White House bans personal cell phones, which is sure to solve all of its problems

In a move that seems like swabbing the deck of the Titanic with a paper towel, the White House has decided to ban the use of personal cell phones by staffers and guests. In a statement today, Sarah Huckabee Sanders said, “The security and integrity of the technology systems at the White House is a top priority for the Trump administration and therefore the use of all personal devices for both guests and staff will no longer be allowed in the West Wing.” Sanders did not specifically mention Michael Wolff’s forthcoming book Fire And Fury: Inside The Trump White House, which was extensively excerpted in New York Magazine yesterday, and which has clearly inspired aneurysms in the White House staff that go all the way to the top. Wolff had incredible access to Trump and his staff over the past year, and his book—out January 9—promises to answer some burning questions and to expose some of the biggest lies, hypocrisies, and quirks of the Commander-In-Chief. But now that guests and staffers will no longer be able to use their personal cell phones at the White House, all information leaks will presumably stop, and Donald Trump can get back to the important business of running the country.