Saddle up, y'all! The QAnon "Patriot Roundup" conference trailer is here and you have to see it to believe it
Aux Features qanon
Well, howdy there, pardners! Are you a God-fearin’, gun-totin’, Pelosi-loathin’ American absolutely certain the Democrats, journalists, and Hollywood celebs are a bunch of Satanic pedophile socialists deriving wealth, health, and power from drinking baby blood? Do you also reside in the greater Dallas-Fort Worth area? Well then come on down next month to the “For God & Country Patriots Roundup” for a weekend full of Trump cronies, disgraced military personnel, right-wing social media D-listers, and people who once got a vague, passing shoutout from Don Jr. via Twitter.
Still on the detainment camp fence about making the trek? Ain’t no problem, slim! We’re sure this here promo video will make up your mind for you. Saddle up!
Woo boy! Don’t that just look like a hoot-and-a-half? And in case you didn’t notice, a bunch of folks got on little Photoshopped cowboy hats in the video, because Texas!
For just $500, you can sit in the same gaudy event hall as such rootin’ tootin’ opportunists as Sidney Powell, Gen. Michael Flynn, and even Allen West. “Who in tarnation is Allen West,” you ask? Well, he just so happens to be the Texas GOP Chair. Yup, that’s right—you could get the chance to munch on lukewarm hotdogs (NOTE: limit one per attendee) right next to the overseer of one of the country’s most powerful Republican blocs as he attends a literal conspiracy theorist hoedown.
…Sorry, that’s an oversimplification of the situation. It will cost $1000 to meet people like West and that woman who owns the hair salon where Nancy Pelosi was spotted not wearing a mask. $500 just gets you through the swinging saloon doors.
The “For God & Country Patriots Roundup” is set to begin next month over Memorial Day Weekend, so pack your bags and kiss the few remaining family members who still speak to you before hitting the dusty trail to Dallas. When registering, just be sure you’re signing up via the official Roundup website instead of accidentally adding your name to this ever-growing petition of concerned citizens who would prefer their tax dollars not go to support a deadly, chauvinistic personality cult. Yeehaw!
100 Comments
I mean, the best review they could find for the first featured speaker only gave him three stars. That tells you what kind of outfit it is right there.At least all the others got five. Wonder who’s doing the reviews.
I hate that I actually know the answer to this but here goes: Flynn was a 3 star general. QAnon people like to sprinkle 3 star emojis into their social media bios to signal to other QAnon people that they are in the know.
Yes, it says that he’s a 3 star general a few frames later. It was sarcasm.
These people are going to jail us all as political prisoners. … Actually, they’ll probably just murder us all.
I mean, they tried their best.
The QAnon “Patriot Roundup” conference trailer is here and you have to see it to believe itThanks but, I’m good.
Yyou’re better off. I watched it and now my eyes and ears are bleeding.
I’m really, really excited to be NOT going.
You know it’s good stuff when the trailer is already a super-spreader event.
I feel like someone threw up in my eyes
bet that burns.
I watched it too because occasionally I hate myself and make bad life choices.
I say we take off. Nuke the site from orbit. It’s the only way to be sure
It’s not so bad. People go in one end and hotdogs come out the other.
It’s not so bad. People go in one end and hotdogs come out the other.Circle of life.
After they collect your $500, of course.
“When I grow up, I’m going to Bovine University!”
Imagine the opening credits to a western themed horror video game designed for the Sega Saturn, and scored with a recording of someone’s poorly maintained garage door opener. That’s the gist of it.
It lacks the panache and auteur touch of a Big Money Rustlas.
With Qanon, you actually DON’T have to see it to believe it!
This needs more stars.
Going to be easy money for all of Dallas’ meth dealers.
…and the local “call girls” who are past their prime.
What, they all just turned 18?
Been following this Q grift for years and while some meth dealers may make a few bucks, the people selling bleach are gonna make a killing
Yikes. I luckily don’t live in Dallas anymore but I weep for my mother and others who have to deal with it.
“Who in tarnation is Allen West,” you ask? – Who in tarnation are the majority of these people?
The real question is, what is ‘tarnation’?
Fun fact, it evidently originated as “eternal damnation.” -> ‘ternal ‘nation, tarnation.
The real question is, whence is tarnation?
Wait, you mean it’s not a country made entirely of bitumen?
He’s a former dipshit politician from south Florida, who was chased out of town and moved up the coast a bit, then got chased out of there and disappeared for a decade until popping up now in Texas. He once appeared in Amazon Women on the Moon.
To remove a video from your YouTube watch history:On the YouTube homepage, on the left navigation panel, click History On the far right side of the title of the video, click the X to remove the video from your watch history
Why? What have you been watching?
According to this here list, nothing!
You might call this the History X method.
Alternatively, use incognito mode. It’s as useful for keeping algorithm syphilis out of your recommendations as it is for porn.
Thank you kind internet stranger!
No sale! Unless they have Milo Yiannopoulos on horseback dressed up like Robert Redford in The Electric Horseman…I ain’t attending!
assless chaps or gtfo!
All chaps are assless. Otherwise they would be pants.
Not all adjectives have to be classifying adjectives.
Redundant qualifying adjectives are semantically useful for intensifying or drawing attention to a property.
All chaps are assless! Otherwise they’re just leather pants!(EDIT: I see there is another expert on assless apparel, so please just ignore this post as the Jeebus only can speak directly to assless tunics)
Offer him enough money and he probably would.
Dude’s close enough to the bottom of the barrel now that a little ‘fuck you’ money could take what’s left of his dignity for one Hell of a ride.
For just $500…
And you didn’t listen when Republicans told you that the Stimulus checks would go to waste!
I hear Mountain Dougie is giving the keynote address.
that’s a put-on, right? a “snl” skit? it’s got to be! shouldn’t they be using old-timey country music? & not be so full of dutch angle smash cuts (or whatever they’re called)? i guess they’re trying to attract those few young republicans by being “edgy” but this is a perfect example of form being the opposite of the content.
I did keep expecting Ass-Dan to show up.
RIP Ass Dan
“Form being the opposite of content” is giving way too much credit to both in terms of being obsolete. The whole trailer–if not the whole Q Anon movement–is seriously ~Y2K (or earlier).
Content aside, that trailer made me extremely nauseous.
old-timey country music?Featuring Steve Martin, one of those hairy cacti in a Hawaiian shirt, and Paul Schaffer on a whole fistfull of uppers.
exactly!!!!
To be fair, the music was pretty entertaining. Anyone knows what it is?
Not surprising it’s a horribly produced video. So choppy and bad edits. I’m sure they paid way too much to a “patriot” production company known for their YouTube output.
Maybe this is a trap, like when the police tell wanted fugitives they won a boat and need to come down to the local municipal auditorium to pick it up?
As long as they don’t mess up my boating arm.
Dude, this vanconference is, like, rolling probable cause.
I’m a fan of Irony, but I think I’ll watch ‘Suburban Sasquatch’, instead … I only have one attention span, after all.
*makes sasquatch sound 37 times*
LOL “comments are turned off”.Awww, poor butthurt Q.
I guess they needed a safe space.
Warn the Q-Rons, Dallas looks nothing like Arizona! Nice passel of degenerates lined up, regardless.
“INCREDIBLE SPEAKERS”no shit
that was a disturbing amount of diversity for a qtard lovefest.
No Matt Gaetz – Venmo Patriot?
They’re all getting “rounded up”? I’d call that a win.
What are the odds of the organizers pocketing the money and disappearing a week before the gates are supposed to open?
Ah, man. I haven’t been this excited since TP USA got Rand Paul to speak.Joking aside, that’s a pretty solid sizzle reel for a apocalyptic-western survival horror game.
It’ll all be worth it if this turns into Q Fyre Fest and you have a bunch of sad right-wingers standing around tiny tents eating cheese sandwiches.
“I was told there would be hot dogs!”
I’d be more than okay with it turning in to an actual fire fest.
This is made from an After Effects template. I know this, because I’ve used the same one. It’s so ridiculously easy to use, you could teach a 10 year old how to make this in about half an hour. They’ve managed to botch the motion tracking for a lot of the text though, so it’s jittery. Music is almost certainly also from a stock audio place.Total video budget, likely $0. If they paid more than $50 for it, they got ripped off.
WAAAAAY too much money spent on that video when they could’ve just said “PAY FOR POWELL’S DEFENSE YA FUCKIN’ RUBES! PATRIOTISM!”
You mean the defense where she said that anyone who believed her was a sucker?
Yep. PATRIOTISM!
*kicks OldManOfTheMountain in the balls*“Oh, no, why, you see, I merely play a character who kicks people in the balls. Why, no one could possibly believe I actually kicked OldMan in the balls.”
The really funny part about her being there is that, in theory, she can’t say anything. If she goes on and on about the “election fraud,” she’s hurting her ongoing legal case with Dominion. On the other hand, she also can’t really repeat her defense (“anyone who believed me is an idiot”) in front of the people who believed her. So what will she even do at this event?
Ask for money of course!
Credit where credit is due: It’s a very diverse panel of lunatics.
Lack of Fyre Festival
The q nuts make me think South Park was a little hard on scientologists.
The only trailer they own not susceptible to tornadoes.
A who’s who of “who?”
I don’t see Matt Gaetz’s name on the list of speakers for some reason.
I for one am highly impressed that they were able to go back in time to 2002 to hire the motion graphics designer to create this trailer.
I like how it really goes out of the way to not say Q or Qanon anywhere in that ad but it reeks of it. I know the QAA podcast guys are planning on going so I am sure they will get some real good video and sound bites from this crazy sauce event
It looks like when you finish a game of Big Buck Hunter and the Continue screen takes a tour of the cabin or whatever.
*Hoo Boy
Too bad flame throwers are illegal. I’d like to end this insanity like the end of “Once upon a time in Hollywood”
I expected, at the end, to be told that the commercial was produced by the now nearly grown Freedom Kids USA. Remember them?(But then I remembered they sued the Trump campaign because – and this came as a total shock to everyone – they didn’t get paid.)
That picture speaks a MILLION words, right there.
pick your fighter: Accountant Cosplay Cowboy or Meth-Head McNASCARTailgater?
#WhiteTrashCon
Me, every time a “patriot” popped up
Not that I was in anyway tempted to watch this vid, reading all the comments tells me I made the right decision. This event is gonna be a nightmare.
Isn’t a “roundup” what you do to cattle before the slaughter? Conspiracy theorists may want to waaaay overthink that.