People on the internet love to talk about which Hollywood Chris is the best and which is the worst, but at least now there’s no need to debate which one of them is the biggest nerd: It’s Chris Pine, who probably wears really thick glasses and a pocket protector when he’s not in public and, like, does math in his free time or whatever. According to The Hollywood Reporter, Pine—who has just spent years pretending to be handsome and charming—is in talks to star in the new Dungeons & Dragons movie from Paramount and eOne. Dungeons & Dragons, of course, is a very popular tabletop game that involves people going on fun fantasy adventures with their friends through the power of dice rolls and imagination (possibly with hand-drawn maps and little miniatures!), and it also happens to be a totally uncool thing that is only enjoyed by dorks like… Joe Manganiello, Deborah Ann Woll, and Tom Morello. Damn, they’re all cool. Have we got this wrong and Dungeons & Dragons is actually rad? No, that’s impossible.
Either way, this new movie is coming from writers and directors Jonathan Goldstein and John Francis Daley, who previously made the similarly board game-related film Game Night. That and a Dungeons & Dragons movie seem like they couldn’t be more different, but there’s a chance this will be something a little more to this than it just being a big-budget fantasy epic. (Some kind of Jumanji-style thing with some other real-world person playing Chris Pine as their fantasy character seems like an obvious twist, but we’re just spitballing here.)
We just hope it has cool stuff like sports and race cars and… grilling. You know, stuff that jocks like us are into and not nerds like Chris Pine and Joe Manganiello. Oh god, we’re going to get beat up for this one.
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Spoiler: He’s playing Drizzt Do’Urden. He’ll be wearing blackface.
They’ll just do it 5e style and drift them to a grey-purple…
I painted minis, so my Drow were always more of a charcoal grey dry-brush over a black primer. If they’d been completely black, you couldn’t see the detail!
That’s how my friend paints his. I prefer them almost purple personally. 🙂
I can dig that. If I was still painting, I’d probably shift toward a purple-charcoal.
Yeah, I would actually like a TV show based on the Icewindale series, but the drow thing would be hard for many people to accept. Incidentally, next Christmas I want to replace the elf on the shelf with a drow on the whatever the heck rhymes with drow in my house.
Drow on a Cow, duh.
A Drow on the Prowl? Be good or it’ll send Lolth’s spiders after you!
Get a boat. Drow on the prow.
Current Chris rankings:1) Pine (WW84 soon to put him back on top)2) Evans3) Hemsworth……4) Pratt
How strict are the Chris criteria? Because if you can get away with calling Christine Baranski “Chris”, she’s way ahead of the pack.
The best Chris & still America’s sweetheart
Chris Evert
I’ve asked this because you got Kriss Kristofferen who is so Kriss(Chris) they named him it twice. And Christoph Waltz!
Chris Barrie, Christopher Ryan, Christina Applegate, Christopher Cross- wait, what am I saying? NOT Christopher Cross, thank you very much.
5th?
No, #1. He beats everyone.
Dark horse: Chris Wood (Mr. Supergirl)
People — there are only 4 Chrises for this game, EVER. Pine, Hemsworth, Evans, and Pratt.
Tell that to Christopher Walken!
Please re-read rule #1
I hope it’s a direct sequel and that we get more Jeremy Irons chewing scenery so hard that both his gums and the audiences’ brains bleed.
It already had a direct sequel, arguably better than the first one but no Jermey Irons, but Bruce Payne returns. The DVD includes audio commentary from 3 of the sample characters in the 3.5 Players handbook, funny stuff, better than the actual movie dialogue. https://www.imdb.com/title/tt0406728/
Ah! My eyes just took 1d4 damage!
“Hey, Phil? It’s Jeremy Irons here. Yeah, let’s go forward with that bathroom remodel.”
You jest but he bought a castle a few months before he was cast in the film. This is a total paycheck movie but he still managed to have fun.
I’d go further and say Irons was the only participant who understood that the only way a D&D film would work is as an OTT scenery-chewing extravaganza, and each creative involved in the production who understood this would have made it a 10% better movie.
It was pretty obvious that no one making that film understood anything about D&D.
He was totally doing a Michael Caine in Jaws IV. I can’t recall the actual quote, but I think Caine essentially said that he knew it was a shite movie but it paid for his house. I love both Irons and Caine, and I completely understand the reason for doing crap films (or whatever work you do) just because it’s an absurd amount of money.‘Cause, ya know, it’s clearly tarnished both of their reputations and legacies.
For all it’s flaws, the D&D movie starring Jeremy Irons (anagram for Jeremy’s Iron) was a perfect recreation of the slapdash but fun RPG campaign you played with your peers when you were 12.
Cool. Bring back Zoe McLellan too please.
We’re never getting another Nu Trek movie, are we?
Different Chris.
Nope, Chris Pine is kirk.
Did they switch Chrises?
Chris Pine is very much the Nu Trek Chris. Though his dad was played by Mr Hemsworth.
Pratt auditioned for Captain Kirk too. I just Googled to see whether Evans has any Trek connection, and found there’s a rumor he’s in talks for a role in a new Trek project.
God, Pratt as Kirk would be horrendous. I’m not actually super fond of Pine’s portrayal, but we definitely dodged a bullet there.
Star Trek wasn’t the only 2009 sci-fi movie Pratt auditioned for the lead role in; the other was Avatar.
Playing Kirk Shatnerized Chris Pine, as evident from his singing “AGONNNYYY!” from the diaphragm in the musical Into The Woods.
I think Hemsworth was going to reprise his role in a spin off movie
Would you really want one without Anton Yelchin?
Would you really want one even if he was alive? They were rubbish.
Trekkies Bash New Star Trek Film As ‘Fun, Watchable’
I like fun and watchable things. I even liked “Star Trek IV: The Voyage Home” even though a lot of die hard Trekkies think it is silly (which it is, but still). I don’t find nuTrek with its running around pointlessly and confused action scenes to to be at all fun or watchable.
That would be great, thanks.
Jonathan Goldstein and John Francis Daley directed the Vacation remake, which out of all the recent shitty remakes remains one of the worst.
John Francis Daley, Samm Levine and Martin Starr gonna resume that game with Chris Pine sitting in for James Franco?
For the record, I love D&D, I DM regularly for a group of kids and adults and play every week. I absolutely DO NOT want a D&D movie. I’ve never read the D&D novels that I understand are amazing but they’ve no value to me. I’m sure it’ll be a fun LOTR-adjacent fantasy movie but the whole point of D&D is that YOU’RE IN THE STORY, otherwise it’s just a tropey knockoff.
I lost interest at mention of the writers. Those guys are generic studio hacks.
Can the producers do everything possible to keep Vin Diesel away from this thing?
Last I head Mangenello was a producer and he said Vin won’t be allowed near it. Apparently he is not welcome at these fancy Hollywood D&D sessions because he’s kinda an ass. The type of guy who’s comes to a new group starting a new campaign with new character and demands he gets to play his epic level super character he has “played” for years with “another group”. Just in this case he literally made a shitty movie about his character
“[K]inda an ass.”Of the candy variety, or so I’ve heard.
Hey, you leave Hershey’s out of this!
I have zero evidence of this, but I’d bet 50 gp that Vin Diesel’s characters are always Munchkins.
This commenter very much approves of John Francis Daley making a Dungeons and Dragons movie!…will Harris get a cameo?
*sigh*
Let’s hope there are no fucking dark elves in the film
How did you know my PornHub search preferences?
i searched “most disgusting person on pornhub” and you were on the 2nd page
so close!
How about flying elves?
call rowsdower
What are the odds that they’ll have a good script – one in ten? One in twenty?
The odds that they’ll get a good script are close to 100%. The odds of shooting that script though…
Need to make a saving throw vs bad writing
5% base chance, before modifiers. But a natural 20 is always possible.Everytime this project is mentioned, I’ve said that the epic fantasy, hero’s journey route is the wrong path for this. It’s played out, and it’s not really what the game is about anyway. It should be a heist movie. Present a seemingly impossible scenario, then have the characters solve it, using established skills. They should be motivated by greed. Lose the British accents and have them talk like normal people. I’m not crazy about the idea of a Jumanji angle but it’s not the worst idea. World of Warcraft is the worst idea.
You had me until “lose the British accents and make them talk like normal people”.Thou art a cheeky twat.
This is the best take. Genre heist movies are pretty fun anyway (worked twice now for Star Wars), and it’s a good way to translate the dynamic of a game.
Heists rank among the best adventures I’ve had for sure. Currently planning one right now.
That’s the thing people seem to forget, D&D can be ANYTHING.
As a teenage DM I used to try to guide my players along a heroic arc. They were indifferent at best. They understandably were always weighing risk versus reward, and being the hero was a sucker bet. If I told them the Lord Mayor was offering a King’s ransom for the return of his daughter, they invariably started scheming to murder him and steal the treasure. If I was a better DM I would have rolled with it. Pun intended.
The sad thing is that when they get a good script, there’s a 20% chance that they actually missed.
Chris Pine says he’s playing the, uh, “human” Dungeons & Dragons
If this film isn’t about a group of adventurers that try and right and wrongs, and complete quests only to fail constantly because the fucking sorcerer keeps fireballing everything than I don’t even know what it could be about.
I was playing D&D with some friends about, ugh, 20 years ago. Anyway, one of them had tumbling as a skill. We were fighting some monsters at the edge of a huge pit. My friend, in an attempt to dodge, says “I tumble, but not into the hole.”He rolled a 1.Ten minutes later after we stopped laughing, the DM agreed to let him cling to the edge of the hole rather than plummeting to his death, and we had to go rescue his ass.
I play D&D 2-3 times a month and I have exactly 0 interest in seeing anything Hollywood will put on the screen.
Fascinating!
It is rad, especially if you don’t get sucked into the video game versions that 4e and 5e are. 3e/Pathfinder all the way.
Don’t forget that Chris Pine cosplays Captain Kirk a lot and that makes anybody way cool.
Forgoing my usual razor-sharp wit and insightful commentary, all I can say is I hope this idea dies before it’s unleashed upon the world.