In 2019, we were introduced to Tag, a Kodiak bear/thespian who enjoys sharing “cookie kisses” with Hollywood’s Jason Momoa. Now, following in the pawsteps of prior California-based-celebrities-turned-Republican-politicians, Tag has lumbered his way onto the campaign trail as part of John Cox’s bid for governor.
Having a bear as part of a California gubernatorial election might seem like an overly on-the-snout recognition of the state flag, but the premise of Cox and Tag’s partnership is even weirder. In a profile of Tag, Vice points out that Cox’s whole campaign thing is based around calling himself “The Beast” because, as his press secretary writes, Cox’s platform is based on his promise to make “beastly changes” to California politics. (Specifically its tax rate.)
We’re more interested in Tag’s career shift from acting to politics than Cox’s platform, though—especially because his new gig has been pretty controversial. Earlier this month, PETA unsurprisingly condemned Cox’s decision to bring a goddamned live bear to his campaign stops and called for an investigation, which has since yielded a statement from senator Ben Hueso that calls “exploiting a live bear as a political prop” a “a shameful, distasteful trick to bring attention to a candidate.” Last week, ABC 10 ran a story on the city of San Diego’s look into the legalities of bringing Tag along to events and the Oakland Zoo’s associate director of animal care has also described Cox’s bear theatrics as being unsafe.
All of this leaves us with the hope that Tag will be released from his duties soon, and can return to his den for a long conversation with his agent (which is, we don’t know, a talking fox, probably) about where he should go following this unsuccessful foray into politics. We suggest a temporary retreat from the spotlight—a period of hibernation where Tag can really just reflect on what he really wants to do with his time so he never finds himself caught up with people like Cox ever again.
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37 Comments
I’d be fascinated to see what a Republican governor would actually be able to do with Democratic super-majorities in the legislature. My guess is not much. I mean the point is moot, because he has zero chance.
I live in Maryland where that’s the case, and our governor just does a lot of looking annoyed and taking credit for the laws that the legislature passes.
Just wait until they find out how much the Bear Patrol is going to raise their taxes…..
“Let the bears pay the bear tax, ill pay the homer tax”“That’s home owner’s tax, dad”
I already pay the Homer Tax. You don’t need to stage a shitty recall and blow a bunch of money for a bear tax.
Mr.Cox, I have a question!*John Cox lumbers over to craft services*
Last time I saw Cox and bears in the same place it was in a very niche bar.
Having a bear as part of a California gubernatorial election might seem like an overly on-the-snout recognition of the state flag, but the premise of Cox and Tag’s partnership is even weirder.It’s super weird considering Kodiak bears aren’t native to California. But hey, he’s a businessman-turned-Republican hopeful that clearly took inspiration for his logo from Cox Internet, what does it matter to him?
He originally wanted a California grizzly…but was shocked to learn that we murdered them all for rugs a hundred years ago.
The best part of this whole thing is that Cox was apparently honestly surprised that whenever a political pundit brings him up, all they want to talk about now is the bear.
Recalling the governor of California and replacing them with a Republican celebrity… uh, have we learned absolutely nothing?
the legalities of bringing Tag along to eventsI for one fully support a platform of bringing Tagalongs to events.
Obligatory:
“There’s Girl Scouts and cookies and even a bear!”
I don’t remember that from any of the Berenstain Bears books I ever read…
Oops, sorry! That was from my erotic BB fan fic.
Has anybody checked out the ‘Subscribe to Alerts’ box for this particular article?
For the lazy, the tags are “bear,” “fat acceptance movement, “LGBT slang” and “masculinity.”
Also “Salmon”, “Ripping People’s Faces Off”, and, for arcane SEO unknowable to anything that’s not all-seeing omnipotence that is the Google Algorithm, “Hydraulic Manifold”.
Dob’t forget the “Alan Parsons Project”, “Operation Hot Mother” and “Macho Grande”.
Is it wrong that I sort of expect a follow-up article eventually with a headline along the lines of “gubernatorial candidate eaten by bear”?
I wouldn’t say it’s wrong to expect stupid actions to yield stupid results.
Expect, or hope for?
Or we could just wait for the inevitable chucklefuck who shows up with an air pistol loaded with capsicum darts to own the libs and winds up hitting the bear in the face with them…
Why would he do this? Doesn’t he realize that bears are the Number One Threat to America?!?!? They’re godless killing machines, for crying out loud!
They should have used a train. After all, trains are blameless, holy creatures.
Don’t gas stations in small towns do this kind of thing to drum up business?
I got a David Harbour notification for this?
A man who nicknames himself “The Beast” is either a serial killer disappointed by his limited media coverage or a massive fucking dweeb. *checks Google images*Huh. Looks like maybe both.
It’s a cautionary tale as old as time.
I wouldn’t turn my back on that thing, I don’t care how many cookie kisses it gives. It’s a goddamn bear!
Me don’t mind the risk, me take cookie kisses anytime! OMNOMNOMNOMNOM!
I got a Warren Ellis notification for this?
I would like Tag to eat Mr. Cox.
I hear Tag has a two-headed brother who is an ardent New California Republican.