things that we see.”The actor’s alleged requests that she does post pictures in a bathing suit or to go surfing with men (she is a surf instructor and pro surfer), are not simply examples of a man’s insecurity – they show a high level of entitlement too, Dr Thorburn explained.“It’s a need to dominate, as opposed to a genuine insecurity. There’s nothing wrong inherently with feeling jealous, or insecure – and I suspect that his partner was probably feeling very insecure.“But none of those are actually rationales for that behaviour. It’s much more likely to be a sense of entitlement that drives it.”In a screenshot from Hill’s messages, he appears to have written: “I literally am the best boyfriend. on earth. [sic]”This kind of grandiose wording is textbook control, Dr Thorburn explained.“It’s extremely typical abusive behaviour. These narratives are omnipresent in these situations where they say, ‘no one would take care of you like I do,’ ‘you’re so lucky to have me’, and ‘you wouldn’t get anyone else.Dr Thorburn wanted other women who might be experiencing these dynamics to know they can come forward to seek help.“There’s no threshold for seeking help. It doesn’t matter whether there’s extreme physical abuse or whether there are concerns that maybe there is some controlling behaviour, or someone wanting to check messages on your phone.https://www.stuff.co.nz/life-style/wellbeing/300924394/unpacking-jonah-hills-use-of-mental-health-language-to-manipulate-ex-girlfriend-sarah-bradyAnd if reading’s too much, here’s a video that explains much of the same thing: https://www.tiktok.com/@therapyjeff/video/7253609911475572014?is_from_webapp=1&sender_device=pc&web_id=7208759699012044294
Nothing like a Tiktok video to prove a point, it really does overrule and and all principles of adult Safeguarding.
Sure, just ignore the numerous quotes from an expert on domestic violence that I shared, in addition to the video.
The ‘therapist’ you’ve cited is actually a social worker. So, good job there.
And they are not attempting to comment on Hill’s guilt or innocence. They are using him to illustrate patterns of behavior that should serve as warning signs to women. Notice how they comment in generalities, about abusive situations in general – the writer of the article is the one linking those comments to Hill’s specific behavior. The social worker you’ve cited is primarily concerned with women’s abuse, so it does not surprise me she advocates for viewing these behaviors as red flags. I would too. She is right to take this approach. That still doesn’t make Hill an abuser.
And if her comments were specifically about Hill, she would be wrong. Because:She attributes an obvious joke-brag made by Hill to a genuine attempt to convince his girlfriend ‘how lucky she is to have him.’She calls it ‘coercive’ when there is no coercion.
She calls it ‘weaponing’ when nothing is being weaponized.
It’s kinda hilarious how you’re going: ‘OMG HE SAID IT WAS A BOUNDARY WHEN IT WAS ACTUALLY A RULE!!! He’s weaponizing psych terms!! Abuser!’ But tell me: if boundaries and rules are both allowable with a relationship, then what exactly is he weaponizing? How is confusing one term for another weaponizing anything, as opposed to just ‘using the wrong word’? What actual value does your definition of ‘abuse’ or ‘weaponize’ have when it can apply to just ‘getting a word wrong’?
You’re right – I got ‘boundary’ confused with ‘rule.’ Because they’re both things you’re allowed to have in a relationship. The difference between them is immaterial in this case.
And, again – how are YOU, of all people, going to complain about weaponising psyche terms when you have a definition of gaslighting that was so broad as to be meaningless?
So I’m gonna repeat my arguments again:
– It’s not coercive because there’s no coercion.
– It’s not manipulative because there’s no manipulation.
– It’s demanding/controlling, but no more so than tons of relationships in religious communities that we WOULDN’T automatically label as abusive.
– It’s not ‘weaponizing psyche terms’ because both boundaries AND rules are permissible within a relationship.
– One single DM joke-bragging about being the ‘best boyfriend ever’ does not make someone a grandiose narcissist abuse.
– Resemblances to abuse do not equate to abuse. If you could actually address one of these points, you might have a chance of winning this debate. I even tried to guide you to doing this, in my previous post. But you actually can’t, you have no argument, so instead you resort to these crybully tactics. It is actually gross, pathetic, loser behavior. But that’s you, I guess. So long.
So you essentially just wrote a manifesto to say that it’s ok for a guy to impose a rule that says he gets to approve the friends his girlfriend hangs out with and what she wears, that it isn’t abusive and that those types of things are allowed in relationships?
I don’t have to debate jack shit, you did all the work for me 😉
thats a nice slippery slope but you didnt go far enough.whats after he made her completely dependant on her? forced pregnancy? physical violence? murdering those babies for satanic cult ritual?
the terrible things Jonah Hill could potentially do are endless!
What was keeping her with him after just a few months of dating? There were no threats, no violence. People *can* just leave a shitty but non-abusive relationship and go on their way quietly.
Let’s get upset in an alternate timeline where that happened. In this one, it’s all a big so what surely? People we don’t know broke up.
Don’t take my word for it. Here’s what a doctor and expert on domestic abuse had to say about it. https://www.stuff.co.nz/life-style/wellbeing/300924394/unpacking-jonah-hills-use-of-mental-health-language-to-manipulate-ex-girlfriend-sarah-brady
“bad: super”I see what you did there
It’s the very beginning of a coercive control relationship. Things don’t get better from there. Just because some people get out an abusive relationship before it gets bad doesn’t mean they weren’t in an abusive relationship.
this sounds like something Jonah would write lol
“This all seems like an extension of these over-privileged, over-therapized, spoilt, moneyed West Coasters…”Oh, piss off with that nonsense man.
“We have a Bingo!”
Holy shit I have never seen a comment just nail it so hard with every word.
You had to put this in an Instagram story for the sake of your mental health? GTFO.I have zero problem believing Hill is a jerk, as that’s how he comes off in 90% of his roles and 100% of his interviews. But given the timing, honestly this all reads to me like Brady is pissed he’s moved on and is trying to take some wind out of his sails.
women have to read something though, and they choose this stuff first over real news.
This just in: non-celebrity woman fails to change celebrity man after years of having all the information in front of her, is upset now.
Insecure celebrity man unable to manipulate professional surfer girlfriend to quit her career instead of not wasting her time in the first place or simply leaving when he realized he wasnt man enough to trust her and accept her agency
Translation: the vengeful, insecure surfer girl had no business publishing private emails. Gotcha
No business publishing her own text exchanges from her own phone? Sure, Jan. The only men upset by this are men who’ve sent texts to women they wouldn’t want published
Well said. If Ggghh72 had his way, Jonah wouldnt be able publish pics of the bitch’s titties!
Also: mediocre men triggered by criticism of mediocre man.
People are just ridiculous. They have no true understanding of what controlling is. Is it controlling to say you must wear pants to enter this establishment. No. It is not controlling to tell a person your expectations or wants up front and give them the OPTION to enter or leave. The only difference between him saying what he said and saying his boundary is just infidelity is the reader’s EMOTIONAL attachment. The reality is they are all just personal boundaries that every person has the right to ask …ASK a partner if that’s something they want to do. It’s actually rather mature of him to present it upfront rather than being passive aggressive or try to FORCE her in the moment to not do those things.
This is stupid and Sarah absolutely in no way was abused unless there are more texts she hasnt shared, because what shes shared is not indicative of any form of abuse.
Every can relax: noted abuse expert Turd Tickler has weighed in.
Ok, but why are they dressed like extras from Miami Vice?
Because folks on these threads seem to desperately need it:“Why Does He Do That: Inside the Minds of Angry and Controlling Men” By Lundy Bancrofthttps://www.docdroid.net/2fZmz40/why-does-he-do-that-pdf
Sounds like a very dark sequel to I Don’t Know How She Does It.More and more articles like this could really use that link btw. Thanks for posting.
I wish it were assigned reading in every highschool, honestly.
I’m unequipped to weigh in on whether Hill’s (patently controlling, misogynistic) behavior also reaches the textbook definition of “emotional abuse,” so instead I’ll comment on how fucking weird it is that he repeatedly refers to the garment as a “bathing suit.” What is this, 1923?
its not an uncommon term for the garment where im from.
am i messaging from the 1920s? im not a liberty to say
?I still use the term bathing suit. Am I just old? What am I supposed to call it?
Uh, I still call them that–what is the more current term? Swim suit? (Genuinely asking here.)
car hole
Isn’t bathing suit the standard term? What do you call it?
I’ve side-eyed Jonah Hill for a while now. The sanctimony and the smug got too much to bear and I keep wishing that the Documentary Now! guys would mercilessly parody his god-awful Netflix therapy special. It’s interesting to note that Jay Baruchel gave an interview recently where he stated that he was not faking the absolutely loathing his “character” had for Jonah Hill in This Is The End.
I think the point of all of this is everything is not as it seems, especially Stutz. When you break up with an extremely abusive person, they don’t get to produce and direct a Netflix film for the masses. This film makes Hill look mentally healthy and how Stutz his therapist helped him get there. (And the trailer implies that this guy can get you there too in 90 minutes. That’s why it is still deep in my watchlist from last year.) This film has a 100% critic score and 97% audience score on Rotten Tomatoes. That infuriates me if this guy is truly like this.
“Extremely abusive”. Oh, you precious thing…
It would be the first time someone has claimed he is. Hill may be terrible. That in no way proves his therapist is.Plenty of shitty people have good therapists. They aren’t magicians.
No wonder Kanye likes him.
He looks like a queer Vegas magician.
For all the dipshits echoing this bullshit therapy speak. Boundaries are for YOU. You don’t impose “boundaries” on other people. YOUR boundaries do not determine the friends or activities other people choose. He was NOT setting fucking “boundaries.” He was trying to control another persons life and using bullshit therapy speak to get away with it and make this girl feel guilty. Literally the opposite of healthy boundaries.
Narcissists use therapy to find weapons to attack other people with. You see it all over the internet.
Telling someone you are not ok with their behavior is not emotional abusive behavior. He is telling you what he is not ok with and if you are not ok with that then the relationship should be ended. He is literally telling you his boundaries in a relationship and that if you do not agree then it is not an ok relationship. Women all the time control their men by letting them who they can and cannot talk to/dance with when out at a bar. You saying I cannot dance with someone is not different than him saying you can’t surf with someone, he even let you know and suggested the relationship end if you wanted to pursue that since you are a free woman who can make her own choices. You just say Jonah I want to continue to surf with men and pose in bikinis, this relationship clear wont work. And you go your separate ways. People breakup all the time, trust me you will find someone who is ok with what you do. He will find someone who doesn’t feel the need to surf with other men. You both will be fine.
He’s literally trying to isolate her from her career and her friends. He tried to weaponize therapy language to break this girl.Hopefully this helps women see these tendencies in men like Jonah and his apologists much earlier.
People change careers all the time and for many reasons, health of a relationship is one of the many reasons. Learning what is causing yourself harm in therapy and then voicing that is 1000% ok. She 100000% does not have to agree either and that is why he let her know that it would not work out if she did not want to make that change. This is nothing more than weaponizing personal texts for revenge. Hopefully this shows other men her tendencies for revenge much sooner.
My dude, it is helping women see red flags, like your comment.
Setting boundaries is not a red flag. One sided stories released to the public for revenge is a red flag.
Acting as though using the term “setting boundaries” makes pressuring a young woman to abandon her entire talent and identity because you’re insecure about her doing the thing she has done her entire live is a major fucking red flag.Pressuring women to isolate is an enormous fucking red flag and is the predecessor to truly abusive actions.Acting as though totally normal human behavior (and what is beyond normal for the activity for which your partner is gifted and reknowned. Is a huge fucking red flag. Being a dude whose career involves, say, pretending to publicly jerk off while on quaaludes and then acting as though a woman wearing a bikini or participating in a co-ed sport is disrespectful is a fucking red flag.Pushing this narrative that terrible manipulative behavior is somehow okay because it’s framed in lame therapeutic jargon is also a huge red flag, buddy.
But when women do it to men it is ok? Many men have had to change jobs due to stupid demands by their partners. SHE CAN FUCKING LEAVE IF SHE DOES NOT AGREE YOU STUPID FUCKING IDIOT. He did not chain her in his garage if she did not comply. Fucking be an adult and say it isn’t going to work. But no she is looking for revenge because she is a walking red fucking flag.
We get it. Dudes who hate women think the woman is the wrong one here.Shocker.
I get it. Dudes who have no balls think women can do no wrong.Shocker.
Dudes who never get laid blame women for everything.
So you are on my side now.
Guy is having an absolute meltdown over this. Never seen such impotent, nonsensical sputtering from an incel before. Someone check his basement and internet history stat.
Oh, I’ve actually seen worse about this exact topic. But yeah, it’s not a good look.
Establishing a boundary: I don’t like the smell of smoke so I won’t date a smoker.Manipulative coercion: I know you’ve been smoking since before we met and I decided to date you anyway, but now I need you to stop smoking and stop spending time with your friends who smoke, or I’m going to end this relationship and make it your fault for not changing for me.Establishing a boundary: I feel very insecure when I have a partner who posts pictures of herself in swimsuits online, so I won’t date someone who does that especially as part of their career.Manipulative coercion: I know you’ve been a professional surfer since before we met, and the pictures you post online were the reason I slid into your DMs in the first place, but now I need you to limit the amount of surfing you do, not see your friends anymore, and stop posting pictures on social media, otherwise it’s your fault that that I leave and this relationship won’t work.
Yes welcome to the big world child. You have to made adult decisions. He did not chain her in the basement you fucking idiot. He told her his boundaries, ones her clearly learned more about once they were dating. He might have been fine with her surfing with men, UNTIL he seen what she does. You don’t automatically know how someone acts the first time you meet. Does she flirt with them after events, do they text and call all hours of the night, does she prioritize them over her bf. All things you don’t know from her insta and what she says she does for work. YOU CAN SET BOUDARIES ONCE YOU LEARN MORE ABOUT SOMEONE. SETTING BOUNDARIES ARE NOT JUST FOR THE BEGINNING OF THE RELATIONSHIP YOU FUCKING CUCK.
You sound legitimately unhinged and I’d bet money based on your responses that you are not safe around women. I pray that you never know peace, love, or intimacy with another person, and that your genes are never used to create another human. Keep this energy in your daily life and stay angry over men being called out for shitty behavior, it’s a great red flag for any women who might be unfortunate enough to meet you.
It is a good thing you are nobody and mean nothing.
Then why are you talking to me, incel?
I talk to lots of people who mean nothing and are nobody. I talk with strangers everyday.
Establishing a boundary: I don’t like the smell of smoke so I won’t date a smoker. Setting Boundaries: I know you’ve been smoking since before we met and I decided to date you anyway, but now you are smoking much more and it is starting to effect our relationship. You get up in the middle of the night to smoke, you have to smoke during our dinners out, and you smoke when we are having discussions. I need you to stop smoking as your actions are not what they were when this started or I am going to have to end this relationship. Relationships can be very liquid, what was yesterday is not always today. Establishing a boundary: I have never been insecure when I have a partner who posts pictures of herself in swimsuits online, so I have no problem dating someone who does that especially as part of their career.Reestablishing Boundaries: I know you’ve been a professional surfer since before we met, and the pictures you post online were the reason I slid into your DMs in the first place, but now your work is starting to interfere with our relationship and personal lives. I need you to limit the amount of surfing you do, not see your friends anymore if you are going to be texting and flirting with them, and stop posting pictures on social media and engaging with suggestive comments, otherwise it’s your fault that that I leave and this relationship won’t work.Relationship are fluid you have no idea how she sold her job and her actions are the same today. You don’t get to establish when her changes in the relationship allow him to set a boundary. 1Reply
According to her, she got a lot of messages from other women saying they had similar experiences to her own.
i have no idea what therapist movie Jonah Hill produced and am very glad about that. Sometimes ignorance is indeed bliss.That said, yeah Hill should work on some of his insecurity issues involving his romantic partner being around other men/women…. but i guess i don’t really see a problem with him stating his issues and letting the partner take it or leave it. I mean if that is he how he feels then they are simply not compatible. There are plenty of women who aren’t surfer influencers, and i’m pretty sure she can do better than Jonah Hill, c’mon.
There are some breathtakingly bad comments here.First: when someone is a public figure, and they present themselves in a certain way, but their private life is actually a contradiction of their public persona, it is always acceptable to call them out on it.Second: being manipulative and controlling under a veneer of therapy-language (eg: “I’m just establishing my boundaries”) is not any better, and arguably worse, than being manipulative and controlling in a more transparent manner. This is one of the real dangers with therapy and charismatic narcissists – they learn how to better cloak their bad behaviors and may even manipulate their therapist into supporting them.Third: emotional abuse is abuse. You don’t need to physically hit someone to hurt them.
I’ve seen enough clips of Jonah Hill to say … yeah that fits.
“I am not the right partner for you.”Oh my god you poor dear! I certainly hope everyone’s ok after that EXPLOSIVE outburst! Surely he followed that up with a devastating blow to the side of the head, then drained her bank accounts on the way out, for MAXIMUM control of the girl. That’s the only logical reading of this situation, after all.It certainly sounds like this frightened, delicate waif was TRAPPED in this psychotic relationship by the towering, vindictive Jonah Hill. Definitely not just perverting the word “abuse” for likes.
Not to discount the fact that Jonah Hill is very likely a creepy jerk, if you’re with someone for 12 months and spend four of them in couples therapy that’s probably not the person for you…
If you’re defending jonah just know you’re revealing your own insecurities and sexism
Time to dump this crazy bitch and move onto da next ho, mang!