It’s been nearly a week since a crowd of pro-Trump rioters stormed the Capitol Building with flex cuffs and visions of bloodshed, but it still feels as if we have more questions than answers. Why was law enforcement so lax? How much of the insurrection was planned in advance? Did a guy really die of a heart attack after accidentally tasing himself in the balls? It’s important when dealing such a disquieting and volatile event that we value facts over hearsay and conspiracy, which is why it is our duty to inform you that, no, nobody tased themselves in the balls while trying to overthrow the government.
Both Snopes and KnowYourMeme independently fact-checked the rumor after a number of tweets about it began circulating. According to KnowYourMeme, the rumor’s origin can be traced to Twitter user @ggooooddddoogg, who wrote on January 7, “i don’t think it’s funny at all that a maga guy accidentally tased himself in his own balls until he died while trying to steal a painting of thomas p. “tip” o neill from a hallway.”
But it was a subsequent tweet from comedian Karl Hess that accelerated its spread. It reads: “apparently a guy accidentally tasered himself in the balls and then died of a heart attack while trying to steal a painting yesterday and if we can’t all come together over how hilarious that is we may be beyond hope.” As of this writing, it has over 20,000 retweets.
The wife of the subject of the rumor spoke to Snopes and explained that the man in question never even entered the Capitol and wasn’t carrying a taser. A piece about him in the New York Times corroborates her account.
In other news, it has been confirmed that one of the three other insurrectionists who died on January 6 was trampled to death while carrying a “Don’t Tread On Me” flag.
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224 Comments
Well, that’s a shame.
“Nice balls you got there, shame if some taser ran into them.”
It’s not really a revolution until somebody loses a ball.
That it sounded so probable, whether or not it was true is secondary. Also, did you hear about the Trumper that bled to death at his hotel trying to shave his back hair? He just wanted to show his “Repeal and Replace” tat completely misreading the revolt.
Your mom bled to death? My condolences.
“whether or not it was true is secondary” is basically their battle cry.
In the balls you say? How fortunate. If they can live in a completely altered reality, just let me have this one thing. Is the location that a treasonous bastard tased himself to death really the detail we want to get caught up on? I mean I get it, factual journalism, but that won’t stop me from making tased in the balls my headcanon while they were busy beating a cop to death and trying hang people on the front lawn.
One of the nice things about American politics having moved to a post-factual model of discourse is that, as this has the ‘ring of truth’ to it, I can endlessly repeat it in my echo chamber and ignore any dissenting voices.
I think one of the horribly fascinating things about the modern American fascist movement is its strong preference for “the ring of falsity.” I’m thinking specifically about those disgusting “Q” freaks. A central part of any “Q” theory is the insanely unbelievable part, e.g., the international pedophile ring? Not completely implausible I guess; so “Q” adds the detail that it’s being opposed by John Kennedy, Jr. Who’s dead.
They add the detail that it was conducted in the basement of a pizza parlor that didn’t have a basement.
Truthiness has become a thing.I choose to believe, therefore, it’s true. No one can disabuse my belief with facts.
Truthiness!https://www.merriam-webster.com/dictionary/truthiness
Metaphorically speaking, every MAGA terrorist invading the Capitol tasered himself in the balls.And literally, could die in prison.
They have hard ons for overthrowing the government.
Not if their balls have been tasered, they don’t.
You gotta think there’s two or three of them who can only get a hard-on if they get tasered in the balls.
MO Ben,Kink shaming? /s
You should Google “tasers,” “balls,” and “Rule 34.”
Nah, the ones who tasered themselves in the balls are the ones who posted themselves on social media breaking in. Oh wait, that’s pretty much all of them, so you’re right after all.
Why can’t you let us have our fun?
I went to Catholic school. I can answer that for you.
Are we sure the woman who was trampled wasn’t just a Damn Yankees fan?
“You better turn and walk away / might learn to love another day.”
It’s not too late for one of them to make this a reality.
I’m pretty sure I heard a group chanting, “Taser Nuts! Taser Nuts! Taser Nuts!” over and over again.
If real this guy could have totally combined this guys first and second choices for names.TaserScrot!!!
My new band name.
Or,…If you’re going for a groovy, 60s, jam band vibe: “The Electric Testicles”
2 Testicles – Electric Boogaloo
Is it a duo or trio?
Trio, but our front man is kinda tall and skinny and bald.
The front man always tries to stand out from the rest of the band, they’re so damn cocky.
Yeah, but after one song he just finds a corner and goes to sleep.
Hard to wake them up after too much partying or drinking I bet.
Favorite song: Hard Day’s Night
“Please BZZZT! Me.”
His wife also said he was always peaceful. She may not be the trusted source that snopes thinks she is.
Snopes: The Website you use to check that the stuff on other Websites is true or not. Brought to you by the makers of “Hey, is that really a hot dog?” and “So you mean to tell me that dogs can’t drive cars?”
Maybe she meant “He’s very peaceful now that he’s died of a heart attack after tasering himself in the balls.”
And she wasn’t even there when it happened. But here is one of the pics of him. Looks like a cheerful guy that would never do anything violent.
He’s literally got two handguns pointed at his dick, unholstered.
He’s still gonna miss. It’s a small target.
“In this war on my own dick and balls, I REFUSE TO BE OUTGUNNED”
Normally Snopes is really good about checking on things. I dont know if he actually tasered his nuts and died from it, but a simple 5 second google image search shows that its very possible he did and that snopes source is a liar.
A New York Times reporter saw him collapse outside the Capitol while on the phone, so it seems like that’s the truth. I can’t speak to this guy’s character though, besides the fact that he’s the type of person to attend such an event and pose for the above picture.
From what I hear, they’re not as good as they used to be. I’ve seen a few examples of them just taking obvious right-wing liars’ words for things.
He’s literally got two handguns pointed at his dick, unholstered.Given the angle of the dangle (of the guns, perv!), you’re being wildly generous about his potential endowment.They should probably be pointed just a few degrees shy of horizontal.
1) Touche2) Any time anyone ever says “angle of the dangle” I will also hear it in Chris Evans’s voice from The Losers. And then start singing Don’t Stop Believing.
Lost me here: Chris Evans’s voice from The Losers. And then start singing Don’t Stop Believing.
A great movie.
Never heard of it, but that was pretty entertaining. I’ll have to check it out.
If one goes off, he could have filed an insurance claim to get a working dick.
If he doesn’t have a Darwin Award now, just give it time.
Your comment – and the initial, false claim about the tazering – are both OBVIOUSLY false: this man HAD no dick, nor did he ever have balls.
To be fair, it’s so he won’t forget where it is
They distract from the chastity belt.
Every single element of that picture screams “Fin-Dom.”
Some neckbeard in the next county over from me actually did shoot his dick off by doing this very thing – shoved a loaded firearm into the waistband of his pants and then proceeded to walk out into his backyard. Not sure of the context (like why he felt that he needed a gun to take a stroll outside), but there really should be a Darwin award category specifically for those who dead-end the possiblity of continuing their family line and actually live to tell the tale.
I call them Des and Troy, cause when you put them together……
The true spirit of Christmas
“Merry fucking Christmas, liberal satan.”
Not for nothing but the those are the longest and strangely blackest two things in his hands I’ve ever seen.I’m thinking someone was definitely overcompensating.Just saying…
nothing says “merry christmas” like guns!!!!
“Happy Birthday, Prince of Peace!”
Hmm, compensating for something? Rest in Piss. (And I’m assuming he did when his bowels and bladder emptied when he expired)
Somebody should tell that guy that it’s much cheaper to deal with ED pharmacologically than with weapon purchases.
I was about to disagree, because boner pills are crazy expensive, but on second thought even at $80 per boner there is no way this guy is having enough sex to break even on that comparison.
What a wonderful Christmas!
I wouldn’t trust anyone that had a weird ass slender barely tapering hippie ribbon wearing Christmas tree like that. Wtf that’s like eating the parsley garnish on the plate of your chicken picatta and calling it good. Sociopath.
What the fuck is that thin-ass Christmas tree? Leave it to MAGAts to not even get a basic houseplant right.
Hey Charlie Brown, I’ve just made your Christmas tree look like it belongs at Rockefeller Center
Yeesh, did he steal all that tree’s food or something?
He’s got trigger discipline on 1/2 guns. Also I’d be terrified living with that man.
Here is a character reference for Doug Jensen who was seen chasing a black Capitol Police officer up the stairs.
Apparently, they are all peaceful, saints and save kittens on weekends and got framed.
The man’s brother, William Routh, 54, of Clarksville, Arkansas, said his brother insisted that he didn’t break into the building but was let inside and then shown around, even posing for pictures with officers. He said the video of his brother charging up the stairs also was staged.
“Doug has never lied to me,” Routh said. “He has been a good man his whole life. He is a family man. But he is like the rest of a lot of people that are patriots. We have been being told for the last what seven, eight months that if the Democrats get control we are losing our country. OK. That scares a lot of people.”
That hate and violence was around long before Trump, ignored and not spoken of. It was Trump who offered it a home and legitimized it, and it was social media that connected it with other like-minded individuals.
“We have been being told for the last what seven, eight months that if the Democrats get control we are losing our country”.It is just so pathetic how many people got brainwashed by this bullshit.
Staged? So he’s with the shadowy cabal that wants to make the MAGAs look bad, then? Or they used a lookalike?
The “staged!!!” claim might make sense for some, but it just does not work here at all.
I choose to believe the alternative facts in this one matter. I will not relinquish my certainty that this “peace-loving” man who fetishized his gun collection accidentally pulled that trigger, shot those darts into his balls, and zapped himself into a cardiac arrest. It is too pure and beautiful an image to surrender.
In the balls you say?
To be clear, there was a LOT of ball tazering, intentional or otherwise, it just wasn’t fatal
Hoping this one gets the Mandela Effect. Imagine being born, growing up, raising kids/a family, centering your entire identity around a failed casino owner from Queens and then the entire world thinks you died by tasing yourself in the balls. Incredible.
We should get some money together, commission a grave marker with his name and the epitaph “he died as he lived: tasering his own balls,” then buy a burial plot near his and place the tombstone there. Future generations can decide which version of history they choose to believe, which would be very much in keeping with this guy’s ethos. He deserves no less.
You can build a thousand bridges in your lifetime and die by tasing your balls once, and the people will remember you not as a guy who built bridges, but as the guy who tased his own balls.
That image at the top looks like it should have a caption: “Here’s the guy, tasering his balls. As you can see, he’s perfectly fine.”
Maybe the real tasered balls were the friends we made along the way?
This right here, pretty sure this is the answer.
Maybe the real friends were the balls we tasered along the way?
The balls were coming from inside the house!
To all the balls I’ve tased before…
Sir, I’m going to have to ask you to come with us. The FBI would like a word with you.
That may be, but again, sir, this is an Arby’s.
The real friends we made were the balls we tasered on the way.Ignore me, I’m late with this joke.
Taserballs! It is a name what strikes fear into the heart of anyone what hears it!
Washington DC is the real star.
I got a “friendly balls” Google alert for this?
Anybody trying to debunk this story is providing aid and comfort to America’s enemies. Snopes should learn it’s appropriate to stand down once in a while and just let us have some righteous fake news.
Yeah like his wife is gonna admit he died tasering himself in the nuts. What’s she gonna say, ‘I loved my Kevin but he was a dumber than a box of rocks, I’m just happy he died doing what he loved; insurrection against the country he loved.’
The NYT isn’t exactly a bastion of facts these days either.I’m gonna go on believing he actually did that, the dumbest death of a Ya’ll Queda member yet.
What has the NYT posted that isn’t factual?
I mean just off the top of my head:https://www.nytimes.com/2020/06/03/opinion/tom-cotton-protests-military.htmlhttps://www.nytimes.com/column/ross-douthatAnd yes, editorial content does count. Publishing Tom Cotton’s horrible anti American drivel was a nonsensical choice that’s helped lead us to where we are today.
Do you really think that the sort of people who stormed the Capitol read the NYT? Or newspapers in general? And were therefore inspired by Tom Cotton’s words? Don’t you think that the point of publishing them was more likely to let Cotton discredit himself in public?
I think that the editorial being published was big news and that it emboldened the type of people who believe that kind of tripe. Publishing it lent it credence as an idea that should be aired in a public forum, which was the wrong thing to do.
You got that right. I used to read the NYT all the time for the science section.Figured out all kinds of ways to read for free. I finally broke down and paid for an online subscription. Mostly to skim articles and read comments.Then they decided to be “fair and balanced” and print articles with interviews with skinheads, Nazis, and other alt-right trash. Filled with stories about how they had pet dogs, drink water, and breath in and out through their mouths.Oh, and they kept saying Hillary would win.That’s when I started thinking, fuck the NYT.They don’t make it easy to cancel, so I keep forgetting because you have to call them to cancel or some such bullshit.So, I agree.
You can actually cancel online now.
No, when tried to cancel online for some bizzare reason I needed to confirm with a phone call. I should just be able to hit a button. The End
Damn, I thought they changed it. They just made a button that makes it look that way. As bad as Columbia House(Old school reference) -_-
Opinion pieces don’t count. I am under the impression he was implying news
I mean, the whole “bystander effect” theory was boosted for years by a poorly written NYT article. I am a little foggy on the details since I was kid at the time but remember their coverage leading to the Iraq war was not exactly up to standards.More recently the Caliphate podcast controversy.People mess up, sometimes.
It reminds me of a line from that Iris DeMent/John Prine song: “He ain’t too sharp, but he gets things done…”
The NYT isn’t exactly a bastion of facts these days either.As this guy points out, most of the news is “all sizzle and little steak”, but admits that the NYT does a better job than most at trying to get to the steak. It’s better than when many newspapers were more like the National Enquirer.
It’s only because his balls were too small. But his pickup truck is really big!
…and you know he had truck nuts.
It was the truck nuts that were tased.
Have to seen his guns?
I’m pretty sure all these guys have either tasered themselves in the nuts or had it done by a buddy they know it’s not lethal.
so the guy who allegedly tased himself in the balls actually didn’t, but the person who was allegedly trampled to death while carrying a Don’t Tread on Me flag was true. Eh, I’ll take it.
It’s a fair trade I think.
true, and it looks like these numbnuts are planning to run headfirst into a metaphorical wall again all around the country in one final angry white supremacist tantrum, so I’m sure we’ll get more great stories about people shooting others accidentally, shooting themselves, macing themselves, etc.
In other news, it has been confirmed that one of the three other insurrectionists who died on January 6 was trampled to death while carrying a “Don’t Tread On Me” flag.Why are we wasting time on the fake embarssing death when they handed us one that’s both real and infinitely better.
Man I think irony died that day. You can’t make this shit up. A cop beaten with an American flag? A woman crushed while flying the Don’t Tread On Me flag? A heroic officer named Goodman? Man reality is getting heavy handed with the metaphors.
It wasn’t just a cop beaten to death by a flag…it was a Trump-supporting cop beaten to death by a flag from a mob of fellow Trump supporters because he was willing to do his job despite his political leanings.Like, the dude died in the line of duty literally trying to save the American government. He’s a hero, and people thinking that Democrats are in a pickle praising him because he’s a Trump supporter don’t get that we don’t want people to die because we’re not sadists.
Im not sure its confirmed the guy beaten with the flag is the one who died. Regardless yes it was a cop who voted Trump who died. People carrying the Thin Blue Line flag killed a cop. One with a Confederate flag walked by the portrait of Charles Sumner, the senator who was nearly beaten to death by a pro slavery senator prior to the Civil War. The imagery and metaphors are so thick, that of this was fiction it would have been laughed out of a film festival.
The one who died was beaten with a fire extinguisher, so was likely indoors. The one beaten with the pole occurred while the mob was at the entrance and there was lots of footage of it happening.
Correct, video shows those were Metropolitan Police. Sicknick was Capitol Police.
if they got sent to guantanamo, the western hemisphere could collapse from the irony.
Which proves that art snobs and film critics’ obsession with subtlety is, in fact, stupid. Reality is not always so subtle that you have to decide which of the 20 fucking subtext readings you find most plausible. Sometimes things are clear and obvious.EDIT – Also, hypocrisy is not something you can or should try to represent with subtlety, because if it’s too nuanced, it becomes debatable. There’s enough blatant, unarguable hypocrisy out there (like the “Blue Lives Matter” crowd attacking cops) that it deserves to be shown for what it is.
You’re right, the cop who was killed was beaten with a fire extinguisher.Though there’s also something to be said about a bunch of “law and order”/“Blue Lives Matters” folk pummeling a cop with an American flag as he attempts to defend the one thing between us and tyranny.
And yet today Gym Jordan receives the Medal of Freedom. That alone sums up the shitstain that is Trump.
Oh, I feel bad for him. His blue life mattered… until it didn’t. That sucks. But on the other, he didn’t die in vain, because I will be referencing that shit and throwing it in the face of every bullshit, all lives, blue lives, pro-life hypocrite until my demise.If being referred to means you still live on, he’s going to live for the next 10, 15, possibly 20 years I have left, if my lousy DNA doesn’t do me in first.Who’s with me.
Yeah, I need to memorize his name so the next time some Law & Order Blue Lives Matter buffoon tries to play that card I can reference him by name.He was a Trump-supporting cop, but he realized his duty and his country came first.
Look, it just seemed like a lot of you weren’t picking up on the subtext earlier.
-Reality
I think it’s pretty obvious at this point that The Matrix is no longer even trying to be real, anymore. Where the fuck is Neo already?!
Buried under far too many poorly rendered Agent Smiths.
And you just know some ding-dong basementeer with more After Effects tutorial bookmarks than talent has already edited the Gadsden flag onto Keanu’s pole in that fight scene.
That poor cop that got crushed in the door and died? Named Sicknick.
“When the going gets weird, the weird turn pro.”—HST.
Reality jumped the shark last season.
Not just Goodman, Eugene (literally “Noble”) Goodman. Plenty of 1950s dramatists wish they’d come up with a name that good.
What. Oh my god that’s even better. That man has a better name then at least half of Tennessee Williams characters.
A fire extinguisher thrown at a group of cops by a fireman.An army captain in a psyops group caught up in Qanon.
Just hard to tell fact from fiction when both sound comically ridiculous yet totally plausible at this moment in history. Thankfully one was real so we can ponder the irony of their demise.
I’m too busy pondering the demise of irony.
That’s what Twitter is for: a place where there need be no difference.
That reads like an Onion article.
I guess basic literacy isn’t needed to join their club.
It doesn’t have balls.
I believe it was Thomas Aquinas who wrote, “To one who has faith, no explanation is necessary. To one without faith, no explanation is possible.”
I still have faith that a Trump supporter tasered himself in the balls to death.
But that was just to promulgate the magic of God and the Bible. You know, it’s a mystery.
What’s more likely, a man in the sky who controls everything or a Trump supporter tasering himself in the balls to death? I rest my case.
Considering the average intelligence and sheer numbers of Trump supports, the statistical likelihood of one of them doing that must be very high.
They were for a period last year posting to the internet pictures of themselves aiming their guns literally straight at their own dicks to prove some point about firearms safety, so yeah.
Which is more likely:At least one has tasered themself in the balls.ONLY one has tasered themself in the balls.
Nope nope.
If thousands of MAGA psychos assholes stormed congress after refusing to to acknowledge truths and embracing a steady stream of fascistic lies, the anti-Trump crowd can at least choose to believe the ‘death by repeated taint taser” one.
I mean this is truly the evolution of the Sideshow Bob pummeling his face by repeatedly stepping on rakes schitch. Delicious.
Because the problem with things today isn’t one-half of society is trying to construct a post-fact world, it’s that MORE people aren’t.
So then how DID he die?
He was electrocuted later that night when his nuts got caught in a toaster. Final Destination-style irony at play.
I did hear that he was outside and apparently was seen to just collapse.
Then I will believe he still tasered himself in the balls. It just happened before he got inside and the part of the story that was made up was him trying to steal a painting of Tip O’Neill.
One of the guys had a heart attack and the other one had a stroke.
Just a wild guess, but the fact that running up the Capitol steps was likely the most strenuous activity at least half of the attendees had performed in years maybe had something to do with it?
He tasered himself ADJACENT to his balls.
Mr. Curry did it with the candlestick in the love dungeon.
For your consideration:
Like my pappy always said, “a coup in hand is worth a taser in the bush”
“The patriot was seen punching the taser with his exposed balls.”
Well, there goes the name of my next/first punk band:Tased In The Balls To Death
God DAMN IT!
Can’t you let us have just this ONE thing?
I choose to believe.
Too bad.
Still no sympathy for a terrorist traitor.
You know what, I’m going to take a page from the Trumper post-truth playbook and assert that yes, indeed, a Trumper tased himself in the balls and died. I want it to be true so it is.
I’m going to spread that for years to come. If we say it often enough, it’ll become a PostScript to Trump’s legacy as the shittist fake president ever.It’ll drive trumpers mad as I refuse any facts and insist it’s true, while they send me stupid links. I’ll just keep screaming, FAKE NEWS!!!! Lalalalala
If you really want to make it true, all we need is have Q post that to be accepted into Antifa, you are required to taser yourself in the balls Twice to show your dedication and toughness. Then the Fascists will have to Man up and do it three times to show they are tougher than Antifa. Man up may be the wrong words, Zap yourself in the balls three times and maybe you would be Eunuch ing up.
Imagine thinking you need to lie about this situation to make it sound embarrassing. Like, that isn’t necessary. The facts are humiliating enough.
So it’s not true? He didn’t taser himself in the balls? He didn’t zap himself into a heart attack with smoke coming out of his butt?Because I could 1000% believe that among the rioters, insurrectionists, and traitors who posted photos of themselves committing crimes for everyone to see, there was a guy who did in fact zap-himself-in the-nuts-to-death.And his wife certainly would not admit to that. Nor would she admit that he was a traitorous asshole. She would attempt to paint him as a friendly, fun-loving white supremacist, not the hateful government-overthrowing type.NO. Those nuts are still cooking to this day. Like when a big beetle gets stuck in a bug zapper. It sits there and burns for like an hour. Zzzzzzzzzzzzkt. Zzzkt. Zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzckkkkkt.
Oh, shit, well if we can’t trust MAGAwife, who can we trust?
Well, I’m going to take a cue from the insurgents and just choose my own reality.So as far I’m concerned, he DID taze himself in the balls and was the Trumpiest Trumper who ever Trumped.
From the article:Ms. Greeson said her husband was a “political junkie” who liked President Trump because he cared about blue collar workers such as Mr. Greeson.As so he didn’t die tazing himself, but he died of acute stupidity.
What the fuck?
Next up on the “OW, My Balls!” channel
See, Idiocracy was a documetary. Can’t wait for Donnie to go to rehabilitation.
But if our main takeaway from this isn’t “lol lol these people are a danger to literally everyone and everything living or dead lol lol lol”, what SHOULD it be?
Who cares? I checked Snopes yesterday. Of course she said that. It’s a deep state, far right, alt right, ain’t none of this right conspiracy in an effort to not further embarrass stupid trumpers and therefore king idiot trump any more than they already have by scaling the Capitol walls like monkeys 🐒🐒🐒 and the ape 🦍 in the White House.I’m screaming FAKE NEWS!!!!And will continue my crusade to get to the bottom of this claim that he didn’t tase his balls, because the mere fact that they are denying it, tells me not only is it true, but somehow his nipples were also involved. 🤔
Come on, Randall, we all lived through every horror of 2020. JUST LET US HAVE THIS ONE THING!!!
I sometimes forget where I got my own uninspired username.
I don’t quite see the hilarity of a man supposedly dying from tasering himself in his nuts, but then again, I am also not 13 years old anymore, so maybe that’s what making the difference here. In other news, it has been confirmed that one of the three other insurrectionists who died on January 6 was trampled to death while carrying a “Don’t Tread On Me” flag.Now THAT though is poetic justice.
The pic and title of this article made me laugh so hard I started coughing. Then I went in to show my partner while she was relaxing in the tub. She didn’t appreciate it as much as I did.
of course not. that’s something they do for fun at home.
“Wife says that late husband didn’t actually die in embarrassing way while committing serious crime”Yeah, not so sure about this “debunk”.
But, some people called him the tased cowboy…
What? No!! This story of a MAGA idiot self-tasing himself in the balls has been the only story to bring me joy so far in 2021.
Don’t harsh my buzz, man!
But it’s more satisfying to think he did.
I wonder if the kid from All Gas No Brakes was there? He ends up at Flat Earth conventions and MAGA rallies so the Capitol riot seemed like a natural for him.
I dunno, his shtick is kinda just to prod unhinged bozos into saying dumb shit on camera, but their own livestreams this time seemed to’ve had that covered already.
C’mon, you’re acting like all men don’t have a “if I die doing something stupid to my balls, DO NOT confirm that to the NYT” clause in our wills.
It’s right after the clause stating that the inheritance will go to whomever spends the night in this haunted mansion.
I feel really let down.
I thought his name was “Taserface”.
Can I choose to still believe the taser story is true? I really want to.
I still have faith that somewhere, even if not this time, a Trump supporter has died after tasering himself in the balls.
I did not want him dead, but better him than anyone he was there to harm or kill.
No, a Capitol rioter didn’t die after tasering himself in the balls…but should have.
Now thats the kind of conspiracy theory I can get behind.
He tasered himself in the balls metaphorically, and that’s good enough for me.
aww cmon dont kill a good time. we all had fun imagining that.
So wait, if this dude wasn’t even there according to his wife, and the original tweet is describing someone (without a name or a picture) who died tasing themselves in the balls, why does his wife think the tweet is about him and why are we listening to some random lady saying her husband wasn’t even there?
I’d like to believe he did. If the other side can have alternative facts, why can’t I?
In other news, it has been confirmed that one of the three other insurrectionists who died on January 6 was trampled to death while carrying a “Don’t Tread On Me” flag.
So the Darwin Awards 2021 are still open.
Agree to disagree on this one, guys.
Anyone who starts a headline with “Yes,” or “No,” should be tased in the balls.
I got so excited when i saw the obviously-correct tasered in the headline that it was a real come-down to see the obviously-incorrect tased throughout the article. It’s a hard life, being me.
Going with “Trumpie Rules” here. Even if the story is complete and utter hogwash, it is too funny and useful not to keep repeating as often as possible.
I guess he just died from being a fat moron then, that’s kind of worse for him
This reminds me of a great Christmas from a few years ago, back when you could visit people. My friend’s boyfriend and brother kept shocking each of with this self-defense ring my friend had gotten for Christmas (for when she walked the dog late at night). They would shock, then scream, then laugh, then repeat on a different body part. It was like a live action holiday episode of Jackass. They asked if my husband wanted to join in, and he very firmly declined. I chose wisely.
Saddest news I’ve heard all day,
Why couldn’t you let me have this? Bad job, internet.
Listen Snopes if Q people get to believe all prominent democrats were tried in secret military tribunals, I get to believe he shocked his balls to death
I’m sorry Randall, but we’ll have to agree to disagree.
Was it really necessary to debunk the taserballs story? You could have made no comment on it and let it sit. The value of the national catharsis this story provided is inestimable.