Stephen Colbert breaks out the sound board as Matt Gaetz’s shock jock sex trafficking witness flips
If you can't laugh at a right-wing Florida congressman going down in flames, what can you laugh at?
TV News Matt Gaetz
“I’ve got some good news—there’s bad news for Florida Congressman Matt Gaetz.” That’s how Stephen Colbert kicked off his latest report on the ongoing legal troubles of noted trust-fund Trumpist, pal of Holocaust deniers, and seriously screwed accused sex trafficker Gaetz, “seen here finding out his date is 30,” noted Colbert while showing an image of the Florida lawmaker grimacing in shocked disappointment.
And here we should all agree that nobody’s mocking the young women who say that Gaetz has a long history of drug-fueled predation against underage girls. That being said, Colbert could barely contain himself as he introduced yet another installment in his segment “Gaetz-Gate: Up-Gaet,” this time focusing on the fact that yet another witness to the Florida congressperson’s sleazily illegal sex crimes is now cooperating with the federal investigation against the noted white supremacist and elected Republican.
If you recall, the first such flipping Gaetz wingman-in-crime was Gaetz’s best friend, one Joel Greenberg, who Colbert noted, is playing ball with the feds since, “he’s not dumb.” And, if your number one bro spilling his guts to federal agents about your predilection for illegal sexual exploitation of minors wasn’t bad enough (Colbert’s staff had worked up an animation of Gaetz asking the way to “Euphoria High School”), there’s now another, somehow even skeezier witness telling all.
As Colbert noted, this new corroborating witness to the “whoopsie, we did a pedophilia!” phone call where Greenberg told Gaetz that they’s had sex with the same underage girl, is one Joseph “Big Joe” Ellicott. He, in addition to swearing as to the content of that very incriminating phone call, was also swept up in an investigation into Greenberg apparently turning his Florida tax collector office into a very Florida-esque den of corruption and unlawful debauchery. He also got his super-cool nickname from his time as a radio shock-jock, which is pretty much the occupation most likely to be associated with creepy Florida bigots with unsavory sex habits, apparently.
Seizing on the whole shock-jock, morning zoo thing, Colbert’s busy staff once more got to mocking up some Gaetz-related comedy, playing their version of that fateful and incriminating phone call, complete with all the toilet-flush sound effects and a-wooga horns you’d expect. As for the embattled but ever-terrible Gaetz, the Florida Republican continues to deny everything his longtime best friend is telling, in horrifying detail, to federal prosecutors. That oughta do it.
43 Comments
Jesus Christ, what an unreadable wall of babble. Dennis, you don’t have to cram seven sentences into every sentence. We don’t need every word that was said, every gesture that was winked, yeesh.
Does he always look like he’s just pulled his head out of a bag of industrial solvent?
He’s got a sixhead, that’s for sure.Every time I see him I reminded of that old Law and Order episode with the Neo Nazi Tom Willis.I feel sorry for the actor being remembered for being a Neo Nazi and having the same odd face as useless putz Matt Gaetz.
I was referring to the fogged over eyes and slack jaw; but yeah, that too.
He’s gormless.
apparently
I always thought he looked like an evil Muppet. Like if Sam the Eagle ever went bad and needed a fascist Gobbels-like sidekick.
I’ll believe any of this is actually news worthy when this dirtbag actually faces any consequences. We’ve heard every fucking day about evidence piling up against these asshats, and to date exactly 0 Republicans have faced any sort of consequences.
Call me when someone gets more than a subpoena they can just ignore without consequnce.
Not true. Liz Cheney faced some consequences.
This may be the most depressing joke I’ve starred all day.
Same with me. We are running out of time until the GQP finishes their takeover and you know they’ll stop all of this.
Exactly. And this is why Dump is never going to face a day in jail. Gaetz not only hasn’t been charged, but he’s STILL IN CONGRESS.The clock is ticking on any of these GOP clowns paying for their crimes, and they haven’t even charged Gaetz yet, who is rather low-hanging fruit.
Don’t think Trump is going to skate just yet … all the January 6 Commission has to do is refer cases for prosecution and the political interference is inconsequential until 2024. Republicans can take the House and the Senate and do nothing but watch if this becomes a criminal/DoJ matter. Trump may not ultimately fall, but a ton of hangers-on who did Orange Foolius’ bidding will. And the Democratic majority in Congress can refer charges up to January of 2023. There ain’t no free pass in there.
That is all true, but if they don’t prosecute and convict him prior to the 2024 elections, lots of possibilities come into play.Like first, if the GOP wins the presidency (probably DeSantis is the only guy with any real shot of beating Trump and having a shot in hell against Biden), they can pardon him instantly, so he’ll never spend a day in prison.Second, how will the U.S. Justice System be able to withstand the red-hatter outcry if their beloved leader is stuffed into the pen if he’s running in the primaries and wins? We’ve seen a bunch of instances where this type of political leader gets special treatment because we’ve either never or only rarely been in this position before. Nobody wants to make the first move.I think it was Seth Meyers a couple of weeks ago who said “Donald Trump has exposed the fact that the U.S. Presidency has always been mostly based on the honor system.”
“I think it was Seth Meyers a couple of weeks ago who said “Donald Trump has exposed the fact that the U.S. Presidency has always been mostly based on the honor system.”
It isn’t just the presidency. It showed how flawed all the checks and balances are if one group simply starts saying “fuck it, we don’t care”.
There were never rules, because they weren’t needed.
America had several horrible presidents (as most countries had), but Trump is one of the first (or the first?!) that very openly is for a authoritarian regime.
That literally shits on the Constitution.
And the worst thing is…a lot of right-wing people all around the world learned from him.
Just ignore the rules. Because there were never any real consequences implented for breaking them. Nobody tried it because there was this thought that people learned from history and wouldn’t want to repeat it. Like you said…who honor it not to exploit it way to much and in the end respect the other.
Hell, even here in Germany we have the AfD that very openly uses everything they can to destroy democracy. A lot right out of Trumps playbook.
They just aren’t strong enough like the republicans (yet) and more a political minority here.
But if they would make up almost 50%, it would look way different here too.
To be fair, Trump really isn’t doing anything new, he’s stealing directly from the playbooks of famous authoritarian leaders in history.He’s not a very smart man, but even the dumber amongst us can exploit hatred to try to hold on to power.
Don’t credit Trump with having read a book, or even having studied history. I think it’s just coincidence that men who aspire to be dictators tend to act in the same ways. “Do what you want, lie when you get caught, and constantly attack anyone who gets in your way” isn’t really a political philosophy, it’s observable behavior in any playground.
Not only will he skate but he is gonna win 2024
Hey now, President Trump’s lawyer went to jail for something the then-President told him to do, isn’t that like facing a consequence?
Exactly. People are still holding out for that pee tape, too. Give it up. Not one of these monsters will get more than a slap on the wrist.
It’s still newsworthy whether or not he goes to jail or faces other legal consequences. If it wasn’t in the news, no one would know about it AND he wouldn’t face any legal consequences. Having the public know is better than having the public not know.
I keep thinking of the people who have ruined us, bled this world dry, and lived like gods, and if any of them ever suffered any consequences. My mind is telling me the last dude was Madoff – in general, the major stipulation has to be “also fucked over other rich people.” I could be wrong though.
Eh, there was Epstein, although he took the cowards’ way out.
Couldn’t agree more. It was fun to revel in everything that looked like it was about to happen in 2020. Now it’s more of a game of “you can’t catch me”…like one of those kids on a public playground that punched other kids, but didn’t have a parent there to get him in trouble (I’m Gen-X so yeah, that absolutely did used to happen routinely).
Personally I’m glad that news reporting doesn’t rely on whatever makes CaptainTylor’s righteousness-dick hard.I find this frustrating, too. But the whole “call me when” attitude is shitty.
I would love to better understand the machinations behind this criminal investigation and the one in GA over whether t***p interfered with the GA election (he did). FL already has whatever evidence Gaetz’s asshole buddy Greenberg gave them to soften his sentence, and I can’t help thinking it was a lot of good stuff. in GA they have t***p on tape asking the GA AG to “find” 11,000 votes. What fucking else do these investigations need after a year to indict these shitheads???
I’m no law talking guy, but if the prosecution’s case hinges on a single person’s testimony or one piece of very incriminating evidence, the defense can dedicate all its attention to seeding doubt in that person and/or making that evidence inadmissible. So the prosecution needs multiple overlapping pieces of information that point to the same conclusion, and gathering that information (which might mean subpoenas or additional indictments with their own due process) takes time. One of the many issues with the criminal justice system is that money will buy much more effective defense.
Also, my understanding is that courts in general are moving very slowly right now, although you’d think things like this would probably get some priority.
Move slowly, make sure mistakes are not made.
Bill Cosby’s conviction was a slam-dunk…until it wasn’t, due to a mistake on the prosecutor’s part. And…now he’s out.
If it was a “mistake”.
That’s not really what happened with that case at all
I am a (non-practicing) lawyer so what you said makes sense—the “beyond a reasonable doubt” standard in criminal cases is in place to ensure that it is more likely for a guilty person to walk free than an innocent person be jailed, which I generally agree with except in cases like this where this scumbag couldn’t be guiltier or smirkier—but I feel like the prosecutors need to balance the realities of prosecuting a criminal case like this with the competing reality that 2 criminals are still walking free more than a year after their crimes were reported.in FL the defense seems pretty straightforward for Gaetz–this is a political witch hunt (hopefully the prosecutor in this case is also a Republican) and finding 1 person out of 12 who would buy that bullshit in spite of all the evidence that will be brought to bear is an irritatingly real possibility.
Yep – exactly. And not only that, but ‘finding’ 11 000 votes is just vague enough that Trump could easily say “I didn’t mean lie about it or manufacture them, just find 11 000 votes that were validly cast and somehow lost or incorrectly entered.”What you need is additional evidence showing that Trump actually meant what he only implied – I want to you cook the books to give me the win. And that’s probably background information, confidential discussions, hidden documents and side conversations.
I haven’t watched Late Night in a while, but didn’t they use tell jokes? Anyway screw Matt Gaetz, but stupid television, be more funny.
Why can’t douchebag Colbert die in a fireball of a plane crash like his daddy and brothers?
Florida Congress-Man
The problem with doing a “parody” of a bad radio bit is that you risk ending up with little more than a bad radio bit… which is what happened here.KBBL’s Bill and Marty could have done a better job.
what bubba the love sponge wasn’t available?
sleazily illegal sex crimesAre there… other kinds?
Yes, but they’re not nearly as much fun.
I mean, until 2003 there were plenty of sex crimes going on that weren’t particularly sleazy (although the better ones were pretty sleazy, if one is honest).
Only marginally related based on some of Colbert’s first words:
I started tweeting at Oliver Hudson during his run on Nashville, and he seemed to find it oddly amusing because he’d retweet me, and I remain among only a handful of accounts he follows. (I don’t think he tweets much nowadays.)
Those halcyon days of 2013-2015 were lovely.
This is hardly shocking news; anyone who remembers these sites from, say, 5+ years ago knows that everything goes to shit once the shock jocks get involved with a sex scandal.