John Stamos reflects on abuse, divorce, and sobriety in memoir previews
In his upcoming memoir, Stamos opens up about a traumatic experience from his childhood, his divorce from ex-wife Rebecca Romijn, and his journey to sobriety
Aux News John Stamos
Between Britney Spears and whatever Jada Pinkett Smith’s got going on, it’s been a big week for celebrity tell-all memoirs. Now, John Stamos is adding himself to that conversation with his own book, titled If You Would Have Told Me. While Stamos’ memoir isn’t available until October 24, the Full House (and Fuller House) star revealed some preview content to People today.
In the heaviest reveal so far, Stamos opens up about how “it took… writing a book” to realize he was a survivor of sexual abuse, allegedly perpetrated by a former babysitter. “I mean, I knew, it was always in the back, and I do so much advocacy for the [survivors],” he said. “I felt like, I remembered it slightly. It has always been there, but I packed it away as people do, right?”
Stamos went on to explain that he first started to reflect on the experience while writing an acceptance speech for an award for his advocacy work, but didn’t mention it at the time because “I didn’t want the headlines to be that, and I didn’t want the book to be over that.” In the book, he says, “it was a page or something, but I felt I had to talk about it. It was weird. It was something that, I think, I was probably like 10 or 11 [when it happened]. I shouldn’t have had to deal with those feelings.”
“But I’ll tell you, if I found out someone was doing that to my son… that’s a totally different story,” he continued. Stamos shares one son—Billy, age 5—with wife Caitlin McHugh Stamos. He was previously married to actor Rebecca Rommijn, a relationship that ended in a bitter divorce. “My first marriage was shattering to me. I was shattered for way too long, too,” he said, specifying that it was “really difficult” to revisit those feelings while writing the book. “In my mind back then, she was the Devil, and I just hated her… it ruined my life.”
“That’s when I really started to kind of drink a lot,” he continued, specifying that Alcoholics Anonymous helped him realize that he had “some part” in the breakdown of his relationship. “You start thinking, it’s like, ‘Oh, she wasn’t the Devil. Maybe I was as much to blame as her.’”
Stamos first realized he had to change when he was arrested for impaired driving in 2015. “I had that DUI and I was like, ‘I can’t do this. I’ve got to straighten up,’” he said. “That’s when I was confusing the universe because I’m not a bad person, but I was doing crappy things.”
He also explained that he felt lucky upon leaving rehab because “I had a lot waiting for me…[but] a lot of people don’t, because they burned their lives down.” “I had my sisters, but I also had Fuller House. I got home and I think like a week later, we started Fuller House,” he said.
Now, Stamos finds it easy to maintain his sobriety “because it’s still so fresh in my mind that all I have to do is look at that picture of me in handcuffs on that street… Never again.” Plus, the actor says, the healing process over his divorce and alcoholism is what eventually led him to his family. “Without that, I never would’ve known what a real love is, and I would’ve never straightened up to get someone like Caitlin in my life,” he wrote.
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So much honesty! What with him spending spent years and years lying about being sober while palling around with that shitbag Mike Love who loved taking shots at his cousin’s issues whenever he could.I guess if you embrace hair dye to that level, you’re in denial about a lot.
>>[Stamos] also said he believes their career trajectories played a part in their breakup. “It was very much the opinion that [Romijn] dumped me because her career was going great and mine wasn’t, and that’s humiliating,” Stamos said. “I don’t blame her for it. It was just the perception that people took, and maybe they weren’t wrong. She was doing great at that time and I wasn’t.”<
There’s a continuing subtle societal take-it-like-a-man mentality, one in
which many males will choose to abstain from ‘complaining’ about their turmoil,
even sexual victimization, as that is what ‘real men’ do.A similar mindset also persists, albeit perhaps subconsciously: Men can take
care of themselves, and boys are basically little men.
Sexual or otherwise, chronic abuse left unhindered readily results in a
helpless child’s brain improperly developing. The emotional and/or
psychological trauma acts as a starting point into a life in which the brain
uncontrollably releases potentially damaging levels of inflammation-promoting
stress hormones and chemicals, even in non-stressful daily routines. And it can
amount to non-physical-impact brain-damage abuse.
There’s a continuing subtle societal take-it-like-a-man mentality, one in
which many males will choose to abstain from ‘complaining’ about their turmoil,
even sexual victimization, as that is what ‘real men’ do.A similar mindset also persists, albeit perhaps subconsciously: Men can take
care of themselves, and boys are basically little men.According to psychologist, psychotherapist and author Tom Falkenstein (The
Highly Sensitive Man, 2019, Ch.1), “numerous psychological studies
over the last forty years tell us that, despite huge social change, the
stereotypical image of the ‘strong man’ is still firmly with us at all ages, in
all ethnic groups, and among all socio-economic backgrounds. …“In the face of problems, men tend not to seek out emotional or
professional help from other people. They use, more often than women, alcohol
or drugs to numb unpleasant feelings and, in crises, tend to try to deal with
things on their own, instead of searching out closeness or help from others. …Sexual or otherwise, chronic abuse left unhindered readily results in a
helpless child’s brain improperly developing. The emotional and/or
psychological trauma acts as a starting point into a life in which the brain
uncontrollably releases potentially damaging levels of inflammation-promoting
stress hormones and chemicals, even in non-stressful daily routines. And it can
amount to non-physical-impact brain-damage abuse.