Say what you like about 2019's Cats; it’s definitely an expression of something—possibly of how horny Cat Dame Judi Dench gets when Cat Ian McKellan laps up a big ol’ saucer of milk. Or whatever the fuck’s going on when Cat Dame Judi Dench stares into the camera for, like, 8 minutes at the movie’s climax. Or that bit where Cat Dame Judi Dench asks Cat Victoria Hawyard, “Would you like to watch me make my Jellicle choice?” as though it were English, and not Andrew Lloyd Weber-style nonsense.
Whew.
Anyway, it remains unclear how early the people actually making Cats—including Human Judi Dench, and also Human Jason Derulo—realized what a glorious mess of a movie they were making, but Derulo, at least, appears to have gone into the project (his first film role) with what would eventually prove to be ludicrously high hopes. Per ABC News, Derulo went so far as to say he thought Tom Hooper’s movie was “gonna change the world,” which, you know, be careful what you wish for, and all that. (Certainly, it changed the part of the world known as “Tom Hooper’s chances of lining up a directing gig any time in the next several years.”)
Derulo did some Rum Tum Tugger talk with The Telegraph this week, noting that, “Cats checked all the boxes,” citing its star-studded cast, Hooper’s recent Academy Award win, and, presumably, not the part where he would have to play a very horny kitty cat. “It taught me a lesson,” he added, with said lesson somehow not being, “If you find yourself dancing on a giant barstool, pouring milk on a bunch of human beings who are also dressed like horny kitty cats, self-interrogate,” but rather, “You can’t wait for the perfect moment, cause that might not be your moment.”
What a curious cat.
64 Comments
Obligatory:
well it would have changed the game but they totally undermined itlike how does a cat shit without a butthole, makes no sense
User name checks out.
double majored in butt history and butt theoryminor in business
Does butt theory go into detail about how god created a butthole so tight that he himself could not penetrate it?
oh it goes deep
Did you go to Butt U? My Grandfather was Dean of Butt Studies there.
nah Butt Tech. we may have crossed paths at a few farties.
I’m a PhD in Butt Relations!
is it true what they say? are you all tight-asses? jk jk
Tight. Big and juicy. Slim and firm. All are welcome!
Could be better.
Butt think of the children!
They should have just used a Twinkle Tush!
i don.t…ithis
Is that… is that a cat butt plug?..Where’s my bleach?
I think it hangs from the tail.
No, its a thing you hang from their tail so you don’t have to see their buttholes all day, which is just part of having a cat. Also, there’s no way they don’t get shit all over these things and cleaning them sounds way worse than just letting the butthole be free.
Is that…erm…a real thing?
Yeah, it’s real. For people who want a cat but are also too shallow to own a cat.
shit, cat
The people who like musicals really really like them, and think that everyone else shares their passion. To most people it was obvious this was a huge bomb in the making, but to the tiny percent of people who go to see live musicals, this was the best thing ever.
To be fair, Greatest Showman made a truckload if money. So did the Mama Mias, Pitch Perfects, Lee Miserables etc. Musicals can be super profitable. I can see why execs thought it could make a lot of money. I think the fundamental difference is that the previously mentioned movies are stories about people, and Cats features neither people nor a story.
Hey, my name is Lee and I am quite miserables! Doesn’t mean I like to be called names.
That stupid thing played on Broadway to packed houses for YEARS- I lived right down the street. What amazes me about the movie is that everybody suddenly decided to say, “What the hell is THIS?!”
…but to the tiny percent of people who go to see live musicals, this was the best thing ever.That is not true. Fans of musicals are often the harshest critics of movie adaptations.Lindsay Ellis made a very detailed video about the strange appeal of Cats , and she explains how the movie adaptation fails on so many levels.
I had Ellis pop up on my YouTube recommends, and I went deep through her catalogue- she’s great!It also took me weeks before I realized she’s the culprit behind the infamous hot dog gif, which has been a staple in shitposts amongst friends forever. Mind-> blown
The sad thing is, you know someone is going to turn this into a cult film 20 years or so from now and there’s nothing we can do about it.
The film was instant cult film upon release. It deserves it too- it’s almost a hybrid between Rocky Horror Picture Show & The Room-not quite to the degree of either, but it’s so fantastically endearing & awful that I can rewatch it & have fun. It’s a film worth watching with friends & family & wondering how anyone thought any part was a good idea.
Cute that you think it’ll take 20 years and not that it’s already happened.
I don’t like musicals, and don’t like pretty much every element of Cats on its own, but overall the film was a delight to watch. Watching it was hearkened to the day when I’d choose an obviously shitty movie in a rental BOGO offer at the rental store. I feel sorry for all the people participating in making this, who believed in this project (except James Corden & Rebel Wilson, they are both terrible people who deserve all criticism).
I think certain musicals can appeal to broad audiences. My wife loves musicals and I’m pretty lukewarm to them but the stuff she’s shown me, I’ve enjoyed.The problem is that Cats just doesn’t have mass appeal. Prior to watching the movie, I knew little about it. As it turns out, teleporting cats, zero plot, animal sacrifice and unsettling visual effects don’t mix well.
If you mean the movie didn’t have mass appeal, yes, you’re correct. But the show, on the other hand:
(via Wikipedia: The London production ran for 21 years and 8,949 performances, while the Broadway production ran for 18 years and 7,485 performances, making Cats the longest-running musical in both theatre districts for a number of years. Cats has since been revived in the West End twice and on Broadway once. It has also been translated into multiple languages and performed around the world many times. Long-running foreign productions include a 15-year run at the Operettenhaus in Hamburg that played over 6,100 performances, as well as an ongoing run in a purpose-built theatre in Japan that has played over 10,000 performances since it opened in 1983.)
I think that through much of the 80s and 90s, Cats was probably the one Musical that even people who knew nothing, or didn’t even care about musicals, would know.
In other words, the “Hamilton” of its’ time.
If a movie of it had been made in the 90s, or even the early 2000s, it might have had a better hope than this one.
If you mean the movie didn’t have mass appeal, yes, you’re correct. But the show, on the other hand:
(via Wikipedia: The London production ran for 21 years and 8,949 performances, while the Broadway production ran for 18 years and 7,485 performances, making Cats the longest-running musical in both theatre districts for a number of years. Cats has since been revived in the West End twice and on Broadway once. It has also been translated into multiple languages and performed around the world many times. Long-running foreign productions include a 15-year run at the Operettenhaus in Hamburg that played over 6,100 performances, as well as an ongoing run in a purpose-built theatre in Japan that has played over 10,000 performances since it opened in 1983.)
I think that through much of the 80s and 90s, Cats was probably the one Musical that even people who knew nothing, or didn’t even care about musicals, would know.
In other words, the “Hamilton” of its’ time.
If a movie of it had been made in the 90s, or even the early 2000s, it might have had a better hope than this one.
I am a musical theatre lover. Myself and every other fan of musical theatre I know could tell this would be a disaster before they even released images from it.But it’s a brilliant, epic disaster, the most expensive trash movie of all time, a surefire midnight cult hit, and well worth your time. Just don’t be sober.
Yeah but even among the theater kids who love Musicals, Cats has been a joke for a long time. Its peak 80s tourism Broadway. No story to confuse people, funny costume, lots of dancing and one good song. I have no idea who thought this movie was a good idea
Don’t forget about the sexual undertones. It is the stuff that awakens furry kinks in unsuspecting people of all ages.
Maybe but I think Disney Robin Hood has awakened far more furies then Cats did.
The instant people who like musicals saw the promo materials for this film, it was obvious to them that this was a huge bomb in the making, too.
“This movie is going to change the world” is something you start saying to yourself firmly as a defence mechanism when the first CGI shots start coming back and you realise this is going to be associated with you forever. It’s that or start drinking gin by the bucketload, which I believe was Dame Judi’s strategy.
In what way does this world resemble the pre-Cats world?
Well Covid-19 did jump cross-species… and this film…Ye gods, I think you may be onto something!
Are you saying that Cats is responsible for coronavirus? Because if so, that’s a viewpoint I can support.I mean, really conspiracy theory kooks — you’re babbling on about 5G and everything when Cats is right there.
Everytime I see a Cats video clip, my eyes are so confused. I don’t know how one can watch a whole movie of it.
Perhaps this movie is what opened the Hell Mouth for 2020.
Well it could have been, but if anyone really wanted that they would never hire Tom Hooper.
It also changed Derulo’s own reputation forever, with the asshole going on about how people who actually make movies are the only ones who should be allowed to have opinions about them, and the movie would prove all the naysayers wrong by making a ton of money. It’s seriously up there with Uwe Boll’s “I am the only genius in the whole fucking business.”
I mean, don’t get me wrong, I love looking at Derulo’s big dick on Insta, but jeebus crisco Jayjay, stop vaping your own farts! Humble is attractive!
So, he went from “one-hit wonder” to “one-hit wonder who co-starred in a notorious flop”.
That’s the same guy who found it necessary to remind us that his dick is bigger than it looks on screen?
Self delusion is a powerful thing…
I can’t be the only one waiting breathlessly for this to stream on Netflix, etc… and get FUCKING BAKED…
I think the world needs a podcast hosted by this arrogant motherfucker and Kanye West. Or maybe a game show.
Though the universe might implode from the sheer amount of ego those chucklefucks exude.
That Rum Tum Tugger clip is the first full scene I’ve actually seen from the movie. Good lord, that was terrible. Maybe it was difficult to see the problems while making it, like a “you can’t see the forest for the trees” situation. I mean I guess the same could apply to this one clip; it could be far better when viewed as part of the whole movie. Still, how did they not cut every one of Rebel Wilson’s unfunny “quips?”
The actors didn’t know what the CGI was going to look like when they were shooting, so if was actually impossible (for them) to see that problem. As for Rebel Wilson, when you hire her you know you are hiring Unfunny, so why would you then cut her “quips?”
Has Dame Judi Dench been in anything since Cats? I don’t want this to be a Raul Julia thing all over again. Somebody put her in something, ANYTHING.
I’m pretty sure the reason Raul Julia didn’t appear in anything after Street Fighter is because he died.
Something tells me Tom Hooper will land on his feet.
So when are he & will smith gonna fuck on one of these tik toks? They need to stop blue balling america
I can understand thinking that, if you’re not into musicals, being able to decipher whats good from what bad can be a daunting process. You’re entering movies for your first time and you get offered a role in something that’s breaking a special effects barrier, has a cast full of respected, award winning artists, is being directed by an Oscar winner, and is based on what is often billed as the most popular musical of all time. I can see how it would be very easy for someone not super industry savvy to look at that and think they just signed up for the next Avatar.
You screamed into a fish-eye lens at point-blank range, Jason. The only good movie ever where that has happened was Return of the Jedi, & the screaming-into-point-blank-fish-eye shot wasn’t added until over 10 years later, & it made the movie objectively worse.
Oh Jason, your Instagram pics where ya can practically see the outline for your penis changed the world more than this movie did.