Star Wars' latest money-printing mascot screams at own existence, everything else
Aux Features great job internet
The internet sure is crazy about “Porgs,” the little otter-penguin creatures (imagine the smell!) set to generate millions in merchandising dollars when they make their debut in this holiday season’s Star Wars: The Last Jedi.
While some are concentrating on The Last Jedi trailer details—like the full reappearance of Luke Skywalker (he’s old now!), Rey’s potential turn to the dark side (bad news!), and Finn fighting his old boss, and the suped-up Honda Civic Stormtrooper (death to the 1 percent!)—many others are going absolutely wild for a scant second of Porg footage.
Look at Twitter where the humble Porg (which leaked scripts suggest are named after a short form for “puppy morgue”) has become cinema’s latest rising star.
Since simple screenshots are obviously not enough, others have turned the ignition on the viral marketing machine with fun, Porg-centric Photoshops.
Others are trying to determine what, exactly, the Porg is screaming at. Is it afraid of impending danger? Is it trying to say something our human ears can’t understand?
More likely than any of these scenarios is that the Porg, black saucer eyes fixed on the heavens as its tiny, marble-sized brain delves inward, has recognized that it is a creature born not of some alien world’s evolutionary process, but endless concept illustrations focus tested to the point of maximum, weaponized cuteness.
Its adorable little mouth hangs open in astonishment that it has no mother but a talented artist’s hands and no father but the inferno of capitalism. It sees itself reproduced endlessly, not through generations of children and grandchildren, but plushies and keychains. The Porg has reached some dread nirvana and in its realization, the inverse of peace.
Still, that’s the Porg’s problem. For the rest of us, let’s just enjoy looking at the cute little scamp.