The people of Krakow, Poland have just emerged from a terrifying brush with the paranormal. For two days this week, residents locked their windows and gazed fearfully at the outside world as a bizarre, lizard-like cryptid sat perched in a bush, presumably thirsting for warm blood. Officials finally confronted the beast and learned that it was…a croissant stuck in some branches.
The city’s animal welfare society, which the BBC assures us has “said the incident was genuine,” was contacted by a frightened woman earlier this week who reported that “an unidentified animal” had been sitting in a bush for two days straight. “People aren’t opening their windows because they’re afraid it will go into their house,” she said.
Krakow’s animal welfare group asked whether the creature was “a bird of prey,” and the caller reportedly replied that “it looked more like a ‘lagun’—Polish for lagoon—before remembering the correct word ‘legwanl, or iguana.”
When investigators arrived to collar the strange beast, wondering if they were going to come across an abandoned pet iguana that was too cold to move, they discovered a croissant in a tree. The group posted a transcript of the horrified call on Facebook and a description of the moment it was cornered. The author, in the words of the automatically translated English post, describes “carefully reviewing bushes” while “looking for the window monster” until finally discovering the “poor guy [with] no legs or head” on a lilac branch. Upon closer inspection, it turned out to be a discarded croissant.
In the same post, we see a photo of the terrible monster, ready to pounce on unsuspecting passersby and, we guess, ask to be warmed up for a few seconds in a toaster so it can be enjoyed with jam and coffee. Gaze upon the dread Lizard-Beast Of Krakow if ye dare….
[via Boing Boing]
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13 Comments
“The line between science fiction and science fact is microscopically thin. You have witnessed the line being shaved even thinner. But is the menace with us, or is the monster gone?”
Man, eff Brian Krakow!
Indeed, AV Club, there’s a Netflix film in this.
OK. I can see how Germany conquered Poland in 6 weeks.
And why they felt the need to conquer France next. It was to get more croissants to use as super weapons. Unfortunately (for them), their invasion of Russia went awry when the Russian peasantry, instead of being frightened by the sight of croissants in bushes, simply ate them.
On first reading your comment, I thought the Russian peasantry had eaten the Germans. Dr. Lector approves!
it looks more like a squirrel with a big, bushy tail to me. i work with the elderly & i have a client who insists she saw an alligator/crocodile sitting & sunning itself on her small, back croncrete patio. i patiently explained that cape cod is too cold for alligators/crocodiles but she insists she knows what one looks like. i know she she saw one…but i also know it wasn’t there. in conclusion: ah, the elderly.
I dunno. It seems like a recurring theme:https://truro.wickedlocal.com/news/20180423/shore-lore-long-ago-tales-of-gators-on-cape
I know ethnic humor is now frowned upon, but come on, this is a Polish joke that practically wrote itself.
It must have, because I haven’t seen a single mention of it in the Polish news. I guess it’s a funny story, but it’d be nice for AV Club to verify whether it was actually *a story* here in Poland before publishing stuff like this:> The people of Krakow, Poland have just emerged from a terrifying brush
with the paranormal. For two days this week, residents locked their
windows and gazed fearfully at the outside world
i hate our species
Is this like “the dress”? Because I went searching for the original image, and I’m not sure how anyone ever saw anything other than a croissant.
Eh. I liked the header image more than the original image.