Bullet Train takes Brad Pitt for a ride before it goes off the rails
Director David Leitch has designs on Quentin Tarantino and Guy Ritchie, but his assassin thriller falls well short
Film Reviews Brad Pitt
A constant social media refrain asks if certain older movies could still be made today based on elements like cost, logistics, politically incorrect content, or a filmmaker’s formula-defying creative process. Bullet Train begs the question of whether movies inspired by those filmmakers should even be attempted today, unless they’re being done by the original directors themselves.
Bullet Train filmmaker David Leitch may fancy himself a spiritual descendant of Quentin Tarantino and Guy Ritchie, who established their distinctive styles decades before Kōtarō Isaka’s acclaimed novel of the same name was published in 2010. But Leitch’s talky, violent hit man movie, with Brad Pitt at the center of an over-cranked ensemble cast, reminds us why Hollywood has all but abandoned attempts to copy the successes of Tarantino and Ritchie. This film is not just bloated, tedious, dim-witted, and glib, it’s also redundant.
Pitt plays “Ladybug,” a former hitman hired by his longtime handler Maria (Sandra Bullock, returning a favor after Pitt’s appearance in The Lost City) to steal a briefcase full of cash from active hitmen Tangerine (Aaron Taylor-Johnson) and Lemon (Brian Tyree Henry). Despite Maria’s assurances about the simplicity of the job, Ladybug quickly encounters opposition not only from Tangerine and the Thomas The Tank Engine-obsessed Lemon, but also The Prince (Joey King), a conniving Brit posing as a schoolgirl; Yuichi Kimura (Andrew Koji), an anguished Japanese father seeking vengeance after his son was pushed off of a roof; Hornet (Zazie Beetz), an assassin with her own designs on the briefcase, and other targets to execute; and The Wolf (Benito A Martinez Ocasio aka Bad Bunny), a Mexican cartel member who came to Japan after the death of his wife, for which he blames the luckless Ladybug.
Ladybug must not only defeat these foes, but figure out what events put all of them in his path. This leads to a variety of flashbacks, subplots, surprises, and secret motives, which Leitch and screenwriter Zak Olkewicz (Fear Street: Part Two—1978) shuffle with little regard for pacing or the basic logistics of the film’s setting: how long exactly does it take for a high-speed train to travel from Tokyo to Kyoto (it was Morioka in Isaka’s novel)? A quick Google search indicates that the trip lasts about two hours and 15 minutes, but for some reason, this train runs all night—making Ladybug’s escalating gauntlet feel more like a meandering travelogue through the characters’ one-dimensional personalities.
The muscular, charming energy that Leitch brought to set pieces and fight sequences in Hobbs & Shaw extends past the tipping point of improbability here, with a train that’s full of passengers at times and empty others, without any real explanation. There are stabbings, poisonings, gunshots, snake attacks, hand-broken windshields, explosions, derailings, and more, and the only person who seems to notice is a little old lady who wishes Ladybug and Lemon would be quieter while they beat each other senseless.
As a conflict-averse assassin, Ladybug’s efforts to resolve each new confrontation runs out of gas, especially since Pitt has played some version of a capable dope with more words than brains since at least The Mexican. Watching the actor have fun on screen should actually be fun, but here it feels like he’s dragging the train along, instead of effortlessly riding it. Meanwhile as Lemon, Henry’s obsession with Thomas & Friends is like a remnant of the era in which Tarantino spiced up Crimson Tide with monologues about the Silver Surfer. And the result here is just as obnoxious as it was watching Tarantino rant about Top Gun when he appeared in Sleep With Me. And even though Taylor-Johnson tapped into a surprisingly appealing persona when he adopted a working-class Cockney accent for a supporting role in Christopher Nolan’s Tenet, he repeats himself here and reduces his charm to sub-Guy Ritchie levels.
The less said about the rest of the cast the better, although Koji and the always stellar Hiroyuki Sanada desperately fight to inject dignity into the story of their family’s multi-generational betrayals and misjudgments. But Leitch and Olkewicz feebly draw out those themes across the myriad conflicts and saddle these performers with those topics in an act of misjudged authenticity. Controversies over a mostly English-language adaptation of a Japanese novel notwithstanding—which Isaka himself has largely dismissed—what proves to be more offensive is the film’s unskilled attempt to inject seriousness into what should have been a cheeky summer distraction. It’s fine for a movie about a bunch of competing killers to itself place no value on human life, and even to joyfully indulge in that kind of nihilism, but the way the filmmakers inject a sense of pathos feels about as earnest and meaningful as an airport gift shop souvenir before the flight home from some far-flung foreign country.
That said, whether or not Isaka started with an adequate level of originality on the page, this kind of story occupies a place that’s simply too well-defined on screen. Especially when it’s anchored by an equally familiar performance by Pitt, whose movie stardom has been amplified by the talents of filmmakers like Tarantino and Ritchie, but doesn’t always generate enough wattage to juice up a lackluster project on its own.
Ultimately, Bullet Train aims to be slick when it needs to be smart, and predictable when it should be provocative—effectively making all of the wrong stops at exactly the wrong time. The problem isn’t that Leitch doesn’t have the talent to pull off a film like this, but that he doesn’t have the personality. Rather, he possesses the proficiency to be a contemporary studio journeyman—as long as he chooses the right journey.
52 Comments
“Ultimately, Bullet Train aims to be slick when it needs to be smart, and predictable when it should be provocative”
You think it *aims* to be predictable?
that cast tho, Bullock and Pitt finally being cast in this and Lost City seemed like such an obvious pairing that it’s funny it took so long to happen.
I don’t usually watch rom-coms, but I’d watch the hell out of a rom-com starring them. Our an action adventure. Something were they can just banter and play off each other
definitely, great performers that are also just very likeable and beautiful to stare at celebrities.
Side note: both of them are 58, somehow.
Blood of virgins’ injected into their face.
C’mon. We need more railway puns.Would you say the action…goes off the rails?Will this be a…sleeper hit? Should I choo-choo-choose the film to watch at the multiplex?
will we take a visual tour from Brad’s undercarriage to his caboose? all aboard boys!
They engineered a disaster.
I dunno, a review that is is too dependent on puns can quickly…run out of steam
Puns like these left the station hours ago.
I did start losing steam towards the end.
This film is Amtrack to lose big at the box office.
Based on this review, it sounds like Bullet Train is all a-bored.. I.. I’ll see myself out.
Sounds like this film has been delayed for 44 minutes at Durham due to obstructions on the line.(One for the British rail commuters there.)
Something something wrong sort of snow.
I live near Durham, so I appreciate this.
Joey King was The Princess, now she’s Prince. Got it. Will she be pointing her elbow at all her foes in this?
Joey KING playing The PRINCESS and now The PRINCEIs her agent Fozzie Bear?
Priceless!
I was not expecting Leitch to go the talky route.
they over-advertised this, too. no idea why they started this campaign back in like march. they annoyed any interest i had out of me!
This sounds more like Smokin’ Aces than anything; empty spectacle trying to be kitschy and cool. Makes sense I guess, that was pretty much the poster child for bad Tarantino / Ritchie knockoffs.
That’s exactly the movie this review made me think of,
especially the parts about trying to force pathos into
an otherwise completely nihilistic script. What a truly wretched film that was.
Yeah, just an ugly movie that probably never had much appeal beyond the Boondocks Saints crowd.
You yourself acknowledge that there IS a Boondock’s Saints crowd. Therefore, an audience.
The trailer did *not win me over. Literally all the jokes felt forced to me
I saw it last night and that’s pretty accurate. A knockoff empty spectacle. It’s an “edgy” bore. None of the jokes are funny either.
Are we still holding up Ritchie as someone who get knockoffs made in his image? His Ritchie-esque stuff has been awful for 20 years, whereas his studio fare has often been surprisingly decent (Sherlock Holmes, The Man From UNCLE). Not to mention, Matthew Vaughan made Layer Cake way back in 2004, and instantly outclassed Ritchie at his Ritchie-est.
I think Lock Stock and Snatch set a template that people still try to follow from time to time, with the ensemble of offbeat outlaws who each bring their own quirks for no particular reason but to add humor to the goings-on.
I once got yelled at on a Japanese shinkansen for watching Veronica Mars Season 1 too loudly.edit: Just remembered it was Fatboy Slim’s best of videos. Veronica Mars was the train conductor but he didn’t yell.(This one to be precise)
Man, EVERYONE had You’ve Come A Long Way, Baby back in 98.
Get some headphones for fuck’s sake!
Is it me or do Zazie Beetz and Brian Tyree Henry attend the same casting calls and tag team them as they seem to always get hired together. ( I’m not complaining , love them both just noticed this is the 2nd or third movie they appear on together)
quite possible they have the same representation.
If this is Smokin’ Aces on a train I think this is going to be a great time
The way Sony’s been acting about this movie I have to admit I found it incredibly amusing to scroll down and see the D grade. They seem to think they have gold here, and are trying to use the cast from this in everything ever.
Are the vibes more Shoot ‘Em Up or Crank?
Smokin’ Aces, sadly.
Not even Lucky Number Slevin that’s rough
A “D”? seems overly harsh. The entire theater was laughing their asses off. Maybe it tries too hard at times to be a Guy Ritchie movie, but I thought it was entertaining.
Kinda sad to see Leitch get diminishing returns on each of his films, whilst Chad Stahelski keeps on one-upping himself (or at least maintaining quality) with John Wick.
Ah, a D.It must be August.
This headline was written before the movie was even viewed.
Pitt was in The Lost City? Damn, I zoned out of that mess.
“And even though Taylor-Johnson tapped into a surprisingly appealing
persona when he adopted a working-class Cockney accent for a supporting
role in Christopher Nolan’s Tenet, he repeats himself here and reduces his charm to sub-Guy Ritchie levels.”
You know Aaron Taylor-Johnson is English, yes?
He’s not a Cockney though (or working class as far as I can tell).
I tried to watch this tonight and walked out. At least two other groups did as well. It was… not good.
MILD SPOILERS BELOW…correcting the review Prince (Joey King), a conniving Brit posing as a schoolgirl Not a British character….her national origin being an important element of her story arc. The Wolf (Benito A Martinez Ocasio aka Bad Bunny), a Mexican cartel member who came to Japan after the death of his wife, for which he blames the luckless Ladybug. The Wolf knows who was responsible for his wife’s death; he has a photo and everything. It’s not Ladybug. Ladybug also happened to be present for the death, which turns out to be an unlucky coincidence. with a train that’s full of passengers at times and empty others, without any real explanation. Strike three. There is an explanation given, after I had noticed the lack of passengers….albeit a weak one.—
The film is uneven, and drags quite a bit in providing the backstory and motivations of all the passengers on the train. Once the pieces were set in motion, I ended up enjoying it a bit more because we knew more about the players. Unlike most disposable assassin – films, there were a handful of deaths (or near-deaths) that had an emotional heft to them.Even halfway through the film, I didn’t expect to like it as much as I did.
Finally got around to this last week, and after watching it, described it to a friend as not a movie, simply a sack full of tropes assembled into the approximate shape of a movie.
Well. I thought this movie was bloody great. Guess it’s just me then lol.
Bullet train was very enjoyable, the actors were good, and this review is horrible.B+