There is a particular genre of internet video dedicated to breathlessly showcasing products so stupid that surely it must be intentional. Perhaps you recall the Pause Pod, a miniature tent that allows you to nap on the floor at work, thereby relieving you of the stress of having once had a job. This weekend, Mashable added a fine contribution to this genre with the Shoal Tent, the inflatable tent that lets you die in a river.
Yes, at long last, you can now live out your dream of falling asleep while you lazily drift down a river, hit a sharp submerged stick, and awake in total darkness as cool, refreshing water rushes into your tent and a high-quality nylon body bag slowly entombs you and pulls you down to where the rescue divers will recover your waterlogged, fish-eaten corpse.
“70% of the earth is covered with water, now you camp on it!” declares the copy on manufacturer Smithfly’s website, implying that in addition to rivers, this tent can also be used in, say, the middle of the Pacific Ocean.
“Why camp by a river when you can camp on one?” Mashable’s tweet asks, a question to which Twitter users had no shortage of answers.
Additional reasonable concerns raised included alligators, waterfalls, and Jason Vorhees. But let’s ignore for a moment the very real threats of being eaten, drowned, or launched off Niagara Falls. What, precisely, is the best-case scenario with this product? Assuming all goes well, and you wake up feeling rested after a soothing night on the river, you still presumably are no longer where you were when you went to sleep, a scenario that is usually considered less-than-ideal when camping. Even if you were to tether your death tent to shore, there is still the issue of what happens if you need to relieve yourself in the middle of the night. Either you are expected to urinate/defecate off the side of the tent, or you must somehow find your way to shore in pitch darkness, and then we’re right back to the watery-grave situation.
The Shoal Tent retails on Smithfly’s website for $1,499. Unfortunately, however, it is currently backordered, so if you want to go to sleep on a river and never wake up, you’ll need to wait at least six weeks.
563 Comments
I think I remember seeing this on the Profit. They did sell an anchor with it, but that might be extra.
“He died like he lived: drifting aimlessly wherever the current took him.”
“He wasn’t rich in love or in friends but he was rich enough in cash to buy this overpriced, floating deathtrap.”
I mean with an anchor it would work just fine…
Until you start dragging the anchor.
No.. its proper planning.. basically its 1500 coffin and burial costs are included (assuming you put it in the water).. so basically its a steal.. (when you are ready to check out of the game of life)
you mean it doesn’t have an emergency exit hatch?
No, it does. Right by the emergency entrance hatch. You know, by the regular entrance flap. (It’s the regular entrance flap.)
No, it does. Right by the emergency entrance hatch. You know, by the regular entrance flap. (It’s the regular entrance flap.)
“So we beat on, tents against the current, borne ceaselessly into the past.”
+1 gilded age
I mean im sure it has an anchor which makes it perfectly suitable for lakes.
yup
Nope, no anchor. According to SmithFly: “Kit comes with Storage bag, patch kit, and manual foot pump.”However, it does say that it has “D-Rings on the sides allow for easy anchor attachment.” Which means if you have your own anchor, you could use that.
You could tie it to a tree and hope nobody thinks it’s a funny prank to cut you loose at 2 am.
You would think so but… Kit comes with Storage bag, patch kit, and manual foot pump.
Yeah, what could possibly go wrong?:)
Even with an anchor, there’s still the small problem of “what do you do if you have to pee in the middle of the night?”
I am not so sure about that. There are very different anchor designs depending on whether you have a muddy bottom or rocky bottom. Also, retrieval can be extremely problematic.It can make sense if you already have a boat mooring out in a lake.
Sounds like the blurb on my eventual biography.
Dad, is that you??
“He died as he lived: in a small nylon bag.”
If I could find my way to shore
I’d never, never do this anymore
We always knew he would die, just like he lived: intentsly.
BOOM!
You idiots are unfamiliar with the concept of an anchor?
Was thinking more of this, but in water, which would be worse.
And maybe someday, “Inside a whale”
“He died as he lived: Drunk, half asleep, and full of regret.”
He died as he lived – making stupid decisions in a tent.
If you hear banjos playing on shore, just keep floating right on by.
.
will his tombstone read “Man’s best friend” ?
Oh, THAT’S very good
“He died as he lived, making dumb decisions with his money”
I hear the patent owner Al E. Gator couldn’t be reached for comment, but could be seen in an oversized fedora, trench coat, and what looked like green boots.
I was picturing:
This thing was designed for Florida Man. I can say this, because I’m Florida Woman. News at 11!
Commenter said Al E. Gator, that’s his cousin Wally. Do you think they all look alike? Sheesh!
I heard they were crocodile skin boots. So cruel.
The alligator/crocodile rivalry runs deep, and wearing trophies of their kills is an important part of their culture.
Then this one killed Yogi when he got too close to the waterhole
Okay, now I’m picturing an Alligator wearing the face of a human like Buffalo Bill from Silence of the Lambs.
Al E. Gator took the Tent Pod Challenge. And won.
I think anyone who considers sleeping on an inflatable raft to be flirting with death could probably use a little excitement in their lives. Although the fact that the idea of tethering it to the shore only came as an afterthought is probably s good indication that maybe you should stay in the camper.
I really can’t think of any scenario where this would work out – did they do any product testing at all? You’d think the beta test responses would have been just a whole lot of NOPE.
The thing does have d-rings for anchor attachments. It says it’s also easy to pull the tent structure apart should the need arise. Not sure I’d want to have to try and figure that out while water is filling the tent though.
…which means it would end up half-beached when the current pulled it downstream, defeating the purpose.
I mean I guess you could use it on a lake, which would only expose you to being mowed down by drunken evening boaters.
D-rings on each corner, so you could anchor at two or more points.Not sure what hub-bub’s about; this seems like it would be pretty chill. And as far as taking a shit…have you ever taken a shit in the woods? Not exactly comfortable by any stretch; at least with this you wouldn’t have to dig a latrine.
And now you’re a weir for every piece of driftwood floating down the river. The shitting part doesn’t bother me – it’s like nature’s flush.
Take my word for it: taking a shit in the river is totally chill! Plus you’ve got all the bathing, dish-washing and drinking water you need.
What makes you think anyone in their right mind would sleep in this thing as it floats downstream with the current? Obviously it’s meant to be tethered or anchored to the shore, dock, boat, etc.
Like you said, it has anchor attachments. If you took this out on a lake without an anchor, or even a river with an anchor, your fucked.But for lakes this is perfect.
I had d-rings in college.
Oh good! So its flimsy as well!
The rings are to anchor yourself to the river’s banks I assume, allowing you to not drift along the current, and maybe pull yourself to ground later. But… if you only anchor yourself to one side you will inevitably drift to that side and crashland. To work you’d need to have to anchor yourself to BOTH side of the river and block it completely. This thing just seems wrong to me.
I feel like with the current that would just make it capsize or fall over. Assuming it isn’t like a little gentle stream.
But even then, if you move around in your sleep at all, water could slosh in, and I’d expect a lake is a pretty cold thing to sleep on top of at night, not to mention how difficult it’d be to go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.
So there is a hole in the middle of the tent for personal relief? IDK….
when water is filling the tent at 3am on a moonless night in the middle of a river miles from civilization.
Oh, a high wind would do it for you.
It says it’s also easy to pull the tent structure apart should the need arise. That’s for the bears.
I’ve seen pictures of Spring Break at Havasu, on the Colorado River etc. – this would be a perfect bro-friendly addition to that floating clusterfuck.They’re already pulling everything – houseboats, cabin cruisers, rubber baby buggy bumpers, whatever – together in a giant homogeneous mass of Bro Fratboyery. These would probably be for the Poors on the outside so they could be cut loose.
IT BOTHERS YOU WHEN PEOPLE HAVE A GOOD TIME TOGETHER, OBVIOUSLY.HOW MISERABLE AND EXHAUSTING YOU MUST BE.
the question is how do we make ALL of that sink? rapidly, very rapidly. although, you know all the chads took swimming lessons at the club.
Go to Lake Powell on Labor Day weekend.
Yep. This has to be the target audience.
“Look! That Rave Pontoon has its own sex floatie!
Sounds like American beer: fucking close to water.
Yeah, that’s what I was thinking. In my younger/dumber days friends and I would go beer rafting down a very calm part of the American River near Sacramento. I guess I could see using this for that, but $1500 is…steep.
Word of the day: Bro Fratboyery. Thank you for that one.
Better used as “comfort stations” for the “dancers”.
Maybe on a swimming pool with someone on duty to keep watch to make sure the tent owner doesn’t drown?
I could see this on a private man made lake/pond. Something fun for your own backyard but at a really high price. Plus while I have no problem with camping, I couldn’t camp knowing my comfortable bed and AC are just a short walk away.
This product would work perfectly on a lake if you had an anchor…That said, I would never use it in a river, even with an anchor.
Have you met Silicon start ups? The fucking juice machine that squeezed juice, not from fruit, but a bag? Anything involving Elizabeth Holmes? These investor types often have more money than sense.
It’s not the product that’s important it’s the churn.
Pretty sure the scenario it is designed for is to allow instagram influencers to take some pictures in it and pretend they are glamping. They want actually sleep in it. It is just for the pics.
This product was featured on the CNBC show The Profit. It was originally designed as a fishing platform and had a small motor attached.
If no one is planning to sleep in it it makes more sense. I’m not so sure what advantages it’d have over a boat, though, for fishing.
This is actually how I see this as useful. Beach it to sleep and launch it to fish. Of course I could get a boat and a tent for less money, but it would be one less thing to pack.
I enjoy that show but haven’t seen it in a while. Marcus seems like a pretty smart guy. Did he end up backing this or did they go their separate ways?
Say you anchored the tent on a nice calm lake—can you imagine how cold the bottom of the tent would be in less than an hour?
Yes, yes I can. But that issue is seasonally advantageous, esp. in a summer with 90F+ temps and 95% humidity.
There’s these things called sleeping pads.
As someone that currently lives in Texas, I can only dream. Making things cooler would be a huge benefit.
Yes, Virginia, Twitter is still useful for something. And re: The Death Tent:
Oddly, all of the beta testers seem to have passed away.
One does not need a tent to camp out. There is sleeping under the stars. Obviously, when raining use a tarp.
They don’t seem to have ever located a beta tester to record their response.
None of them survived to submit a report……but no news is good news, right?
“It’s reported to stand up to high winds”
“I’m sorry the beta tester you are trying to reach is no longer in service.”
So you’re saying you’ve never been camping? You really can’t think of ONE scenario? I myself would enjoy it, and this same product is being shared on a Minnesota camping group on Facebook with the exact opposite reaction of all the commenters here. They love it. Sleeping in a canoe is a classic thing here. Throw up a mosquito net, lay on your back on a calm lake while anchored, and just sleep on the water. I can’t figure out how all the people in this thread can’t wrap their head around that.
Maybe for camping on uneven, damp/wet terrain? But not worth $2k for that.
Really, no scenario at all. This product obviously is not meant to float down a river with people asleep inside. If you bothered to look at the website, pictures clearly show the tent anchored from D-rings on the outside that can also be used to tether it to shore, dock, boat, etc. I see this as a brilliant way to go camping with a water bed, something obviously not convenient before.
I could see beach parties, where everybody anchors in the shallows, or alongside your dock for the kids to play in while swimming, etc. I can see no scenario where a person would want to sleep in it overnight.
Without suggesting that I would use this product in this way at all: Use it on a lake? Lakes generally don’t have currents. So you’ll sort of know where you’re going to wake up. No, I have no idea why somebody would want to sleep on a lake either. I’m just saying, you’ll probably know what county you’re waking up in, and are less likely to die by crashing into an object.
Hypothetically, if you had a lake in an extremely hilly and rocky area, where there’s no good place to pitch a tent on land, it makes sense.
But that’s a really narrow use case scenario.
I think the gentle floating action in the water would help you sleep through a thunderstorm?
Actually, this seems ideal for a camping trip around the UK canal system. Narrow strips of water, which doesn’t really flow anywhere except the next lock. The only wild animals I would need to worry about would be the odd stray cat or a badger. (Swans would probably be the biggest danger). If it wasn’t so hugely expensive I would certainly buy one for myself. As it is I’ll have to settle for camping NEXT to a canal, like some sort of bum.
Oh I don’t know. I mean I’ve camped on canoe trips, and the canoe slamming into the shore, if not brought onto land, can really keep you awake at night. I’ve always thought – if only I could be in that canoe, but if it were less sturdy.
I think this whole product is an absolutely horrible product when being used for what they are actually advertising it, but I can see it being used as a nice day use item in a lake out in a cove or something. For kids and family to have a floating “base” to jump off of and have shade on the water and such. If of course it did not cost $2000, when you can get huge floating structures for 1/9th the cost at Costco.
But how would you jump off something that isn’t going to have a stable base? More like falling out the door?
Thing is, when the Beta testers die, it just gets logged as “no complaints.”
I don’t know. Seems like an awesome product for camping on Lake Powell. Calm, warm water, and hardly anywhere to stake a tent.
Just throw out an anchor and have a peaceful night’s sleep.
Just get an anchor and ur good to go.
You’d think the beta test responses would have been just a whole lot of NOPE.
Tethering it to the shore could prevent you from being swamped by rising water levels on the bank overnight, and provide some safety from land-based animals. Just make sure the tether isn’t weak and nobody’s going to cut it (I’d use several). Also, it could be used in tandem with a canoe for more comfortable sleeping.I see a mob mentality in all the reactionary, negative comments.
that’s the problem, the testers never replied for some reason…
If it can be anchored on a pond, that would be kinda cool. I would not recommend a moving body of water though
I can only see it working if it was attached to a pre-existing boat mooring, tethered to a boat (maybe houseboat) or pre-existing swimming platform, or tethered in a large pool.
Definitely no lawyer on staff.
The Profit had an episode about the company that makes this, and it actually looked pretty cool. But I am not in their target market, so my opinion doesn’t really matter.
Funny thing though, none of the testers ever reported back.Oh well, no news is good news.
well, there are no sharp sticks in the family pool. And kids love to camp outdoors in their own backyard.I mean if the child falls that is how he/she learns.
Did anyone click on that Pause Pod link? I fell down a much deeper rabbit-hole than I expected. Who thinks up this stuff and is sober enough to get a patent?
The beta testers are all dead, so they took a lack of feedback for “It’s Great!”
because on a pond/lake, it’s pretty awesome ?
You get to be well away from bugs, sleeping on still water is nice, and yeah, there is situations where this makes tons of sense ^^.
“How was the camping trip?”“Terrible. We almost froze to death.”“Really?”“Yeah. The fire kept going out.”
Easy fix; just dump a couple gallons of gas in the water, and light a match! It’ll even follow you whereever you go!
I suppose you could use it for the most embarrassing Viking funeral ever…..
Very embarrassing because this thing’s probably not even inflammable.
But is is flammable?
Maybe, but you can bet someone will build a fire in it to brew up a fucking latte. So we’ll see.
Was hoping someone would post this!
With enough accelerant, most things can be flammable.
You would probably know….
I would like to exercise my Fifth Amendment privileges.
Light the fire, open up the air nozzle, and play Yackety Sax on a loudspeaker…
Assuming you survive the night and are still floating on the river the next day, how do you steer it back to shore? If you brought a paddle with you, you can only paddle on one side.
I think the idea is you aim the air nozzle carefully and use its jet propulsive properties. Ideally, you reach the shore just as it’s fully deflated and you just pack it up and move on.
Smithfly, a subsidiary of ACME Products, Inc.
They offer a dynamic positioning system for another $1.2 million.
I’m envisioning some refreshed but lost camper trying to get a cell signal to call an Uber, from the middle of nowhere.
So you just row in a circle, until you go mad. Simple.
WOW good reference
Danke, mein lieber Fiend.
Well, it IS good exercise.
^^^ I think you’re onto something. The designers are genius and plan to use this as a societal thinner. Only those who can survive this contraption and situation can live to breed. The ultimate test of idiot vs. Wild and Logic.Also that last line killed me, “…so if you want to go to sleep on a river and never wake up, you’ll need to wait at least six weeks.”
Not to mention who knows how fucking far you will drift while you sleep? What about branches, logs, rocks that could puncture or flip this thing? Also most people usually get to a camp site by a vehicle so what happens if you drift 10 miles down river, now you have to fucking hike all the way back to your car!I know this thing has anchor rings to attach one but there is always the chance the thing will drag the bottom of the river while you are sleeping and now you are drifting down river while you sleep.
Theoretically one could use the one-oar technique knows as sculling over the stern, if one side is rigid enough to work against, with a notch in it.
I imagine it’s supposed to be anchored to the shore, so I assume you’d just pull yourself in by the rope / cable.
I solo paddle canoes just fine on one side. Just gotta know how to paddle properly.That being said, I’m in no way trying to support this floating tent, though many of the criticisms against it make me wonder how much time people have spent in the great outdoors. And anywhere you can drive your Honda Civic to does not qualify as the great outdoors. No, I’m talking places like this: Tower Trail Campsite
i can’t imagine anyone involved would seriously recommend drifting overnight, so if you are moored to shore with a tether then you just pull yourself back to shore.
If you are supposed to tether the tent, why doesn’t the video ever show the tent tethered? Or discuss a tether? Or point out the handy tethering features? Also, I’m no river expert, but a tethered floating tent is just going to beach itself, and stop floating. And maybe deflate, if you beach on something sharp.
because showing the tent tethered isn’t as sexy as imagining a drifting waterbed tent?
as for beaching itself I think that depends in large part on the body of water you are in and I would hope people would take normal precautions and not use 50′ of rope when tethered next to a 10′ wide sandy spot. Yes, the tent is an INFLATABLE thing, so of COURSE like ALL inflatable things, you have to scout the area around where you want to use your inflatable thing to see if there’s anything that could puncture your thing and take proper precautions. if someone is too dense to think about that, they shouldn’t be camping in the first place, come to think of it they probably shouldn’t even be driving.
also, since inflatable kayaks and rafts are a thing and those are designed to actually travel waterways and not just float in place (so have a much greater likelihood of encountering something that could puncture the inflatable), I have to think the bottom/low-sides of the tent could be made reasonably puncture proof. But that said, if I were going to use something like this I’d use an anchor to keep the tent from drifting AND a tether – both for ease in getting back to shore (just pull the rope till you near the beach), AND as a backup to the anchor.
and of course I would never, ever use something like this in a body of water larger than I am comfortable swimming from mid-body of water to shore. So under no circumstances would a sane person ever use this in the ocean, even if it’s in a protected cove or inner harbor.
you just paddle back to your car… upriver.
It looks like they dumbed down a sea-safe ship life raft and adapted it for… aimlessly floating around a lake?
Yea, I dont know when they first went into use, Im guessing somewhere in the 40s.. But they have to have been commercially available for at least 60 years.
Now that thing looks kind of fun, so long as it’s not in the ocean and my ship hasn’t sunk.
The only scenario I can think of where this makes any sense at all, is if you were going to camp in an area where there is a good sized pond, and that had a large number of bears/wolves/mountain lions, so you would want to sleep out in the middle of the pond for safety, but who wants to camp out in a place chock full of hungry carnivores in the first place.
Pro tip: don’t google “bear in pond” images.
Even seeing this neither did I.
I did and it’s lovely young men skinny dipping in a pond. My day is brighter for having seen it.
Uhhh… don’t google them because of the Bruce Weber Bear Pond on a Cold Day photography collection? Or the actual bears pictured in ponds, or … ?
Now I have to fucking Google it.This is both your faults.
I you like lovely young men skinny dipping in a pond, it’s a treat. Made my morning.
Goddamnit you assholes. I don’t want to see underwater dick from some artsy black and white asshole.
I think that we are all victims here.
I accept full responsibility for this incident.
Hmmm… I thought ‘bears’ were generally more hairy and barrel chested… but I like these just fine 🙂
I did, and found some really lovely pictures.
I took the bait… ugh… exactly what I expected as I hit enter…
::does just that::I mean, you even said “don’t do this.”
The videos, though, are surprisingly wildlife-focused.
I’m at work, so I’m picturing another type of bear pics that are NSFW
You use an anchor. All moron’s concerns negated.
Still a no from me. You know what’s way colder than sleeping on the ground at night? Sleeping on water.
I think you’re describing the American West, and survival tip, all those critters swim.
Y’all crazy because this looks awesome!
SHH, these are people with no imagination commenting here. Go back to your happy life of varied activities outdoors.
How do you get into and out of the tent?
Verrry carefully.
Sorry, but it looks boring to me. If I want to be gently swayed in nylon, a hammock is cheaper and safer.
They didn’t show anyone getting into or out of the tents from the kayaks. I’m guessing it’s so awkward that it would only hurt sales. Also, loved the floating fire pits, can’t wait till one bumps into a tent and sends it up in flames. You can die drowning AND on fire, cool.
Going to be the best drinking game ever!
The commenters here are a bunch of really, really wet blankets already… no on-water tent needed. Maybe a site dedicated to binge watching B-list, made-to-order spec TV shows isn’t quite the place to discuss this. Whyncha go outside. I could easily see this as a fun novelty on a calm body of water. A couple sand anchors and an oar, and you could get 30 feet from shore on some peaceful lake and have a truly unique experience.
Look I know it’s absolutely not Drew Magary’s fault for missing it last year, but an apparatus simultaneously this expensive and this retarded has me pining for the Haters’ Guide to the Williams-Sonoma Catalogue.
i give you – https://theconcourse.deadspin.com/the-2018-ish-hater-s-guide-to-the-williams-sonoma-cata-1832646809drew came through, just a bit later than usual.
I gotchu. Drew’s a trooper and published it in March.
https://theconcourse.deadspin.com/the-2018-ish-hater-s-guide-to-the-williams-sonoma-cata-1832646809
I have a friend who regularly saves drunk weekend tubers after they’ve floated downstream and into the Arizona desert. One girl told him she thought the river just circled around and you’d float back to your original spot. You can’t make this stuff up.
I’m wondering why he bothers rescuing them. Seems like that part of the herd needs to be thinned. Also … that is hilarious, thanks for sharing.
He met a real dumb, drunk girl who makes bad decisions. I’d steal her identity, yo.
He met a real dumb, drunk girl who makes bad decisions.I’d ask for her number.
I’m willing to bet you were the kid in high school who wore the slogan t-shirts from Wal Mart that said things like “a large group of people is called NO THANKS.”
that’s some good nazi thinkin there
Yeah you can’t. I worked at GCNP. People are stupid.
One girl told him she thought the river just circled around and you’d float back to your original spot.That’s a prime example of why he needs to cut that good Samaritan shit out right now.
Oh no there is money to be made there! Buy up enough land by the river. Then make a man made river that flows back to the spot all of these tubers start at. Then charge them to take your river back to the start of their river.
Right!? She probably has multiple kids now and shills essential oils to unemployed former classmates of hers.
strong disagree. Wait til we hear why she thought she could just input/output other life decisions. “You don’t just put a baby inside you and have one come out” etc.
I split the difference and strive to be the “Neutral Samaritan”
I went tubing with a girl who thought that, we get out and shes like “uhh this isnt where we got in”
Of course, we all know that Lazy River ride at Six Flags is based on how actual nature works.
Oh come on…
Seriously, multiple people on planet earth think that rivers run in circles?! We are so doomed.
I mean, maybe? If she got picked up by the water cycle and is absorbed into the clouds, then rained down back where she started. Just might take a while.
I’ve done that river tuber thing and I can tell you with absolute certainty that girl was a student at Arizona State.
Sun Devils! Wooo!!!(I didn’t attend school there, I went to an equally brain-dead party school in Washington. But I’m very familiar with ASU grads)
I am an ASU grad, and while it’s got a lot of really excellent programs going for it (the Cronkite School of Journalism is top notch, for one), holy shit, the “how do you even tie your shoes” population is ubiquitous.
It’s the same at WSU. The Carson School of Business is no joke, and I’m sure my Dad wished my major had been business, but I double-majored in European literature and drinking while I was there.
To be fair, I’m a Yale grad and also knew people at college of questionable shoe-tying ability.
To be fair, they wear flip-flops year-round.
Wazzu?
Yup.
Was it WSU? 🙂
It surely was.
Aha….then you’re my rival! (Hahaha just kidding I never went to a single ball game the entire time I was a Husky.)
Well, I also went to UW about five years later and again another four years after that. So we don’t have to be rivals. And I used to attend a lot of the home games. My son has a stuffed husky that used to belong to me, and he thinks it’s funny that the dog’s name is Tequila. I got that dog at the bookstore in the ‘90s.
Damn homes, that’s a lot of school!!! I’ve never been much of a school spirit kind of a gal. Unless that spirit is of the ghosts of former students who haunt the hallways at night. (The art building is creepy at night!)
Howard the ghost at the College Inn Pub.
Once I went on a first date at the College Inn. I was running late, and when I arrived (fifteen minutes late) I sat down with a flourish and smacked the waiting water glass off my table and directly into the lap of the lady sitting at the table next to me. Before I even got out a greeting to the date. So embarrassing.
Are the majority of American college girls suffering from mild mental retardation?
That’s because every student at UA knows rivers as raging death traps that appear in the desert once a year after the monsoons. Only the ASU kids have encountered a river that can be tubed upon.
There is a city in the eastern side of Washington state (Ellensburg) where people will float on the Yakima river. Super fun and pretty harmless. However, at the end of the river, there is a dam. There have been a few occasions where, as expected, people get too drunk and dont get off the river in time and get sucked through. I dont believe anyone has actually died from it, but when I was going to school out there, a couple people got sucked through and lost all of their stuff, including their clothes and dignity.
BWahaha. When the tutorial was at a Great Wolf Lodge lazy river.
So, the Colorado River Isn’t a Lazy River like hotels have? Interesting.
I bet many of them are surprised to find out that every pile of rocks they see goes all the way down to the bottom.
I grew up with a situation almost that good—start at my grandparents house, drift down the river for 20-30 minutes, get out, and walk across the street from the neighbor’s yard.
+ 1 lazy Colorado River
“Hey I’ve been to a waterpark before, I know how these lazy rivers work!”
their previous tubing experience must have been limited to indoor circular waterways. (they actually do exist)
We understand why she would think that. That doesn’t make it not incredibly disturbingly fucking stupid
Awesome. I love the general public. Life would be so boring without them. A Yellowstone Park Ranger once told me that a bemused city slicker once asked him where they keep the animals at night. A Grand Canyon Ranger, just before I spoke with him, had stopped a woman in high heals with a roller suitcase and 12oz plastic Aquafina water bottle from trying to “walk down to see Phantom Ranch” on Bright Angel… An 8 mile (one way) hike, 1 mile of elevation change, in 105 degree sun. Then she set about arguing with him for not letting her go. People die on those hikes. She’s lucky that Ranger was there or she’d be competing for a Darwin Award.People have NO F#*&ING CLUE how the world works. Remember these stories when you see someone who thinks that climate change is fake or unimportant, fracking is innocent, excessive water use in the desert is a God given right… On and on…Now I hate the general public again. Life would be so easy without them. Oh well…
ASU FTW!
Casinos and water parks have those ‘infinite’ circular track setups, so that’s what she knew. He got one of today’s kids who are never allowed out of the house except to carefully controlled settings. And then (probably) she went to college and briefly escaped the bubble.
I mean… TECHNICALLY she’s right. In a weird, roundabout way that doesn’t really apply to anything but the water cycle, but yes, eventually it comes back to where it started. The same can’t be said for anything IN said river, though…
I have a pretty wild imagination, you might be surprised at the type of stuff I could make up.
I found myself trying to understand your reference to drunk potatoes…
Where does he store them? Refrigerator or just a series of shallow graves?
A river leading to the desert isn’t a ride at Disneyland?!
Well that’s how the lazy rivers at the water parks work, why can’t nature get its shit together and make a river that runs in a loop?
That last comment.Wow.Just wow
Your friend just had to rescue her! And to think, she was on the path to being a Darwin Award winner.
One girl told him she thought the river just circled around and you’d float back to your original spot.There are a handful of glorious tubing spots where this is nearly possible. The river doubles back around a really long horseshoe back to a minute or two walking distance from where you put-in. But… LOL.
HAHAHAHAHAH….oh, shit.
Well…. eventually…. your molecules, anyway.
https://www.mlive.com/news/muskegon/2016/07/muskegon_river_tubing_trip_tur.html
At that point you just put her back in the river and tell her she’s only halfway there.
The Salt River never disappoints!
The USA: land of high-quality, free public education.
She must have thought she was on the Escher river
She was thinking of Wet&Wild in Orlando.
The Shoal Tent retails on Smithfly’s website for $1,499….and now it’s $1999 because people are dumb.
And how is this thing backordered? Who in the hell would buy this, and for that price? And they sold out of… never mind. Sigh.I sometimes overestimate the intelligence of other people, and it takes something like this help to realize that.
More evidence of people’s stupidity.This tent is a pretty weird, unnecessary borderline dumb idea… and this entire comment section can’t come up with one logical reason it’s a bad idea.“Bears wil eat me on this floating tent”, but apparently not in a regular tent. wtf?“You can’t get out of the river in the same spot ROFL!!!!”. How do people think kayaking or canoeing work?I worry that people are so dumb they can’t come up with reasons this is a silly idea.
They can’t come up with logical reasons because there aren’t any. It’s a product that some people like. And that angers the commenters here.
I sometimes overestimate the intelligence of other people, and it takes something like this help to realize that.Your decision not to ever read about current events has brought you untold peace.
Besides the drowning risk, the bugs would be nasty. You are just floating around on top of a mosquito nursery. Also bears can swim. At least the mosquitoes won’t break any bones when they draw blood, I guess.
Yeah, this is such a great idea for people in Colorado. Just climb inside with some friends and hot box while floating down the river. Awaken from that little nap and voila mind blown you’re somewhere totally different!
Like Morty from Meatballs.
Dangit Bill Murry!
I lived in CO for a year (in a ski town) and 100% accurate.
I don’t think you’d ever wake up tbh.
Hell, I am in Texas… more likely to wake up cuddling a nope rope… or as some call them, snakes.
Still, might come in handy if you live around Houston.You could set it up in your living room for the next storm. Wake up dry at least.
That was my thought, much better than spending the night on the kitchen counters again.
My come in handy in Houston after the next Harvey
Danger noodles!
I’d use it on a pond/lake in Maine, if only my family still had the cabin. The biggest problem would probably be loons, moose, and fishermen.
And Gulpers, giant hermit crabs and atomic cultists, if Fallout 4’s Far Harbor can be trusted (note: I have never been to Maine).
You should go. It’s a beautiful state and Portland and the surrounding area is a legitimately awesome smaller city.
Don’t forget sub zero temps and the lake freezing around you.
that’s only if you’re dumb enough not to go when the lake is fully frozen if you do winter camping. The lake won’t freeze in the middle of summer.
My family still has a lake cabin in Maine. I still don’t see us ever using this as we can just, ya know, sleep inside of our cabin
As a kid, I’d spend hours upon hours on a raft, so this would be awesome.
When I visited SA around 2013ish, I was taken aback when we would go over bridges and pass signs that said “Such and such river”. It was always a ditch filled with dry grass. Do they actually fill up?
Never tubed San Antonio, but have tubed between it and Austin in New Braunfels, there is always water flowing there. But some years are worse than others, dont get me wrong. This year has been a wet year for us and when I went tubing last month the water was higher than the past few previous years. I know year before last when I went to Austin, I went along the Barton Springs green belt and the water was very low… certain parts were not swimable… but I have not been since.
I’m in Colorado, I think if someone were to try this on our rivers they’d probably die in the rocks. Especially out in the mountains, got some crazy strong rapids out there.
If they tried it near Denver they’d probably still drown and if not they’d probably grow tentacles and die
You call them snakes. I call them free-loading relatives.
Thank goodness snakes can’t swim!
That is no lie, and next thing you know they will find a Alligator in Chicago…
I live in south Louisiana; you would definitely wake to find that tent filled with some combination of venomous snakes, alligators, and oil if you were dumb enough to use it on any of our fine waterways.
Just the thing for preppers worried about a Water World future!
Are there 2 banjos as an accessory?
Can I order the ‘You Gotta Pretty Mouth’ option separately?
Sure, but you’ll pay out the ass for it.
How about “This river don’t go to Aintry”
Row faster, I hear banjos.
Why does this need to exist?
Your life must be exhausting if you ask this ever time it’s applicable.
So did you buy a floating tent yet?
It appears this could benefit you:
https://www.thegreatcoursesplus.com/films/title/informal-logic-and-fallacies
It appears this could benefit you:
http://chadhowsefitness.com/2014/11/10-steps-to-becoming-a-loser/
hahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha that is the most 6th grade response i’ve ever received.including when I was in 6th grade.on the plus side… at least you don’t have to rad your article…
I agree. The article was quite rad. I miss that word.
So, beyond really warm climes, is it just me who is wondering just how fucking cold you’d be after a night sleeping more or less on the water…?!?
Ever tried to sleep on a waterbed whose heater has failed? It’s a recipe for hypothermia. Now, imagine everywhere is the waterbed…
For those who can’t find a way, Disney is a really nice place to visit. For those who know what a sleeping pad is, this is no obstacle.
I know, right!?!
When I was in the military one of the first things I realized was that although sleeping in a cot may seem more comfortable because of the air movement and pocket underneath its also colder than sleeping directly on the ground (with the proper equipment, of course).
But, your waterbed analogy nails it! 🙂
Never again with the waterbeds. Never.
I grew up with them and MY MOM STILL HAS ONEeta – ON PURPOSE
Your Mom is a brave woman. I gave up on them a long time ago — wayyyyyh too high maintenance. Good during earthquakes, though.
Wouldn’t this be easier though…?
Creepier, sure… 🙂
Well, the waterbed actually mediates the shaking, rather than exacerbating it, so, it’s similar….
“Door Dash for bears.” Laughed out loud at that one. Blaine Capatch is one of the funniest people on the planet.
Same.
Came here to say this!
Clearly, this is for elaborate pranks where you take your buddy camping and then send him downriver at 3am after he’s passed out. You should’ve waited more than 3 weeks before asking out my ex, Jerry.
Modern Tom Sawyer.
A tent with an integral air mattress isn’t a bad idea. Plus, it probably wouldn’t flood during a sudden overnight rainstorm. I think it’s rather practical as a conventional tent. Just not enough to justify a $1500 price tag.It’s too expensive for any use that isn’t monumentally stupid.
Somebody finally read about Huckleberry Finn and got carried away.
Carried away by the current.
Congratulations on inventing a survival raft you have to pump up yourself, I guess.
How do you steer your way back to shore?? Oh that must be for the future model. “Floating tent now with solar powered electric motor! Only $2,499!”
Nothing wrong with it if you have an anchor which I’m sure it has.
(Bear looking at cell phone)“Well the app says our order has been delayed six weeks. We should probably all just take a nap.”
What is it about these tents that make them easier for a bear to attack you than a land tent?
That’s some good satire right there.
I don’t think that word means what you think it does.
I genuinely can’t think of a better way to rest in peace.
Why are they marketing as if for rivers and oceans when it’s obviously only for ponds? That’s still a thing. Maybe someone out there owns a summer lakehouse, and they could keep this around for some adventurous guests.
This company was on The Profit this last season.
I’d be willing to bet anything that there’s an anchor of some sort so that you don’t float away and not know where you’re going to end up. Usually floatable things like this are pretty sturdy, I have an inflatable kayak that’s very sturdy!
How is this not a survival raft ?
“Finally.”-Huck Finn(Presumably the only person this was designed for)
$1,499
http://gph.is/2crFNgI
http://gph.is/2crFNgI
Well it does solve another problem: it helps prevent forest fires!
Well it does solve one problem. Preventing forest fires!
well, there are such things as anchors…
Yeah, aside from the lack of a patio and / or fire-pit (which I think they do actually make floating fire-pits, come to think of it), this kinda seems like a pretty chill way to camp. At $2k, though, I think I’d just as soon get decent-sized boat and put a tent on that.ETA: Looking at the website, it looks like you can mount a paddleboard or similar device to the front, which could give you a small patio area.
Can you imagine some adventurous person in a boat tying up to your floating slumber party and turning it into a towable?
This was on The Profit in March. The internets are a little slow.
REI Store Clerk: “You know, you’re really gonna need a camp stove to go with that tent. Nothing better than fresh caught fish cooked right in the tent. And, an oil fryer. You definitely need an oil fryer.”
Additional reasonable concerns raised included alligators, waterfalls, and Jason Vorhees. How do people go from hiring a security company to keep strangers out of their house, to packing their family into a fabric tent in the middle of nowhere.It sounds like a smorgasbord for serial killers.
Ya’ll are thinking too short term. Once the rest of the glaciers melt these things are going to be $3m ocean front real estate. I for one plan to stock up now.
I mean, on one side of the coin…try harder. This is clearly meant to be anchored in protected waters to provide a waterbed experience. Its no less safe that what I see all the time of people not staking in tents, pitching them in washes, etc. On the other side – this is literally just a life raftso…good job SmithFly…you made a cheaper life raft.
“Why camp on a surface that is solid, unmoving, and easy to traverse, when you could camp on a surface that is none of these things and also cold and wet and you can cease to breathe in?”Even if this thing actually works – you know, is anchorable and can be moved around easily and so forth – what is the great appeal of camping on water? What are the advantages I’m not seeing? It’s like the camping equivalent of a waterbed, which I think we all agreed was something we all hated twenty odd years ago.
We all agreed? I liked them. Lots of people liked them.
Not everyone knows this but you can take canoe/kayak trips just like you can take hiking trips. Instead of hiking trails, you follow blue trails. They will have campsites along the shore. This would be a great alternative for something like that. We will often tie off the canoe and put a bug net over it and sleep in the canoe if we have to for whatever reason, like the campsite being full or unkempt or being between sites.
Not everyone knows this but you can take canoe/kayak trips just like you can take hiking trips. Instead of hiking trails, you follow blue trails. They will have campsites along the shore. This would be a great alternative for something like that. We will often tie off the canoe and put a bug net over it and sleep in the canoe if we have to for whatever reason, like the campsite being full or unkempt or being between sites.
Could work on a small quiet lake with no large outlet. Like Crystal Lake, or Lake Placid.
This was on one of the episodes of The Profit (Season 6, Episode 610) if you want to see the behind the scenes of it.
Small one bedroom apts. in San Francisco bay available immediately.
I didn’t see any lighting. Even if you anchored it, I’d be most afraid of a boater zooming by at 11PM and running the occupants over…
Welp, I can describe the only kind of water you’ve ever been out on.
If that’s too boring for you then I have a fence you can paint.
I saw this earlier and many of the jokes are solid, but I’m confused by all the confusion and hate. I would totally sleep on this while tethered to a tree or something. I haven’t seen the promo materials in detail, but I don’t imagine people would actually float down a river blindly while sleeping. I think it just beats the hard ground. And might be great for canoe/kayak trips.Dat $1,500 pricetag, doe.
Not seeing any options to leave mesh panels exposed for air circulation. Would make for hot sleeping in the summer. Under engineered for a 2k price tag.
These comments are priceless. I came across user Davis’ post of this video. If it’s used in this type of scenario with the canoes and floating fire pits and a calm lake or pond, anchored, then hell yeah, it looks like fun! Still, one has to ask… where do you go to the bathroom? And also still, I would be constantly worried about it collapsing and entombing me. Too claustrophobic for that.
Seriously WTF. It’s like no one realizes this is just one of the poor companies that Marcus Lemonis screwed over. Doesn’t anyone watch The Profit?!
If they weren’t so expensive, I’d order one to give to a family member.Note: This family member is an idiot, and would never go camping. Even if I paid him to go.
I’ll leave this here:
I like water. I like houses on water that are built into the ground. I don’t like moving devices ON the water that can drift away as I sleep and kill me due to any number of issues. I see no real need for this unless you have a small lake or something. Assuming there is nothing near by to kill you.
“I see no real need for this “Then don’t go outside.
Just hook up one of those to a jet-ski.
Think I’m gonna stick with my van.
Is it bad that i now want to buy one of these just to place it upstream of Niagara Falls, then set it adrift?
Have you never heard of this amazing invention called a rope? It helps to keep floating things in place. I know, sounds like magic.
No article I’ve read has had so many bad takes in the comments…..People do float trips all the time. It’s not that hard to plan going in the river one place and getting out elsewhere.How exactly is this MORE of bear DoorDash than regular camping?
Besides this…the problem is where you store your food. Bears don’t want to eat you.It’s sleeping on an inflatable mattress, not a water bed. You know that you don’t go IN the water, right?Are water animals better at getting in tents than land animals? Why would one be more concerned about a water animal getting in the tent than you would a land animal getting in a tent?You know that most stretches of river are NOT rapids, right?Where is the magic land where mosquitos only hang out over the water?I’m not paying $1500 for a tent, because that’s too much. But, my god, nothing since Nov 2016 has so thoroughly convinced of the stupidity of my fellow humans than this comment section.
Yeah it’s almost depressing to think that most people think like this. Imagine having any of these people as friends. “Hey there’s a new genre of movie out,wanna go see it?”“OMG, just WHY does this movie exist. I mean did they even test it?”“OK, how about this new food I found, it’s a cool take on an existing food.”“I would puke that RIGHT out it’s probably so infested with microbes.”“OK, how about going cosmic bowling? It’s like bowling but with cool lights.”“NO WAY. Throwing heavy objects without adequate light? Something douches do.”“OK, then let’s only do things we can’t make fun of. Are there any?”“NO. It is 2019 and everything makes me uncomfortable. I must use humor and short, acerbic comments to put distance between anything I don’t already like. Don’t call me a hipster, asshole.”
I don’t see anyone that’s not a certified complete moron getting in that thing on an actual river. I does have incredible potential though as a swimming pool bound playhouse for the children of rich folks.The $200 knockoff version that should be available at Walmart sometime next year will be wicked fun in the pool.
The idea of deliberately floating the tent is silly but I’ve spent enough time camping in rainy, soggy southwestern BC that I can see some practical advantage to a tent that’s waterproof from the bottom up as well as the top down. The high price and ridiculously high weight put it firmly back into the “silly” category again though. The weight quoted on the website is so high it would be a pain just to get it in and out of a vehicle let alone carry it any distance.
Smallest bounce tent ever.
It might be helpful if folks would stop insisting on reality.Just saying.
To be used as a regular tent on the ground this seems like a pretty good tent. You’re raised six inches off the ground which is pretty good insulation, it’s like sleeping on a mattress since it’s an inflatable tent, it’s high wind resistant, on paper it’s waterproof and it offers a lot of room. All that said it would still be an over-priced tent. If money was no object I’d get one to use as a regular tent.
99% of people making fun of this thing would climb into it if they believed they had a 10% chance of banging the sort of flashy weirdo who’d buy it
Starred for “Flashy weirdo.” This made me bark-laugh at my desk.
…you’re also 100% not wrong.
6 weeks? Just long enough for me to play Borderlands 3. 😎
there is still the issue of what happens if you need to relieve yourself in the middle of the night.
Peeing off the side of your tent/raft at night is a feature, not a bug.
I suspect that standing/kneeling/sitting on the side of the tent, far enough out to ensure that you don’t befoul your sleeping quarters in the dark, will almost certainly guarantee a capsize
Stability does seem like a real vulnerability with this thing. Even with a rigid bottom, it’s hard to imagine standing more than two feet from the center without it pitching terribly. Perhaps they recommend placing about a thousand pound layer of sandbags over the bottom?
Don’t think the wife would agree.
Him – Honey, wake up and roll over to the other side – I need you to counterbalance while I lean out for a pissHer – Hm, we’re really living the life. Remind me again why we didn’t pay less for a regular land-based tent?Him – Because water covers 70% of the planet – this is where it’s at!Her (sotto voce) – Christ, I married a moron…..
haha this is a bad ideaOh WOW this is a BAD idea!***Somewhere there is a cruise liner with all its liferafts missing.
I thought I had a use for this until I saw 1500 dollars.You crazy interwebs kids have too much money. Take it camping and the rest of us can loot your bloated corpses when they wash ashore.
And now we’ve got a new idea for another Sharknado!!
Took a look at the manufacturer’s website and watched a video which was hilarious. In it, they floated a dozen or so of these things, then showed a bunch of people paddling around in kayaks. It implied that you simply tool up to your floating tent in your kayak and hop in but it did not show anyone actually doing so. Best part was they had logs burning a cheery fire, on top of a floating metal pan that was passing between the boats.
Just a note that you can survive for about 6 hours in 20 degree (celsius) water. Being immersed is different than floating, but I’m guessing that the tent provides less insulation than most people would be comfortable with.
That is not cold.
immerse yourself in 20 degree water for 6 hours and get back to me
That’s the *upper* bound for most freshwater that you’ll encounter in the United States.
20 C = 68 F. Not too cold to sit in for a few minutes. But your body temp is 98.6 F and it will try to heat that 68 F water to compensate. The result is that 6 hours later your body temp will have fallen to the point where you may not be able to get out of the water on your own.
I played and swam in water like that. That’s about the lower end of the average temp in in lakes and ponds in Maine during the summer.
Wait till you tell them how we sometimes spend entire days at the beach, with extended periods spent swimming and playing in ocean water in the low 50s.
And did you spend 6 hours continuously in the water? Or did you take breaks?
The rule as a kid was you had to come out for a bit if your lips started turning blue/purple.
Only if the adults saw your lips. But I also grew up with out seat belts and ac.
It felt like it.
We hardly went to the ocean but my cousin’s lived in Gray and they did. I’d go and put my feet in when we went Bar Harbor. Old Orchard was fun the few times I did go. God, I miss New England.
It looks a lot like an inflatable bed with a tent on top. Trapped air is what makes insulation work, so I’d think that the ‘bed’ would actually be a pretty good insulator. But as usual, the devil is in the details.
Did we forget about boats?
There is already a safer way to sleep on the water. It’s called a boat.
Not sure it was meant for camping, but more for comfortable fly fishing? maybe?http://www.cnbc.com/live-tv/the-profit/full-episode/smithfly/1457031747870
Weeping with laughter at this! What brilliant writing x
I *GUESS* if there was an anchor, it would be an interesting experience?
But, as a High Adventure camper, I would never – ever – ever fall asleep on a tent that is floating in the water… I mean BEST case scenario is snakes get on it because it looks like a surface they can pop out of the water on for a bit.
There are also;
Tree Debris
Rocks
The aforementioned total inability to control where you go
Beavers
Alligators and/or Crocodiles
The constant threat of being bothered by the Park Ranger when someone sees this weird thing floating downstream and assume your tent was washed into the lake during a rain, and you are probably a rotting corpse.
This is such an idiotic story. While I understand you’re point about the dangers of drowning if trapped inside a punctured tent, nobody in their right mind would go to sleep in this thing while floating down a river. Obviously this product is meant to be tied to the shore or an anchor so that campers can imitate the comfort and effects of a waterbed.
That could be kind of cool on a lake not a river. But the question is, do they have a battery operated outboard motor to get you back to shore?
I saw this and thought exactly the same thing. Maybe this is meant to thin the herd.
i know its fun to make fun of this, lots of good jokes here. but there’s obviously a way to anchor it, so you’ll wake up right where you went to sleep. and if you think alligators/snakes/whatever are going to be a problem here you’re crazy.
from a practical perspective, the real issue here is that the thing is huge and heavy, so it would be a PITA to actually use even if car-camping, and then in the morning when you want to pack it up itll be soaking wet.
I’m pretty sure you would anchor yourself. Jokes aside.
i am 100% sure i saw this article 3 months ago, probably on gizmodo. Good job internet etc
This is clearly for someone who wants to have sex on a river and can’t risk a public indecency charge.
Dozing in the Smithfly tent, Lewis awoke to the sounds of banjo music…
Just spitballing usefullness here.
1. Lighter than most tents. Might be offset by anchor situation.
2. Relatively bug free experience. Again, might be offset by water moccasins.
3. That’s all I got; because a list of 2 is as dumb as a floating teepee.
I’m just thinking how nasty this would be to fold back up if the tent managed to find its way into a scummy section. *shudder*
*Voorhees
This post is offensive to some people due to the negativity about the product. Some people might use it on a lake. It’s a floating tent and people are making jokes about people dying while inside the cool camping trip gadget. I like the idea of being lazy while camping and just floating.
This was on an episode of the Profit.
https://www.theprofitupdates.com/2019/03/the-profit-smithfly-designs-update.html
It’s nothing more than an inflatable liferaft. You know. Those things that are still floating after the big cruise ship goes down.
“Additional reasonable concerns raised included alligators, waterfalls, and Jason Vorhees. “I’d be more afraid of the Ned Beatty’s…..
the premise has been setthe potential for comedy is enormous
Right – you’re one sharp rock away from becoming fish food.
these will be called houses in 100 years after all of the glaciers have melted.
While that may happen, I doubt people will want those houses to move every day, so we’re back to the anchor. Also, the peeing in the middle of the night is an issue for women, who can’t just stand and aim a rod over the side.
Getting up in the middle of the night to take a dump has never been more terrifying
I just want to thank all the commentators on this post, they are as accurate as they are hilarious. XD
Lol, it’s hilarious to me that most of you idiots have no concept of tying off. How is this any different than camping on a raft or boat? Click bait for all the idiot clones to slap each other on the back and pretend they are the smart ones.. lol What a bunch of maroons!
The Shoal Tent retails on Smithfly’s website for $1,499just buy a boat
if only there was like, a river, or like, a body of water, that like, didn’t flow very quickly. like, you know? If only there was like, a thing that, like, you could attach to a floating object, that like, made it not float away, like, you know?
Gabe, I enjoyed this post entirely too much.
Can’t help but notice they didn’t show an anchor…
I saw this thing on an episode of The Profit on CNBC. It’s a show about a billionaire saving troubled businesses. If you want to see this thing in detail I recommend checking it out. The show is actually pretty interesting.
This is all hilarious, but also: YOU CAN’T CAMP WITHIN 100 FEET OF WATER
I really want to see a Florida Man attempt this. You know they will eventually.
This floating tent offers you a cool new way to die while camping+1 for the Gawker Headline of the Week. Or whatever company owns AVClub now.
Thinning out the herd was never easier!!!
Credit where it’s due: this is the best, funniest bit of writing I’ve seen on this site in ages. You found a deserving target, and ripped it a new orifice perfectly.
Psh, just get a yacht.
This tent was solely invented to solve all of the problems presented in the third act of Bird Box.
“See you next summer Mr Melnick.” -Meatballs
So as Ron White likes to say – you can’t fix stupid or his buddy Bill Engvall “Here’s your sign” LOL. I would have loved to be a fly on the wall at the moment of invention. Hey why don’t we invent a death trap that can’t be used on land- I am sure we can get product liability insurance – LOL And what if you roll over? Or wake up to pee? And what you have to paddle to shore?
this article has a single humorous take on the tent(in the headline), but it keeps trying
to beat that joke into the ground and exaggerating the uselessness of
this tent. Yes, it’s silly to think about using this tent to drift down a river while you are sleeping, but is that the way it’s SUPPOSED to be used? I doubt it. If you moor your tent to shore, this tent provides you a place to sleep even in places that don’t have ground amenable to pitching a tent. It’s like a waterbed with walls. Unless you are sleeping on a river that is in flood stages with large objects like trees or shopping carts flowing downstream, if you are moored to shore in shallow water (how any sane person would use this for sleeping) there’s little risk of drowning or having the tent collapse on you overnight. If you are moored to shore then you just pull on the rope to pull yourself the 10-15′ back to shore. It’s really not all that difficult to figure out.
(because I don’t know much about them I’ll pass on discussing how likely an alligator/crocodile is to attack a large brightly colored object several times larger than said creature is, though I suspect camping on shore next to a river wouldn’t add in any additional safety from alligator/crocodile attack than the floating tent would)
did you invent this stupid thing? are you part of the pr department?
How, um, boring does one have to be to pull out this old insult?
Get out of here with your rational thinking. Haha, yeah 90% of the problems people mentioned could be solved with a rope. I camp a couple of times a year, so I am not spending the money on this but it has benefits. A calm lake is a giant smooth surface, which could be much nicer than dense forest or rocky ground. Being on the water would probably drop the temperature a lot, which would be great if you were camping someplace hot (I live in Texas, any heat reduction while sleeping would be awesome). Depending on the area, this could prove protection from certain predators. Yes, bears can swim but I highly doubt one would swim out to the middle of a lake to investigate a large orange block for no reason.
if it were me i’d probably opt for both an anchor and a tether but a giant waterbed floating on a still lake/pond sounds pretty idyllic to me.
(i was thinking initially you could tether a kayak to the tent so you have a means of transportation, but transitioning from tent-to-kayak or vice versa seems pretty problematic. then I wonder how one is supposed to get in and out of the tent from shore without getting everything inside soaked, but maybe the idea is you’d only do this in warm weather so you sleep in your bathing suit/shorts-tshirt and don’t need bedding or (non inflatable) pillows or anything in the tent?)
I would think the easiest way to shore would be to just pull the rope and bring the whole tent closer to shore. Then hop out once you hit ankle deep or whatever.
Replace “kayak” with “canoe” and I think you’ve got it. Much easier transition, and more cargo capacity to boot (so you can deflate and move on in a multi-night trip). I can’t see this thing being used in places where a canoe is impractical.
haven’t been canoeing in years so kayaks are more on my brain, but you are right about the comparative ease of entering/exiting sit-inside-kayaks vs canoes – not sure about how sit-on-top kayaks compare though those always seem more casual to me – don’t know if many people making overnight kayaking trips would be doing it in sit-on-top kayaks – but that could just be my personal bias/stereotypes showing.
Not sure it would be great in my area where we have water moccasins. They are known to climb into canoes and drop from trees and are very aggressive.
Yeah, probably best to avoid those lakes. But every area has its own unique challenges. I do wonder how well this thing seals up.
For no reason? Food?
It may not be how it’s supposed to be used…but untethered and floating free is how they advertised it.
Ok, so per the article above and numerous comments – there are all kinds of ways this can go wrong. But let’s take a step back… what exactly are the benefits of this product? I can’t seem to figure out how this improves in any way on camping in a tent on solid ground. I suppose your tent is guaranteed to be level (until it starts to sink), but otherwise, even in complete ignorance of the potential issues, why would you pick this over a conventional tent?
You realize that anchors are a thing that exists right? Like you can easily make the tent not move. There’s also many bodies of water that are not rivers.
Are people forgetting that anchors exist? You wouldn’t need a particularly big anchor for this floating tent.
Assuming this thing actually floats and doesn’t leak air, this “tent” is actually a really useful item. If you’re traveling in a water environment, you don’t necessarily have a lot of places to come ashore and camp. Off the top of my head I’ve been “camping” in parts of the Everglades and Okefenokee Swamp where there is literally no dry land. You have to paddle to a manmade raised platform (sometimes called a chikee) where you can pitch your tent. Likewise, if you’re paddling down a river, you can go miles without encountering a bank suitable to pull ashore, let alone pitch a tent.Also, gators can eat you on land. If anything, you’re probably at greater risk of a gator attack sleeping on the ground than on a surface floating 1 ft above the water.
You can never step die in the same river, twice.
That lake looks like a sewer
I can see only one use for this where it’s not a deathtrap – tethered to a calm lake shore. Now you’ve basically got a waterbed, you’re not going anywhere, your big risk is missing the step for your nighttime pee adventure.Not that I’ll be buying one.
At least you can finance it and die before making the payments?
Fun historical fact, people used to live for months at a time on wooden rafts drifting thousands of miles down the Mississippi, with nothing but wooden poles to help control where they drifted, and those only useful in the shallows near the banks because the river was deeper than the poles were long.
People would fashion these rafts upstream, load them up with coal or wood or other bulk goods to sell, then just kinda… float them down the river. When they got downstream to their destinations, they would sell their goods, sell or abandon the rafts, and then take passage on steam boats or such back north.Some these rafts would have enough room to erect small tents, and most would have at least an area cleared out on the “deck” where dirt was piled and stones were ringed to make a campfire, but shelter was not a top priority.It may seem odd, but it was more or less safe, and happened routinely.
yeah, but their goal was to end up elsewhere not where they left their cars.
And presumably that can be a camper’s goal as well.There are hikers who hike one-way. There are kayakers who kayak one way. They just arrange for pickup later. How is this different?
Difference is this is a much smaller structure and the rafts you describe were quite large, which means they were far more stable. They also weren’t full of air (so they are relatively heavy given the volume of wood they were made of).
I wonder if we have forgotten everything about responsibility to yourself. I mean, really… you know there are a few who’ll blow this up and actually use it on a *river*. Those are the people who’ll find a way to kill themselves anyway. Those are the people the Darwin Awards are made for. If 2000 dollars for a toy aren’t slightly too much, the rest of us would probably use it in a pool or on a very calm pond.
As someone who works as a ranger in one of the busiest national parks in the country this is A TERRIBLE IDEA and I can only imagine some idiot who spent 2k on it will be trying to camp on the river next summer.
And considering that when I go camping, 50% of the campers are drunk out of their gourd, I don’t see this ending well.
I like my camping like I like my sex. Wet, wrapped in nylon, and seconds from death.
Ever been on a waterbed with a busted heater? Your back is so stiff in the morning you feel like a corpse. What is supposed to the benefit of this deathtrap?
This would have been very helpful for Sandra Bullock in Birdbox…
Oh good. This can be included in a DLC pack for a newer version of Oregon Trail!
I can see how this would be a fun way to spend a night if you had a swimming pool. Not $1500 worth of fun, though.
“it’s also reported to stand up to high winds”‘we’re not saying that it does, only that it’s reported to do so, by unnamed sources; really tho, don’t come crying to us if it doesn’t stand up to high winds’lol
Get a fucking boat. Sleep in said boat. Guaranteed to wake up not with a fish nibbling your eyelid.
I’m gonna buy one of these for each of my bosses. Then just sit back and wait…
This is not a recreational device. This is an “Oh shit the levees broke, what’s gonna float?” save your ass kind of deal.
or, for 1000 dollars less, buy a 12 foot jon boat, lay a plank of plywood across the bench seats, and fashion a tent over it..
i’d rather die in the wilds than among you sub-swine
This company was on The Profit last year.
we must wait until anchors are invented
There is a shocking lack of imagination around here.
All you need are a couple of these… …and one of these…Improvise… adapt… overcome.
Huh, there are already countless regulations for almost all national forests and many other places that you are not allowed to camp within 100 feet from water sources. The entire practice of leave no trace behind also follows a 200 foot rule, of course that is not a regulation, but is best practice.
To design a product that completely throws out all best camping practices, and literally breaks all sorts of national regulations seems extremely short sighted, and definitely not the type of company that anyone should be supporting. Unfortunately it looks like it is so popular it is back ordered for months.
There are plenty of very calm lakes around here, Throw our an anchor and that could make a more relaxing night than sleeping on uneven ground on shore.
That being said, I have now hit the phase of my life where I often have to pee in the middle of the night, so screw that!
Some shithead is going to launch this deathtrap on the Mississippi. His flyblown corpse will wash up on a levee around Mardi Gras and some drunk will toss some beads on him. It’s like Into the Wild except it’s not a bus.
The only positive I see from this is that you finally can be safe from being raped by bigfoot or eaten by a bear in the middle of the night. They need to put that on the website.
Plus you can throw your garbage right out the door and you don’t have to pick it up later.
Perhaps it’s a lack of imagination that aflicts you. When I camp I usually bring a tent and an air mattress. This is both. I wouldn’t put it in the water nor would I pay over $400 for it.
Waking up lost and 20 miles from your car sounds like a blast! I mean… assuming you wake up.
reminds me of a place that popped up on Airbnb when I was looking for a place to stay in Amsterdam:
https://www.airbnb.co.uk/rooms/1561264?location=Amsterdam%2C%20Netherlands&adults=2&guests=2&fbclid=IwAR01bmjkTc2kbxwYh5cMnRxFNUhr9DnkZTbSAnaouobzg6jbdSZtadI4oic&source_impression_id=p3_1566341523_8%2BaLjVIZD097lzmu&sl_alternate_dates_exclusion=true
$1500? For not very much more you could pick up an actual boat with an actual berth to sleep in.Used, sure, but much less likely to end in your tragic death.
Tethering it to the shore could prevent being swamped by rising water levels on the bank overnight, and provide some safety from land-based animals. It’s not entirely illogical. Just make sure the tether isn’t weak or nobody’s going to cut it!
They were on to something at Camp North Star
I won’t be impressed until they make a submersible version. Sleeping in tomb-like conditions sounds great.
Lol. It’s like none of ya’ll ever heard of a frigging tent stake and rope. Geez louise.
Ideally I can take care of bathroom stuff before sleeping. I imagine it could work in a still lake.
$2000
I think an inflatable boat that had half of it covered as shelter while you paddle or pootle is not a bad idea. I assume that’s already been done before, though.
I think this has got to be THE perfect example of something which at first sounds great,then you realize the number of things that can go horribly wrong.
Can anyone top this?
– just noticed the price of this thing!!! That’s just insane.I can kill myself waaaaaaay cheaper than that
Now is the summer of our discount floating tent.
I think it is a cool idea, if you use an anchor. Be more comfortable than the hard ground. I’m not sure about using it on a river, as currents and water levels can be unpredictable, but on a lake or pond I’d be all in.
I don’t understand why this is marketed as a floating tent. Tent with built-in air mattress would probably sell just fine by itself, and that’s exactly what this thing is.
The Internet appears ignorant of a secret technology called an anchor
I want that! I can swim, i see not problem. Hm more ideas coming in…
I mostly came to say I loved the headline, and how at first I was reading it and thought it was serious and it had a hilarious twist ending :p
My wife caused a scene at the restaurant when I left her drunk ass in the 32 foot boat when the rest of us drunks went in to eat. All I hear is what the fuck is going on? where is everyone? Fuck you guys! I put the cover on as it was pouring rain so she woke up to a covered boat in the pouring rain!
Wild bears would love this! Its like fishing for humans that are pre-packed in a tent and kept fresh over water, just reel them in on their land tether and munch away!
Well, you’d tie it off to an anchor, sure, but the real question is how comfortable would it be to sleep on/in. Water be cold, yo. You’d have to have plenty of insulation inside the thing, and no stoves or heaters allowed.
I hope I’m not the only one who immediately thought of Morty waking up on the raft in the middle of the lake in Meatballs.
I kind of like the idea of this behind a speedboat. Of course, you could only do it once.
I’m waiting for peak startup. This is a tent being marketed to venture capitalists who have never stood outside at a barbecue, let alone went camping.
Is shitting in the middle of the night while camping a common thing?
As for floating aimlessly, there’s a little-known invention called an “anchor”.
You know that time you went to your parents’ house and you slept on an inflatable mattress, and then halfway through the night you wake up on the ground because the mattress deflated slowly around you? annoying. Now imagine water is leaking in and because your weight is folding the mattress in half, the rate of water pouring is increasing. And you might be in a sleeping bag. And if you get out of the wet sleeping bag, you’re still trying to get enough purchase on the wet mattress to get to the zipper as the nylon fabric collapses in around you, like a spiders web, wrapping you tighter with each struggle as you gasp for air in your liquid-filled grave. sounds like fun.
The commercial is dumb for showing it that way but I refuse to believe it doesn’t have cautions all over the instruction book that states that it’s designed to be tied off or anchored. I think I’d actually like using one of these in a safe way.
This is probably a case of the commercial production being stupid, not the manufacturer. Then again, I could be wrong, being in the age of tech disruption.
Ive read the comments, I understand the risks…And I STILL WANT ONE! (flame on)
Not any different that these death traps… that save lives:
https://www.google.com/search?q=safety+raft&source=lnms&tbm=isch&sa=X&ved=0ahUKEwik8rfIq5XkAhUHCjQIHWr6AKQQ_AUIEigC&biw=2028&bih=1362&dpr=1.25
It’s true what they say: camping is in tents.
So… its a raft?
I can think of several people to whom I’d like to give this tent.
I think there’s a very real possibility that I (and most other lily-livered city folk) see this tent as an absolute deathtrap, whereas back country hunters look at this and have no problem with the concept of winding up deep in the forest, or being near dangerous animals, because that’s their 24/7.
I think you have their target audience because a lot of these guys just love to tinker with big-guy toys – that is actually why they like to go out to the woods, so they can show off and tinker with new toys together. They own fancy bows and generators and duck-finding drones. It’s the more plaid-flannel version of Silicon Valley boys spending their money on sex workers, video games, and drugs. You’re going to need this tent if your brother-in-law doesn’t yet have one.
For $2000?
while you lazily drift down a river, hit a sharp submerged stick, and awake in total darkness as cool, refreshing water rushes into your tent and a high-quality nylon body bag slowly entombs youThis is an incredibly stupid article. Have you never seen white water rafts? Inflatable paddled boards? Inflatable kayaks?The fabrics are virtually puncture proof—bouncing off sharp rocks with nary a concern most of the time. You don’t think this is similarly designed?Think it through.
I actually like the idea. To prevent the concerns of the author of this article about unexpectedly dying because of user error, a simple solution is an anchor and have an electric motor, and bring lifejackets and backup paddles. The author should try riding on an inflatable fishing boat and then wished that there is a shade during the sunny day, which this tent provides. Imagine sleeping comfortably above the water “bed” at night, while anchored in place and sleeping, keeping off the bugs and waiting for the fish bite to wake you up from slumber, priceless adrenaline rush!
This is the best review I have ever read! :)Haven’t laughed so hard in some time…… “right back to the watery-grave situation” hahahahahahaha
I wonder if these would be useful in flood zone areas. You could die it down to your roof or tree during flood waters to wait for rescue.
Back on the FP of AVClub. Cue the new batch of commenters who absolutely can’t wrap their head around what someone else might buy. Funny lack of imagination on a site devoted to imagination…
Positive spin:1) Fishing while doing drugs. Cops can’t just walk up on you. Plenty of time to dispose of stash if they demand you return to shore due to smoke billowing out of tent.2) Waterborne sexy time: It’s like a waterbed in a tent.3) Navajo sweat lodge. Zip that sucker up on a hot sunny day. Preferably full of your friends immediately after a chili cook off.
Get one of these and you’ll be sleeping with the fishes.
Why on earth are you hating on this thing?! I think it looks like a great idea! All the objections are worse-case scenarios. If we worried about worse-case scenarios we’d never leave the house! Good lord what a bunch o wimps.
Yep, would love to wake up, roll up the front door, and be greeted by a water moccasin.
Or when you do wake up, you hear banjos in the distance!
The most ridiculous thing is that it costs $1,499.
It has d-rings for an anchor, you don’t just put it in the water and let it float ya dipshits. Seems like it could be good for hunting, fishing, a replacement for a standard lake float where you just roast in the sun. I saw this on Shark Tank and thought it looked pretty cool.
lol I saw this company on The Profit. Lemonis bought in, so I’m surprised to see they’re back-ordered, because most of the show was him fixing their production issues (which mostly consisted of making the creator realize he could/should delegate).
I gotta say, this is just a well written article. I specifically enjoyed this bit of snark “Yes, at long last, you can now live out your dream of falling asleep while you lazily drift down a river, hit a sharp submerged stick, and awake in total darkness as cool, refreshing water rushes into your tent and a high-quality nylon body bag slowly entombs you and pulls you down to where the rescue divers will recover your waterlogged, fish-eaten corpse.”
WHY ARE WE SEEING THIS AUGUST POST AT THE END OF SEPTEMBER?!?!?!
Alternatively: a new dry place to sleep while flooding takes out your home.
Have you…. NOT heard of anchor technology?
Mosquitoes don’t fly far out over water. Camping out 20-30 feet from shore on a placid lake might be relaxing and bug free.
You sure this isn’t just a prop from the latest SYI FI Crock vs. Snake movie!
Someone more talented than me needs to make a gif of one of these going over a waterfall
Surely you’ve heard of anchors.
Actually it looks pretty nice for fishing.
“What, precisely, is the best-case scenario with this product?”Surviving the zombie apocalypse.
Didn’t they do that* as a prank in The Parent Trap?*(they absolutely did)
There was an episode of King of the Hill that tackled this issue. Boomhauer fell asleep floating in a river and ended up institutionalized in Houston.
I mean it sounds kind of fun. Just tie the tent to a rope and tether it to shore so you don’t have to die accidentally.
This product inherently violates Leave No Trace principles. LNT is the ethical code of how to behave outdoors. One of the main principles is “CAMP 200 FEET FROM WATER’S EDGE TO AVOID CONTAMINATION”This product should be banned and condemned
I got a feeling that the Into the Wild guy would have loved this thing.
Fucking in that thing would be incredible, right?
This is the perfect accessory for my self driving RV!
Huh…apparently this company has no lawyers then?
An emergency inflatable rescue raft seems a valid use for this product. An emergency inflatable rescue raft that has walls and ceiling to protect survivors from the elements, inclement weather, harsh sun while waiting for rescue. Add reflective strips, blinking beacon, and GPS signal on top of roof to make visible to rescue helicopters.
Are campers in tents somehow more vulnerable to bear attacks when floating than when their tent is on solid ground? *confused*
Apparently author has never heard of mooring lines. This is another example why Donald Trump is President. Morons writing inanities.
Yes the world is scary and unpredictable. Like for example inhaling a toxic miasma into one’s lungs through your vaping device of choice. This is A O KAY ana because it is a somehow enrobed in the techno-application-mommy-daddy-credit line-highly educated but incompetent cocoon of cultural technological acceptability but a floating tent is the most dangerous thing on the planet. Hey, hey what if the floating death tent had an application for your iPhone that woke you up and checked your credit score for you just before you died? WOULDN’T that be simply AMAZING! Or woke you up, checked your credit score, showed you where the nearest local bar with craft brews and chicken wings was located (with the appropriate online community ratings needless to say) and called you mom and dad and got you a Lyft, Uber, Juno or e-scooter! OMG! That would do it, if (and so do we all) feel both empowered and very safe now. Floating tents of death are likely statistically no more dangerous than using the self driving feature in your Tesla or dating on Tinder or doing anything else in the world you perceive through your iPhones. Yes 70 percent of the earth is covered by water, but the 30 percent not covered by water is inhabited by idiots.
I can’t stop laughing at this entire article. My lungs hurt. This is gonna be making my group-chat circuit for a long time.
If you want the feeling of sleeping in a tent while on water, just go on a canoe camping trip. Every single night when you tent down after canoeing all day long, you’ll feel like you are still drifting on the water but in the comfort and safety of a terrestrially grounded tent. It’s actually very disconcerting…
I don’t want the mosquitoes to have to make a trip, I want them to bite me where they’re born.
Who hasn’t drunk a bunch of beers and floated off to find adventure somewhere completely new? Who among us hasn’t floated away and never returned?
This is what I say about all boats! And don’t get me started on those “aeoroplanes”.
But… can’t you already sleep in a boat?
They’re talking about the earth being 70% covered by water. Clearly this is not a river dwelling. This is an ocean going tent. Pitch/launch that in the middle of the Atlantic and you’ll still find yourself in the Atlantic ocean when you wake up! None of the dangers you are talking are relevant there.
Useful only if the comically inept aliens from Signs decide to try and invade again.
“This is DoorDash for bears” has me coughing up a lung.
I am a bit late to this, and some people have mentioned the problems in the comments. But I’ll go in here and say why this is such a bad idea, compiling them a it were.
What you see here is a variation – a bad one – that is something like the survival tents that people use on oceangoing vessels. That’s basically an inflatable lifeboat with a little tent on it. So what’s the problem?
For starters the lifeboats are a hell of a lot more durable than this and they aren’t basically air mattresses — the seals are all set up to certain standards of seaworthiness and it’s not at all clear this tent meets those standards.
Here’s picture of a lifeboat that’s actually designed for use; you can see some pretty big differences in the shape.
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Lifeboat_(shipboard)#/media/File:Portland_Pudgy_lifeboat_sailing.jpgThe tent as pictured won’t have the stability; unlike a larger, heavier raft (like the ones you dive off of) it’s going to be quite light for its size and bob around quite a bit, and imagine what happens when you step on one side of it – it’s going to pop up like any flotation device in your pool, so you’re going into the water (unless you step in when it’s basically still on shore and not really floating). The door is so close to the waterline (contrast with the pic linked above) that any waves and you’re likely to get leakage, and all this assumes that the seals on the air filling part of this are any good and don’t slowly leak during the night.
And even if the inside is watertight – that is, lets no water in when you close the zipper — if it leaks at all you’ve got a body bag enveloping you as you sink. The air inside would make it float, sort of, but then you have to get out. That won’t be easy.
Then we get to the problem of drifting in a river or lake and having no visible means of propulsion. This is going to create problems.
Could you float this on a lake near shore, anchored? Sure. It might be fun for kids to play in and jump into the water from. But as a camping tent for overnight trips? No.
I go on about this because shit like this is really, really dangerous for people to be selling. It’s f-ing irresponsible at the very least. If you want to sell a survival boat, there’s plenty of better designs you could follow, but no, they want to advertise a floating tent.
What’s wrong with urinating in the pond, what do you think fish do, crawl on land and find a porta-loo at the park?