The saga of actor and musician Chester “Chet Haze” Hanks—son of Tom and Rita, half-brother of Colin, minor actor in the live-action Bratz movie—took another twist this weekend, as Hanks decided that now, somehow, would be a good time to declare 2021 to be a “white boy summer.” And if you just full-body flinched at reading those words, imagining all the horrifying permutations of what such a grim season could entail, don’t worry: Hanks doesn’t mean it in, like, a gross way.
This is per an Instagram post that he decided not to delete yesterday, in which Hanks stated that “white boy summer”—a semi-clear play on Megan Thee Stallion’s “Hot Girl Summer,” we guess—didn’t mean “Trump, NASCAR-type white,” so much as it meant, quote, a “Me, John B., Jack Harlow-type” kind of white. Then he called himself “a REAL vanilla king,” so, hey, actually, ignore what we said earlier: This is still the gross way.
For what it’s worth, Hanks—who appears, tragically, to have dropped the “Haze” moniker from his branding—was a vocal critic of Donald Trump; he also briefly dropped off of social media last year, claiming that QAnon supporters were targeting him and his family. Mostly he appears to have been focused on his acting of late: Hanks had a regular role in Bryan Cranston’s Your Honor, made a small appearance in his dad’s Greyhound, and has popped up semi-regularly on Empire and Shameless. This new social media push suggests he might be getting back into music, though, which, uh, hey: Who wants to watch a video of Colin Hanks being incredibly polite about his brother’s music? Let’s go ahead and watch that, instead of any other videos we could link to right here:
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So, in other words, if you step into it verbally, please just step back out, clean off the shoe and get away from the whole mess, instead of trying to justify the mess.
Hanks but no Hanks.
You crazy for this one, King Kong Bundy the Wrestler
Hanks but no T. Hanks.
I’m 100% in on white boy summer.It’s all shirts in pools, socks with sandals, and Beach Boys songs (exclusively the ones that mention surfing or hot rods)
Let’s go surfing in our oversized tee-shirts and black sandals, everybody!
“Exclusively”? What does that leave? All their songs which are thinly disguised product placement?
I mean none of the high-falutin ones about people or feelings! Surf’s up! Put on some high socks and wax that Studebaker!
Columnated ruins domino!
Fuck’s that supposed to mean?You’ve ruined white boy summer.
That is from the Beach Boys song “Surf’s Up”, I thought you would enjoy that!
I refuse to take responsibility.
Fun fact: that’s a Mike Love quote in response to that lyric.(The first line is a quote, I mean. Maybe the second one, too. Hard to say.)
Hanks, Obama.
Uma, Oprah…
Thanks, Hanks.Thanks…
Hanks for the memories.
His name is “Chester”.It’s obvious that no one gave a shit about him.
It ain’t easy being cheesy.
Especially after Neil Peart’s passing.
Stupid is as stupid does.
Life is like a box of white boys…
Well done.
And that’s all BreadnMaters has to say, HOW ‘BOUT THAT?!
Lol.
Well… i have nothing.
Lay off the guy!
I have to defend him as long as he’s my dealer.
I heard he got that puro stuff. Calls it Chet’s Mix.
That shit can turn anyone into Andy Samberg’s dream girl
60% less fat than potato chips! TM!
You know, that reminds me of the episode of The Sarah Silverman Program when Andy Samberg is LITERALLY Sarah’s dream boy.
Ah, white boy summer, when the first Chad/et cracks open a Natty Light and the scent of Axe and GHB gently glides over the pontoon kegger.
I’m pretty sure he’s just a studio prank to see if Tom Hanks’ marketability can truly overcome anything.
The answer is yes. Even if he massacres a family like that classic Onion joke, he’ll still have sympathy.
Gun, Forest Gun!
You know those memes from last year that said 2020 and then two juxtaposed images labeled expectations and reality.That but with Colin Hanks and Chet Hanks.
Goofus and Galiant but real.
I prefer Goofus and Galavant.
There’s a third Hanks boy named Truman. No one seems to have an opinion about him.
White Boy Bummer. Poor Tom Hanks and Rita.
Thoughts & prayers.
“They were afflicted with the horrible disease starting with a ‘C’.”“You mean how they got Covid last Spring?”“I was thinking more the one starting in 1990.”
China would disagree…
I mean they did have a white boy summer when we came around and uh turned them into drug addicts and stole Hong Kong because uh they didn’t want to give us tea.
I kind of get what he’s trying to say—basically reclaiming the phrase from the right-wing racist assholes who’ve given it even more negative connotations than usual in the last few tears.But Chet, read the room. Not the right time. Nerves are far too frayed right now for anyone to take it as a joke.
Yeah… Chet is what happens when a superstar has a child who’s just some dude. From what I’ve seen the stuff he does and says is pretty much par for the course for your average nobody 2021 dude. But I think his biggest problem might be thinking the rest of the world is going to think he’s as talented, smart and funny as his circle of dumbass friends thinks he is.
You pretty much nailed it. He’s not saying anything dumber than the average dude his age is saying, it’s just that it gets noticed more due to the notoriety his name has. I don’t think he’s got the life experience yet to really understand how the world works so he’s easily misunderstood when he tries to make statements like this, but I’d say he’s mostly harmless. I don’t think he realized that his effort to make a statement would sound like a dog whistle. No ill intent, just honest ignorance.
The guy is 30 years old so he should know a thing or two by now. He comes off like the 18 year-old college brat that seems to be defining him, though (because he acts like it).
I’m not saying that ignorance is a good thing. It’s most definitely not. He SHOULD know better, but I also think he’s not at all unique among his peers. The Millennials seem to be stuck in perpetual puberty.
Yeah, I’d say “read the room” but I’m guessing his room is filled with other clueless rich white dudes.
par for the course for your average nobody 2021 dudeIn his defense, Chet’s been doing this same kind of cringey bullshit for at least 5 years. He just doesn’t get it, you know?
he’s the male Meghan McCain.
That should read “last few years.”
nah, it’s fine.
This is what I imagine “white boy summer” was supposed imply:
My 1st thought went here too!
You get the feeling this guy can’t read in general, let alone the room.
There’s an apt description for this condition, “Young, dumb and full of…”
He’s not that young. It’s not like he’s sixteen. (Holy cow! I just looked it up. He’s 30!!)
Indeed, he is 30. Maybe it’s just me, but it seems the Millennials aren’t maturing all that fast.
vanilla is the brownest bean out there, how the heck did it become a symbol of whiteness?
The negative connotations it’s used for are even more weird considering that vanilla also tastes delicious. I mean, there’s a reason it’s one of the most popular ice-cream flavours on the planet (if not the most popular) despite the fact that vanilla is actually massively expensive to produce.
Because typically vanilla flavored things use the extract which is colorless, and the most famous thing flavored with vanilla is vanilla ice cream, which is white. Vanilla also gets used incorrectly as a synonym for “boring”, which I imagine is a nefarious plot of Big Chocolate.
Did someone switch babies at the hospital?
Honestly, it’s Tom’s fault for fucking naming him Chet.Colin? Now there’s a name you give to a thoroughly mediocre, but nice, guy.
Didn’t do him any favors, for certain.
Chet Hanks: Has gold-plated Truck Nutz™ hanging from the back of his Ram 1500.Colin Hanks: Does his own taxes and files them several weeks before they’re due.
It’s a good name for an energy vampire as well.
Chet or Colin?
In my mind “summer” is equivalent to “vacation” so if he means it’s time we take a vacation from talking about white boys, we’re having a good conversation!
You really think he’s capable of such subtlety?
How did we go from Tom to Chet in a generation? Or did Colin inherit all the kindness?
I don’t think the issue is that Chet is unkind. It’s more that he’s monumentally stupid on a level that his ignorance becomes offensive.
Of course, one could argue that to be so incredibly dumb and tone deaf is in itself unkind.
I suppose there’s a difference. It’s just very narrow.
Oh I’m sure if one is on the receiving end of deliberate unkindness or “innocent” ignorance, parsing the difference can feel like splitting hairs.
He’s a nice enough guy, just dumb as fuck. And he has no filter for saying embarrassingly stupid shit on the internet. – Colin.
Functionally though that’s like asking me why I have this hook in the place of my right hand. Sure, I may have been born without that appendage due to my mother’s tragic moth ball addiction. Or maybe I lost it driving my car too fast after a night of drinking. But to the kids I’m slaughtering at make out point it really is a distinction without a difference.
Looks like the “likable and genuine” gene is recessive.
Colin Hanks is to Beau Biden as Chet Haze is to Hunter BidenI hope this doesn’t mean Colin’s getting brain cancer.
Colin, Beau, Chet, Hunt…all we need is a Skeet.
You may have a Teegan, a Reegan and a Negan.
Beau won’t join if Cletus joins. They is a-feuding
This. Looks like Tom Hanks and Joe Biden both had a “Goofus and Gallant” set of sons.
Colin got the Big gene, Chet got the Forrest Gump gene.
Who got the Punchline gene?
Listen, if you name a boy Chester things are going to happen.
How on earth did this happen?? I mean, genetically.
Freak accident in a wax museum.
good time to declare 2021 to be a “white boy summer.”
The worst part of this is that I worry one of these days Tom is gonna come out defending him.
Unlike every summer and every day?
And I think we all know that this is the REAL Hanks who slapped around Alex P. Keaton and drank all the vanilla extract from the kitchen cupboard.
Now that’s what I call a White Boy Summer!
Chet is the worst thing Tom Hanks has ever been responsible for.
I was gonna make a crack about The Bonfire of the Vanities, but I’ve seen that and I’ve heard Chet’s “music”…and you are correct, sir.
Agreed! If he could handle making amends for Buzz Lightyear’s deposition from Andy’s room, he can certainly take the time to make amends for this!
As a pasty white boy, my summer mostly involves staying indoors to myself, and loading on things to protect myself from the outside world in the event I do have to go out. It’s the same mindset as the past year of pandemic. Surely Chet is just encouraging good behavior for the next six months in the interest of public health and hasn’t said something so incredibly stupid I’m a little concerned he’s not getting enough oxygen to the brain, right?
Many commenters being kind to this guy. That’s cool. But his message comes off as a white supremacist threat, imo. I don’t know him; don’t much care for his dad. He’s no one to me but an ugly white guy with a lot of attitude and a big mouth.
We found the guy who hasn’t accepted Tom Hanks as his personal Lord and Savior. Get him!
What is he, a Unitarian?
so much as it meant, quote, a “Me, John B., Jack Harlow-type” kind of whiteWow, William; you really put an h in Jon B.’s name… the disrespect.
Jon no h B. could get it in this song. Still listen to it in the 21.
That makes me think of the moment at a party when you know it’s over. Some guy goes running around proclaiming its white boy summer, and everybody is like “oh man, look at the time.”
Look, as a white boy, I resent you lumping all white boys in with those tiki-torch, lugging, U.S. Capitol-storming, Trump-slobbing white boys. OTOH, I have no idea what the fuck Hanks is talking about.
I have no idea what any sort of “_____ summer” means anyway.
Also, it’s spring.
Well then, maybe he has a case of white boy spring fever! He just wants to make sure white boys this season have sufficient springs!
Worst thing a white guy has done to Hot Girl Summer since Hot Girl Bummer
He seems harmless enough. I assume he’s some kind of cosmic balancing thing to his father’s charmed life, there to teach his dad the gift of cringe.
This reminds me of the traditional answer trotted out when kids ask “If there’s a Mother’s Day and a Father’s Day, why isn’t there a kid’s day?”
There actually is though. Or rather several. There’s the World Children’s Day celebrated by the UN on Nov 20, although that’s more a day of recognition of the millions of children in extreme poverty around the world, and Japan has a more traditional Children’s Day on May 5th where it’s a celebration. And many former Communist countries have Children’s Days as well.
Tell that to Charlie Brown’s grandma.
But for Elric, last prince of Melniboné, all seasons were little more than lonely white boy summers.
Finally.
Just goes to show you, you can be the nicest of people, and have a kid that turns out..not so great. I’ve only heard 100% good things about 2 actors, period, Tom Hanks, and Lloyd Bridges. I met Bridges at a restaurant about 1980 or so, and the friend I was with had me take a pic of them together. He talked to us at least 15 minutes and waved at us as we left the restaurant an hour later or so. My one friend has a lot of connections to the people behind the scenes at several studios, and no one seems to have any bad things to say about Tom Hanks. I have a friend whose parents were great people. Dad was a rehab counselor and eventually, a psychologist. Mom was a special ed teacher. They had 3 kids, my friend, his 2 year younger sister, and when my friend was a senior in high school, his little brother. There was something about him that was “off” from day one. He didn’t hurt animals or anything like that, but his lying was at Trump level from almost as soon as he started talking. And like Trump, he lied about things that either didn’t matter, or could be verified with a phone call or similar. His mom used to shake her head and say, “I don’t understand what we did wrong!”. They didn’t do anything wrong, he was just born that way.He’s got a genius IQ, but has never done anything in his life “straight”. He’s currently in the Federal Pokey for about 8 more years, and he will be about to turn 50 when he gets out. Wire fraud, embezzling money, identity theft, gun theft, are just some of his past offenses. As bad as that stuff is, the stress and misery he caused his parents, and the lives of the gullible women who fell under his “spell” are what actually make me angry at him. The rest is just money, but the last two women who got involved with him are now convicted felons, with all the problems that go along with that. At least both were able to avoid prison, somehow.
Tom Hanks is partly responsible for this. After all, he named his son “Chet.” There’s no coming back from that…
Hanks doesn’t mean it in, like, a gross way. But everything he is, down to his face, is gross. I don’t trust his assertions.
Isn’t white boy summer just a three word summary of the song Boys by Sabrina?
I saw some follow-up videos of his get posted on Twitter, and I see what he’s trying to do. He’s going for a lightly humorous meme and it doesn’t really seem like there’s any ill will attached to it. But man. The sheer lack of tact it takes to understand what a phrase like “White Boy Summer” implies.It reminds me of that Twitter account (that I think got banned?) years ago, which was absolutely racist in intent, about “White Girl Magic” or something. And it was just pictures of hot white chicks, as if they needed any special support after centuries of being the beauty standard.
Chet seems to be the Jan Brady of the family.
Who?
Looks at William HughesYa… if I would associated being white with William Hughes. I’d be grossed out
Oh noes!
I always mix up Colin Hanks and Jason Ritter. What is this article about, again?
Wait a minute, THIS guy is Rita Wilson’s son and NOT Colin? 2021 truly is just a continuation of 2020.
This summer will be
Considering most people only remember this chode exists whenever he says something stupid, I guess he won the attention he was trolling for. Of course part of me blames his parents for calling him Chet.