We have no idea what's being crafted in this deranged crafting video, but we hate it
Aux Features Egg
You know how it goes: you’ve got yourself an egg, but it’s slightly too small and not nearly translucent or blue enough. Bad luck, nothing to be done, right? Wrong. Now you can get your egg just how you like it (slightly larger, translucent, blue), all thanks to this incredibly fucked-up Facebook “crafting” video dug up by Twitter user @chipspopandabar.
The video appears to come from a Facebook page called “5-Minute Crafts.” So, as you’d expect, it takes three days. 5-Minute Crafts appears to be based in eastern Europe, and makes bizarre, algorithm-tinged videos that interpret the concept of crafts in the same way those “DIY Prank” videos considered smuggling hot dogs into a classroom inside a container of baby wipes a “prank.” 5-Minute Crafts has 67 million followers on Facebook, which presumably translate into heinous sums of money earned via revealing forbidden egg secrets.
But you are not here to learn the inner-workings of inexplicably popular and uncanny videos… you’re here to upgrade your egg! Let’s get to it.
The first step is to take your too small, too opaque, too white egg and put it in a wine glass. Then, cover the shame of this pathetic egg in white vinegar. Wait one day, and when you return the hard shell of your egg will have dissolved, leaving only the translucent membrane that actually holds an egg together. Your egg will also be bigger than before—but not big enough.
So far what you’ve got is just your standard, Beakman’s World-ass science experiment, but day two of your egg odyssey is where things really get perverse. This phase calls for you to place your egg in a glass tumbler. Resist making a whiskey sour. Then, like a true degenerate, cover the egg in maple syrup. Wait another goddamn day.
Finally, on the third day, remove your hideous creation from the syrup and cover it in water. Add some blue food-coloring. In just one day’s time, the egg shall be yours.
Congratulations, now you’ve got the egg you wanted—bigger than before, without a hard shell, and also blue—and it only took you three entire days. Enjoy!
26 Comments
I honestly thought the egg was going to be the craziest shit in that and then the last thing topped it. Pure fucking lowkey madness.
Oh man, I’ve been laughing uncontrollably while reading the youtube comments on that video.I showed my wife this video and now she’s leaving me.we shouldn’t play god like thatI need to sleep. This is as far down the rabbit hole I’ll go tonight.*injects coca-cola inside my bloodstream
After making your gelatin coke and injecting it into an empty toothpaste tube go get a foil wrapped rectangle of vanilla ice cream.
I honestly thought the coke in the toothpaste was just to prank your roommate or whatever. The idea of eating the gelatin after it’s been in an “empty” toothpaste tube makes my stomach hurt. Same for the eggs; don’t eat that gelatin, dude! There’s still egg residue in there!
At least coke as toothpaste makes sense as a prank. Why you need to use a tube of toothpaste as delivery for the gelatin coke no idea. I assume this is some jokey dadaist diy project art? It seems reasonable, but takes it just a bit too far so it’s absurd.
It’s from Russia or something, I’m chalking it up to cultural humor differences.
Some clues: The channel’s about page says they’re in the United States, BUT: the tic-tac box is in Russian, and one of the other fridge magnets was from Peterhof Palace, also in Russia. I don’t know where I’m going with this except for that so much weird Internet shit seems to come from Russia.
More salmonella gummies please!
Why add extra sugar to the Coke? Wouldn’t it work just as well without that sugar? And can it be done with Diet Coke?
Also, I’d like to fill the eggshells with the best soda of all, Fresca, which is green.
That was for sure cream cheese. Nobody has the audacity to sell ice cream packaged like that. Nobody.
Which would fit right in as instructions on a package of Hungry Man. Already included is the very very saddest thing ever, “Stir the potatoes.” So why not this too! “After making your gelatin coke and injecting it into an empty toothpaste tube go get a foil wrapped rectangle of vanilla ice cream.”ya, they should really not be selling those things and handguns on the same block.
And then the dude opens a bottle of Coke with his bare fingers. WTH did he waste a whole sheet of paper for? He’s obviously on a budget if he can’t afford to use a sandwich bag to pipe that Coke gel on his ice cream and has to improvise with an empty toothpaste tube instead.
The way he opened it is how you open a beer. You can use any hard edge with practice. Lighter, stupid folded paper, table, etc…
Why did they hot-glue the pliers? WHYYYYYY
That was my thought too. Best guess is that it makes a soft surface to clamp, so the teeth don’t mess us the face of the button.
The metal pliers would chip the paint on the cap, so the dried glue creates a soft padding.
But so would something intended to serve as a soft padding, I would assume! Crafts is weird.
I bet this video is really popular in Eastern European countries where a single bottle of Coke has roughly the same value as a month’s rent in New York City.
If there’s one thing YouTube has taught me, it’s if you aren’t using a hot glue gun and a syringe, it ain’t a LifeHack.
These kind of meme-y crafting videos are all just arbitrary nonsense. I think it’s good that they’re fully leaning into it instead of making another “you only need some string, a hardback book you don’t want any more, a Zippo, glue, horsehair, and two aluminium cans to make an unattractive cell phone cosy!”
*Weeps uncontrolably*
It used to annoy me how these videos filled up my facebook feed, but then I realized… my feed is full of them because I watch them through, every time. They’re just so shitty and weird, I kind of love them.
5-Minute crafts is Russian warfare on common sense.