Before you subject yourself to the trailer for The Karate Kid, aka Jaden Smith's "What I Did On My Summer Vacation" video diary, there are some important things to note about this version of The Karate Kid:
1. China is the new California
2. Middle school is the new high school
3. Will Smith's son is the new Ralph Macchio
4. Jackie Chan is the new Pat Morita
5. Chinese kids (in general) are the new Cobra Kai
6. "Put on the jacket/take off the jacket" is the new "wax on/wax off"
7. Kung Fu is the new Karate, but Will Smith's son is still somehow the Karate Kid.
8. Grating remakes of movies that weren't that great to begin with are the new original ideas.
9. Playing MadLibs with an old script is the new writing a movie
For years now, producers have been trying to figure out a way to miniaturize Will Smith and place him into movies—the logic being that every movie could be made better with even a little dash of Smithitude. But, as it turns out, it's much, much easier just to have Will Smith's son echo his father:
"Uhh. That's nasty."
"Cut! Good work, Will."
"Jaden. I'm Jaden. Will is my father. I'm my own person."
"Sure, kid. Sure. You're not your father, you're an actor in your own right. Now, let's try something else here…how about 'Welcome to Earf.'"
"Welcome to Earth!"
"No. Not 'Earth.' Say it 'Earf.'"
"Welcome to Earf!"
"Great job, Will."