Robert Zemeckis in talks to make a live-action Pinocchio movie, which sounds about right
Aux Features Film
In a synthesis between subject matter and director unrivaled since, well, Welcome To Marwen, Robert Zemeckis is reportedly in talks to direct a CGI-heavy film about a disturbing simulacra of the human form that almost, but not quite, looks like a real human boy. That’s right: Variety is reporting that Zemeckis (forward mail to permanent residence in the uncanney valley, please) is in early talks to take on a live-action remake of Pinocchio for Disney.
This was, presumably, inevitable; the Mouse House has made it clear that it’s not going to rest until every film in its venerable host of franchises has been converted into slightly-gray CG animated goo, the better to drably wow kids and nostalgic adults alike. Were it to be released tomorrow, Pinocchio would be the 11th such film to go into production (provided we set the start date for this trend with Maleficent, anyway; if we’re only counting full-on remakes and skipping movies like Christopher Robin and Mistress Of Evil, it’d be the 8th.) It’s actually kind of weird that Zemeckis hasn’t been drafted to direct one of these already, alongside the likes of Guy Ritchie, Jon Favreau, and Tim Burton; he and Disney have worked together fruitfully in the past, and these recreations of traditional animation into a slightly more realistic world are exactly the sort of technical puzzles he’s focused the majority of his attention on in recent years.
Variety notes that Zemeckis has been “eyeing” the film since the summer, but has been busy filming his adaptation of Roald Dahl’s The Witches. Provided he takes the job, Zemeckis’ first priority will be finding a lead actor to anchor the movie; Tom Hanks was originally circling the part of the story’s mournful puppetmaker, but we can only cross our fingers and hope that Zemeckis will be able to dig up the truly fuckable Gepetto of our dreams.
19 Comments
who the hell is giving this guy money to make these uncanny valley flops time and time again? can we potentially prosecute them for the war crimes they have committed?
“Oh no! Every time I tell a lie, my nose extrudes from my face in a nauseatingly biological fashion, like an extra-disturbing mix of an erection and a tumor!”
Dear God.
Robert Zemeckis is actually Drew Carey
from another timeline of the TPIRU,
brought on by yet another SNAP
-Bob Barker, you asshole
That’s Zemeckis? I thought it was someone’s crappy-yet-pricey David Letterman Halloween costume.(“Yeah, I’ve been kind of working with this whole ‘what if he was still doing the show and didn’t grow the beard’ concept… whaddaya think?”)
Or elderly Drew Carey.
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Hey, if we get Alan Silvestri’s take on one of Disney’s all-time classic soundtracks, it’s worth it.
This should be a gritty, grounded reboot. When Pinocchio lies, he gets a little bit fatter and his skin turns a little more orange, but he never faces any negative consequences.
Set this demon ablaze!
In a neat tie-in to a previously made Pinocchio movie, for tv, apparently Zemeckis kinda looks like Drew Carey.
It might be cool to see Lampwick’s donkey transformation. And the entire sequence with Monstro the Whale could be epic (these sequences gave me nightmares as a kid.)But I’m less keen on what the designs of a live-action Jimini Cricket (shudder) or Honest John, a literal Fox-Man, might be…And if Dumbo couldn’t even get drunk for ‘Elephants on Parade’, I’m not looking forward to their inevitably sanitized take Pleasure Island.
I wondered if they would let Dumbo hit the bottle for the remake. Glad I decided to skip it.
Isn’t Guillermo del Toro planning a Pinocchio movie? I’d rather see that guy’s vision than Zemeckis’s. I wish he would return to making stuff like Death Become Her.
That was in talks a couple years ago (with Tom Waits as gepetto, which sounds amazing) but Del Toro has a lot of cancelled projects, so I figured that was one of those since it’s been so long since we’ve heard anything.
Zemeckis’ run before he got sidetracked by mo cap was pretty incredible. I was so excited for his return to live action, but Flight was a slog, I turned off The Walk 30 minutes in and I’m afraid to even go near Marwen. He has an amazing CV and he’s one of my biggest influences directorally, but he’s not the director he once was.
Right, my friend Zach Burrows is playing Pinocchio (well, he’s doing the motion capture – they’re going to animate over him, and a child’s doing the voice). But he’s gonna be a huge star, so just try to be cool about it.