Bored sports fans say fuck it, go all in on marble racing

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Bored sports fans say fuck it, go all in on marble racing
Screenshot: Marbula E Race 1 “Paris”

With most professional sports still on hold for the foreseeable future, Americans have turned their attention to what is sure to be the national pastime of the future. No, not Blernsball. We’re talking marble racing.

Of course, competitive marble racing is nothing new. For years, YouTube channels like Jelle’s Marble Runs have featured videos of little multi-colored glass balls careening around makeshift tracks, thrilling bored internet viewers to no end. Now, however, pandemic-induced quarantine and a lack of alternate spectator sports has launched marble racing into a whole new realm of popularity.

“It sucks us into another world, another dimension without war, misery, and negativity,” says Dion Bakker, co-creator of the aforementioned Jelle’s Marble Runs, in a recent interview with The New York Times. Last month, one of Jelle’s older videos featuring a marble race on a sandy track was retweeted by Fall Out Boy bassist Pete Wentz and has since been viewed over 35 million times. The loss of professional sports also happened to coincide with the channel’s recent expansion, which included the introduction of Marbula One, a multi-lap race inspired by real-life Formula One racing, and Marbula E, which will see these marble racers teaming up with actual drivers from the Formula E racing team Envision Virgin Racing.

Plus, if you’re bummed about the 2020 Summer Olympics being postponed this year, you can supplement that thrill of a competitive, multi-part athletic event with Marble League 2020. Given that no actual athletes will be involved in the event, they’re still on schedule to kick things off this June. Place your bets now.

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14 Comments

  • marsupilajones-av says:

    I remember someone sent me a link to a marble racing video a few years ago as a “hey look at this stupid thing on YouTube” moment. It had like 20 million views.

  • jcn-txct-av says:

    I have to admit the guys that do this are pretty clever. The montages are very convincing. The play by play is good, they need a color guy. If they could do some more close ups, I could see becoming huge for kids to start making their own tracks and races. As a parent, I saw a few tracks on line for sale but nothing like these in the videos. Besides, I think it would hurt less to step on a marble in the middle of the night vs a lost Lego block.

    • ahildy9815-av says:

      I’m not sure where they get the track itself, looks like it could be a basic RC track. The lifting mechanism looks to be a modified K’NEX roller coaster chain. These unsunk screws lead me to believe this is all pretty DIY.

    • perfectengine-av says:

      they need a color guyThey do, but I doubt anyone of color is going to want anything to do with this.

    • paraduck-av says:

      Stepping on a marble is less painful, but also more likely to lead to slipping.

  • pearlnyx-av says:

    Check out Project Farm if you want to see oil racing.

  • hasselt-av says:

    Marble Madness was an underrated gem for the NES, if you ask me, so this could be interesting, or at least, hypnotic.

  • westcoastwestcoast-av says:

    The commentary is the best part of this stuff. They almost have you believing the marbles have agency.

  • slander-av says:

    I have fallen so deep down the marble racing well that I’ve even bought team merch. I am a touch bitter that JMR has better sponsors and production values than my 14 year-old roller derby league, but not enough to not enjoy these.

  • IanThomasHealy-av says:

    I’ve been following JMR since before COVID-19 hit the scene. There’s another marble racing league called Fubeca, also on YouTube. I’m enough of a fan that I’m judgmental about the commentator in the Fubeca league. Greg Woods is KING. #Orangers #RedNo5

  • the-artist-formerly-known-as-nowiambecomedeath-av says:

    If you enjoy marble racing, you MUST check out Hot Wheels/Matchbox racing. We drunkenly goofed over marble racing last Thanksgiving and xmas (we are not an exciting family, obvs), but discovered this new and amazing experience about 3 days into quarantine. I joke that, if this had been a thing when my college senior was 2 1/2, instead of learning to read, he would have spent every spare moment watching. This kid wanted glossy sales brochures from any dealership I could wrangle them from — YouTube toy car races would have been a game-changer.This dude (link below) does it best – meaning great (funny!) commentary, multiple cameras, cool set pieces. We are engaged and *cheering* like total idiots. We may also be losing our minds…. I have zero vested interest in this, other than it makes me actually laugh when the world is fucked beyond belief. There are some pretty janky channels out there, some that seem to be in the spirit of the endeavor but not a lot of savvy. And some that are creepy (red pill references, confederate flag logos, that sort of thing). This particular guy seems to be waaaaay into toy cars, but doing it for the pure fun of it. No swears (damn!), but also not reaching for family-friendly.https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCjN5K3IYZgz-vCWhI_DD01A

  • kinosthesis-av says:

    I think you’ve all lost your marbles!

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