Allow a paleontologist to ruin Jurassic Park with an appeal to boring old scientific accuracy
Paleontologist Dave Hone discussed a bunch of famous cinematic portrayals of dinosaurs
Film Features Jurassic Park
Scientists are always trying to ruin dinosaurs for us. It seems a month or two can’t go by without us having to hear about a mighty prehistoric beast actually being a picky eater, covered in feathers, or stomping around the Earth while honking through its big goofy nose.
And now, as part of an entire scientific field’s mission to disabuse us of every cool, scary dinosaur notion we wrongly hold, a paleontologist named Dave Hone has sat down with Insider to tell us how inaccurate most film depictions of the terrible lizards really are.
Right from the jump, you can tell that Hone isn’t going to mess around because he says the video will cover “dinosaur and pterosaur” clips, making an immediate distinction that wouldn’t occur to any but the most serious prehistoric scholars. That done, he gets straight to work by taking aim at how velociraptors look in the Jurassic movies, illustrating that the real creatures were definitely smaller and less cool looking.
As Hone continues, we hear that pterosaurs actually couldn’t lift a person up into the air to rip them apart, and that a dilophosaurus wouldn’t have a cool expanding frill or spit goopy venom at Seinfeld cast members.
Worst of all, Hone says that a fearsome T-rex wouldn’t have stomped hard enough to make bubbles form in a cup of water when it was approaching prey, and that it would rather chase a road flare than a human like some kind of overgrown house cat. He also explains that a T-rex could actually see very well, and that the big terrifying, toothy head we’ve come to know doesn’t really look right. The original Jurassic Park, in the end, gets a six out of ten.
As for The Land Before Time? It’s more accurate than most of what’s shown from Jurassic Park/World and receives, after Hone checks out some of its scenes, an eight out of ten.
If Jurassic World Dominion wants to help rectify the series’ spotty history and get it up to The Land Before Time’s level, we suggest the last minute addition of a scene that prominently displays an accurate dino butthole for future paleontologists to carefully consider and provide their approval.
[via Digg]
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13 Comments
There is an in-universe explanation for the scientific inaccuracy in Jurassic Park though: They’re not really dinosaurs. They’re scientifically designed theme park monsters.It’s explicitly stated in the movie that there were gaps in the DNA they recovered from the mosquitoes in amber, which they filled with frog DNA. So all of the inaccuracies can be explained by the dinosaurs really being chimera that are spliced with amphibian DNA.
So how come none of the dinosaurs hopped around, said “ribbit” or sweated DMT?
Fun fact: the guy in the video is aware of this! (Really, you think a dinosaur expert hasn’t watched Jurassic Park a bunch of times?) And he addressed it: placing the explanation that T-Rex can’t see still objects because some frogs can’t see still objects doesn’t hold up because, first of all, that’s not true of frogs.
Oh, joy. Somebody saying the Jurassic Park dinosaurs aren’t scientifically accurate. That’s NEVER been done before. Never. Ever.The first film actually explains that they modified the DNA of the dinosaurs because there were missing parts.I forget if it was an interview or if it was in one of the later films, but at one point it was stated that Hammond and company knew that the dinosaurs weren’t completely accurate, but they modified the DNA to get rid of stuff like the feathers because that’s not what people imagine when it comes to dinosaurs.
Hey, some of us appreciate the educational aspect of this. Today I learned some new things about real dinosaurs, and it was using a method I found entertaining.
These “experts” always look like they’re about to cream their pants that someone with a camera finally wants them to talk about the dumb thing they spent so many years of their lives on.
Experts in air quotes, eh? I suppose you know better than him then? Fuck off.
Dear Dave Hone: Godzilla – nukes = ?
This has been done. What I want to see is a video where ‘Jurassic Park’ and sequels are taken apart by someone who’s an expert in theme parks.“Stop the tape. Okay, the layout of that concession stand is complete bullshit. Only an idiot would set it up like that. You’d get zero, and I mean zero, foot traffic. Jesus, did Spielberg do any research?”
I would definitely watch that.
Somebody get Kevin Perjurer on the phone! You’ve got a prime Defunctland episode idea here.
All I want is some feathers.
Dude, you’re just complaining that your introduction to dinosaurs was a false one and can’t accept science. They were animals not movie monsters, just go watch the godzilla films if thats your thing. Real dinosaurs were beautiful creatures and deserve as much respect if not more. Hate it all you want but it’s the truth. Besides, don’t sit there and tell me that the raptors in the movies don’t have the hip structure of birds anyway. That note on the rex’s eyesight as well, are you purposely looking for stuff to complain about just for an article? Mr. Hone is just doing his job in the name of science and what once was, there is no logical way to explain why big lizards that kill everything without ever resting are better than actual animals other than you “like them more”. Just grow up and accept science or remain oblivious to giant mindless dragons.