Netflix’s latest reality series Indian Matchmaking is making waves across the United States, hitting the top 10 most viewed shows in the country within a week of its release. The show follows Sima Taparia, a Mumbai-based matchmaker who declares she is the best in the business, over eight episodes as she finds matches for a range of clients across India and the U.S. who have enlisted her to find them the perfect partner.
In a recent post-series interview with Juggernaut, show creator Smriti Mundhra stated that the “priority wasn’t to make the show for a non-Indian audience—our priority was an Indian audience in India and then the diaspora.” Mundhra told The World’s Rupa Shenoy it was “a conscious choice to not explain everything because we weren’t making your show for the white gaze, so to speak.” In that same interview, she also noted that because she knew more people were going to watch Indian Matchmaking than anything else she had ever made, her intent was to start conversations and “to kick the hornet’s nest.”
If Indian Matchmaking’s intent was to start a conversation, it has been very successful. The show has polarized audiences since its release, with a broad range of reactions from ambivalent viewers both within the subcontinent and across the diaspora. Some have stated they can’t even hate watch due to their own traumatic experiences with matchmaking, while others have pointed out that Indian Matchmaking just shows things as they are, holding up a mirror to the messy, prejudiced system that millions of people go through every day.
Casual non-Indian viewers watching Indian Matchmaking, however, may not even be aware of this conversation, given the context in which the show exists. Though the series may not have been designed for the white gaze, in execution, it falls right into it, fitting squarely into the narrow narrative box where Indians, and more broadly, South Asians, are often placed when it comes to Hollywood representation: arranged marriage.
Historically, people of South Asian descent have had limited representation in mainstream Hollywood media, and when they do appear in TV or film, most narratives feature arranged marriage as a key plot point in some capacity. The 2014 documentary Meet The Patels focuses on one man’s effort to find a partner through the traditional matchmaking channels of his tightly knit Gujarati community after breaking up with his non-Indian girlfriend, although he eventually gets back together with her. In the Netflix series Never Have I Ever, on the other hand, beautiful and accomplished Ph.D. student Kamala (Richa Moorjani) dreads meeting Prashant (Rushi Kota), the Indian man her family has arranged for her to meet as a potential fiancé, until she is pleasantly surprised by how much she likes him in person—enough to dump her secret Asian American (but not Indian) boyfriend.
In The Big Sick, Kumail Nanjiani’s character’s mother forces him to meet a parade of potential Pakistani Muslim brides over a series of awkward dinners, not realizing he is already in a relationship with a white woman. And in the second season of New Girl, Cece Parekh (Hannah Simone) almost goes through with an arranged marriage until calling it off at the altar. More recently, the first season of Netflix’s reality series Dating Around featured Indian American divorcé Gurki Basra; during the season, she had a date with a white man who called her “untrustworthy” after she talked about how she got married due to cultural pressure, despite her own reservations. The disastrous date made headlines and was a key part of the publicity for the show.
A more nuanced portrait of arranged marriage can be seen in the 2001 Indian drama Monsoon Wedding, when the bride Aditi (Vasundhara Das) confesses to her arranged fiancé Hemant (Parvin Dabas) that she slept with an old lover a few days before the wedding. Although he is understandably upset at this revelation, Hemant ultimately thanks her for being honest and they re-affirm their commitment to each other. The 2006 film The Namesake, based on the Jhumpa Lahiri novel, weaves an empathetic narrative around Ashoke (Irrfan Khan) and Ashima (Tabu), as they learn to build a life together after moving to the United States shortly after their arranged marriage.
Within this broader context, Indian Matchmaking functions less as a conversation starter for Indian and Indian diaspora audiences than it does as an easily bingeable primer into the world of arranged marriage for casual non-Indian viewers curious about the process. It’s all packaged in a glossy, accessible reality TV show format that involves talking head interviews with the participants that border on scripted and cutesy When Harry Met Sally-esque couples interviews with long married couples who attest to the success of arranged marriage. As a result, Indian Matchmaking fits easily into the American media environment of reality shows focused on marriage like 90 Day Fiancé, Married At First Sight, Love Is Blind, and The Bachelor franchise, albeit with an Indian twist.
The rigidity and prejudice inherent in the desire for slim, educated, and fair-skinned matches is never questioned or challenged; rather, Taparia is matter of fact about why the women who engage her services will find it challenging to find a match, whether they are in the diaspora or in India. Rupam, a divorcée from Denver with a young daughter, is bluntly informed that her options will be limited, while Aparna, an opinionated lawyer from Houston, is told that if she were in India, people would be concerned about her profession, and is encouraged to be open-minded and flexible about her matches.
Taparia also reveals to the audience that she believes Ankita, an outspoken dark-skinned woman from New Delhi who runs her own thriving fashion company and believes in equality, will have trouble finding a match within a traditional Indian family, as will Nadia, a vivacious and friendly event planner from New Jersey, just because of her Guyanese background. Meanwhile, affluent Mumbai-based clients Pradhyuman and Akshay, who both face pressure from their families to quickly find a suitable wife, are presented with an endless list of matches despite clearly not being ready for such a commitment—Akshay doesn’t know what he wants in a partner, even when asked directly.
Perhaps it isn’t the job of a breezy and light reality series to call out colorism and discrimination—though Mundhra has stated that she refused to sanitize the reality of the prejudices inherent in the arranged marriage process. Still, some Indian and Indian American journalists have criticized the series for not showing the full picture of what it’s like for people who don’t fit the desired categories, including people who are queer, poor, lower-caste, non-Hindu, or have a disability. They’ve even called it irresponsible for introducing these deeply rooted and toxic biases to broader audiences without providing context for how they are perpetuated within the community, pointing out that the show title itself is “a terrible shorthand that erases all the different cultures and societies within India.”
Mundhra has noted that these narratives were excluded was partially due to production limitations, and it’s probably true that one eight-episode season could hardly cover the breadth of experiences on a large subcontinent with different religions. Furthermore, there’s no doubt that Mundhra is capable of nuance; the 2017 documentary A Suitable Girl, which she co-directed and follows three Indian women on the cusp of marriage (one of whom is Sima Taparia’s own daughter), is a stark and moving portrait of three women and the compromises and challenges they face through the process of arranged marriage.
This nuance is flattened in Indian Matchmaking, to its detriment. Though Indian Matchmaking is more reality series than cinema verité, it doesn’t offer any particular broader perspective on the people it follows, nor does it connect them through a shared narrative. In fact, there isn’t much of a narrative at all, which ultimately leaves the show feeling a little disjointed, particularly in the abrupt way that it ends.
The fact that Mundhra was the only South Asian on the key creative team for Indian Matchmaking may also explain the confusion and lack of clarity in its framing. Taken at face value, the show primarily functions as a highlight of a real but narrow part of Indian—and South Asian—culture. But because the series doesn’t interrogate any of the problematic elements it depicts, viewers must draw their own conclusions. Ultimately, it’s unclear what the takeaway is supposed to be for a casual non-Indian viewer, other than an entertaining glimpse into an unfamiliar world, or for South Asian audiences, who aren’t being presented with any information they don’t already know. In fact, those who genuinely agree with the discriminatory practices in the marriage industry may even feel validated by seeing their beliefs broadcast, seemingly unchallenged, to such a large mainstream audience.
Because Indian Matchmaking has been so popular since its release, there is a good chance for a second season, which would hopefully allow the production team to incorporate the feedback received from South Asian audience members. But likely by the time another season is released, the original momentum and attention from non-Indian audiences due to the show’s novelty will be gone; average viewers will have already binged the show and moved onto something else without gaining a fuller picture of the world they witnessed for eight brief episodes.
Considering the limitations the production team faced in developing the series, as well as the fact that Mundhra had no other South Asian team members to help review its content, the series’ narrow viewpoint results in a failure to broaden its narrative. Ultimately and unfortunately, Indian Matchmaking presents a confined depiction of matchmaking culture and the attitudes surrounding arranged marriage.
92 Comments
Before I even start trying to form an opinion on arranged marriage (or the Netflix depictions thereof), I’d need to do some research to find out how prevalent arranged marriages are in various regions, social/economic strata, religions, etc. in India, not to mention the Indian diaspora. Even then, I’m a random white guy who doesn’t know anyone who’s in (or likely to be involved in) an arranged marriage, so it’s not like my opinion would have any real value there anyway.
I think most people agree that Netflix’s arranged marriages are based on an extremely faulty algorithm, and lord help you if you’re over 30 years old.
“Because you like dramas set in 19th century England with strong women leads, we’ve arranged for you to marry Steve!”
Dammit, quit setting me up with your Netflix Original men! They’re all bloated and indecisive, maybe good for a one-night stand but never something I want to revisit.
*snort*
I haven’t seen the show, so I can’t really comment directly, but this is really sticking in my mind.
“during the season, she had a date with a white man who called her
“untrustworthy” after she talked about how she got married due to
cultural pressure, despite her own reservations”How the hell does that make someone untrustworthy? What an asshole!
gonna go out on a limb and say that anytime someone opens up and confides in a person, literally entrusting them with personal details, and the other person’s response is that it makes them untrustworthy…that other person is an asshole.
I haven’t watched the show, and only skimmed the article, but I can understand having doubts about someone who went against their better judgement for the sake of tradition or cultural pressure. “It’s tradition” is frequently the worst reason to maintain tradition.
Did anyone finish this article? It goes on forever.
I stopped after the 4th use of the word “diaspora”
It’s like 1500 words. It’s <5 minutes. Is that too hard for you?
Things longer than this article:War and PeaceGravity’s RainbowTHAT’S LITERALLY THE WHOLE LIST.
Totally bud. Now why don’t you and I go back to things we can handle comprehension wise. I have this bitching Where’s Waldo book that is just your speed. Reading sucks! Amirite?
If she was married and is now on a date, clearly the sacred bonds of marriage have been dissolved. Who gets a divorce, of all things? Untrustworthy! This woman is clearly a grifter to make Annette Benning and Anjelica Huston weep with envy.
Oh, it was awful – a mere description doesn’t even do justice to how uncomfortable and terrible it was to watch him berate her. She articulately and thoughtfully explains the challenging position she was in but he doesn’t even try to understand her perspective:
He was an asshole all around. That date was really uncomfortable to watch. I’m betting he voted for Trump.
what an asshole! she’s lucky she got away from him so early.
He is awful and only partial conscious of what he’s doing and why. He’s only engaging 1) to experience (and be able to SAY he experienced) dating an Indian woman and 2) to confirm exactly how submissive she is and will be. The fact that she pushed back in explaining is what doomed her as he stroked his beard. If she had meekly asserted that she acquiesced to parental pressure, decried deceiving the hubby that she loved him and divorced as an impulsive, regrettable mistake, they’d be married today. Because he’d know she’s malleable and when she has spursts of independence, she can be made contrite again easily. This guy thinks he’s a supremely desirable White Master of the Universe who believes he’s thinking and living ‘outside the box’ when he’s every bit his colonizing forefathers’ son. He might as well have just SAID,”I want a beautiful, exotic woman to subjugate.”
He was a charmer all the way around. He bragged about making a former girlfriend choose him over her dog, then later dumping her; way overdrank for a first date; and was SHOCKED when Gurki finally told him off and ended the date. It was at least satisfying to know he had completely shown himself on national television.
I wouldn’t trust that person because I would be worried if they had ulterior motives for our relationship too.
viewers must draw their own conclusions How refreshing. Not that it will be enough to get me to watch.I’ve heard complaints about the lack of representation of certain demographics in creative positions, but it’s unusual for a creator from that demographic to be considered insufficient.
Of course the idea that “viewers must draw their own conclusions” is here being treated as a problem — maybe even the problem.People are so used to being told exactly what to think about things by their media, whether film, literature or news, that when something simply presents a narrative and allows the individual to reach their own conclusions on whatever matter, it’s considered problematic. For after all, if we can’t control what they think, what if they get it wrong?
Sir, I give you: Brett Ratner
I don’t get the joke.
“…but it’s unusual for a creator from that demographic to be considered insufficient.”Sir, I give you:Brett Ratner
Which demographic is Brett Ratner representing?
Sadly, lately seems like much of America.
Putting him in charge of more things would thus be good for representation.
I’ve known a few people who entered arranged marriages, none of them well, as they were my mother’s friends whom she fell out of touch with, and I have nothing insightful to add to the conversation.
Neither did the author, but she still needed about 50,000 words to not say it
Is reading hard for you? This took me like 5 minutes. Do you need it to be a video?
Watched this show with a friend the weekend it came out and have been surprised to see so much controversy about it. The show isn’t perfect (it really does end quite abruptly) The people in it are flawed and come with their own prejudices, but I really don’t see how the show could have portrayed that without coming across as overly judgmental or preachy. The matchmaker is matter-of-fact and does what her clients ask her to. The clients, for the most part, are honest about their reasons for using a matchmaker and, at least those in America, seem to be aware of its drawbacks. What I think makes this show better than most dating shows I have seen is that it is pretty de-glamorized. It accepts that dating is hard and about compromise, and I appreciated a dating show that highlighted those actual struggles instead of just being about attractive people in fancy locales.
So it isn’t all Bachelor-y? No behind-the-scenes engineering? ‘Reveals’ that create drama, that kind of thing? No wonder its popular.
It is incredibly un-Bachelor-y, in part because of the structure of the show; it doesn’t really show courtship outside of the first couple of dates the participants have with a successful match. Though, interestingly, all of the participants in the show are now single and none got married through the process, which I think adds another interesting layer to the show that I do wish it interrogated a bit more. I did, at times, think that certain people on the show were probably given unfair edits, or perhaps they are just entirely lacking in self awareness.
*ahem* aparna
Yes, a good point. I think this show stands out as the people are really really serious about finding the right relationship, and we’re just so used to seeing dating shows where the dating is mostly play acting and any relationships formed are presented as Instagram perfection.
The people are flawed and come with prejudices? No, that can’t be right. Only white men have flaws and prejudices!
You seem to have found this article at random while you were feeling vulnerable. Did you feel you were adding to the thread in some way?
My wife and I watched the first two episodes. I have a lot of close friends from India or American-born Indians so I was curious about their takes. Didn’t get any sense of them being offended or upset, more just rolling their eyes at some of the people featured…so typical reactions to a dating show. And I think this is ultimately what this show set out to accomplish. Can’t be everything to everyone.
I think, before Indians and the diaspora, this show is primarily for tone-deaf upper class people first and foremost. While culturally relevant, I can only see more Indians regress into lacking whatsoever personality one could have hoped for. But maybe I am being too harsh. It’s a horrible feeling to watch this show, as a middle class Indian.
Its ironic that in the age of angry protests about ‘cultural appropriation’ a show about an Indian matchmating service is criticized for not being sufficiently ‘American’ in its cultural assumptions.
If anything, the piece was criticizing the show for filtering its Indian-ness through an American lens that tends to focus on one type of story, hence the comments about the lack of South Asians on the production team, the issues raised by South Asian critics, and the feedback from South Asian audiences.
You mean the critics from those esteemed Indian publications the Washington Post and Slate? Yeah, totally not American at all!
It’s gonna blow your mind when you realize that people can be South Asian and American. And did you read those pieces? Because again, the focus was on how the show narrows its scope to what is palatable to American audiences and misses out on broader issues and nuances in matchmaking in Indian society.
So go yell at the indian showrunners, why is this once again white people’s fault?
You are so desperate to feel victimized that it renders you unable to read.
This is why I love this site 🙂 a bunch of SJW millenials who could not take themselves any more seriously.
If you feel yelled at, you should probably identify less with white people.
This guy has unironically posted “This is why Trump got elected” at least once in his life.
If read the article, you would know there was only one Indian showrunner. At least troll factually.
Although I’m white, I know enough not to question an older Indian woman. You wanna get challenged on your moral stance? Apply it in person to a fifty-something Indian woman. You’ll get fucking schooled in how to dress someone down.
Another commenter said recently that it’s like you have to fire off a bad take or you’ll die, and I’m starting to see what they meant.
Do you use scare quotes to contain topics in which you lack understanding? Because whooo boy, this article went over your head, kiddo.
Yowzers, you don’t even care how backwards from anything in the article as written you had to stretch to get that magic mirror universe non-take, do you?
It’s funny – that all the correct and positive actions those brown and yellow people actually DO do according to our hallowed cultural gatekeepers……just so happens to be the ones that appeal to white, middle class Americans.
You didn’t read the article, did you. Just admit it.
It’s cool how this article spends a whole paragraph talking about nuanced depictions of arranged marriage in fictional and nonfictional works by South Asian artists, and then somebody rolls into the credits saying that ambivalence toward arranged marriage is an American thing.
Ramy is another show that touches upon arranged marriage but I digress…not sure of the problem here. Arranged marriages exist, no? Not just with Indians but lots of cultures. Whether they work or not is really not important in the realm of entertainment ala The Bachelor(ette). The people on the Bachelor are for the most part, white and pathetic. That doesn’t make every white person pathetic. You may disagree. I may not disagree with you but if it’s on tv, it’s pretty much for entertainment. You might be able to learn something along the way but…it’s still primarily to entertain you. I think it’s great that they aren’t gearing this towards a white audience but then it feels like they’re concerned about what white people will say about arranged marriages? Am I missing something?
It’s a reality tv show. It’s not there to educate anyone on how things should be, or give us a narrative that will teach us something. It’s pretty good as a reality TV show as it contains some interesting characters. You can see why the bluntness of the matchmaker would rub some people the wrong way. But it’s her job to get marriages made and people, Indian and non-Indian, can get really narrow minded when it comes to their vision of a marriage partner.
I know one couple in an arranged marriage and they seem happy enough.Therefore I declare the entire institution a resounding success!
Yes, Mr.President
My wife is Pakastani so a lot of her family have arranged marriages, including her brother. Some of the marriages appear strong and loving. Others not so much. Sorta like normal marriages
Speaking as someone who married for love, I’d like to point out that it’s no less insane a reason for getting hitched than any of the others.
speaking as someone who has never had any desire at all to get married, i can’t relate to this show at all but i think i’ll find it interesting.
Just venting – Of course only non-Indian friends have recommended watching this show – but at worst, arranged marriage is Terrible and gross, at best it’s neutral/weird (do you want your family to find/present dating options to you?).I don’t think “any more inclusion is better than no inclusion” when humans can Obviously do better – the cop out of “letting the audience draw their own conclusions” is just ignoring how we Know media portrayals effect perception, validate ideas, etc.This show sounds like, not the Absolute worst, but – as the article posits – then who is this for? Ugh. (Well, other than “for the people who made the show to make money”)
I was born in India, lived there until I was 20. I did not have an arranged marriage, nor did my parents or my partner’s parents. So this was an interesting show to peek at, to see what it looks like to be in a situation where approaching 30 and being unmarried is somehow a social failing.I can’t say how much this show represents India culturally. It certainly doesn’t represent my narrow slice of India. But I will say it aspires to an aesthetic similar to what we see in Hindi-language daytime soaps. It takes concerted effort to be this garish.
“White gaze”. lulz… As if white people are a monolith. It’s this kind of racist narrative that’s going to be pretty fucking embarrassing to look back on years from now.
saying “white gaze” is not racist. just stop.
Learn what words mean. Then make a relevant comment.
I love the white people resist the notion that they have a culture. You have white American culture. Own it. Why is that so hard to understand?And more frankly, why does it bother you so much? Do you hate white people? Seems to me that white people must hate themselves an awful lot if they balk at the idea that they can be referred to as a monolith at any time.
Do u want sex with me? Write me here —-> bit
I’m guessing the writer has one of those word a day calendars. I know what the word for today is. It’s diaspora..
Diaspora is not arcane or obscure, and is entirely appropriate for the context.
I love this comment for a variety of reasons: 1) your anti-intellectualism because you came across a word you didn’t know and got upset2) thinking diaspora is a rare word as opposed to one commonly used to refer to immigrant groups outside of their country3) the implicit racism due to not knowing diaspora4) she used it 4 times, in an essay specifically around immigrant experiences, where it’s incredibly appropriate
There is a vast Indian diaspora.
You… don’t seem very smart. Diaspora is a big word for you? Did you go to high school?
sad fat women
WHOM
People have different skin colors, it’s not that big a deal. Fiddler on the Roof explores matchmaking and arranged marriages and no one has ever worried about what kind of gaze it attracts.
My Indian extended family, in India and America, enjoyed it a lot. They treated it as a standard reality show, nothing more or less, that was fun for them because it involved Indians and Indian culture.
Naked
and Afraid, The Bachelorette, and Iron Chef don’t teach audiences
important lessons about society or challenge our cultural biases. Why
does Indian Matchmaking have to? Besides, it’s not as if any Indians
watching the show don’t already know about prejudices against
dark-skinned or lower castle people, or how tough it is for women
especially to balance a career with more traditional lifestyle choices. If they had chosen to overtly focus on those issues throughout the entire series, then it truly would have been more of a documentary for non-Indians as opposed to a fun reality show for Indians and whoever else wants to watch it.
So it’s a reality show being criticized as if it were trying to be a documentary and failed? Of course it’s not going to capture the broad experience—she’s a high-dollar matchmaker with high-dollar clients, and the air up there is rare to begin with.The only question I would have (haven’t seen it) is “is it accurate in what it is depicting without too much sensationalizing and drama-seeking?” If the answer is yes, then it is already a thousand percent better than any of the reality-relationship tripe that has previously aired.
Agreed that this is very clearly a reality dating show and not a documentary. To compare it to an actual documentary (Suitable Girl) and treat the relative lack of nuance as a failing is silly.
Now, to say “if you’re interested in more depth and nuance on this subject, here is a good documentary to watch” would be great.
“Ugh. I have lots of opinions about cultural stuff, but the only cultural stuff I’m interested in is pure trash. Wait a second. What if I write about a my shitty tastes, but do so in a high-handed, pretentious manner – treating my media equivalent of McNugget as if it were the media equivalent of a degustation course at Noma? Ohohoho- yes. That will do it. Oh, I am so clever.”- Every “POP CULTURE IS SUPER IMPORTANT” writer out there.
You know what’s worse? Being outraged over your own cultural just to appease white Americans.
I recommend checking out the 2018 documentary Lovesick about an Indian doctor who helps her HIV+ patients find love among their own ranks.
https://lovesickthefilm.com/
It’s obviously intended for agoraphobes who live in brazil. I’m not sure how it could have been more clearly telegraphed to the audience
i was never interested in this show until reading this. now i just might have to watch.
i’ve watched almost all of it – i find it interesting. it’s definitely a show & not a documentary. i don’t watch any dating or “reality” shows but i was drawn by the fact that this was a culture very different from my own.
I dunno. I can’t figure out what or who any of those Real Housewives are for, so I am probably the wrong person to ask.
I was having a bad week last week and ended up binging the whole thing Tuesday afternoon. It was quality escapism for such a situation, with all the pretty people flirting. But I actually think it did (gently) criticize the participants for their very high standards and long lists of demands. Pretty much every meeting starts with Sima asking what they are looking for, and the answer always starts with “a good person” but gets rapidly more specific from there. Almost always included are “fair,” “smart,” “good job,”… the point is well made that these high expectations make finding anyone a match very difficult. She makes the point to client after client, even sends them to a life coach so they can focus on what is really important. Is this not a criticism of the matchmaking culture? Treating it like a list to check off instead of way to make a connection?
I tried to watch it but lost the thread when, about five minutes in, one of the dudes talked about his dining nook having fish for the calming presence they offer and i realized these fuckers are RICH-rich. Can’t deal with watching spoiled rich people, it’s what puts me off the regular reality fare.
The least problematic aspect of arranged marriage is marrying a stranger chosen by your parents. This is also what most westerners know about arranged marriage, which makes it seem relatively harmless to them.These marriages happen exclusively among the so called upper caste. Anyone who dares defy these rules are met with extreme hostility, most often resulting in violence. Google dalit+marriage+killing.Side note: next time you feel too broken about your Indian friends’ sob stories about struggling to make it to the US, remember most of them are insanely privileged (Brahmin privilege > white privilege) in India and don’t know any struggle. They also bring their prejudices with them; see the recent Cisco discrimination lawsuit. Also lot of them(eg: Priyanka Chopra) are Modi supporters who is much worse than Trump.