By now you're probably aware that for her new album American Doll Posse, Tori Amos has decided to repeatedly channel her inner Chris Gaines by creating five, count 'em, five separate musical alter egos.
But, unless you're Tori Amos or a 14-year-old girl in 1995, you may not know that each of Amos' bewigged characters is supposedly
based on a different Greek goddess. Not only that, but each member of this modern-day musical pantheon–except for Tori, she's the one cradling the chicken–has their own blog! Because, you know, the mythological female archetypes of today are totally wireless.
Anyway, today I visited the four blogs (this is not recommended for anyone for any reason), and I discovered that instead of Greek goddesses, these women bear a striking resemblence to a different, though no less significant, posse of female archetypes: The Spice Girls.
Further analysis is below:
Posse Member: Santa Supposedly based on: Aphrodite, goddess of love, madonna/whore complexes Characteristics: Martini glass, Andy Wharhol wig From her blog:
No one gets to be born a butterfly, not even Butterflies. The only way then to achieve beauty is through slime.
Spice Girl Inspiration: Posh. If only for the similarly severe pouts. Posse Member: Clyde Supposedly based on: Persephone, goddess of the underworld, and of having bangs in your face Characteristics: Propensity for crouching From her blog:
One night I found myself at the end of my rope, which is a place I don't get to often. The vibes in the museum had been ignited it seemed by a poisonous substance. Bitchy green monsters were oozing out of one of the women that works here.
Spice Girl Inspiration: Definetely Ginger. Girl power, y'all! Posse Member: Isabel Supposedly based on: Artemis, goddess of the hunt. Characteristics: Camera, white hair. From her blog:
There are a few ways to develop your vision of life. I document. I could be documenting you… Do I document truth? I document what I see. How others view the world. This is how I have come to know the world.
Spice Girl Inspiration: Sporty Spice. You can totally picture her in sneakers, you know? Posse Member: Pip Supposedly based on: Athena, warrior woman, head-burster Characteristics: Black wig, pleather tights, slight witchiness From her blog:
Dark Energy. It can be found in the Observable Universe. Found in ratios of 75% more than any other substance. Dark Energy. It can be found in religious extremists, in cheerleaders.
Spice Girl Inspiration: Uh, "dark energy"? Clearly she's based on Scary Spice.