Sharkcano, the volcano with sharks in it, erupts
Gary Busey and Tara Reid's SyFy senses are presumably tingling
Aux Features Environment
It’s been almost four years since society was last reminded that the SyFy Channel’s Sharknado “film” series was a thing, so you know what that means: time for tired jokes about tired reboots, everyone! Also, probably time for a tired reboot, if we’re being glumly honest about the state of popular media.
In this case, TV execs are probably paying attention to the Sharkcano—a very real, very erupting volcano-turned-shark-ecosystem in the southwest Pacific Ocean. Shhhh. And do you hear that? If you can listen closely enough, you can hear the distant clackity-clack of a team of ghostwriters cobbling together their made-for-TV spec script starring whatever C-listers are available and/or in need of condo mortgage money.
The latest Sharkcano news comes courtesy of cameras aboard NASA’s Landsat 9 satellite, which recently snapped images of the underwater volcano—its real name Kavachi—showing the telltale greenish plumes of incredibly hot, acidic water billowing up from the formation’s mouth just 63-feet below the ocean’s surface.
As Smithsonian Magazine notes, Kavachi (named after a sea god of the Indigenous Gatokae and Vangunu peoples) has near-continuously erupted since at least 1939, but despite its seemingly inhospitable environment, it plays host to an incredibly diverse and resilient ecosystem populated by microbial organisms, zooplankton, various reef fish, and more than a few shark species… hence, y’know, the nickname.
“The presence of these animals in such extreme conditions poses new questions centered on the resiliency of marine animals to rapid changes in their environments…,” wrote researchers in 2014. “Do these groups have a greater chance of surviving human-induced changes to ocean chemistry and periods of increased submarine volcanism on a global scale?”
In other, less rosy words: Perhaps the only things that will survive our wanton global destruction are the animals that hide out in active underwater volcanoes. If anyone’s earned it, it’s them—certainly not the species responsible for Sharknado: The 4th Awakens.
Send Great Job, Internet tips to [email protected]
15 Comments
You know, we have had a pretty good run. Might be time to let the sharkcano purify the world
I like the cut of Evil Lincoln’s jib.
“And I’m like, it’s the only jib I got, baby!”
Surf’s up, space ponies! I’m makin’ gravy without the lumps!
BAD IS GOOD! DOWN WITH GOVERNMENT! I… uh… I just wanted to wash my hands.
One of these days, baby…MILKSHAKE! BOOM!!!!
Yes yes, I’ve heard this line before. The volcano sharks will make a great President because they’re *not* politicians.
Still, couldn’t be worse >_>
“It’s been almost four years since society was last reminded that the SyFy Channel’s Sharknado “film” series was a thing, so you know what that means: time for tired jokes about tired reboots, everyone! Also, probably time for a tired reboot, if we’re being glumly honest about the state of popular media.”In an article about an underwater volcano erupting, this was your opening paragraph.
OK but did you miss the shark part?
Prose is dead.
To be fair, it’s the AV Club, so they had give it an entertainment hook or slap a “Great Job Internet” heading on it, and they may only give out a limited number of those.
Not going to worry about it unless the sharks have frickin laser beams on their heads.
i would just like the record to show that i am pro-shark and welcome our new shark overlords.
from the picture I was worried this was some really cool lake that had formed in an above ground volcano that had erupted killing all the sharks which would have been disappointing. luckily it’s just underwater and apparently volcano sharks don’t care.
That’s cool, I guess. Now if they can spew out liquid hot mag-mah or at least have frickin “lasers” on top of their heads. Should be pretty much standard. But to me, these sharks and the underwater vol-caine-oh remind me of my son Scotty…pretty much useless.